Madi took his hand and held it between her two. She hugged it as if she were trying to send him the strength to continue.
“I yelled for her to stop. I told her to stay and talk to me. She sped off. I got in my car and tried to follow her. I was hard on her and she didn’t deserve it. I wanted to say I was sorry. She was driving too fast. I couldn’t see through the rain and I couldn’t catch up. I knew she wanted to get away from me so I slowed down and pulled over. I watched her speed away and take the turn. I thought I should give her the space she needed.” Jake paused and tensed. “I heard it before I could see it. I can’t even describe the sound, but I can still hear it in my head. It’s as clear to me now as when it happened. I jumped out of the car and ran toward the noise. She flipped her car several times. She wasn’t wearing her seat belt. I could see her trapped inside. She was bleeding. There was so much blood. She didn’t even look like the same girl, but I knew it was her. I wished it wasn’t. I wished it was me instead.”
Jake’s words came out through expelled breaths. Madi squeezed his hand tighter. She could see his eyes overflow as the tears trickled down his cheeks. She would have done anything to make him stop crying. Her heart felt like it was shredding into pieces. Seeing him so torn up broke her in two.
“I’m so sorry.” Madi touched his cheek and his face turned toward her. She wanted to take his pain away.
“I couldn’t open the door. I tried, Madi. I really tried. I pulled and pulled but it just wouldn’t budge. I screamed for her and she wouldn’t open her eyes. I ran to my car and called for help. It seemed like forever before they arrived. I kept trying to find a way to get to her while I waited for them. I tried to tell her that I was sorry. I tried to talk to her and tell her it was going to be all right. I told her the paramedics were on their way and they would help her. I told her I wouldn’t leave her. I knelt on the ground beside the car and talked to her through the shattered window. I begged her to open her eyes and look at me. I pleaded with God to make her be okay, but it was too late. She was gone. They said she died on impact. Tess died, and I killed her.”
Jake buried his face in his hands and Madi wrapped her arms around him. She wanted to speak, but she couldn’t find the right words to say. Madi rested her head on his shoulder. He ran his hands through his hair and wiped his eyes with his sleeve. A few minutes that seemed like hours went by. Jake stared off at the city and Madi stared at him.
“Well I guess that cat’s out of the bag, huh?” he said as he tried to smile.
“How can you make jokes right now?”
“Because Madi, I told you, I’m a mess.”
“Well at least now I know why.”
“So you’re agreeing that I’m a mess?”
“I’m not saying you’re a mess. I’m saying I know why you feel you’re a mess.”
Jake shook his head and closed his eyes. He laughed half-heartedly as he said, “I guess you’ve finally found your fault with me now.”
“Oh no sweetie, I found faults with you a long time ago.” Madi pulled back slightly and smiled at him.
A slow smile crept across his face. “And yet you’re still here?”
“Yep.” Madi put her head back on his shoulder and he kissed her forehead.
“Can I ask you something?”
“Don’t you always?” He squinted and looked up at the sky.
“How old were you?”
“Eighteen.”
“Do your parents know?”
“Of course.”
Madi sat quietly for a few moments, trying to put her thoughts into words that might reach him. “I’ve listened and I’ve heard all you had to say,” Madi began. “Control is a funny thing, isn’t it? Sometimes you want it and sometimes you don’t. When that guard attacked me, I felt like I had no control. No matter how hard I fought, I couldn’t stop him. After it was over and I was safe with you, I started replaying all the things I could have said and done differently that might have prevented it from happening.”
“Hindsight…” Jake said. “You can’t do that. If you would have fought harder or tried to run, who knows what he might have done.”
“It’s hard to take a step back and realize you had no control over how a person acted,” Madi said.
“You didn’t have any control,” Jake said. “He was going to do what he wanted no matter what you said.”
“And Tessa was going to do what she wanted too.”
“No.” Jake shook his head. These situations are completely different. You can’t compare them. It was my fault. I was selfish. She wouldn’t have driven off so quickly if I hadn’t been so awful to her.”
“You couldn’t have known how she’d react. You couldn’t have known it would rain. I bet the roads were slick. She chose to drive unsafely. You were eighteen. People break up all the time. You didn’t do anything wrong. The situation sucked, but she chose to drive recklessly. You didn’t cause the accident. It wasn’t your fault.”
Madi grabbed his hand. He intertwined his fingers with hers. He seemed to study how perfectly they fit together as his thumb moved along her hand. After a few seconds he released it. His eyes met hers as he slid his arm around her, pulling her in.
“You never think anything is my fault,” he said.
“That’s not true. I blame you for a lot of things.”
“Like what?” he asked curiously.
“I blame you for making me feel so much for you.”
