Madi stared at him and took a double take before saying “whatever” and trying to walk away again. Jake pulled her back to him, closer this time.
“I care about you. Don’t you get it? Being with me… Madi can’t you just let this go?”
“Why? You want me to follow you around like a lost puppy? You want me to be at your beck and call? You want me to drool over you and tell you how hot you look? I’m tired of waiting for you. I’m tired of thinking you’ll come around. I’m tired of your games.”
“I’m not playing games with you!” Jake could feel his words coming out in angry flurry. “I care about you. I do. I just can’t… I can’t…” Madi pulled away from him and made her way to the stage. Jake dropped his head, shook it, and walked back to Ang. He plopped down at the table and ordered a beer. She was so damn frustrating.
Madi marched to the DJ and said something to him. What was she doing? He wanted to tell her how he felt. She was so mad at him. He knew there were three words he could say that would take all her questions away. But he couldn’t even say them in his own head, let alone aloud to her.
A song started to play and Madi stood behind the microphone. Was she going to sing? Oh shit! She was beyond pissed. Jake recognized the song. It was Jo Jo’s “Too Little Too Late.”
The music began and Madi started to sing. Jake didn’t know if he should love that she was singing to him or be worried about what she was trying to say. He listened intently to the words. Madi had put extra emphasis on the word “game.” He wasn’t trying to play games with her. It felt like a kiss off, but it kind of turned him on. She was stunning. His heart was in his throat.
He watched the confidence ooze off of her as the words flowed out of her mouth. She wasn’t shy about looking directly at him either. Holy hell… She was brave. She wanted him. He knew it. He wanted her too. What was he going to do? He didn’t want to lose her, but he couldn’t have her either. She didn’t know what he had done. She thought she knew who he was. If she knew, she’d want nothing to do with him.
He wasn’t sure if it was the words or the way she sang them, but they cut him. Is that what she really thought? Did she think he was a player? If he were a player, he would have slept with her the first day he saw her. Didn’t he want her, even back then? Is that how she really felt? Was she done with him? Jake pondered the words to the song she was singing. She was emotional. She hadn’t really considered his reasons for not taking her tonight. But, the fact was, he had never asked her to date him. They weren’t dating. He wasn’t holding her back. Then he thought about how he reacted after seeing her with another guy. He wanted her to know he thought she was amazing. How could he tell her without making her mad or having her over-analyze him?
She finished her song and the table stood up and cheered. Ang leaned toward Jake and whispered, “I guess she told you.”
Then it hit him. Jake made his way to the stage as Madi walked back to the table.
Chapter 34
Madi
Asshole! Had he really thought she’d buy that line of crap? That he took Christine because he cared about her? Madi started to consider what he had said and she looked at his beer sitting on the table. She wasn’t a drinker, at all, but she really wanted a swig of his. Hadn’t his lips been on it? Wouldn’t it be like tasting his lips? She was an idiot. She loved him and he didn’t care.
The music started to play and people started screaming. She glanced up and Jake was on the stage. He took Dave’s baseball cap and put in on his head backwards. Madi knew the song. It was One Direction’s “What Makes You Beautiful”. What was he doing?
He started to sing and she felt it. Even though she tried not to let it, that warm, tingly feeling she got whenever she heard his voice covered her like a blanket. She wasn’t insecure. She wanted to be mad at him. She didn’t want to look at him as he sang to her. If she were enough for him he’d be kissing her not singing. She tried to focus on how angry she felt. She looked up and his eyes locked with hers as he sang. His lips curled and he tilted his head in a playful, apologetic way and Madi couldn’t help it. She smiled at him. He was so damn cute. Was he singing to her? Was she letting him get to her when he placed his hand over his heart?
Those words… Did he want her? Madi glanced down at his beer as she touched the dew on the bottle. They’re words to a song, Madi. He didn’t write them. He was singing words. They don’t mean a thing. Her face fell as she thought the same thing over and over to herself. Trey and Caleb joined Jake on the stage. Everyone in the bar was cheering. They had recognized him. Girls were lined up reaching for him and screaming. Madi watched him. He was in his element. She wasn’t sure what she wanted at that moment but she knew she didn’t want to be in the bar anymore. Everyone had stood up except Madi. Jake probably couldn’t even tell she was there. Madi just wanted to go home. She leaned to Ang, “I’m leaving.”
Ang looked concerned, “Okay honey, my sister will drive us.”
“No thank you, I’m just going to get a cab. I’ll see you Monday.”
“Are you sure?” Ang questioned.
