by Queau, Amy
“You gonna make it? You know…you’ve failed as my sponsor tonight.” He laughed.
“I’m okay. Just feeling a little numb. Maybe I should take off these shoes. I can see them being disastrous in the near future,” she said, slipping off her heels.
“Let’s say goodbye to everyone and I’ll bring you home.”
“Okey doke.”
Walking toward a still-sociable Susie, Jesse put one arm around his mom and whispered in her ear, “We’re taking off.”
“Oh hon, I’m sorry I didn’t get to chat more with you and your girlfriend.”
“She’s not my girlfriend, Ma. And don’t worry about it, I’m sure you’ll see her again. We work together.”
“Oh good. It was so nice to meet you, Charlie.” Susie hugged Charlie and smiled.
Charlie looked unsure of her balance as they walked back to the car. “I hope I did you proud…being your girlfriend tonight.” She winked and tumbled into the car.
“You did just fine, Charlie,” he said as he shut her door.
She cozied herself in and leaned her head back on the seat.
Dozing in and out of consciousness on the way home, she occasionally muttered incoherent words until she said, “It’s too bad you don’t do the girlfriend thing. Tonight was fun. You’re doing the world an injustice by not letting people in.”
Sweet Charlie. You think it’s so simple.
Charlie woke a few miles from her house and remained silent. Jesse glanced at her twice and wondered what she was thinking. He pulled into her driveway and put the car into park.
“Well, we’re here,” he said.
“Yes, we are. Thanks again for inviting me.”
For minutes, silence consumed the car, neither of them willing to say a final ‘goodnight.’
“It’s easier to be alone like this. I can’t expect anyone to understand. But I…I would’ve loved to have danced with you tonight,” he said.
She exhaled and opened the car door. Searching for the right words, she began, then stopped and appeared to change her mind. “Thanks again. See you at work.”
Wait, Charlie, don’t go. I don’t want to be alone tonight. Spend the night with me.
Chapter Nine
“What are you doing after work today?” Jesse said to Charlie while she was on the other side of the crowded kitchen. She couldn’t hear him.
“Hey! Charlie!” Jesse shouted.
The entire kitchen staff and three servers turned to look. No one had heard Jesse speak in weeks, and now he was shouting Charlie’s name. His tone was severe and the employees braced themselves for a wrath.
Charlie looked up with a furrowed brow at the sound of her name. She, too, had heard his tone, and her name was still floating in the air all around them.
Jesse’s and Charlie’s eyes locked. His posture softened and he gave a small exhale. It was as if he had been searching for Charlie for months and had finally realized she had been there the whole time, waiting for him, too.
She gave him a quick smile and tilted her head to one side. “Um. Yes?” she said sarcastically, springing a smile to Jesse’s face.
“What are you doing after work?” Jesse’s voice was still rough and loud.
Shouting back and forth within the kitchen, which seemed completely unnecessary, Jesse and Charlie were smiling at each other.
“What did you have in mind?” she yelled.
He smiled. “Wanna hang out?”
“Sure!” She paused to laugh. “Hey, Jess?”
“Yes, Charlene?”
“Why are we shouting?”
“I don’t know!”
By this point, most of the kitchen staff had gone about their business and weren’t paying any attention to them anymore.
“Would you two get a room already?” Marco said, while snickering at their funny exchange and punching an order into the computer.
Charlie froze and looked at Jesse. Jesse was staring back at her and raised an eyebrow.
“Nah, Marco. Friends don’t do that. Besides, haven’t you heard? Charlie doesn’t...”
Careful. Don’t say it.
But it was too late: Charlie already knew what he was planning to say. Jesse didn’t continue, but walked over to her slowly.
“Drink with me tonight,” Jesse said. It wasn’t a question; more of a demand.
“Um, I can’t. I mean…I can have one drink, but…I have plans at eight o’clock.”
No.
“Plans?” Jesse swallowed.