“Madi, don’t.”
She sighed. “Thank you for telling me. For trusting me.”
“Why is it that I can’t keep things from you? How is it that I end up telling you things I’ve never told anyone else?”
She raised her eyebrows and shrugged, “Maybe I’m devious.”
“No, it’s not that. You are, don’t get me wrong, but you’re just so damn sweet.”
“You say that like it’s a bad thing.”
“It is when I don’t want to tell you things and then you look at me with those big, brown eyes and I cave.”
“My eyes make you cave?” she smiled.
“Yes,” he looked over at her and she blinked repeatedly at him. He shook his head with a grin.
“Feel like kissing me yet?” she asked.
He sighed. “You know I do.”
“Why won’t you?”
“You know why. If you didn’t before, you should now.”
“Come on. What’s one little kiss between friends?”
“You and I both know damn well that there would not be one little kiss between us. Once I had your lips, I would kiss you until you pushed me away.”
“Which would be like, never.” She played with his fingers around her shoulder.
He nodded knowingly.
“What would be so bad about that?”
“Isn’t it obvious to you yet?” he asked.
“Isn’t what obvious?”
“I’m going to hurt you.”
“No you’re not,” she said with a frustrated slouch.
“Dammit Madi, stop trying to convince me that I’m not going to hurt you. I’m going to. It’s inevitable.”
“You’ve had a rough few years and I see that some bad things, really awful things happened to you. But from where I see it, all the things you’re blaming yourself for were not your fault.”
“I’ve hurt everyone I ever cared for,” he said insistently.
“Oh come on! What about Summer? She’s fine.”
“Not really. I couldn’t give her what she wanted and I hurt her.”
“You were with her for two years!” Madi said as she rolled her eyes.
“So?”
“Can I have two years?” she asked.
“Why do you want me? Listen to me, I know you think you know what you want but you don’t. This thing you think we have, it’s messed up too. You live in Chicago, I live in LA. I’m touring and you’re going back to school. We would not work out. I… I don’t want to hurt you. No matter how hard I try not to, it w
ill happen and you’ll hate me.”
“You are so frustrating,” she said as she put her hand up to her forehead.
“I’m frustrating? Nothing is going to happen between us. Do you want me to keep hurting you, saying this over and over?”
“You’re not hurting me,” she insisted.
“That doesn’t hurt you? That I am looking right at you and telling you that I don’t want to be in a relationship with you? That’s okay? You aren’t hurt by that?”
“Nope,” she stated with a shake of her head.
“Why is that?” he asked.
“Because I don’t believe you.” Madi stood and started folding the blanket.
He looked up at her with his mouth open wide. “You’re insane, you know that?”
“Yes and so are you.”
Jake got up and helped her fold.
“Are you okay with me driving?” she asked in a concerned voice.
“Are you mad at me?”
“Nope!” She blew him a kiss.
“Are you all right? You’ve really had a rough couple of days,” he asked as he touched her shoulder.
“I’m okay when you’re okay.”
Jake raised an eyebrow at her as he walked to his car. “Drive carefully and follow me closely.”
After returning Ang’s car, Jake drove Madi home. That night he slept on the floor in her room. He had said, “No more bed.” She lay there knowing he was so close, yet so far away. She had found the missing piece. Even now, after seeing the full picture laid out before her, she realized it still wasn’t enough. Solving his puzzle didn’t get her the prize. Would she ever be able to get through to him?
Jake
Jake had been driving her to work for the last few days, which meant she went in when he went in. He had woken up before her to plan the surprise. She came around the corner in her robe and Jake was standing in the kitchen with three dozen purple roses. She laughed as Murphy came charging toward her with his birthday party hat on.
“Happy Birthday, Madi.”
She smiled and hugged him, “Thank you so much!”
He told her they were going in to work briefly today at three. They were no longer at the arena. They had finished the tour prep and on Monday, the tour kicked off in LA. Madi looked at her phone several times on her way to work and sighed. When Jake asked her what was wrong, she said nothing, but he knew she was upset that Kendra had not called to wish her a happy twenty-first birthday. He asked her if he could take her to dinner tonight and her responding smile made him weak. She had been simply amazing. She’d been so strong about everything that had happened to her and she hadn’t pressured him to talk about Gina or Tessa. He was glad. He felt bad for telling her he didn’t have feelings for her because it wasn’t true. He had put them out of his mind because he didn’t want her to know or notice. He wasn’t good enough for her. She deserved someone who wasn’t as messed up as he was and he didn’t want to hurt her anymore than he already had.