Madi nodded, hugged her and marched out the door. The cool night air felt good on her skin. She peered over her shoulder toward the door and cringed. She needed to hail a cab and get out of sight quickly before Jake noticed she’d gone. As she stood waiting, she felt a chill go through her and had an eerie feeling someone was watching her. She glanced behind her, studying the crowds. There were people everywhere, but no one seemed to even notice her. She raised her hand up as a cab rounded the corner and before she knew it, she was home. Home… back to Jake’s, she rethought.
She bent down and petted Murphy briefly before she stood and stared around the empty rooms. She walked over to Jake’s piano and ran her fingers over the keys. Madi wasn’t angry anymore. She was lost.
Jake
After he’d finished his song, he could barely make it back to her. He signed some autographs and took some pictures. He finally reached the table and she wasn’t there.
“Is she in the bathroom?” he asked Ang.
“No honey, she took a cab home.”
Jake had never rushed out of a place so fast in his life. He sped all the way home. When Ang had said she went home, there was a part of him that worried she was going home, to her home, in Chicago. He imagined walking through the door and seeing her suitcases lined up. What would he say to her? How could he make her stay with him? Maybe he should let her go. He let Summer go. Summer… Madi was in a different league. There was no comparison. When Summer had told him it was over he felt sad, but he’d never felt like this, like he would do anything to make her stay. His heart hurt in his chest. He needed to just tell her. He would tell her everything. He would ask her to give him another chance. He would confess his past and beg her to give him a chance to become a better person. He would get on his knees and tell her he… Did he? Was this fear or something else? What did he feel for her? How would this work? She was going to be at school. He could picture the camera flashes every time she stepped out of her room. He could see the pain in her eyes when he left her… when he hurt her.
Jake opened the door and the place was dark. His head hung as he played with his keys. He didn’t even bother to turn a light on. He bent down to Murphy and gently stroked his head. “Give me a minute, boy.”
Jake slowly walked to Madi’s door. He raised his hand up to knock and then stopped himself. He leaned forward resting his hands on either side of the door. He didn’t know what to do.
“I’m over here.”
He turned and made out a shadow at the piano. Was she sitting there in the dark, at his piano? He walked over to her and slowly sat down. She scooted over to make room for him.
“Whatcha doin’?” he asked quietly.
“I was thinking that I wished I could write a song. It seems like it would be cathartic.”
“It can be.” Jake ran his hand over his chin and leaned his arm on the piano.
Neither one of them said a
nything for a while. Then Jake felt her head on his shoulder. He sighed and put his arm around her.
“Just tell me one thing,” she said.
“Anything…” he said through bated breath.
“Why haven’t you kissed me?”
Jake felt his heart ache. How could he put this into the right words? “Madi… I, I want to kiss you, but I can’t.”
“I don’t understand.”
“I know and I’m sorry. Do you remember when we were driving in my car that day and you told me you wished you could find something wrong with me?”
“Yes.”
“Remember I told you I was messed up?”
“Jake…”
“Well I am, I really am. I care about you, but being with me will hurt you. I don’t want to hurt you.”
Madi turned toward him and touched his hand, “I’m a big girl. Why don’t you let me worry about me?”
“Because I worry about you; I can’t help it. I can’t give you what you want or what you need. I’m just not there. I don’t want to be in a relationship. You and I… we would never work.”
Jake could hear her sniff and was grateful he couldn’t see her face. He felt sick.
“I understand,” she said softly. “You just don’t feel that way about me.”
“I have feelings for you, I do.” He put emphasis on the words. “I think that’s pretty obvious. You’re important to me. So important, that I just can’t…” He paused as he considered what he needed to say. “Tonight when I was driving home, I pictured walking in to your bags packed by the door. I tried to think of what I could say to make you stay with me.”
“Do you know I’m crazy about you?” she asked.
His heart skipped a beat. “I thought it was too little too late.” He could hear and feel her chuckle.
She sighed. “I’m not going anywhere, unless you want me to.”
“I don’t, Madi. I want you to stay. I want you here with me. I don’t want you to move into Ang’s; I want you here. But, as I say it out loud, I can hear how ridiculous I sound. I tell you I don’t want a relationship yet I’d honestly get down on my knees and beg you stay.”
“I’d pay good money to see that!” He could hear the smile in her voice.
“I bet you would,” Jake sighed. “It would be so easy for me to kiss you right now. I want to. I really do.”
Madi pulled his face to hers. “Then do it. What are you so afraid of?”
Jake stood and backed away from her. “I’m going to hurt you.”
“No you’re not.”
He wished he could make her understand. “You don’t know that.”
She stood. “Neither do you.”
“I do know. I have always hurt the people I care about.” He looked down at his hands. He wanted to tell her but he didn’t want her to see him the way he saw himself.
