“I want…something.”
The flash of hurt that swept over Reese’s face before he wiped his expression blank was something Tom would work hard to erase. They didn’t have it yet, that trust between two people that meant never questioning each other’s good intentions. Or rather, Tom had it for Reese. But Reese was still wary of him, deep down, in a way that had nothing to do with being alone together and everything to do with what happened in the world outside their door.
Tom was determined to convince Reese that nothing that happened in this room would ever be anything but good.
He knew where Reese kept his lube by now, the high tech stuff tucked between the mattress and the wall. Probing blindly, he tugged the tube out and smacked it on the mattress next to them. Then he kicked his shorts and pants to the foot of the bed and sat up to strip his shirt off too.
Reese eyed the tube warily.
“Condom?” Tom asked.
Wary shifted to completely closed off in a split second.
“I don’t do that anymore.”
He stared at his boyfriend and resisted the temptation to smack him in the head with the lube.
“No shit.”
“Then why the condom?”
All the nerves in his skin fired as he spoke, a giant shiver that started at the top of his skull and raced down to his toes.
“For you.”
He waited, braced on his elbows, feeling pretty fucking naked right now, even though he’d spent most of the past couple of months wearing as little as possible in this room.
Reese shut his mouth with a click of teeth snapping against each other and kept staring at him.
“For me.”
Tom almost laughed, but his balls were too close to danger for making jokes. Instead, he shifted his weight to one elbow and reached out with his other hand to push Reese’s hair back from his face. He traced his fingers over one eyebrow, down Reese’s nose, across his cheek, and over the delicate curve of his ear. He didn’t think about Reese’s looks much, his personality too vibrant for his face to pull Tom’s focus. But at moments like these, with his hands on Reese’s face, he was struck by how beautiful he was. Not like a girl. His lips were curved and pink and his eyelashes were long and swept against his cheekbones when he looked down, but Reese’s features were too clean, too strong, to look feminine. A close-up portrait might show him as gender-neutral, the proportions of eye, mouth, nose so perfect as to represent beauty without reference to male or female. Pushing his hair back to bare his face felt like bringing him into the light, a space where Tom alone could see him.
His boy.
Who was nervous enough to be quivering between his legs right now. Time to fix that.
“For you,” he said decisively and cupped Reese’s chin in his hand, keeping him from ducking his head. “So you can fuck me.”
He had to hang on to that chin as Reese tugged and reared back.
“Holy shit.” His eyes skittered wildly over Tom’s body, from his semi-hard dick to deeper between his legs and back up to his face. Reese rolled his hips and Tom knew it was because his pants were suddenly tight around his swelling penis. His boy might not be sure of himself, but his dick was clearly on board.
“I don’t know.” Definitely not sure of himself. One hand was braced on Tom’s thigh, ready to push off and run away.
Time to step back. He let go of Reese’s chin and leaned back again. Just two dudes, talking about one sticking his dick up the other’s virgin ass.
No biggie.
“When you did it, did you like it?”
Reese’s eyelids fell and a slow smile blurred across his mouth.
“Fuck, yeah. I loved it. There wasn’t anything I liked better.”
“I want to try. Maybe you’ll like it this way just as much.”
Reese winced. “I’m not sure it’s really my thing. I haven’t actually ever, you know, done that before.”
Tom raised his eyebrows and waited. It wasn’t like Reese to have a hard time saying the words. He must be more freaked out than he was letting on.
“Fucked someone,” he said at last, looking down at Tom’s dick, which had lost a little of its interest in the proceedings, now that the focus seemed to be on conversation rather than dick-sucking. Tom lay back on the bed, dropping his hand to his crotch and curling it around himself, protective and keeping his dick’s mind in the game where it belonged. He pulled his knees up and rested his feet flat on the bed, feeling safe and exposed at the same time.
Reese was still making confessions. “Makes me nervous.”
“Because you don’t want to?”
