by Nora Phoenix
"If you pack his lunch, I'll drop it off when I get back outside," Bray said, and Ruari loved that he was thoughtful enough to think of that.
Ruari quickly wrapped the sandwiches he’d prepared for Kean so they wouldn't dry out. He was just reaching for the jar with pickles when Bray called out, "Don't forget the—"
"Extra extra pickles," Ruari said with a laugh. "I was ahead of you, big guy."
He finished with Kean's lunch and set it aside so Bray could take it later, then took a spot next to him at the table. "How are things going?" he asked.
He loved that Bray was trying to be more open about what was going on around the ranch and with his work. Both he and Kean understood that Bray couldn't tell them everything, but they appreciated him sharing what he could.
"It's quiet, which is good, I suppose," Bray said.
"Your tone says something else."
Bray hesitated for a second. "I don't like that we still haven't figured out what was going on with that second attack plan."
He didn't say anything else, but Ruari had no trouble filling in the blanks. An attack of that magnitude, they wouldn't be able to fight off. Not unless they shifted, maybe. "Have you guys talked about learning how to fight in wolf shape?"
Bray's eyes widened in surprise. "We have, actually, but I'm surprised you'd mention it. It's not something we're ready to discuss with the pack yet."
Ruari sent him a soft smile. "But I'm not the pack."
"No, you're not. You're my mate," Bray said with that adorable seriousness. "It's something Lidon, Palani, and I have talked about. If we were ever to face overwhelming numbers, shifting would be the only way we could ever win. And even then, it would be a long shot if they brought guns."
Ruari let that sink in as he chewed on his sandwich. "We're not that easy to kill in wolf shape. Just look at how quick Kean healed once he shifted."
Bray nodded. "Grayson is doing some research into this. The problem is that we don't have any reliable data on what wolves can withstand when it comes to modern arms. You can't compare the guns people used a century ago with the firepower we have now, so we need to know what our odds are."
"That makes sense. It's quite the journey, this whole shifter thing. Every time we think we know something, more questions pop up."
"Exactly. And I'm not someone who handles not knowing very well," Bray admitted.
"I get that. This whole process of trial and error must be incredibly frustrating for you."
Bray shrugged. "It is, but I've been telling myself it builds character and all that shit. Not sure if it's true, but at least it helps stave off the worst of the frustration."
"I heard that Duer has requested to join the pack," Ruari said. "I've run into him multiple times now that he's slowly getting more mobile. He's a good guy," Ruari said.
"He seems to be," Bray said. "I'm running a background check, but I don't expect anything to pop up considering how much he's done already to try and clear Lidon's name. He'll be a great addition, I'm sure, though more in the analytical department than for practical skills."
“Maybe he can help you find some of those answers,” Ruari said and was rewarded with a smile from Bray.
“How’s Jax doing?” the alpha then asked, and Ruari winced.
“I’m sorry. I know he kept us up for most of the night. He’s still fussy, and I don’t know what’s wrong with him.”
Jax was finally asleep now, but Ruari had carried him around for most of the morning, growing more and more frustrated that nothing seemed to work in calming him down. He had no fever, no other symptoms aside from being fussy and not wanting Ruari to let him go even for a second. That had been the case for most of the night as well, and Ruari had felt so guilty for waking Bray and Kean up every time he had to get Jax from his crib again.
“I wasn’t complaining,” Bray said. “I was worried about him.”
“Oh,” Ruari said.
“Could it be that he’s teething?” Bray asked, and Ruari’s mouth dropped open. “What?” Bray asked when Ruari didn’t respond.
“That was…unexpected. I didn’t know you knew anything about babies.”
Bray shrugged, looking a little flustered. “I didn’t, but Sven was reading this book on your baby’s first year, and I asked if I could borrow it. I read that teething can start as early as three months, and Jax is almost five months, right?”
He loved him. Ruari wasn’t sure how it was possible to fall this fast and this hard for someone, but he had. Bray had read a baby book. How freaking sweet was that? His heart swelled up with tenderness and feelings, and he couldn’t stop himself from sliding off his chair and nudging Bray until he pushed his chair back and Ruari could cuddle with him.
