It was a perfect day in Peachberry Park, even if the paparazzi swarmed the event. Stanzy is stunning, there’s no denying that. But that day, she was wearing a white, fitted lace gown with cap sleeves. Her honey hair in a simple up-do with a long veil that blew behind her in the summer breeze. She took my breath away.
My dad was there, Joey, not Rowen. Rowen wasn’t invited. As far as I’m concerned, he doesn’t exist. Rollie will tell me once in a while that after Mama died he didn’t pay any bills. He always controlled the flow of money, but Mama was the one who paid all the bills. The house went in foreclosure and I guess he’s living in an apartment somewhere. Turns out besides the drinking he also had a gambling problem we didn’t know about. After purchasing the dealership with part of his inheritance, he gambled the rest away. He’s basically broke and about to lose his business due to his incurred debts. It’s like he controlled everything for so long that once Mama was gone, and we were free from him, he didn’t know what to do with himself anymore.
All my siblings came to the wedding which meant a lot. Rollie was my best man and a smile didn’t leave his face the entire day. I think he’s just happy we both survived our childhood. He’s living a good life in New York. He changed his major in college to finance and finally left Peachberry Park. He’s been working on Wall Street for five years now. He really enjoys it. He hasn’t settled down, but that’s not surprising. Rollie just does Rollie and doesn’t give two fucks.
Clay, Blake, Mac and Jax, along with some of my current teammates, Trey and Stef, also stood up with me. My football brothers. My brothers for life.
I look over and see Staley standing there, leaning on her boyfriend’s shoulder, smiling. Ironically, she started dating Finn McElmery, a friend of mine Cambria, after graduation. It was a total coincidence that they ran into each other while she was visiting Mary Lou in Boston. They went out for drinks, but Lou was called into the office because some shipment got screwed up, so Staley and Finn hung out the rest of the night. Staley moved to Boston a few months later, and the rest, as they say, is history.
My relationship with Staley has been rocky to say the least. She’s been my biggest cheerleader and my biggest antagonist, but I think that’s what makes her a good sister. She was Stanzy’s maid horror, sorry I meant honor, and threw a bachelorette party complete with an all-nude male striptease. I wasn’t pleased. She’s definitely mellowed considering she’s five months pregnant. She and Finn have no plans to marry, but they’re happy, so I’m happy.
“Baby!” Stanzy shouts again while I’m still gazing around the room and reminiscing. I still can’t believe this is my life.
Blake and Maisy are standing next to me making googly eyes at each other. Mac and KK are around here somewhere. Jaxon came with his new girlfriend, Taylor. Which is funny because if they get married she’ll be Taylor Taylor. Clayton is here, he had a great career at USC and is now coaching and teaching back in Georgia.
“No! Baby!” she shouts again and pulls on my arm. I look down at her swollen belly and it hits me.
“Oh shit! Baby!” I shout as snap out of my thoughts.
I look to Blake and he just smiles as he registers the fear in my eyes. He’s knows the struggle that Stanzy and I have had trying to have a child.
The dreaded and feared “m word” became a staple in our lives for several years. Miscarriage. It was one of those things you just never think about and it’s rarely discussed publically regardless of how common it is.
Stanzy got pregnant, accidentally, right after we got engaged. She took six pregnancy tests after she missed her period. A couple showed two little pinks lines, one blinked the word pregnant repeatedly, and four showed us a little plus sign.
We were so nervous, but then the excitement set in. The planning and announcements and nursery ideas. Avery and Cada were so excited to be grandparents and Staley insisted we name the baby after her. Staley and Blake argued over that for weeks. It was all coming together, our little family.
Then at her eighteen week appointment, the one where we were supposed to find out the gender of the baby, the sonographer couldn’t detect a heartbeat. Since we were so close to her second trimester they induced her and after thirty-six hours she delivered our daughter. We held a small funeral service for Emma Jacqueline Rhodes a week later. She is buried in a small cemetery near Bliss Lake. Stanzy and I have plots right next to her now. It was the most depressing time of my life.