“Yeah, I…have a…a date.” Charlie fixed her posture and faked a grin.
Jesse nodded.
No. No. No.
“That’s okay. You can have a drink with me and tell me about this date of yours.”
Charlie’s fake smile turned genuine and she looked relieved.
*
After their shifts, Jesse and Charlie met at a booth in the bar.
“So, why didn’t you tell me about this date of yours last night?” Jesse slowly blinked.
“I didn’t know what kind of mood it would put you in. I met him here last week.”
“And what? He just asked you out?” Jesse tried to keep his voice steady and calm.
“Yes.” Charlie was gauging his reaction before she continued. “Um…he just had a really sincere smile.” She looked toward the window, recalling her experience, and then turned back to Jesse’s facial expression.
“Dreadlocks, about six-foot-one, medium build. His name is Ryan.”
“Dreadlocks?” Jesse looked at her skeptically.
“Yeah, I know. But he’s really adorable.” She smiled.
Adorable? What is this guy? A puppy?
“So, what does Ryan do for a living?” Jesse asked.
“He isn’t working right now. He lives with his parents and goes to school full-time. He’s an artist and a musician. And he told me that I’m beautiful. No one had ever made me feel beautiful before.”
Her entire mood has shifted. She’s glowing. She’s fucking glowing. I’ve told her she’s beautiful, haven’t I?
“Well. He sounds perfect,” Jesse said, trying not to unveil his jealousy and failing miserably.
Charlie’s smile faded.
“Yeah. So, that’s the story.” She tried to end the conversation.
He thought by this point he’d be used to their long, uncomfortable silences.
“Talk to me,” she finally said.
“About what?”
“I don’t care, Jess. Anything. Tell me about how you’ve been feeling. Tell me what you’ve been up to. If you’ve been riding your bike. Tell me about how you make cheesecake, the cost of gas, something that doesn’t require so much energy!” Her voice was starting to carry across the bar.
Jesse started bouncing his knee again. Charlie’s eyes moved down and noticed the subtle vibration on the table. Moving around the booth, she sat next to Jesse and placed her hand on his knee.
“Stop this,” she whispered.
Jesse stopped bouncing his knee and froze.
She’s so close. She smells delicious.
“Jess, listen to me. I adore you, you know I do. But I can’t get into this gorgeous head of yours unless you let me. I want to help, and I don’t care if you know it, abuse it, or ignore it. But you’ve been ignoring my calls for weeks. You’ve buried yourself in there, and I don’t know how to reach you. Maybe you don’t think I can help you, but I do care.”
Jesse turned to Charlie and their faces were inches apart. Her eyes searched his for answers, darting from eye to eye.
I want to trust you. I want to believe you. I want—
“Hey, Charlie,” a voice called from a few feet away, breaking her fix on Jesse.
She shook her head, trying to clear her thoughts. “Hi, Ryan! Ryan, this is my…friend, Jesse.”
This is the guy?
Ryan reached his hand out to shake Jesse’s and smiled. Jesse hesitated before he obliged.
“Do you want to sit for a while o
r did you want to get going?” Ryan asked.
This guy doesn’t look like much. What does she like about him? Dirty, smelly dreadlocks. Scrawny, hippie musician. Pussy handshake.
“Give me a minute, will you? I just want to finish up my conversation with Jesse.” She smiled and Ryan bent down and gave her a chaste kiss on the cheek before gesturing to the lobby.
He’s already kissing her? He just made her blush. God dammit! Where the fuck have I been?
“I’ll stay with you if you need me to. I’m serious. I won’t go…” she said while standing up next to the booth.
“I’m fine. Go.”
Charlie tilted her head to one side with an intense stare. It was as if no matter what he said, she could read what he really wanted to say in his eyes.
“I want…” Jesse began.
Has she slept with him?
Charlie’s eyes lit up and she folded her arms around her stomach.
“Tell me,” she said urgently.