“Thank you,” he said. “You don’t know what it means to me that you did that.”
“He’s my son too,” Bray said, but it wasn’t mean or arrogant. It was said with love, fatherly pride and concern.
“He is. He’s starting to look like you more every day as well. Did you see how dark his eyes have gotten? He’s a mini-Bray.”
Bray beamed, there was no other word for it, but then his face grew serious again. “Can I ask you something?”
Ruari smiled, putting his head against that strong shoulder. God, he was tired. “Sure.”
“Would you want to have more kids?” Bray asked. “Not now, or anytime soon,” he added quickly, “But maybe later? In the future?”
Okay, he had not seen that one coming. It was a good question, though, one he hadn’t given much thought to so far. “I never was one of those omegas who dreamed about having babies,” he said softly. “I dreamed of being free, and when I got pregnant, I was so angry at first. I’d already become a prisoner in my own home, and now I would become a prisoner of my own body as well.”
“Did you consider an abortion?” Bray asked.
Ruari sighed. “It’s almost sacrilegious to say that in Jax’s presence, but yeah, I did. But I couldn’t do it. I don’t know why, but it wasn’t for me. I wanted this baby, and I never looked back.”
Bray’s big hand slipped under his shirt, gently stroking his back. “You’ve been so brave, so strong.”
“I had no choice, but it was hard. When I found the clinic here, I was at the end of my rope.”
“I’m so, so glad you came here,” Bray whispered.
“So am I,” Ruari sighed, melting against his alpha’s body. “And now that I am a daddy, I love it. It’s hard, even here, but I wouldn’t trade it for the world. So yes, I think I do want more kids down the road.”
The hand on his back stilled. “Ruari, I have something to tell you.”
That sounded ominous, if not for the slight tremble in Bray’s voice. “What is it, baby?” Ruari asked, keeping his voice warm.
“When Kean ended things with me, I said something horrible to him… I wanted to hurt him back after he confronted me with some things, and so I hit him where I knew he’d feel it the most. When I think about it now, I wish I could take it back.”
The regret was heavy in Bray’s voice, and Ruari’s didn’t need to think long about what Bray could’ve said. “You said something about him not being able to father children with me?”
“Did he tell you?”
“No, he never mentioned it, but it wasn’t hard to guess.”
Bray buried his face in Ruari’s hair. “I’m so sorry. I should’ve never said it. But I wanted you to know, because I don’t want you to find out later.”
“I know you didn’t mean it, that you were lashing out because he hurt you. But that was a low blow, especially for a man like Kean, who is already such a great father to Jax,” Ruari said. He didn’t want to make Bray feel even worse than he already did, but neither did he want to gloss over it like it didn’t mean anything.
Bray lifted his head. “I know.”
“Did you apologize to Kean?” Ruari asked.
“I’m scared that if I bring it up now, it will stir up bad memories, just when he
…”
Ruari had no trouble finishing that sentence. “Just when he told you he loves you. His love isn’t the kind that disappears again, Bray. He’s all in now.”
“Maybe, but I’m not risking it. That’s why I’m telling you, because I want you to promise me something.”
Ruari lifted his head to meet his eyes.
“If it ever becomes possible for betas to have kids with omegas, promise me that you’ll let him become a dad. I will lock myself up during your heat or use a condom or do whatever is necessary to make sure he’s the biological father. Promise me, Ruari. Promise me that we’ll give him that gift, because he deserves it.”
The anguish in those brown eyes was as clear as his love for Kean, even if the man didn’t realize it himself yet. And Ruari kissed those full lips, his heart bursting with love. “I promise.”
They cuddled until he grew more and more tired and then dozed off. He woke up when Bray carried him through the hallway. “Jax,” he groaned, so freaking tired.
“I’ve got him. Get some sleep, baby,” Bray whispered.
And Ruari surrendered to the sleep that claimed him, knowing that his alpha had him and their son.