After, we found out that although miscarriages are very common, Stanzy has a tilted uterus which may make it difficult to conceive and birth a child.
Nothing with our relationship has been easy, but that’s just us. We always manage to get through it, together. And Stanzy being Stanzy, she was determined to have a child of her own. Getting pregnant was never an issue, but keeping the child proved to be.
Stanzy had three more miscarriages in the first four years we were married. Each time riding the initial high of learning we were expecting, the cautious optimism, and the ultimate heartache of losing another child. The last three miscarriages happened very early in her pregnancy and occurred at home. Not that it makes losing a child any easier.
After the third loss, we decided to look into adoption. We had so much love, money and space to provide a child that it seemed like the best option.
But, as it always is with us, as soon as we begin researching the options, Stanzy became pregnant again.
This is the first pregnancy we’ve seen through to completion, and it was anything but easy for Stanzy. She’s been so sick the entire time. Sick to the point they put her on some medication to help her keep food down. There’s also some weird thing with the placenta and how it attached which caused her bleed a lot which I’m pretty sure isn’t normal. I don’t fully understand it all, but the doctors assured us that Stanzy will be fine.
She was scheduled for a c-section next Friday, but I guess our little man had other plans.
“Grab her hospital bag. Get in the car and go check in. Everything will be just fine,” Maisy tells me, calmly.
“It’s gonna be fine, man. You’re gonna be a dad.” Blake pats my shoulder. He’s got about million kids, so I’m sure he thinks I’m panicking for no good reason, but I’m not going to be able to settle down until my son is in my arms and my wife is resting after the delivery. We’ve been through too much, I’m not going to relax now.
“Go!” Staley shouts, snapping me into action. She looks nervous. I sprint passed Blake and up the stairs to grab Stanzy’s suitcase that we packed a few days ago knowing her due date was close.
Chapter 38: Stanzy
“Come on, baby, you got this,” Jess keeps repeating as I push and push repeatedly.
“I can’t. I’m sorry,” I breathe. I’m exhausted. My water broke during Jessup’s party and it’s been a frenzy ever since.
My doctor is monitoring me pretty intensely considering I was diagnosed with Placenta Previa during my second trimester, but I’m progressing so quickly he thinks maybe I can deliver naturally. The placenta was only partially covering my cervix, so there is a chance I can do this.
When Dr. Tolbert realized that the issue wouldn’t correct itself during my third trimester, he explained that I would need a c-section. I was fine with the plan because all I want is a healthy baby, but obviously that isn’t the case.
Sometimes I just wonder why things can’t go smoothly. But, this is us, for better or worse. He’s my everything and we will get through the darkness together like we always have.
“Stanzy, I know you can,” Dr. Tolbert urges. “He’s almost there and everything looks clear so far.”
Just as I’m digging deep to find some kind of strength to try to push again there’s a loud beeping noise and the room goes black.
“No! No!” is all I can hear when I wake up. Did I pass out from exhaustion?
I try to open my eyes, but everything is fuzzy. Panic is starting to set in.
“Jessup? What’s going on?” I ask in a panic.<
br />
“Doc, come on, bring her back!”
“What? Who?” I’m screaming now. Did something happen to our baby? Why is no one answering me? “Can’t you hear me?” I think I’m shouting again but no one seems to be able to hear me. I’m so scared and confused.
“So help me God, Doc, if she dies I will kill you! Oh my God, there’s so much blood.”
“Jessup, her placenta ruptured. We need to get her into the OR right now or we will lose her and your son.”
Oh my God, no. Please God, take me. Take me and not him. Not my baby. I’m pleading silently as I listen to Dr. Tolbert.
And just like that everything goes silent into the darkness.
Chapter 39: Rhodes
Being a hospital is bound to render anyone homicidal after a while. The food is bland, there’s nothing ever on TV and the bed they make out of a folding chair is hard as a rock.
It’s been two days, nineteen hours and forty-six minutes since Stanzy flat lined during delivery. But who’s counting?