Madi searched for him in the dark. “Please tell me you are not still blaming yourself for what happened to Gina?”
“The point is this: I don’t want you to go, but I can’t give you anything to make you stay.”
She touched his arm and it made him flinch. “Who said I’d have to have something from you to stay?” she asked.
“Are you okay with just being my friend?”
“It sounds to me like that’s what you really need right now.”
“I do, more than you know.” At that moment he realized just how much he needed her in his life and it scared him.
She reached her hand up to his face and he turned his cheek into her palm, closing his eyes at the way her touch made him feel. She continued, “I would do anything for you, including being the friend you need. But I want you to know that I’m not done with you. If you think you are messed up then we need to figure out how to make you not messed up.”
“I don’t deserve you.”
“Probably not,” she laughed. “You’re more than a puzzle to me. At first, I thought I’d easily find your pieces and figure you out. Now I see there is so much more to you than meets the eye.”
He listened but he didn’t know what to say. This wasn’t her typical analyzing. She was trying to tell him something.
“With you, there are corners and edges that don’t seem to fit together. Your pieces are worn and twisted by time and hands that thought them to be damaged beyond repair. But I can see that’s not true. You just need the right hands and the right amount of patience to put the picture back in place. I’m not giving up. Solving your puzzle is the key to your heart. You should know that I plan on finding every piece until I put your broken heart back together.”
He couldn’t speak. He wanted her to let him go, yet he so badly wanted her to make him whole. He felt her arms wrap around him and she pulled him into a hug. Jake grabbed on to her like she was the air he needed to breathe. He hated himself for not being able to be everything to her that she was to him. He couldn’t be put back together and in the end he was afraid he’d just break her instead.
Chapter 35
Madi
Madi spent the next few days trying to come to terms with what had happened with Jake. She had thought about talking to Kendra, but this thing with Jake was just too personal. She couldn’t tell Kendra about Gina and without the story, there was no reference for Jake’s guilt. Madi couldn’t help but feel like there was more to his concerns than he was telling her. She just didn’t feel like what happened with Gina was all there was.
Madi had been going back and forth to Caleb’s office and the arena all week. She and Jake had acted like nothing had happened. She knew it was what he needed. She didn’t let herself forget what he had said to her and she knew that she might be able to get him to give them a chance. She just needed to figure out how.
Madi was in the back office of the arena making copies. It was almost the end of a long day. Curtis came in and started talking to her.
“That was some night at the bar, huh?”
“It was definitely interesting,” Madi said with a smile.
“What’s going on with you and Jake?”
“Nothing, we just had a little disagreement. No biggie.”
“It seemed like more than that to me. Are you two dating?”
Madi felt panicked, “No, no way!” she said as if Jake were gross.
Curtis laughed. “So I heard someone has a birthday coming up soon.”
“Who?” Madi feigned surprise.
“How about if I take you out for a couple of drinks?”
“Oh, thanks but I’m not much of a drinker.”
“We could fix that,” he said with a smile as he fumbled nervously with his toolbox.
Madi laughed.
All of a sudden Jake walked through the door. He looked angry. “Curtis, could I please have a word with Madi? Alone.”
Curtis could see something was wrong and he hightailed it out of there.
“What’s wrong Jake? Did something happen?” Madi asked.
“I’m not paying you to flirt.”
Madi turned and gaped at him. “What?” What did he just say?
“I’m paying you to do a job, Madi. You are supposed to make calls, and schedule appointments. You’re not supposed to make date plans and flirt with the staff. Do you think that wearing short little skirts to work is really appropriate?” he asked as he pointed to her legs.
Jake was really pissed. It made Madi laugh. “You’re being stupid. I was not flirting with Curtis nor anyone else on your staff, besides you.”
“Well you could have fooled me.”
“Really, is something else bothering you?” Madi was actually concerned. She had never seen him this way before.
Jake ran his hands though his hair. “What’s bothering me is that I’ve put my trust in you to do work that directly impacts my career and my future. If you can’t handle the work without thinking about your vaginal needs then maybe you shouldn’t be working here.”
Madi was shocked, that actually kind of hurt. Was he trying to be mean? She decided that sh
e wasn’t going to even try to talk to him when he was acting like an ass. She picked up her papers, glared at him and walked away.
Jake didn’t move. He stood there staring at the wall as she left.
Madi walked over to her desk, put down her papers, took her ID badge off and threw it in a drawer. She leaned on the corner and folded her arms. What in the hell was that all about? She was trying to make sense of the whole thing when Trey came up behind her.
“Boo!”
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