Kean had to do a double take when he spotted Bray walking toward him. Was that…? Oh. My. God. The alpha was wearing Jax in the baby carrier, his hands folded protectively around the baby’s rump on his stomach. The sight of that big alpha with that tiny baby made Kean’s heart do funny flip-flops. God, he loved him. The man was changing before his very eyes, a veritable miracle.
“Hi,” Bray said, and Kean stepped in closer for a kiss, careful not to bump into Jax, who was asleep.
“Hey,” he said softly after receiving his kiss. “Is Jax okay?”
“He’s been fussy all morning, Ruari said. He fell asleep right after lunch. Ruari, I mean, not Jax, so I took the baby and put Ruari in bed. I brought your lunch.”
He held out the little paper bag, and Kean lunged for it. “Bless you. I’m starving.” He unwrapped his sandwich, then took a hearty bite. “What’s wrong with him?” he asked with his mouth full.
“I think he’s teething,” Bray said with a look of pride that Kean couldn’t place. “I looked it up in Sven’s baby book and it said that if the parents teethed early, the baby probably will too. So I asked my dad, and he said all three of us teethed around four months.”
Kean grinned. “You’re a fountain of surprising knowledge, alpha.”
He gestured at a grassy spot and he and Bray sat down, shoulder to shoulder, while Kean devoured his sandwich. He smiled when he saw the wrapped pickles.
“I told Ruari to pack extra pickles for you, but he already had it covered,” Bray said with a chuckle.
“You guys know me well,” Kean said with a happy smile, then bit into the juicy pickle. “God, these things really are the best.”
“I discovered Sven made them,” Bray said. “He and Vieno have been testing some recipes for pickling the vegetables, and this was Sven’s latest experiment.”
“He needs to write this one down and not change a thing.”
“You’re so easy to please sometimes,” Bray said with a quick laugh sideways.
“I’m an easy man, baby,” Kean said, his tone light, bumping Bray’s shoulder.
“You are,” Bray said, far more serious than Kean had expected. “In the best way. I’m not,” he added with a touch of sadness.
Kean put his head on Bray’s shoulder. “No, but you’re totally worth the effort.”
“Yeah?”
“Hell yeah.”
Bray let out a soft sigh that sounded a lot like relief, and Kean sat up again and finished his lunch.
“How was the tour with your college friend? Wilmer, right?”
Kean smiled. “As if you didn’t know. You ran his background check already.”
Bray shrugged. “I know, but I figured it would get awkward if I revealed how much I knew about him already. He seemed like a good guy.”
Kean nodded, wiping his hands off on his pants. “He is. We roomed together for a while during a six-month internship across the country.”
“I saw his picture,” Bray said, and there was a tightness in his voice. “He’s a good-looking guy.”
Kean smiled. “He is. A strapping alpha, right?”
Bray was quiet, and Kean chuckled, bumping his shoulder again. “You can ask me, you know.”
“Ask you what?”
“If he and I ever fucked.”
The sigh Bray let out was long-suffering. “I didn’t want to sound controlling or jealous.”
“I like that you’re jealous,” Kean said softly. “And for the record, yes, he and I did have sex. In fact, if you’ll pardon my expression, we fucked like bunnies during the six months we were roommates. But you know that’s what alphas and betas do, babe. He was a great fuck, but nothing more than that. And ever since, we’ve been just friends.”
“I kinda hate him on principle, because he had you before I did,” Bray admitted.
“I know, but I suggest you get over yourself, because I think he’s interested in joining the pack. And fuck knows I could use the help.”
“And you’re sure he’s okay working under you, taking orders from a beta?”
Kean turned his head sideways with a sharp move. “Why would you assume I’d be in charge?”
Bray looked at him as if he was sprouting a foreign language. “Because you are. This is your pack, your job, and you excel at it. If he’s joining, he’ll be your right hand. We won’t allow him to take your job, and if he has a problem with that, he’s shit out of luck.”
