I felt my cheeks growing warm. "No, I've slept before. I can handle it on my own."
He mumbled something that sounded like, "That's what she said," but I ignored it because Omar was saying, "I could use a rest too. A break. Sounds like we all could."
Leon took his arm from around me and leaned forward, resting his elbows on the table. "I have a proposal. Let's all go to Dubai for the weekend."
We stared at him.
"What? It's not even a two-hour flight. We can leave right after work tomorrow and come back late Saturday night. It'll be fun."
"I can't," Amirah said at once. "I need to babysit my nephew."
"I didn't know you had a nephew," Omar said.
Amirah nodded. "Khalid. The one in Larissa's class."
Katherine blinked. "I had no idea. He's related to you?"
"That's right," Amirah said. Her eyes met mine, calm and challenging, but I looked away, not wanting to think of Khalid right now.
"Interesting," Katherine said, then added slowly, as if to herself, "Honestly, I did really want to go to Dubai this weekend." She brightened and turned to Leon. "There's a candy store at the Dubai Mall that's out of this world. We wouldn't run into Gunther, would we? If he goes?"
Leon grinned at her. "It's a big city. I doubt it. Well? What do the rest of you think?"
In the end, everyone but Amirah agreed to go. Leon connected his laptop to the restaurant's Internet connection and while we finished eating he bought us all plane tickets, surprisingly cheap, then passed his computer around so we could send him email transfers of money in return. When the flights were booked he said, "So, hotel." He pulled me close again and looked into my eyes. "I hope this doesn't embarrass anyone, but we'll share a room, right?"
It did embarrass me, to have him as good as announce we were sleeping together, but from the moment we'd decided to go I'd expected to be staying with him so I nodded. I was just finishing up my period, so all that unpleasantness would be done by the time our plane took off. We hadn't had sex during it though he'd been willing, because I wasn't willing, but we had spent a lot of time kissing and we'd both been hungry for more. Maybe the sex would be better in another country.
The others paired off together to share rooms, Katherine with Tara the grade two teacher and Omar with Ahmed who taught grade three, and as Leon booked the rooms for us Katherine laughed and nudged me. "You go, girl. You're a secretive one. Until you guys kissed here I didn't know you were together."
"You mean she hasn't told you all the wonderful details?" Leon looked up from his computer, his lip quivering.
She grinned. "Not a one. Maybe that means you're not worth talking about."
"Maybe it means she doesn't want to make you jealous," he retorted. "Since you can't have me because she's got me."
We all laughed, but when I glanced at Omar his eyes were so sad that I stopped at once.
Chapter Twenty
After reaching Dubai without incident after work on Thursday, we spent our first evening hopping on and off a bus tour of the city which had literally been built on sand reclaimed from the sea. We stared in amazement at the incredible buildings packed so close together, particularly overwhelmed by the enormous height of the Burq Khalifa, the world's tallest building at over one hundred and sixty stories, nearly three hundred meters taller than the CN Tower. No matter how I tried, I couldn't get the whole thing in a photograph at once.
The guide suggested it wouldn't be the tallest for long, though, and I thought she might be right. Everywhere I looked another building was being altered, made taller or fancier or somehow better. Nothing was ever good enough as it was, in Dubai.
Somehow that made me feel at home.
Friday morning we all slept in, so glad not to have to be up at the crack of dawn like at school, then went off to spend the day at the unbelievably huge Dubai Mall. There, we had a leisurely brunch at a cafe overlooking a gorgeous fountain, savoring Lebanese food and a mint lemonade spiked with the alcohol we couldn't get in Kuwait. Though Dubai was nominally also Muslim they were too aware of their need to please tourists not to allow booze.
After the meal was finished, we found another thing Dubai permitted that Kuwait did not, as we began touring the mall and Katherine and I laughed until we could barely breathe at the sight of the 'Pork Shop' section at the back of the grocery store where non-Muslims could shop for all their pig-related needs.
Leon slipped his arm around me. "Taking home some bacon?"
"I'm not sure it'd survive the plane trip."