“No. I want to.” His gaze flickered like heat lightning over Tom’s body. Tom’s dick was getting hard again under the slow strokes of his own hand. The air was cool on his exposed hole and he felt himself clench there when he imagined Reese’s dick, slicked up and stiff, pressing up against him, pushing in with a slow, relentless thrust. His nipples tightened under Reese’s watchful eyes and he knew a flush was creeping down from his face to his chest as his breathing tightened.
“But it’s not always good for everyone.” Two small vertical wrinkles appeared between Reese’s eyebrows and he bit his lip. Tom didn’t think Reese was aware of his hand slipping down to rest on Tom’s inner thigh, his thumb deep enough between Tom’s legs to push the tip between his cheeks. “I’d want it to be good for you. I don’t want to hurt you.”
Tom, who was pretty sure Reese had been close to having his whole hand up Tom’s ass on more than one occasion, which had made him come so hard he shuddered at the memory, was totally willing to take that chance.
“I trust you.” He handed Reese the bottle of lube and hooked his hands behind his knees, pulling his legs back to his chest and then waiting.
In the months they’d been enthusiastically fucking each other at every opportunity, there wasn’t much Tom hadn’t tried in his ongoing quest to keep Reese unchallenged by his own larger, stronger body. He’d gotten on his knees, had encouraged Reese to climb all over him physically while Tom lay or sat or crouched on hands and knees below him, had done everything he could think of to make it clear that he was the vulnerable one. He should be used to it by now.
But as Reese pressed the back of a finger against his taint, knuckles brushing his balls, and Tom felt the mattress shifting under his back as Reese scooted closer, Tom’s entire body shivered, and he closed his eyes.
He concentrated on holding still as Reese lubed them both up, coating his fingers and pouring more lube between Tom’s butt cheeks than Tom thought they could possibly need. But he knew that the sloppier things got, the better his ass felt, so he didn’t say a word. And soon enough Reese had three fingers in him, screwing them in and out, stroking Tom on the inside until Reese hit that spot that arched his back and kicked his heels deep into the mattress. He wasn’t even touching himself, hands wrapped around the bar at the head of the bed, his dick bouncing on his stomach as he jerked up.
“Ahh! Reese. Now. Now. Now would be a good time to fuck me please.” He panted the words out.
“Wait.” Reese’s hand on his hip encouraged him to roll over onto all fours, though Tom protested as he went. “Like this. It’s supposed to be easier for you.”
“But—”
A hand, stroking down his spine from his nape to his tailbone. Another hand, thumb pressing against his loosened hole, palm separating his cheeks as Reese kneed his legs farther apart. “Trust me. I’m trying to remember all the shit I wish I knew the first time I did this.”
He nodded and let his head hang down. He watched his dick, pulled up tight against his stomach, hard and leaking from Reese fucking him with his hand. He could see Reese’s bare legs lightly brushed with hair, knee-walking up between his spread legs until they brushed the back of Tom’s thighs and sparked a zing up his spine.
The cri
nkle of the condom wrapper was louder than his rough breathing, the slick roll of a hand smoothing the sheath over a hard cock unmistakable. He felt himself clench up, fear and excitement hitting his bloodstream in a chemical cocktail that lit up every nerve in his system.
“Try not to tense up. Bear down, okay? You know how.”
And he did, after all this time. But it was different. Intense in a way that getting fingered wasn’t quite anymore, was something that turned him on faster than flipping a light switch. But this. He wondered if this was what it felt like when you threw yourself out of a plane with a parachute and knew that you might die at the end of the fall.
Reese’s hand on his hip steadied him.
The press of his dick was nothing but slick pleasure at first and Tom pushed back, wanting Reese to go deeper, faster. A sharp stab of pain had him jerking back away.
Fuck. That hurt.
His elbows wobbled beneath him and his eyes stung.
“Okay?”
Tom nodded, not trusting his voice. But it hurt when Reese pushed in again and he didn’t think he had the nerve to do this the slow way. He gritted his teeth, bore down and shoved himself hard backward until Reese grunted and his dick slid part of the way home.