*****
At 6 p.m. Jake was standing in the kitchen looking at his watch. He was nervously excited. Madi didn’t have a clue. He felt bad that she seemed to think this was a date, their first date, but he couldn’t tell her otherwise without ruining everything. He had worn a suit and tie, telling her they were going somewhere dressy because he was told he had to by a few bossy women. She walked toward him and his heart dropped. She was wearing a red sparkly dress and heels. Her hair was straight and her eyes went right to his soul.
“I’m ready!” she said as she stuffed her phone into a clutch.
“You look stunning, Mads, Happy Birthday.” He sauntered closer and kissed her forehead.
“If you really want it to be happy then you need to move your lips a little lower.”
Jake shook his head and opened the door. She was relentless. If she only knew how much he wanted to and what it would mean to him.
Jake took Madi to a new place. He didn’t want her to expect anything. She walked through the door to the loudest “Surprise!” he had ever heard. Everyone was there: Ang, her sister Michelle, Gina, Caleb, Diane, Trey, Annie, Dave, Curtis and Kendra.
Madi screamed and ran right into Kendra’s bouncy arms. Jake had spoken to her a few times on the phone and he was always shocked by something she said. Madi had told Kendra what had happened on Jake’s insistence, but not her parents. When they called to say Happy Birthday, she had acted like everything was fine, against Jake’s better judgment.
“Ken! You’re here!” she said as she jumped up and down.
“I’m here! Look at you, you fancy LA bitch! You look amazing, like you belong here!”
“I’m wearing your shoes!” Madi pointed to the ground as Kendra took a step back to admire her fully.
“And you look hot! Has this one told you how fucking hot you are yet?” she asked as she pointed to Jake.
Jake listened as Kendra explained how Jake had called her and set the whole thing up. He’d even paid for her tickets and said she could stay with them. Madi was sad when Kendra told her she had to leave the next day.
“Alaska? Why in the fuck would I want to go to Alaska? Who in the fuck wants to look at ice?” Her parents had planned another trip and Kendra was flying direct from LA. Madi remained positive and said she was glad to have whatever time she could.
Jake watched her the whole night. Their eyes met several times and they smiled at each other. She said thank you to him more times than he could count. She didn’t know that he was happy just seeing her happy. She filled up his heart more than he wanted to admit. He was a little concerned with the fact that Kendra kept bringing her shots throughout the night. By ten o’clock she was quite tipsy. By eleven she was laughing uncontrollably. By eleven thirty it was time to bring her home. Jake drove them back and Kendra and Madi talked and laughed nonstop the entire way.
*****
Jake had to help her in. He had his arm around her and she clung to him, looking him in the eyes. “Jake Morgan, do you know how smoking hot you are?”
He had to smile as she and Kendra went back and forth talking about his ass again. Madi grabbed him from behind as she spoke, but this time she didn’t let go, she just squeezed and moved her fingers around, fully feeling him. Jake laughed, but he didn’t stop her. He liked her hands on him even if she wouldn’t remember it in the morning. Kendra was surprisingly sober. Apparently she could hold her liquor. She was always saying something crazy, but it was her normal.
Kendra went to the bathroom and Madi was in her bedroom. Jake grabbed a bottle of water and sat down on the couch, turning on the TV and removing his tie. Out of nowhere, Madi came strutting around the corner and Jake almost spit out his drink. She was wearing a red lacy bra and a red lacy thong complete with garter belts. He might have had her right then and there without a second thought if he didn’t know she was drunk.
“Jake Morgan, take me!”
Jake had to laugh.
“Don’t laugh at me, I’m serious!” she said with a pout.
He stood and put his bottle down. “Babe, you look fucking hot, but you are also fucking drunk and I’m not taking you anywhere but to your bed.”
“That’s exactly where I want you to take me.” She came closer to him and gave him a look that set his blood on fire. Damn, the girl was fine.
“You know… I don’t want the chicken salad.”
Kendra came around the corner and burst into laughter. Jake looked to her and motioned for her to help, but Kendra just stood there and watched.
“The truth is, Jake, I’ve always just had the chicken salad because it was safer than having the steak, you know? I mean, the steak is risky. The steak is different. It’s exciting and it’s juicy as hell! You never know what the steak means. Is he telling you that he likes you as much as you like him? What if you put yourself out there and ask for the steak and it turns out the steak isn’t into you? Jake, I’ll be honest. I’ve wanted the steak since I laid my eyes on it, but I was too scared to ask for it. But now
, now that I’ve spent time with the steak, and I see just how amazing it is and how much I really care about it, I decided I want the steak, Jake. I want it bad… and now that I know that, I can never go back to the chicken salad. I just want the steak to take me and kiss me already.” Madi walked toward him, coming inches from his face.
The Contest Page 34