"Good point." He turned me to face him. "Better get all you want here, then."
I smiled, and he leaned in to kiss me. I'd seen other couples kissing as we ate brunch so I figured it was okay here as it wasn't in Kuwait, but I still didn't let it last too long since our coworkers were standing with us.
"So now what?" Katherine spun around in a circle, her arms outstretched, and I thought it was too bad she'd chosen to wear pants instead of one of her usual full skirts since the skirt would look so pretty flaring out around her. "Oh, I know, let's go skiing!"
I laughed, and she frowned. "You don't want to? I thought you would."
"I like skiing." I did, far better than volleyball or doubles tennis, since I lived and died by my own efforts and nobody was keeping score. "But it's hardly cold enough. Did you mean water skiing?"
She shook her head. "Snow. Trust me. Anyone else?"
"I'd rather go scuba diving in the aquarium," Leon said.
I took a step back, put my hands on my hips, and favored my coworkers with a firm glare. "Don't make stuff up, you guys."
"They're not." Omar smiled at me. "Come look at this map on my phone."
To my amazement the mall indeed contained not only an aquarium of over two million gallons in which people could indeed snorkel and scuba dive but also a full-sized skating rink, and the nearby Mall of the Emirates featured a ski hill. My student Mohammed who'd said he'd seen snow at the mall had been telling the truth.
"So, who's doing what?" Katherine grinned at me. "We're skiing, right?"
"Definitely." I couldn't pass up an opportunity to ski indoors.
Leon's forehead wrinkled. "You don't want to scuba dive? I figured you'd go with me."
Katherine wrapped her arm around my shoulders. "I claimed her already. Too bad."
The others were all going scuba diving and I didn't want to leave Katherine alone. Plus, I liked that she actually wanted to spend time with me. "I prefer my water frozen. I am Canadian, after all."
Leon shrugged, and Katherine and I hurried off to find a taxi and were soon at the Mall of the Emirates renting winter coats and ski equipment.
We took the ski lift to the top of the hill, chattering about how weird it was to look up and see a roof overhead instead of a wintry sky, then came cruising down the hill together. Luckily we were at about the same skill level, so it worked beautifully.
"It's like a playground for adults," Katherine said as we again rode the lift upward.
"I know, I've never seen a mall like it."
"I meant Dubai itself." She sighed. "I really thought I'd be playing here with Gunther."
I nodded, not sure what to say, and after a brief pause she said, "And you're playing with Leon, I see."
I shrugged. "I guess."
She shook her head, smiling. "I think I should be offended. There have been four female grade four teachers at the school this year and he's now been involved with three of them. I guess I'm not his type."
I hadn't realized he'd also been with Katy before she left. He couldn't be the reason both she and Helena had left, could he?
Katherine obviously misunderstood my silence because she said quickly, "But I'm okay with that. He's not my type either."
I turned to her, surprised. "You don't think he's good-looking?"
She shrugged. "Too pretty."
Thinking of how many times I'd thought of Kegan that way, I had to smile.
We left the lift and skied down the hill tog
ether, and as we slowed near the bottom she said, "You know, I'm actually glad it's you here and not Gunther."
Since she'd seemed sad about it before, I was confused but I said, "Happy to hear it."
She nodded. "I don't have to worry about acting any particular way with you. Gunther..." She sighed. "I'm always wrong."
I let this sit until we were again on the ski lift, then said, "You keep saying that. Can I ask what you do wrong?" I was probably doing it too, and if she told me maybe I could fix myself.
She shook her head. "It's everything, really, but I guess mostly about my clothes. He says he likes his women to look delicate and feminine, so I wear skirts all the time now. And pink and flowers."
I turned to her, startled. "I thought you liked that stuff. I haven't seen you wear anything else."
She shook her head. "Larissa, I love jewel tones not pastels, and I am a trousers girl to the core. But I haven't worn a pair other than today since the week after I got together with Gunther because he makes this face..." She flashed me a frown that seemed to combine sadness and disappointment and reminded me awfully of an expression I'd seen on someone else's face although I wasn't sure whose. "And then I feel bad so I change my clothes, so it's just easier to wear what he likes to start with."