Sweat made his skin slick and salty as Tom pressed his lips to his own arm and tried not to whimper. His dick had stopped jumping up and down and begging for the ass-fucking that it had wanted so surely a minute ago.
“Fuck, you’re so tight. God. Tom.” Reese shifted on his knees behind Tom and he could feel it, Reese’s dick swelling inside him, getting even harder as they held still and let Tom adjust. Reese petted him, hands stroking his back, his sides, reaching to touch him everywhere, pressing approval into his skin. “Oh my God, tell me you’re okay, Tom. Tell me.”
Tom didn’t hesitate to lie as Reese begged him.
“I’m okay.” He wasn’t, not yet. But he could feel it, the faint hint of a squirmy spark deep inside that he thought might turn into something good. He pushed himself back again until he bumped Reese’s hip bones and hid the flinch. “Go.”
Reese pulled out an inch and pushed forward again, slow and filthy, until Tom felt the pressure of it so deep inside it made him dizzy. Reese dragged his fingernails down Tom’s back and the scraping pain hit his nerves like a fire of pure pleasure. The sting of his hole stretching burned and the sharp pinch of Reese’s nails when they dug into his hip splintered his awareness until all the bits and pieces scrambled and lost themselves in a bright flashing fog of pain and pleasure that knocked him to the mattress. He curved one arm under his forehead and reached for himself.
“Yes,” Reese hissed at him and pulled out until the bulge of his head burned at Tom’s rim and fuck, that still hurt, but it swirled up his spine like fire. “Jerk yourself.”
He was aware of his asshole in a way he’d never felt before. Felt it light up like a Christmas tree every time his hand on his dick slid over the tip and his hole spasmed, trying to shut tight on the bolt of pleasure that shot from his dick to his ass then ricocheted back when he stayed stretched open by Reese’s dick. Reese’s fingers traced the edge of that muscle pulled in a taut ring, touching the circle around his own dick in Tom’s ass. Tom imagined what Reese saw and thought his heart would stop at the dirtiness of it.
His dick was iron in his hand again and he was chanting under his breath, “Fuck me, fuck me, fuck me, Reese, God, just fuck me.”
And Reese was, one hand braced on his neck, holding him still with the side of his face pressed into the pillow, as Tom stripped his dick as hard as he could, the fire building up behind a high wall that shook with the pounding slaps that echoed as Reese’s hips slammed into him again and again. Tom’s entire body trembled and froze, waiting, burning, until the spark lit somewhere beneath his tailbone and shot through his ass and out his dick, smashing the wall flat. The orgasm slammed into him, come and heat exploding out of him as the groans ripped from his throat and his cries filled the room. The drag of Reese’s cock in his ass, still pistoning back and forth with slick, wet noises and the slap of skin against skin stretched his orgasm like hot taffy until he felt Reese slam against him one last time, pressing so hard it felt as if he shared Tom’s ass with his own body as he jerked, muscles locked, and pulled Tom onto his dick before collapsing on top of him in a hot, slick mess of skin and sweat.
Tom pushed himself back into a bastardized sort of yoga pose, face in the mattress as he caught his breath, trying and not succeeding to keep his belly out of the stripes of come on the sheet underneath him. His ass was pulsing reflexively around Reese’s softening cock as his boyfriend pressed kisses to the back of his neck and sucked at his skin. He patted behind his head until his hand landed on Reese’s hair and gave it a weak stroke. After a moment, Reese pushed himself upright with a hand on Tom’s back and eased out, eliciting a wince and a curse that he soothed with circles rubbed on Tom’s lower back.
He felt Reese lean far enough over to drop the condom in the trash before collapsing back on the bed behind Tom, who gave up and lay on his side in the wet spot.
Wet lake, really. He’d never come that hard in his life.
He hoped Reese could hear him through his face in the pillow. “Holy shit. That’s gonna be hell on our laundry. ’Cause we are definitely doing that again.”
Reese laughed tiredly behind him.
Tom froze. Fuck. Turned his head to speak clearly. “Unless you don’t want to. Was it bad? I didn’t even think.”
