by Carrie Elks
Harper laughed. “I think I’d be okay with that too. Tell me everything about the place.”
Harper oohed and aahed as Meghan described Dylan’s house and grounds, letting out a soft sigh as she told her about the infinity pool over looking the valley. “Is Isla happy?”
“She’s ecstatic.” Even if she did keep asking if Rich could visit them. Each time she did was like a jab to the heart.
“I like having a daddy,” Isla had confessed the previous night, as Meghan had put her to bed. “Dylan’s nice. He’s like Rich, he makes me smile. Maybe I can have two daddies, and then I’ll have double the fun.”
Meghan blinked the memory away. She hoped for Isla’s sake that Rich would at least be kind to her when they encountered him in the hallway. Otherwise she really would show him what getting messed up meant.
“I bet. So what happens next with her and Dylan?”
“He’s leaving on tour for six months. I guess when he comes back we’ll arrange some kind of custody schedule. He’s really amenable to whatever we want. He says he’s just grateful I’m letting him be part of Isla’s life.”
“Well that sounds hopeful.” Harper paused for a moment. “And how about you and Rich? Do you think you’ll talk when you get back?”
“I’ve no idea,” Meghan confessed. “But I’m not looking forward to seeing him.” The impact of their split hadn’t fully hit her yet. But she knew it would, as soon as she was back at her own apartment.
Part of her ached to be there. To know he was next door even if he wasn’t hers. But the other part was so afraid because somehow she had to learn to treat him like a neighbor again.
It was confusing as hell.
“Well I hope he gets his head out of his ass,” Harper said. “I’ve told James what I think, and it isn’t pretty. I know he’s been through a lot, but he had everything in his hands. He just had to push through his fear. And he didn’t, and now everybody’s gotten hurt.” Harper sighed. “Seriously, I want to slap him.”
Meghan’s lips twitched. She really did like Harper. She was already proving to be a good friend. “It’s like he closed down on me, and I have no idea why.”
“Yeah. James was exactly the same way when I was pregnant and we hit a few road bumps. They should have classes for guys at school. How To Show Your Emotions 101. I’m so sick of this macho bullshit. They have this thing where they think they’re not allowed to show emotion. That it’s weak or something.”
“But how do you really feel?” Meghan asked, amused at Harper’s outburst.
Harper laughed. “Listen, I have to go. Alyssa just found the finger paint and is poised to do a Picasso on the flatscreen. Call me when you’re back, okay?”
“I will. Good luck.” Meghan ended the call and put her phone on the table, sighing as a warm breeze lifted her hair. This time tomorrow she’d be home, and it’d be time to face the music. And she had no idea how she felt about that at all.
28
“Okay, you’re officially off the hot doc list,” Sara, the shift clerk, said as Rich grabbed the next patient’s notes. “What the hell are those bags under your eyes?”
“I’m working nights,” he pointed out. “And if you hadn’t noticed, we’ve been inundated with patients.” And for the most part he was thankful. Saving lives meant he didn’t have to think about the mess he’d made of his own.
The truth was, the bags were a product of his lack of sleep during the daytime, as much as his working nights. He didn’t usually have a problem. But then he didn’t usually fuck up so badly.
Ha. That wasn’t true. He messed up all the time. His life was a long list of mess ups.
He’d been avoiding his phone, too. Every day he’d glance at the screen and see the missed calls and voice mails flashing across it, then push his phone firmly into his pocket and forget it existed. Meghan’s name hadn’t flashed up once, and he was pleased.
Because he didn’t want to think about her either.
He didn’t want to tell her what a goddamned idiot he’d been. Didn’t want to throw himself in front of her and beg for her to forgive him for being the asshole he’d always said he would be.
Didn’t want to brush her silky hair from her face and press his lips against hers until they both forgot about everything except the blood pumping through their veins.
“There you are. I’ve been calling you, you’re a hard man to get ahold of.” James walked over to the desk and lifted an eyebrow at Rich. “Hey Sara.” He shot her a smile. “Is this asshole annoying you?”