"He doesn't see you at school, though."
"No, but I usually see him afterwards. When he's not busy with work, at least."
She lapsed into silence and I wondered if Gunther was really busy with work or if he was instead off with other women, and whether she was wondering the same thing.
When we reached the top of the hill and left the ski lift, she tugged me aside before we skied down, her eyes intense. "I'm always trying to be who he wants. Play the part. I can't just be me. It's nice to have a weekend where I can do that. Let the real me come out. You know?"
I nodded, but I didn't know. I'd moved to Kuwait precisely to replace the 'real me' with a new and improved version.
*****
After we'd all finished our athletic afternoon, we regrouped at the Dubai Mall for a mint lemonade and then hit the stores in earnest. None of us really needed anything, but that didn't stop us trying things on and commenting on each other's choices. I'd never had so much fun shopping, and I'd certainly never seen three guys enjoy it so much either. Maybe my dad had been wrong and shopping wasn't a purely feminine pursuit.
One shop we passed didn't interest the guys, or Katherine, but Tara and I stopped dead in unison.
"Manolo Blahnik," Tara breathed, like she was uttering a prayer. "I've never seen a store before."
It looked more like a museum, with a very few pairs of shoes displayed on pedestals with empty space around them so the gorgeous creations weren't crowded.
"Look at those," I murmured, pointing at a pair of pale pink heels with open toes. "And those." Silver, with what looked like real diamonds shimmering on the ankle straps. "Or those." Lower heels, something I might actually be able to wear without falling over, in a deep vibrant purple. The color glowed like it was alive, and my fingers tingled with desire to stroke the gorgeous suede. "Or any of them."
Tara sighed. "So amazing. Some day I'll be able to justify eight hundred bucks or whatever they cost for a pair of shoes. I'll just own one pair, and I'll kiss them goodnight every day."
I chuckled. "Tuck them into bed too?"
"They can have my bed. For shoes like these I'd sleep on the couch."
I nodded, half meaning it, and Leon laughed. "Larissa, you never cease to amaze me. Tara doesn't surprise me," he said as he gestured to her pretty pale purple top and darker skirt with still darker shoes, "and Helena didn't either, but you're not the girly clothes type. Why are you so obsessed with these shoes?"
Tara and I locked eyes and she said, "It's a girl thing, Leon. You'll never understand."
"Yes, well, I don't understand either," Katherine said, and I looked away from Tara as a rush of embarrassment and a weird shame hit me. I didn't want to be like Helena. He'd made it clear he hadn't liked her over-feminine nature, and that he liked me the way I was, so what was I doing?
"Attagirl, Katherine," Leon said. "Being a woman doesn't mean you have to be all frivolous."
We started walking again, and I ignored Tara's "Doesn't mean you can't be either" from behind me. It was okay for her, but I wasn't that type of girl.
I forgot that, though, at the next store which carried clothing for both men and women. Three steps into the place I saw a pink dress that reminded me of the gorgeous purple confection one of my last models had worn. This one was a little less elaborate, but its sleek top flowed into a cascade of multi-layered fabric and I longed to try it on and see how I felt wearing it.
I managed to resist during the twenty minutes we spent in the store, but as we were about to leave Tara elbowed me. "You're staring at that dress, aren't you?"
I tried to protest but she said, "You are. Try it on! No way it costs as much as the Manolos. I bet you can have it."
Something deep inside me quivered with a mute yearning at the thought, but I shook my head.
"Go for it," Katherine said, and Omar nodded and said, "I was thinking of trying on this sweater anyhow, so you'd just have to wait for me anyhow. Go ahead."
Leon and Ahmed were a little bit away examining a leather jacket, so they didn't weigh in, and I found myself reaching for the dress before Leon could come back and shoot me down. I did want to know what it felt like to wear something so pretty, even though I knew he'd hate it.
Omar and I went to our respective fitting rooms, and I slipped off my jeans and beige top and raised my arms to let the dress slither down my body.
