I wait, eyebrow raised.
“Fine.” She huffs. “I couldn’t risk the truth getting out. It was what needed to happen in order to let my secret die.”
Her secret was me. She wanted the memory of me to die. She needed her husband to never know I existed. That’s what she’s saying.
“I cried for weeks after I was put into Golden Heights. I asked for you every day for months. I couldn’t understand why I was there.” At six, I didn’t comprehend any of it. I couldn’t fathom why I wasn’t with my mom anymore or how I had ended up where I was. “I want to hear you say it. I want you to tell me to my face that he was more important.”
“Life isn’t that simple, Noah. You can’t just label things away in tiny little boxes and say this is the reason for that and this. You’ll understand that as you grow up. It wasn’t all about importance. It was about what was best for everyone. I could never have been my best for you if I had to lose him. You needed more, and I couldn’t live without him.”
I squeeze Brazen’s hand in mine to keep from screaming at her. She can’t be serious. How many times had she fed herself that same line before she started to believe it? She couldn’t live without him? Grown-up or not, what she’s saying will never make any sense to me, but it’s clear that she completely stands by her reasoning, even after her husband left her.
“You’ll have to learn how to live without him now, won’t you?” The snide remark feels good, and I allow myself not to feel bad about my verbal retaliation just this once.
“Are you done, Noah? Is that it? This is history I don’t want to rehash, and it’s hardly proper table etiquette. Can we put this to bed?”
“Yeah, I’m done.” So done. I don’t need to hear anything else from her.
“And you are really not going to allow me to stay with you?”
“No, I’m sorry. My mind is set on that.”
“It’s because of him.” She sneers at Brazen. “You’d never be so selfish as to do this to me.”
“And how would you know the first thing about me? Remember, you tossed me away. You claim you were thinking about me that day, but do you know what? I don’t believe you. I think you were only thinking about yourself. So, now, it’s my turn to put myself first.”
“I was in love. What would you give up for the guy sitting next to you, huh? My decision back then wasn’t over some silly boy. I did what was best for my future, and it doesn’t look like things turned out so bad for you. So, maybe consider how things could have been different for you had I not made the choice I did. There are a lot worse things, Noah.”
All I hear is that she didn’t love me. That she chose a man over her daughter. That she’s still selfish.
She throws down her napkin, and this time, neither Brazen nor I try to stop her from leaving.
I know I won’t hear from her again, and I’m okay with it. I’m good. I found my forgiveness and closure the other night by the fire. No matter what she does from this day forward, she can’t take that away from me. Plus, I also have my silly boy to fall back on, and that’s the greatest thing that has ever happened to me. My mother chose a man over me without him even asking her to do it, but Brazen would never make decisions like that for me. He proved that the second he handed me the napkin with her number on it.
Brazen
“Will you put some of those down? It wouldn’t kill us to make a second trip.” I can’t help but be amused while Noah struggles to carry eight grocery bags too many inside the house.
Her frame leans forward as the heavy load weighs her down. Once we hit the tiles of the kitchen floor, she drops her haul, and frozen dinners spill out of the bags. Good thing she wasn’t carrying the eggs.
“Why make two trips when we could easily do it in one? It’s hot outside.” Noah scans the food selection near her feet.
“Easily? Right, yeah. You probably strained a muscle in your back, trying to lift your weight in the canned foods alone.” I drop my own bags on the counter and give her ass a pat.
Instead of returning an affectionate gesture, she crinkles her nose at me like a toddler. I wipe the sweat from my forehead and stand still, waiting for the air-conditioning inside to cool me down. She is right though. It is damn warm out there.
My phone buzzes in my pocket, alerting me that I have a new text.
Dan: Turn on TBQ6 News.
That’s all it says. We’ve had our fair share of drama and surprises lately, so I don’t ask questions. I hold my phone out for Noah, and her eyes fill with curiosity. Leaving the groceries on the floor and the counter, we move through the house and into the living room and turn on the television.
Scandal.
That’s the word all over the screen under Matt’s mug shot.
Money laundering.
Tax fraud.
Bribes.
Stephanie is even joining the bad publicity smear campaign and speaking out against him, telling a horrifying story of abuse. Until now, she stuck by his side, and I don’t have to ask to know that she turned on him the minute his money was gone. I have no doubt Matt put her through a lot, but I’d bet she’s making a big paycheck for interviews.
When a clip of a one-on-one sit-down with Harper Candace, a well-known Florida talk show host, teases the screen, Stephanie mentions Sunday, and I flinch. Stephanie was right there, at Matt’s side, making Sunday’s life hell, and now, she’s sitting on a white couch in a television studio, connecting her story with my friend’s. Then, the preview disappears, and things are thrown back to the news desk.
Minutes in, and I’m already disgusted.
“With the new allegations he’s facing, Matt Norman has possibly added on a minimum of twenty-five years in prison to his already pending murder charges.”
With that information, I turn the television off. The more years they give him, the better. He deserves to rot in a cell for ten lifetimes, and that punishment still wouldn’t be enough.
My phone chimes again, and I pull it from my pocket.