“I want… I’ll be here Wednesday. It’s Parm and Pepp day. Will you be here?” he asked, swallowing the lump in his throat.
Charlie slouched. “Yes, I’ll be here.”
“See you then.” Jesse mustered a wink and paid his tab as Charlie walked out the front door with Ryan.
Chapter Ten
“Good morning, Jesse.” Charlie smiled.
“Hi.”
“What did you end up doing after I left the other night?”
“I went home and wrote a song.”
“Good! You know, you promised I’d hear you play someday. What are you doing today after work?”
“I don’t really want to play today. I mean, music that is.” He smirked.
“Oh, playful Jesse! Come here. Help me with the parmesans and peppers.”
As Jesse walked over to stand next to Charlie, she hip-checked him and winked.
Why haven’t I noticed how much weight she’s lost? She’s skinny. Too skinny.
“So, what’s new with you? Got a girlfriend yet?”
Jesse gave a swift exhale through his nose that sounded like a laugh. “Um, no. But…”
“But what?”
“But…Bree came to see me, a while ago.”
“Oh! A while ago? Why didn’t you tell me? This is big news. What did she say?” Charlie stopped filling the bottles and turned her full attention to Jesse.
“She wanted me back. And was…crying when I kicked her ass out my door.”
“Oh.” Charlie contemplated the information and looked in the direction of the countertop. “Well, how do you feel about that now? I mean, do you wish you hadn’t kicked her out?”
“Not sure. Do you…do you have any advice?” Jesse had searched for the accurate wording, trying not to give anything away.
“No. Good lord. Are you kidding? My first-ever boyfriend I am just now experiencing. I can barely be considered an expert on the subject. But, I do think that with any relationship, you have to consider whether or not they’re good for you. You know, whether or not you can benefit and grow from them. I guess you need to ask yourself that question.”
“Boyfriend, huh?” Jesse couldn’t disguise his disappointment.
“Oh Jess. Don’t worry, I’m still your friend. I mean, he knows about you. I told him that I don’t tolerate jealousy. He knows how I feel.”
“Have you fucked him?”
Charlie didn’t answer and her eyes turned cold.
“Holy shit! You’ve been holding back! Tell me. Have you?”
Charlie bit her bottom lip and shook her head. “No. Not yet. But I’m seeing him tonight…and I’m going to wear my sexy underwear.” Charlie winked and continued filling her containers, giggling.
Fuck.
“Well. That’s that, then.”
Charlie looked quickly at Jesse and away again.
Her sexy underwear? Damn it! No. Don’t even think it. You’ll get it caught in your head and you’ll think of nothing else the rest of the week. You can’t. She’s with him now. She’s happy. She’s giddy. She doesn’t want you. You’re her friend, nothing more.
“You shouldn’t wear any panties. It’s sexier,” Jesse whispered, avoiding her eyes.
Jesse stopped helping Charlie and walked out to the dining room, fumbling with his labret.
She’s so sweet. Does he see her for who she is, or does he just see a skinny, gorgeous, redheaded virgin? Is he just going to use her and throw her ass away?
Why do you care, anyway? Good for her. She’s finally gonna get laid. It’s about time! She needs someone to--Stop. Stop thinking about what he’s going to do to her.
“Good morning, Jesse.” Angie stood beside him as she checked the chart for her section.
Jesse stood there motionless, watching the cars pass on the street in front of the restaurant.
“Morning.” He shuddered at his delightful tone and walked back to see if there were any pre-ordered deliveries. To his surprise, there were four of them. It was going to be a busy day.
*
After his shift, Jesse emptied his pockets full of wadded up money wrapped around orders. He walked to the hostess stand and began sorting his orders and each payment he’d received. Thinking about Charlie, his mundane task was now more of a reflex than something that required much thought. He looked up and saw her.
“Hey, Red.”
“Hey, busy today?”
“Yes, I think I made some money. You?”
“Same.”