The fabric settled around my legs, feeling like a gentle spring breeze against my skin, and I twisted slowly from side to side to make it swing and sway.
A thought was rising in me, but I did everything I could to ignore it as I played with the dress. When I turned to look at myself, though, and saw how sweet and delicate and feminine I looked, the thought broke through.
I feel like me.
I really did, try though I did to deny it. I felt right. I'd never worn anything so perfectly girly and I couldn't bring myself to take it off.
"Larissa? How's it going in there?"
I took a deep breath and stepped out of the fitting area to show myself to my coworkers.
Unfortunately, they weren't the only ones who saw me.
Katherine stood, looking awkward and upset, beside a tall blond man with piercing blue eyes and a cold expression which warmed instantly when he saw me.
Tara said, "It looks great," but the man spoke over her. Stepping toward me, he held out his hand. "I am Gunther. And you are gorgeous. That blonde hair and those blue eyes with the pink? Stunning."
I blushed so hard it hurt. "Thank you. It's nice to meet you. Katherine's told me--"
"Nicer to meet you," Gunther said, his eyes intense and hungry, as he moved closer, and Leon strode forward to get between us. "She's with me, pal."
Gunther blatantly ran his eyes over my body then returned them to my face. Without looking away, he said, "You are a lucky man."
"You'll be a dead one if you don't back off."
"Leon!" I gasped, shocked at how quickly things had escalated.
Gunther smiled. "It's all right, Larissa. I would fight for you too." He backed off then, returning to Katherine. I glanced at her, saw she was near tears, and turned away because I felt terrible.
"Why don't you wear such things?" Gunther said to her. "These trousers, you know I don't like them."
"She didn't expect to see you," Omar muttered behind me, and Katherine gave the same excuse before adding, "I'm sorry," in a voice that sounded like she was forcing the words out.
"Let's go look for something similar for you," Gunther said. His eyes returned to me. "Not the same, I suppose. You're not the same size at all, you two. Or the same look. But similar."
Katherine followed him away without a word, her shoulders slumped, and the rest of us
stood awkwardly for a moment before Tara said, her voice too bright, "It does look great on you, Larissa. I'm jealous. That skirt would be puddling on the ground if I wore it. If only I could grow a few inches."
Leon slipped his arm around me but it wasn't comforting because he almost seemed to be clutching me away from Gunther, who was still watching me though he was across the store with Katherine. "It's not her style," he said firmly. "It fits, sure, but Larissa's not the girly foofy type." His free hand grabbed a beige top that was nearly a twin of the one I'd been wearing. "This is her kind of thing. Right, Larissa?"
"Right," I said. My father's two most frequently expressed opinions when I wore pink had been "Pink is a four-letter word" and "Pink's nothing but a green light for the boys to take advantage of you" and seeing how Gunther had acted in front of both his girlfriend and my boyfriend proved Dad had been correct. Pink was indeed a four-letter word. Being too girly got you into trouble.
Tara sighed. "Well, I think you look pretty."
My throat tightened. I'd thought so too. "Thanks," I managed to whisper, then fled to the fitting room with the beige top.
I didn't bother trying it on. I knew I wouldn't buy it even if it fit me, because I didn't want to have anything to remind me of this mess. Instead, I turned my back to the mirror and pulled the dress off then put my own clothes back on. Jeans, beige top, simple black flats. Sleek and neutral. Me.
I went out and claimed the new top hadn't fit, although Leon clearly didn't care either way. He was busy fixing Gunther, who was still glancing over at me even though I'd returned to my old style, with cold looks that Gunther completely ignored. Leon had never seemed so possessive of me before, and I somehow both liked and hated it.
What I utterly hated, though, was poor Katherine's expression. She'd been trying so hard to dress and act and be how Gunther wanted, but she was built nothing like me and he'd made it clear how he felt about my body. Katherine had finally recognized what Gunther really wanted, and she also knew all too well that she could never be it.
Chapter Twenty-One
Toronto Collection Volume 3 (Toronto Series #10-13) Page 43