I'm just about to ask him what he means by the term 'rock bottom' when he sighs heavily and shifts his gaze back out to the lake. I get the impression that he needs a moment, and I watch as his chest rises and falls with a heavy inhalation as he works on calming himself down. I've been wrong to assume that things have been easy for him. Unfortunately, we aren't done with the tough stuff yet. There is obviously more to his story. I'm not sure how much more he'll share with me and I need him to understand what I've been through as well. There can be no moving forward until we each stand on even ground as far as understanding the depth of what we've each lost. And even then, who knows if that will be enough?
“So, where's your dad's boat?” Chase asks as he looks out at Griff's dock where Dad had always kept his boat for the summer. My muscles go rigid as he turns back around to look at me. I press my lips together and can't possibly stop the tears that spring immediately from to eyes. He furrows his brow and tilts his head to the side trying to understand my reaction.
Oh God, he doesn't know! I had just assumed that his parents had heard from somewhere or were still in touch with someone in Wake Forest at the time of the accident. It had never occurred to me that Chase still didn't know about my dad. I know that he loved my dad. My hesitation to answer his question and the fact that tears are now pouring down my cheeks must have giving him a clue though, because his blue eyes darken to a steely grey and he starts shaking his head as if he can somehow change the past.
“I can tell it's bad; what is it? What happened?” he demands.
Ugh, he was going to make me say it. “My dad is dead,” I whispered.
“No . . .no, no, no. . .NO!” he gasps, still shaking his head as the painful realization dawns on him.
This kind of pain, the pain that I can see in his eyes and on his face right now, I can understand all to well. I reach my hand out and take his big hand in mine. “He fell asleep at the wheel one night driving home from a meeting at work,” I say softly and sniffle. “He didn't suffer. It was just a freak tragic accident.”
Chase continues to shake his head in denial. I remember that as well. When Mom told me what happened, I yelled at her and told her she was wrong. I'd just seen Dad earlier that afternoon and he was fine. I remember believing that they were wrong, that he couldn't be dead.
“When?” Chase's voice cracks as tears pool in his once-sparkling blue eyes. God, it was like living through those first few moments learning about my dad all over again. I wipe my own tears away with the back of my hand.
“A little over a year after you left,” I whisper the words. I'd never realized before how I had measured time based on when Chase Atwood had left Wake Forest. Is that normal? Is anything I do these days normal?
Using the hand I'm not holding, Chase leans forward on his arm and covers his face. I'm not sure if he is embarrassed about crying in front of me, but if anything, it just softens my feelings toward him. He loved my dad too, and he is grieving for both the loss of my dad, as well as for the last couple of years of not even knowing. The last time I saw Chase cry was the day he told me he was leaving. It's like I'm being transported right back there and my heart is breaking all over again.
“I'm so sorry, Haylee,” he says as he lifts his face and looks up at me again.
I nod my understanding, and I can't stop my hands from reaching up and wiping the tears from his cheeks with my thumbs.
“I had no idea or. . . or I would have been here for the service. . . for you.”
I had wondered back then if he would come back. With all that was going on at the time I never stopped to think that maybe he didn't know. It doesn't matter now though. It is in the past, and like Griff always reminds me, we have to keep moving forward.
“And Brynn. . . ?”
I chuckle at that and shake my head. “You wouldn't even know her anymore. She's a completely different person.”
I startle then at the sound of car doors slamming near by. We both wipe our faces again and look over toward the driveway. Great. . . so much for talking this through and getting answers. Griff comes out the side door just as the two guys who arrived are walking up. Griff greets them with their typical guy high fives and man hugs and my heart sinks with the realization that we are done talking for now. It's party time.
“Fuck me! Chase? Is that you, man?” Max Leonard asks as he puts down the case of beer he's carrying and walks over to Chase and the two of them bump fists. Parker Allen stands back a little farther, holding a case of beer as well, and glancing between me and Chase. He finally puts the beer down and joins in greeting Chase. Max and Parker went to school with Griff and Chase, and come over here frequently to hang out and board with us. Max has his own boat down the lake a little ways. His dad gave it to him as a graduation gift. Must be nice.