They stopped talking and she counted his tips. The day hostess had left for the afternoon, so it wasn’t unusual that Charlie took over in the front once the rush had passed.
She handed him his change. “Happy Birthday.”
His eyes met hers in shock.
“Your gift is on the delivery table.” She winked.
His mouth dropped open slightly and he stared at her for a second too long. His eyes drifted left as if he was looking at nothing in particular and deep in thought. “You remembered my birthday?”
“I got you a gift,” she said with a fat grin.
He smiled and walked to the back. A blue striped package with a white bow and card sat atop the delivery table. The card said “Jesse” in elegant script.
He grabbed the gift and brought it back to the break area. Sitting on the chair, he stared at it with a small smile. After a moment, he started unwrapping the package.
It was a crystal chess board with one side in clear crystal and the other in black pewter.
He had no words.
What am I doing?
This girl scares the shit out of me.
He punched out for the day and left abruptly.
Charlie remained at the front desk, giving him a few minutes to come and thank her.
Five minutes passed.
Nine minutes passed.
Fourteen minutes.
Seventeen.
“Hey Charlie. You can go home now.” Adam waved his hand at her in dismissal.
She punched out and ran into the kitchen to see if he was still there.
Part 3
Charlie and Jesse
Chapter One
Feeling sorry for herself, Charlie sits in the bar after her evening shift and orders a drink. She thinks about Jesse and how insensitive it was of him to ignore her gift. It isn’t the money she spent, and it isn’t about getting him to admit he cares.
“A simple thank you. Nothing more, nothing less. How difficult would that have been?” she speaks to herself out loud like a crazy person.
She smokes about a half pack of cigarettes and downs four beers. She’s handling herself quite well, so she thinks. She isn’t crying or emotionally unstable at all. The more she drinks, the better she is able to fulfill the pity party she had planned to attend for herself.
Charlie waves to her server to order another drink when Ryan walks in.
“Hi.” Ryan flashes his warm smile.
“Hi.” She smiles back shyly.
“May I sit with y
ou?”
She waves her hand, gesturing to the seat across from hers. “Of course.”
“What are you drinking?”
“I’m drinking a Gunflint Gold. But, I’m in the mood for an iron butterfly. Care to join me?”
“What’s an iron butterfly?” he says, leaning in closer to her.
“Vodka, Kahlua, and Bailey’s. On the rocks.”
“Sounds delicious. Count me in.”
For the next two hours, Charlie finds herself having fun. It has been a long time since she felt comfortable with someone. She doesn’t feel any tension or pressure. She isn’t worried what he’ll say next or if there is a lull in their conversation. There isn’t an apology to be made or a misunderstanding; just good conversation.
“Do you want to go somewhere, just get out of here for a while?” Ryan says.
“Why not? Oh, but I’ve had a little too much to drink. Is it okay if you drive?”
“No problem.”
Ryan opens the door for her as they walk outside. This feels right. This is how she feels she’s supposed to be treated. So she will let him.
The door opens and there is a bouquet of white daisies on the sidewalk. A thought creeps into her head and she shoos it out instantly. This night will not be ruined by speculation.
On the car ride to uptown, conversation continues smoothly and effortlessly. Charlie is allowing herself to have a good time and to leave the drama and annoyance of the past year back at The Crimson Cellar. She is now with someone new, going someplace she’s never been before. Making new memories. Not the same ones over and over again day after day.
As they pull into the parking lot, she looks at the small brick building. It’s quaint and looks like it has been there forever. A small hand-painted sign hanging over the front door says “Battery Acid.” Smiling widely, she looks at Ryan.
“You have a beautiful smile,” he says.
“Thanks,” she says and tries to hide her smile with her hand. Ryan reaches for it and kisses her knuckles gently.
“You ready?” he asks.
“Let’s go.”
She opens the car door, and before she can close it, Ryan is behind her. It isn’t until it’s too late that she realizes he had wanted to open it for her.