Her placenta ruptured or a blood vessel ruptured, I don’t even fucking know, but she lost so much blood that she required two transfusions. Dr. Tolbert performed an emergency c-section to try to save our son’s life because at that point the doctors thought Stanzy was going to die regardless, but my girl is a fighter. She may be comatose, but I know she’s in there fighting for her boys.
I haven’t left her side except to walk a loop around the hospital to stretch or to use the bathroom. I even shower here.
The staff have been incredible but even they wear on me with how many times a day they need to come in to check her vitals.
Our family and friends are constantly checking in. Cada and Avery were here again this morning. They’ve been staying at house and driving back and forth. I leave for my morning walk while they sit with her just in case she wakes up.
“Here,” I say as I hand them each a coffee when I return.
“Thank you, Jessup,” Avery takes her cup and hands the other to Cada.
“Son, this isn’t your fault,” Cada says with a soft smile as obviously gauges my morose mood. He’s been trying to reassure me that getting Stanzy pregnant yet again, when we knew the consequences, isn’t my fault. But it is and I can’t shake the feeling that she’s in here because of me.
Staley comes every afternoon. I’m pretty sure it’s to make sure I haven’t completely lost my mind and every day makes it a point to reaffirm Cada’s words. “It’s not your fault.”
Finn returned to Boston, but I told her she could stay at our house too with her parents. I knew she wouldn’t leave Stanzy. I take the newspaper and a crossword puzzle she brings me each day along with some non-hospital grade dinner and more coffee, and set it on the bedside table. Taking my usual seat next to Stanzy’s bed.
Blake has been texting and calling a lot. He and Maisy had a miscarriage not long after their second son was born, but he’s never had to go through something like this. He’s been supportive, but he just doesn’t understand what it’s like. I know he’s been through some shit, but it seems he always comes out on top. His little perfect bubble never pops.
“How’s she doing today?” Staley asks as she pulls up a chair on the otherside.
“Same, but I think I maybe saw her finger twitch last night.”
“For real?”
“I don’t know,” I groan and rake my hands down my face. “Sometimes I think I want to see so badly maybe it didn’t even happen. I might just be seeing things.”
“I get it.” She nods. “I feel guilty about her,” she says with a nod toward her own belly. Finn and Staley are having a girl, they weren’t going to find out, but then with everything that happened to us they changed their minds.
“Don’t. You know she’d be happy for you and spoil the ever loving hell out of that little peanut.”
“If can’t feel guilty, then neither can you.” She gives me a stern look, but I know there’s a lot of love behind it.
Staley leans into Stanzy’s ear, “Hey buttface, I miss you. Your niece is kicking like crazy and she can’t wait to meet her crazy auntie so you better wake up soon.”
There’s a knock on the door and nurse peeks her head.
“Daddy, you ready for the feeding?”
Fuck yes I am! It’s the only thing that keeps me going throughout all of this.
“Of course, bring him in.”
The nurse wheels a clear plastic basinet into Stanzy’s room and inside is the most angelic little face staring up at me, big brown eyes blinking at me. For a split second our eyes connect and I have flash forwards of playing catch in the yard, teaching him to fish and ride a bike, and playing fetch with a golden retriever.
Just then my son belts out the loudest cry to let me know I’m taking too long.
“Okay, Little Man, calm down. You sound like your mama,” I say with a laugh because if I don’t laugh I’m going to cry. “Your mama is going to be so upset when she wakes up and you’re so big.”
After he crushes his bottle, I change his diaper and swaddle him in a hospital blanket. Our overnight bag had one outfit packed in it and that was for when we got to take our son home. That was supposed to be a day after we arrived, not almost three days later.
Staley walks over and holds out her arms, “Come here, Little Man.” She snuggles him up close to her chest while resting him on her growing belly. He’s sound asleep in a split second.
We’ve been calling him Little Man because I can’t bring myself to name him without Stanzy. We’ve a got list and it’s narrowed down, but this is something she needs to be a part of.