“Constantly.” Her tone was dry.
“In that case, will you miss him if I take him upstairs for a coffee?”
“Be my guest.” Sara shrugged. “He’s been like a bear with a headache all week.”
“I have a patient to see,” Rich pointed out, holding up the chart.
Sara snatched it out of his hand. “I’ll give it to Simon. It’s a suspected broken toe, not brain surgery. Now go.”
He opened his mouth to protest, but Sara’s raised eyebrows were enough for him to shut it again. A coffee would probably do him good. He needed the caffeine rush.
The café was half empty, thanks to the late hour, and they carried their drinks over to a table next to the windows overlooking the town. James took a sip from his drink, looking over the rim at Rich with narrowed eyes.
“What?” Rich asked.
“I’m just thinking.”
“What about?”
James shrugged. “You. And what an idiot you are.”
Rich sighed. “Tell me something I don’t know.”
James put his cup on the table. “Harper insists that I talk to you about this. And I have to tell you, it’s pissing me off. What the hell’s wrong with you, man? Why did you tell Meghan it was over between you?”
Rich sighed. He’d told Belle the bare bones of his conversation with Meghan. No doubt she’d told Harper who’d reamed out James. The fun times of living in a small town.
“I did it for Isla,” Rich said. “She deserves to get to know her father without me interfering.”
“Bullshit.”
“It’s the truth.” Rich glanced at his watch. He’d give this conversation five minutes then hightail it out of there. It was obvious neither of them really wanted to talk about this.
“No it isn’t.” James shook his head. “It’s the lies you’ve told yourself to justify putting the barriers up again. And don’t look at me with that pained expression. Do you think I want to be here talking about this? But if I don’t, Harper will chop my balls off.”
Rich’s lips twitched at the imagery. Weird how a shot of jealousy rushed through him at the mention of his relationship with Harper. They had something special. Something he’d thought was in reach for him, too.
But then it had disappeared and it was all his own goddamned fault.
“So listen up,” James said, leaning across the table. “First of all, your parents dying wasn’t your fault. Belle being a paraplegic isn’t your fault. You’ve been a good brother to her, and she’s appreciative, yet you can’t stop beating yourself up for something you didn’t do.”
Rich opened his mouth, but James held up his hand. “I haven’t finished. Here’s the second thing. You messing things up with Meghan? That’s completely your fault. You had options here. You could have opened up to her, told her you were scared. Given her the support she needed because god knows she’s probably scared, too.”
Rich’s chest tightened. Meghan was scared? Why hadn’t he thought of that. He really was asshole of the year.
“Okay, and third, what I said that night at Belle’s was bullshit. You shouldn’t step back and leave Meghan and Dylan to it. If you love Meghan, then you have to fight for her. And the person you have to fight with is yourself.”
Rich’s brows lifted. “You said you agreed with me.”
“And then I talked to Harper and realized I was an idiot. And you can stop looking so smug, because you’re a bigger one and you
need to get your head out of your ass.”
“Well thank you.” Rich’s smile was fleeting. “I can always rely on you to pump up my ego.”
“It’s not your ego that’s the problem, it’s your fear.”
Rich blinked. “Fear?”
“Yeah. None of this is actually about Meghan. It’s about you and how scared you are of getting hurt again. And I get it, man. I saw you when your parents died. It almost killed you. But you and your aunt did a great job with Belle. She’s happy, she’s talented, and she’s independent. But what about the kid you were when it all happened?”
“I don’t understand.”
“I’m talking about being kind to yourself. Somewhere inside of you the kid that you used to be is still there. Still scared as hell at being left alone in the world. And so to maintain some kind of control, you push people away before they can leave you. But the end result is still the same.” James shrugged. “You’re still alone.”
“Thanks for the reminder.” Rich’s chest felt tight. He didn’t want to think about this now. That kid he used to be was long gone. He was an adult now, he made his own decisions.
And Meghan and Isla were better off without him.