The testosterone in the air is suffocating me, so I slide past them as they hoot and holler and ask Chase what the hell he is doing back here. That is the question of the hour. Don't get me wrong, I love hanging out with the guys, but sometimes, in moments like this, I don't totally understand them. To them, it is as if Chase never left. It seems far too easy compared to the mess of emotions swirling around inside me. I start loading the boat up with life vests and equipment since I know that's what Max and Parker are here for.
“You okay?” Griff's voice startles me from where I stand in the boat, organizing whatever I can to keep busy. I look up at him and realize the other three guys are still up on the patio, so we can talk freely.
“I'm okay,” I smile more for his benefit than my own. “You were right. I need to talk to him but we are a long way from finished . . .”
“Sorry 'bout those guys. I didn't know they were coming 'til they hit the driveway,” Griff explains and I understand. Things are extremely relaxed around here. You come and go and you hang out with whoever happens to have enough money for boat fuel and beer on any given day. I love that about the town and where we live here on the lake. Hopefully, I'd get a chance to talk to Chase again later . . .
“How long's he staying?” I ask Griff suddenly, as he grabs an extra board from the overhead rack in the boathouse. I know he'd know I meant Chase. We have a lot more to talk about, and I realize I have no idea how long he is here for. I actually find that an ache is developing in my belly as the thought dawns on me that he could be gone again tomorrow. I feel like I'm at war with myself. Part of me feels like I should want him to go. He's here stirring up all these feelings that I had at least kind of had a lid on, more so than today. And part of me realizes I'll be devastated all over again if . . .when he leaves . . . I have to remember that he doesn't live in Wake Forest anymore, and will have to go back to where he came from.
Griff shrugs and glances back up at his returned friend. “I'm not sure he knows just yet.” Griff must have noticed the panicked expression I'm wearing as the realization takes hold of me. “Listen, Haylee, you need to take this one day at time just like he is. Don't freak out on me until you have a good reason to.”
I have the sudden urge to bolt just like I had this morning when I'd first seen Chase standing there in my yard. These feelings are so strong and powerful, and I've worked for so long to keep them contained. I imagine a box in my mind where I put all the emotions that I don't know how to deal with, and I keep it tightly sealed. It's something my counselor taught me. Well, I'd been weak and had opened it just a crack now and then, but with Chase back in Wake Forest the lid to that box had been blasted off and splintered into a million pieces. All those emotions are roiling inside me and my first instinct is to run away from them.
“I'm here for you, Haylee,” Griff tells me as he pulls me into his arms. Sam is chuffing softly at us from where he sits at Griff's feet. Griff must have been able to see that I was on the verge of crumbling. “We'll get through this together.”
Chapter 6 - Chase
Damn! Max and Parker are great guys and all but Haylee and I were finally talking! I'm seething inside right now while I play catch up with these
dudes. I can't focus on what they're asking me, as I look around 'cause Haylee has disappeared and I'm freaked out that she's run off again. I finally spot her down at the boathouse with Griff. At least she didn't bolt and she's still where I can see her. I keep glancing that way as Max and Parker talk my damn ear off. I see Griff hugging her and I wonder what that's all about. All I can think is that that should be me down there with my arms around her. I know she and Griff are just friends, but it's eating me up to know that she used to turn to me and now it's Griff she goes to. I lost that right and I want it back. I just don't know how to get there.
Max and Parker inform me that they're here to go out boarding, like I hadn't figured that out already with them wearing their board shorts, and they want me to go with them. I agree but little do they know it has nothing to do with them and everything to do with Haylee. She's been down there getting the boat ready and I know darn well she won't pass up an opportunity to hit the water. If I'm being completely honest with myself, I cannot wait to see her in her little bikini. She was always a quick learner when it came to skiing and boarding, so I wonder how much she's improved over the last four years. This is going to be really interesting.