Dan: I’m sorry I couldn’t land the paper trail sooner, but once I did, I couldn’t sit on the information I had. It’s a small consolation, but at least his dirty laundry has been aired before the trial. People will know what kind of man he is.
None of this is Dan’s fault, but in the back of my mind, the news breaking does feel a little too late. All of this could have helped Sunday out from under his thumb before he took her from us. I can’t seem to breathe in anything but regret right now. Getting off my feet before I lose my balance, I sink down onto the couch.
“Is this what Sunday was so worried about you working on when we first met?” Noah sits next to me with her legs over my lap.
Mindlessly, my fingers skim over her bare legs. “Yeah, she was worried about what Matt would do if he found out I was having him investigated. Turns out, he didn’t need to know for him to lose it.”
I’m curious to know if Matt knew Sunday was leaving and how he found out. Unfortunately, he’s said very little since he was arrested, so we probably won’t ever know.
“He’s going to go away for a very long time.” She sounds so sure the justice system will finally work against him this time.
I’ve seen him con his way out of a lot, but I think she’s right. Matt won’t be able to escape incarceration. There is way too much evidence against him, and I’m sure, once the FBI starts digging, they will find more. I’ve been told they even found Sunday’s blood in his vehicle.
“Sunday is still gone. No matter what happens to him, it can’t bring her back.”
“No, it won’t, and I’m so sorry about that, baby.”
I know she’s sorry. I am, too.
“The groceries are going to spoil if we leave them out much longer.” I don’t know what else to say. It’s stupid, but my concern about the food scattered all over the kitchen is what came out. Putting away the groceries is much easier to rationalize than anything involving Matt Norman.
“I’ll take care of it.” Noah leans in
and kisses me.
I close my eyes, keeping them shut long after her contact leaves me. I lean my head back and attempt to ease the throbbing ache piercing my skull by thinking about happier times.
Sunday and I learned to ride bikes together on the grass of my front lawn. We snuck out as young kids through our bedroom windows to meet up late at night and toilet-paper houses. As teenagers, we went on double dates together and skipped school to hang out in the local movie theater. We grew up and built a business together. Our lives were completely interconnected since I could remember.
I used to roll my eyes when she would say things like, “Best friends forever!” and doodle the acronym during her younger years.
Now, I’d give anything to hear her say it again.
I allow myself to ignore the text from my mom, only today, and sit and stew over Matt’s actions. I let my heart bleed out while I think about what Sunday went through in her last few minutes here on Earth. In my head, I throw one hell of a giant pity party, and then I decide that, when the sun goes down, I will let it go. I can’t allow Matt to ruin two lives, maybe even more, by my own self-sabotage. It’s time for me to find my own closure, like Noah did with Catherine.
Why?
Because I’m here and Sunday isn’t.
She’d kick me in the balls if she could see me now.
I have that girl in the kitchen, the one who would do anything to make things better for me, and if I didn’t live out my life to the fullest with Noah, Sunday would kill me.
I can make the choice not to let this drag me down, but I’ll always miss my friend.
Tomorrow, I’m going to live my life for me, for Noah, and for Sunday.
Noah
“How have you been?” I ask Benson.
Life has been busy. Isn’t it always? It’s been a while since I’ve seen him, but it feels good to be sitting across from him tonight. Madison had to work, but we’re meeting up with her after this.
“I’ve started seeing that therapist I told you about, and that really has made things interesting. It was tough at first, but it’s getting easier.”
Benson seems a bit uncomfortable in the public restaurant as we’re catching up over lunch. He often looks over his shoulder and washes things down with wipes. I ignore the behavior because I know pointing it out only makes his reactions escalate.
“What about you? How has the real estate thing been going?”
“I’m racking up my hours pretty quickly, and I feel good about the material. The test is in a few weeks. I’m fairly confident I’ll do okay because I’ve already aced a few practice exams. I’m enjoying it though. I think I’ll be really happy as an agent.”
“Happy as an agent or to be by your man’s side?” He snickers and then fills his mouth with food.
I kick him under the table but only lightly. “Shut up, Benny. This might have been Brazen’s idea, and, yeah, I’m joining him at Brazen Sun, but I actually think this career is perfect for me. I’d be fulfilled doing it, even without Brazen in the picture.”
“I’m just giving you a hard time, Noah. I’m glad you’ve found your way.” He reaches across the table and pats my hand.
Benson has really come a long way in his comfort level with me.
“That’s more like it. Thanks!”
We stuff ourselves full and talk until long after our plates are gone. After the fifth dirty look from our waiter for hogging his table, we decide to go find Madison.
On the morning when I first arrived at the home I shared with them and Benson was scared of me and Madison was only a stranger, I wasn’t sure if I would make fond memories there, but I did because of them.
When we get back to my old place, Madison is sitting on the front porch swing, reading a book, and she smiles up at us as we approach.
“Well, will you look at who it is? I see you’ve come crawling back to claim your old room. Fed up with Brazen already?” Madison drops the book to her lap as she teases me.