His pager beeped, and Rich looked down, tipping it with his finger. “I gotta go.” He stood.
James nodded, following suit. “Please just think about what I said. And if Harper asks, I really reamed you out, okay?”
Rich’s lips twitched. “Harper’s a good woman,” he said, carrying his coffee cup to the trash. James followed him, his own cup still half full.
“Yeah she is.” His voice was thick. “And so is Meghan.”
Rich’s smile was wry. “I know. That’s why she’s better off without me.”
When he walked out of the elevator on the tenth floor later that morning, the hallway was filled with suitcases and boxes. Rich frowned, and for a moment he wondered if Meghan was moving out, but then the door to apartment 10D opened, and Kevin walked out.
“Jesus, you made me jump.” Kevin clutched his hand to his chest, his dark hair falling over his eyebrows.
“Welcome back.” Rich glanced at the luggage. “You want a hand carrying those in?”
“Would you? You’re a lifesaver.” Kevin shot him a smile. “Would you believe Grant broke his wrist on our third to last day away? He’s used it as an excuse to do nothing at all ever since.” Kevin’s voice was indulgent. He clearly thought it was funny. Rich picked up a box and carried it inside.
“Look who’s here,” Kevin called out. Grant looked up from the kitchen counter, where he was filling up the coffee pot.
“It’s the hot doc.” Grant grinned. Rich put the box down on the counter and his neighbors took their turn at hugging him. “Is it me or did you get even hotter while we were away?”
“It’s definitely you,” Rich said, shaking his head.
“Nope. There’s definitely something about you.” Kevin narrowed his eyes. “I can’t put my finger on it.”
Rich really wasn’t up to any more analyzing of his psyche. “Maybe it’s the fact I spent most of the morning with my hands up a guy’s ass.”
“What? Why?” Grant wrinkled his nose. “Actually, scrap that, I don’t want to know. Unless you’ve decided to join us on the dark side.”
“There’s no chance of that,” Kevin said.
“What happened to your wrist?” Rich asked his neighbor, grateful to change the subject.
“You really need to hear this,” Kevin told him. “It’s the best.”
“Shut up.” Grant blew him a kiss. “It was an accident, that was all. I bought these amazing tight pants from a shop in Lima when we first arrived, and decided to wear them out to a club. The only problem is, I must have put on a little weight while we were traveling, because those things were impossible to pull up.”
“So you broke your wrist?” Rich frowned, trying to get the connection.
“I was pulling them up one leg at a time, but my big toe got caught in the hem and bent backward and it really hurt.”
“He was screaming,” Kevin said, deadpan.
Grant smiled at him. “I was crying, actually, baby. Anyway, I was hopping around, these damn pants stuck to my ankles and I fell over and put my hand out to stop my face from planting on the tiled floor.”
Rich really tried not to laugh, but the image of Grant crying and hopping and falling all at the same time was too much.
“We almost had to cancel our flight home. Did you know you’re not allowed to fly within forty eight hours of getting a cast?” Kevin asked.
“I was aware of that, yes.” Rich nodded, his lips twitching.
“Of course he knows. He’s seen more broken bones than you’ve had hot dinners.” Grant shook his head. “Speaking of which, when it comes time to take off my cast, will you do it?” He batted his eyelashes at Rich.
“I’m not that kind of doctor,” Rich pointed out. “You’ll need to follow up with an orthopedic surgeon to have your cast sawn off and make sure the break is healed.”
“Damn. I was hoping to live out my hot doctor fantasies.” Grant sighed and poured out some coffee. “You want one?”
“Nope. I’m heading to bed.” Caffeine was the last thing he needed. He wanted to zone out, not get jittery.
“Oh my, are you working nights?”
“Yep.”
“No wonder you look so tired. Go.” Kevin did a shooing motion. “We can catch up another time.” He followed Rich to the door, opening it with a smile. “Hey, do you know if Meghan’s around? We’re excited to finally meet her.”
“She’s away, I think.” Rich frowned. He really didn’t want to talk about her.