I run inside and change into my board shorts and a t-shirt in record time and get down to the boathouse just as Max and Parker are loading the cooler with the beer they brought. There hadn't been alcohol involved when we did this back when I was sixteen, so this is new. Griff and Haylee untie the boat while Max pulls it away from the dock. Must be he's the DD today. I sit down in back with Griff and the Shepherd, Sam, who's made himself right at home at Griff's feet only because the front is pretty full already with Haylee and Parker. I don't like the arrangement, but it isn't my place to say anything. . . yet. I need to be on my very best behavior for now. Griff hands everyone but Max a beer as we speed out into the middle of the lake. The sights and smells assaulting my senses from around the lake have me feeling sixteen again and I keep glancing up at Haylee. She has her back to me, leaning against the back of the seat, her long hair whipping around behind her and along the windshield.
“Why didn't you tell me about Mr. Weston?” I call over to Griff. I still can't believe he is gone. The guy had been more of a father to me than my own had. He taught us all how to ski and board and encouraged us later on when we were ready to start attempting the tricks. He spent so much time driving us around this lake I swear I can still feel his presence here. He taught me and Griff how to fix just about anything, boats and cars included. I felt sick in my gut as I thought about Haylee dealing with that. She and her dad had been real close. I could just imagine how much his death had affected her. To top it off, I was gone and didn't return for her, and Brynn was apparently a bitch now. No wonder she and Griff seemed closer than ever. He and her mom were all Haylee had left.
“I just assumed you knew, man,” Griff calls back over. It's things like this that really make me feel disconnected from the important things in my life. Glancing up at Haylee again, I notice that Parker is looking over at her. I don't know much about Parker Allen anymore, but I know he isn't good enough for Haylee. I remember him from school, and he'd been kind of a punk back then, but obviously they were all buddy-buddy now.
Max cuts the engine and Haylee finally spins back around. Her eyes find mine right away and I can't help but smile. She glances away quickly like we are in grade school and she'd gotten caught checking me out. At least I hope it had to do with those kinds of feelings, rather than resentment or anger.
“King of Wake going first?” Max asks, turning to look at me.
I shake my head. “No, man, you guys go first. I'm on vacation,” I tell them. I don't want to be the center of attention, except for when it comes to Haylee. Anyway, I don't know if you would call what I am doing here vacation, but since I haven't really planned this or figured out exactly what I'm doing yet, it sounds good to me.
“How 'bout you, Haylee? Ladies first?” Max turns to the front.
She shakes her head though. “Griff's first today.” She is digging for another beer already as Griff stands to slide his life vest on.
“That's cool. I'll set the pace for today,” Griff smirks as he sets his half empty beer down in the cupholder and does a back flip off the back of the boat. The Shepherd perks right up at the sound of water splashing and is peering over the edge of the boat to make sure his master is okay. Max slides Griff's board out to him. I can't help but notice they have some pretty nice equipment. Nicer than when we were kids, and that's good.
I watch Griff out there tearing it up and I can't help but smile. He is still amazing, not that I'm surprised. After he's been out there for a while he finally tries to do a back-to-back flip across the wake and goes down hard. Max swings the boat around and Griff is laughing at himself when we get back over to him. I catch myself looking back up at Haylee, and I have to clench my teeth together to keep from saying something I'd probably regret. What the fuck? Parker is sitting beside her with his arm slung over her shoulders. Griff told me that she isn't seeing anyone, so why does this guy have his hands all over her?
Griff climbs back in the boat, shaking cold lake water all over everyone with his dramatic entrance. Some things never change.
I watch as Haylee stands up, and I see her sort of shove Parker's arm off of her and that makes me smile. She catches me watching again though. I guess I should at least try to be more discreet, but honestly, I want her to know that I am interested in her. My reasons for coming back here are slowly pulling into focus. Haylee hands her half empty beer bottle to Max who stashes it in a cupholder for her. She then pulls her tank top over her head, and I'm pretty sure my mouth falls open like a cartoon character's.