“Brazen, I’m never giving up. I’ve missed you. That’s why I’m here,” I correct her. I really do miss not seeing Benson and Madison all the time.
“I hate to bring it up, but how’s Brazen doing since the news about Matt?”
Madison would probably do it without being asked, but it wouldn’t surprise me if Sunday had asked her to look out for Brazen, too.
Benson and I sit beside Madison on the swing, and I sigh when I think about what a big story Matt’s illegal activity has become.
“He’s been surprisingly okay. We make an effort to keep the news updates out of our home, and he takes everything day by day. It’s tough, but I can’t believe how positive he’s been.”
Things were hard for Brazen, and I never held any of his reactions against him, but his attitude has seemingly done a one-eighty since that day we saw the scandal drop.
“Despite everything, I’m proud of you and thrilled for you. You’ve really done a lot in a short amount of time. Grown, learned, and found really good people to have in your life.” If I’m not mistaken, there might be emotion clogging Madison’s throat while she speaks to me, and the sentiment gets the better of me, too.
“Thanks, Madison.” The two words are about all I can manage after her high praise.
“Remember that time Madison tripped over her own feet and wiped out on the kitchen floor, carrying a bowl of unhardened Jell-O?” Benson lightens the mood with a memory we can laugh at.
Madison groans while lightly smacking her face with her palm.
“We were cleaning up the red stains for two weeks. How could I forget?” I nudge her leg in jest, and the three of us laugh together at her expense.
We spend the afternoon on the porch laughing and joking. Benson entertains us with his ever-present quirks, and Madison brightens the get-together with her smile.
Florida was one of a few places I considered flying off to, and this house was one of a dozen living situations that I looked into. Somehow, I’ve ended up exactly where I belong with people who get me.
I’ve learned how to live my life boldly, and I’ll never lose that.
Brazen picks me up when the night starts to cool the air.
After saying good-bye to my friends, I run to his car and into his arms.
Who knew you could miss someone after only spending eight hours apart?
Brazen
The outdoors.
Fresh air.
Noah.
And dolls.
“Why on earth did you want to come here?” I don’t scare easily, but this might be the creepiest nature walk I’ve ever been on.
Noah has planned our route though, so, here we are. As I’m walking, I practically run right into the most lifelike mouth smiling down at me. It takes everything in me not to turn the face away from me or tear it down.
“I think it has character.” Noah crouches down to check out a bodiless doll wearing a lampshade on its head.
In all the places in Georgia, we are at Doll’s Head Trail. It’s not exactly the romantic getaway I imagined when proposing the idea of a road trip, but I could be anywhere with Noah and be fucking ecstatic about it.
“Do you think the dolls come alive at night and have an evil little shindig?” Her eyebrows dance on her forehead as she throws out a suggestion about things I don’t want to think about.
“Don’t even joke. I never knew I was panicky about dolls until now. Can you imagine if we were camping here tonight?”
We have plans to do some camping on this trip but definitely not here.
“No, it might have been my idea to come, but even I don’t want to be here after dark.” Noah leaves the art piece she was looking at and steps over the dusty trail to me. Her arms encircle my neck. “It doesn’t matter where we are.”
“Cheeseball,” I tease.
She presses her body against mine, and we kiss in the middle of the nature preserve among our friends—the dolls. My hand goes under the strap of her tank top and rests on her warm shoulder. She hum
s against my tongue while her lips move with mine. She’s right though. Only the two of us could enjoy a kiss like this, no matter where we were.
“What do you want to do the rest of the day?”
“I want to go back to our hotel room.” Her lips slide down my chin and land on my throat as her hands tug on the bottom of my shirt, indicating her mind is set on something naughty.
“Oh, really?” I give her an arched brow. “We’re on a road trip, and you want to spend the day in the hotel room? Didn’t you get enough of me this morning?”
It’s only been a few hours since we left the hotel room, and Noah woke me up this morning with her mouth on me. I was up and at ’em real quick with that wake-up call. Good morning!
“Never. Now, take me to a bed or a shower or a floor. Anywhere we don’t get thrown in jail for lascivious behavior.” The way she bites on her lip makes me want to obey her every order.
Anything she wants.
I throw her over my shoulder, and she cries out in laughter as I carry her away.
“Do you think we’ll still be like this when we’re old?” she asks as her head dangles behind me.
“Well, I’m not sure I’ll still be able to carry you around like this, if that’s what you mean.”
Noah isn’t heavy, but it’s inevitable that, one day, I won’t be able to throw her around. She swats at my back and then subtly pinches my ass. A woman with a camera passes us on the trail and gives us a judgmental look. I simply nod, smile her way, and keep moving.
“I meant, do you think we’ll always be so hot and heavy for each other? Will you be popping little blue pills to worship my body all day long when we’re eighty?” Her voice goes in and out with each one of my steps.
“I’ll take any colored pill I need to if it’s the only way I can be inside you, but, yeah, I think we’ll always want each other in the same intense way we do now. Our bodies will get older, but the way we feel about each other won’t change.”
“Because you love me?”
“Because I love you completely.”
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