Reese tucked his knees closer behind Tom’s and ran his palm up and down Tom’s arm. “No, it was good. Incredible, actually. It just, you know…”
“Reminds you. Shit. I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have asked—” His words were cut off as Reese reached over him to press a hand against his mouth.
“Shh. It doesn’t remind me of bad things. The opposite, actually. Reminded me of how much I miss…being normal, that’s all.”
Tom sighed with relief. Another emotional landmine navigated.
“Fuck normal. I like this.”
He was super aware of his anus. It felt as if he had the ghost of a cock wedged in there, his tender skin hot and tingly, the slippery mess of lube making him feel every square millimeter of skin pressed to skin as Reese draped a leg over his hip and held him close. He kind of wanted to get up and go to the bathroom to clean himself off, but he was too tired to move. Maybe in a minute, after he stopped feeling echoes of Reese’s body inside his. Tom shivered, a twitch in his dick and his ass as he remembered himself, face down in the mattress as Reese fucked him, begging for it over and over again. His face flamed at the picture, imagining Reese’s eyes hot on where they joined, watching his dick press in and out of Tom’s hole. He shivered again.
Every time he thought sex couldn’t possibly get any hotter between them, they took it deeper. He had laid himself open, baring even more. Tom wasn’t sure that trend should be encouraged, but he couldn’t deny that it made him want to roll over and expose his belly for a rub like a puppy. He’d dared something big and gotten his reward. In spades.
Phenomenal sex wasn’t enough in the long run to balance out all the other compromises Reese made in order to be with him. But at least it was something, right? It was one thing he could give. He’d offer his ass up a thousand nights in a row if it would keep Reese from deciding he wasn’t worth it after all.
Because he knew that moment was coming. Could feel it barreling down on them like a low vibration humming through the track rails when the train was still a mile away. As a kid, he’d timed it close with the suburban train lines, waiting until he felt the vibrations under his hands before setting pennies on the rails, hoping no one in the station house would see him crouched by the tracks.
He was after a lot more than shiny copper discs these days. But he could still feel that train coming, the long, low moan of its horn rolling ahead of it, warning, warning, that i
t couldn’t slow down. Not for anything.
Chapter Seventeen
“You know, it doesn’t make you any more gay than you were before.”
He’d stopped reacting when Reese used the word gay to describe him, although his first instinct was to correct him with “I’m bi.” But he could see how that was a pretty shitty denial to shove in your boyfriend’s face, so he kept his mouth shut.
It still felt like an attack sometimes when Reese said it.
“What are you talking about?”
“Taking it up the ass.”
“Jesus Christ, Reese. Here? Now?”
Sometimes it felt like Reese was pushing him, tired of waiting for Tom to relax and turn into some kind of poster boy for Gay Pride. He reminded himself over and over again that it must suck, being an out gay guy and dating someone who flinched every time you bumped shoulders with him in public.
But, fuck, was it absolutely necessary that they have a conversation in the middle of the Campus Center about why they hadn’t had anal sex again since the one night where Reese had melted him into a puddle, ass first? Steph and Cash would be back in a minute with drinks and snacks.
This couldn’t be a conversation that happened behind closed doors?
He wondered if Reese was disappointed there hadn’t been some kind of magical transformation of their relationship after he’d fucked Tom. As if anal were some kind of Holy Grail of gay relationships that would wipe out all of their other problems, not a goddamn one of which had been magically erased by Tom taking it up the ass, he was sorry to say. Reese had already admitted that being the one doing the fucking was both not his favorite thing and made him wish for better days. So what was the big deal about not doing it again?
Tom wasn’t about to mention that opening himself up like that had felt more than simply physically vulnerable. It took a level of trust and affection he couldn’t muster for someone who barely looked at him without irritation bubbling over. The magic of that night hadn’t lasted past the next morning’s descent into the tension that always filled the space between them now. If they did it again, he was afraid he’d look up and find Reese staring down at him like he’d stared at the boys he used to fuck. Cold and manipulative. Tom wasn’t sure he’d ever get past that.
Off Campus Page 28