She is simply doing what I'm sure she does on pretty much a daily basis, but I am mesmerized. She's wearing this royal blue halter-top bikini that brings out her blue-grey eyes, and she has curves that I know for a fact were not there four years ago. Her skin is bronzed from the sun and looks so soft and smooth that I want to reach out right now and touch her. I fist my hands at my sides instead as she flips her long hair back away from her face and pulls her purple life vest over her head hiding those curves I'd already become addicted to. She seems to be purposefully avoiding looking at me now, and that is probably a good thing 'cause she might have been scared by the lust-filled, possessive look in my eyes.
I break my gaze away briefly and find that Parker's eyes are glued to Haylee's backside. It's taking a hell of a lot of control for me not to rush up there and knock him the fuck out. I down the last of my beer in frustration. At least she is wearing board shorts over her bikini bottom. Especially when she leans over the edge of the boat to drop her board into the water. The way she looks and the way she moves had not been a concern of mine four years ago, but it sure as hell is now. She's in a boat full of guys, two of which I know for a fact are ogling her, me being one of the guilty parties, of course.
“Shred it, Haylee!” Max calls out as she dives off the back of the boat and slips into the water like a beautiful swan. I take a breath that I hadn't realized I'd been holding and look over at Griff who is propped up backward against the passenger bucket seat, the dog sprawled at his feet once again. He raises an eyebrow and smirks at me. I know what he's thinking. He saw me watching Haylee and probably knows I am going all caveman inside. I shake my head slowly from side to side. I'm not about to deny it to Griff. He'd see right through me anyway.
I stand up to grab another beer while Haylee is getting her board on and I catch Griff still quietly chuckling and shaking his head at me. I give him a 'what can I say' look with a shrug and flop down in the back seat again. I turn my full attention to Haylee as Max revs the engine, and her narrow frame pops right up out of the water like she weighs nothing at all. I probably have drool spilling out of my mouth as she reaches behind her and adjusts her tiny shorts before settling her hands back on the tow rope. This is worse than watching porn, and at least for now, she's still just my friend. What kind of sicko do
es that make me? Sicko or not, I want this girl as more than just a friend, and I have years of absence to make up to her.
I continue watching in utter fascination as she criss-crosses back and forth across the wake, using it as a ramp and pulling off trick after flip after trick. Her whole body is coiled in long, graceful muscles, and the way they work for her is stunning to say the least. She'd always been good. Hands down better than any other girls, heck even most of the guys, who boarded with us, but I can tell that she's been working at it a lot over the last couple of years. There is a rush of pride spreading through my core. Not that I had anything to do with helping her these last few years, but once upon a time I had. We'd spent summer after summer doing this together because we loved it. I need this. I need to be here.
I could have easily watched Haylee out there boarding all day but eventually she must have gotten tired and catches an edge on her board during a simple board spin. Max swings the boat back around, and since I was closest, I flip the ladder down for her and reach out to grab her board once we are close enough. I hand her board to Griff to hang up on the side and when I turn back around, Haylee is standing right beside me breathing heavily and dripping wet. Damn if I'm not having one hell of a time controlling myself. Hopefully, no one will take notice of the fact that my dick has sprung to attention. Quickly, I grab a towel from the bench seat and hand it to her. She looks up and catches my eyes for a second, then slowly takes the towel and utters a soft “Thanks.” She sinks down onto the seat in the back and wrings her hair out a little with the towel.
“Atwood?” Max calls out, asking if I am ready to go next.
“Not just yet,” I reply and sit back where I had been before. I don't know if she is too tired to walk back up to the front of the boat or what, but since Haylee sat down back here with me, I'm not ready to jump out of the boat yet. Parker jumps in instead, but only after running his hand down Haylee's arm to tell her she had a great run. I literally get goosebumps as I watch the exchange. Haylee seems fairly indifferent to it though, as she reaches down to stroke the Shepherd's fur who is now curled up right at her feet. That is a smart animal.
Second Chances Page 5