Kean’s heart started singing like it never had before, and something must’ve shown on his face, because Bray’s face softened. “That’s the first time I’ve expressed my support of you, isn’t it?” he asked softly.
Kean nodded. “Yeah.” He had to swallow before he could continue. “It means a lot to me to hear you say that you think I’m the right man for the job.”
Bray leaned in for a kiss. “You are, and I’m sorry if I ever made you feel different. And if you want this Wilmer to join, then I will get over myself, as you so succinctly put it, and be happy that you’ll get the help you need. Just don’t expect me to kiss his ass.”
Kean laughed against the alpha’s lips. “It’s a damn fine ass,” he said.
Bray huffed. “You say that about everyone. I’d almost think you have an ass-obsession.”
“Oh, I do, and I wholeheartedly admit it. But don’t worry, baby, I like yours the best.”
“You do?”
Kean kissed him. “No doubt. In fact, if you didn’t have a sleeping baby strapped to your chest, I’d gladly show you how much.”
The smile Bray gave him could light up a room. “I can’t believe I’m getting cock-blocked by our own son.”
Kean froze inches away from Bray’s face. “Our?”
Bray cupped his cheek in the sweetest gesture. “He’s yours, too, Kean.”
“Oh, Bray,” Kean sighed as his eyes welled up. He put his head back on the alpha’s shoulder, deeply content to sit like this for a while.
18
Palani had been going over the issue of telling Sven about his birth parents in his head a million times, but he couldn’t figure this one out. He could ask Vieno, but he was too close to the situation since he was a gene carrier himself and was so close with Sven. And Sando, bless him, was no help since he had zero sense for social situations. So in the end, Palani decided to approach Ruari and ask for his opinion.
He waited till he found Ruari by himself, rocking Jax to sleep in his baby sling by walking back and forth outside. “Is he still fussy?” he asked.
Ruari looked up with a soft smile. “Yeah. Bray thought he might be teething. Turns out he was right.”
Palani raised his eyebrows. “Bray thought?”
Ruari’s smile softened, and it was easy to see the adoration in his eyes. “I know, right? He read one of Sven’s baby books.”
“He’s changing,” Palani said. “I don’t think I’ve ever seen a man try that hard.”
“It’s truly special to see.” Ruari pressed a soft kiss on Jax’s head and gestured at Palani they could sit down at the pool in the shade. “You looked like you had something on your mind.”
“I do. I wanted to discuss something with you, but I’d have to ask you to keep this confidential.”
“Is it about Kean or Bray? Because if it is, I don’t want to. I don’t want to keep things from them,” Ruari said, and with that simple statement, he’d jumped even more in Palani’s esteem.
“No,” he assured him. “It’s about Sven.”
“Sven? Is he okay? And yes, I promise this will stay between us.”
Palani leaned forward, his elbows on his knees. “You know Sven is adopted, right? Sando discovered his birth parents through his research on gene carriers.”
Ruari’s mouth dropped open before he caught himself. “Oh god. That’s big. And he doesn’t know yet?”
“No. Do you remember that family I did some research into, the one that started my whole fascination with the gene?”
Ruari nodded. “Yeah, I read your articles about them. The McCains, right?” Then it visibly clicked for him. “He’s a McCain?”
“He is. I spoke with two sisters, but there was a third McCain, Gillian McCain. She lost two sons to suicide, Sven’s older brothers. She must have put her youngest up for adoption when it was another omega, I don’t know.”
Ruari slowly shook his head. “My god, that poor woman. I can’t even imagine. But why haven’t you told him?” Then it dawned on him. “Because he’s pregnant, and it’s a lot to process.”
Palani was glad he understood. “Yes. So I wanted to ask you, if this were you, would you want to know? I’ve been going back and forth between telling him or approaching Grayson, or not saying anything. I don’t wanna risk his health, but he’s only halfway through his pregnancy, and when the baby arrives, that doesn’t seem like the right time either.”
Ruari frowned. “What do you mean by approaching Grayson?”
“Well, we thought we could tell Grayson and ask for his opinion. Because he’s his daddy and all that.”