“That’s a shame. Do you know when she’ll be back?”
“No idea.” He glanced at her door again. She’d said she was going to L.A. for a few days, but nothing more. He hadn’t really let her tell him any details. Because he was an asshole who made women cry. “I gotta go, before I collapse in the hall.”
“Of course.” Kevin hugged him again. “Let’s get together for dinner soon. I was thinking of inviting all the neighbors. I’m so excited to meet Meghan and Isla face to face. She’s hella funny by email.”
“You’ve been emailing her?”
“Yeah, ever since she moved in.” Kevin blinked. “You look weird. Is there a problem with that?”
“No problem.” He grabbed his keys from his pocket, giving Kevin a nod. “I’ll see you later.”
“You will. Now rest up.”
Rich walked over to his apartment, hearing as Kevin carried in the rest of their cases. “Nobody should look that good in scrubs,” he heard Grant saying. Rich closed his eyes and shook his head, then slid his key into the lock and walked inside.
He was asleep within ten minutes, his body finally succumbing to the sweet siren call of exhaustion.
And thank goodness. Because oblivion was so much better than having to think right now.
29
The driver pulled up outside Meghan’s parents house. Isla was sitting next to her, playing with the new iPad Dylan and Natalie had bought her so they could keep in touch while Dylan was touring. Natalie would be staying in L.A., but she seemed to love Isla as much as Dylan did, and promised to play Animal Crossing with her over the internet.
Her father’s car was parked on the graveled driveway. That wasn’t unusual for Friday at 5pm. He always finished work on time on Fridays – the weekends were strictly for church and family. Even as a child, she could set her watch by him.
“Could you wait here please?” she asked the driver.
Isla looked up. “We’re at Granny and Gramps house?” Her little brows knitted. “Why?”
“I just want to talk to them for a minute.” Meghan climbed out of the car and leaned in to help Isla unbuckle her strap. “Then we’ll go home.”
“Can we swim tomorrow?” Isla asked. “I can’t wait to show my friends how I can dive now.” Dylan had spent yesterday teaching her. “I’m
almost a professional.”
Meghan and Dylan had spoken this morning, just the two of them, while Natalie took Isla out for breakfast. Dylan wanted to pay for a security guard to take care of them, but Meghan had refused. Apart from Carlyn, they weren’t in danger from anybody in Angel Sands. The thought of having a guard with her constantly made her feel like she was a child again.
He’d asked about having his name put on Isla’s birth certificate, and Meghan agreed to liaise with his lawyer about that. He also wanted to deposit a huge sum of money into her account, but she’d refused that.
“You can spend your money on her when she’s with you, and I’ll spend my money when she’s with me,” she’d told him.
Dylan had frowned. “But she’s with you more.”
“It’ll even itself out.” She was certain of it. And she didn’t want to be beholden to anybody. “Why not set up a college fund for her? That would be something good to do.”
“College. Yeah.” Dylan had nodded, his eyes wide. “Man, when she goes to college she’s definitely having a guard.”
Tomorrow he’d fly to Europe, and wouldn’t be back for months. She could tell from his demeanor that he was finding that thought difficult. Strangely, Isla was okay with it. She’d patted his hand and promised to FaceTime with him a lot.
Taking Isla’s hand, Meghan walked up to her parents’ house, pressing the bell and smiling down at Isla. “We’re not staying long,” she told her. “I don’t know about you but I want to get home.”
To her little apartment. To her shop. To her life.
And to all the problems she’d left behind for a few days. She took a deep breath in as the front door opened, and her mom’s beaming face was revealed in the gap.
“Well this is a surprise,” she said, leaning down to hug Isla. “Oh my goodness, you look like you’ve grown again.”
“Have we come at a bad time?” She wanted to get this over with.
“Not at all. I was just getting started on dinner. Would you two like to join us?”
“No. But maybe a glass of something cool. We’re on our way home, but I wanted to drop in and speak with you and dad first.” Meghan glanced at Isla. “In private.”