“Hey baby, our little man is doing so great. I know he’d love to meet you. Come back to us, baby. I miss you so fucking much it hurts.” I kiss her forehead and head out for a quick walk before Staley leaves.
Chapter 40: Stanzy
This is the most frustrating experience of my life. I don’t understand how I can hear everyone, but I can’t open my eyes or speak.
I know I’m not dead, I can feel each day when Jessup kiss my forehead before he heads off for his daily walk. I can process his routine. I can hear him describe our son to me. I can hear him cry. I want to scream, but I can’t.
I can feel tubes everywhere, including down my throat and I feel groggy. Heavy.
“Mr. Rhodes?” a strange voice infiltrates my ears. I’ve never heard his voice before.
“Yes, that’s me.”
“I’m Dr. Christenson. We need to discuss the options for your wife, sir. I know this can be hard, but please try to hear me out before you say anything.”
“Get out!” Jessup shouts and I feel my body jump.
Wait, I moved. I know I did.
“Sir, I have good news. Just hear me out.”
Jessup has been on edge lately. Snapping at doctors and nurses every time they come into my room. He’s frustrated they can’t wake me up. I’m frustrated too. I’m trapped in my body. Mentally aware, physically unable. It’s awful.
“Fine. Speak.”
“Jessup, your wife is showing signs of waking up. Brain activity is increasing. Muscle response to stimuli is improving. I think it’s time we consider removing her life support.”
Life support? I’m not breathing on my own? I’m in here.
I focus all my effort and try to make my body move again. I start with my finger.
“Jess!” I hear my sister’s voice.
“Not now, Stay. Just hold onto Little Man.”
“No, Jess look!” she shouts louder. “I think she moved again.”
I can feel Jessup’s weight shift the bed underneath me. He’s sitting next to me.
Open your fucking eyes, Stanzy. I will myself. But I can’t.
Fine, I’ll settle for my finger again.
“Oh my God! Baby, you’re in there.”
I nod, well I try to. Get me off these machines. I mentally send vibes to Jessup and Staley.
“Take her off the machines and drugs, Jess. She’s in t
here. I know it.” Yes! Twin vibes for the win!
“Do it,” Jessup commands.
“Nurses will be in shortly to begin the process,” Dr. Christenson confirms.
Chapter 41: Rhodes
Once all the tubes and shit were removed, she’s moved more and more. Her fingers - all ten - her toes, her foot, her arm. I swear she squeezed her eyes shut tight once too. I know my baby is in there.
“It’s time, baby. Come home to me. I love so much. I’ll never be complete without you,” I whisper in her ear as Dr. Christenson and his team are checking her vitals again.
“Everything looks good, we’re just waiting until she’s ready. The hardest part is over, she’s breathing on her own. She’s a fighter,” Dr. Christenson says.
After he leaves Staley, Cada, Avery, and I sit and wait. And wait. And wait.
Little Man comes in for his regular feedings and I snuggle him into Stanzy’s side for a few minutes each day.
“Okay, buddy, let’s go say hi to Mama,” I say and I walk over to her bedside.
Placing our little man next to her, in the crook of her arm, he snuggles right in. Then a miracle happens.
“Oh, Cada!” Avery whisper-shouts and covers her mouth.
I look up and there are the most beautiful pair of hazel eyes with flecks of green and gold staring back at me.
I immediately begin to cry and collapse on top of Stanzy’s chest.
“I knew you wouldn’t leave me. I love you so much, baby.” The tears flow, not just from me, but from everyone in the room.
Stanzy smiles slightly and blinks at me. “Wah,” she croaks.
“Water!” Staley jumps up from her seat and rushes to the nurses’ station.
“Suh” she tries to speak, but her voice is so raspy it sounds painful. I suppose having tubes jammed down your throat for multiple days will do that.
“Just wait, baby. We’ll get you a drink. I love you so much.” I kiss her again. Holy fuck she’s back! Thank you, God!
Completion (Cambria University Series Book 3) Page 32