So any elation or gratitude she felt over what the inheritance would mean for her future was temporarily eclipsed by how unsettling it was to have to sit in such close proximity to Walker for the past fifteen minutes.
You’re being lecherich, she told the mirror. It didn’t matter; a tear trickled down her cheek anyway. Fern thought she’d forgiven Walker and moved on but the hurt, anger and confusion felt as raw and real today as they had felt eight years ago. Of all things, it had been his mustache that set it off again...
The Amish communities in Maine were among a handful in the country that permitted the men to wear mustaches, as well as beards, when they married. When Fern glimpsed Walker’s dark, coppery-brown facial hair, which appeared as thick and soft-looking as the hair on his head, she remembered the secret signal he used to give her. When he was across the room at church or a singing, he’d stroke the skin beneath his nose with his index finger and thumb, as if smoothing an imaginary mustache. The gesture was his way of saying, “I can’t wait to be married.”
Oh, he couldn’t wait to be married all right—just not to me! she fumed. Fern pulled a paper towel from the dispenser and dried her hands, then adjusted her bonnet. Stalling until she could be sure Walker had left the building, she idly thumbed through the folder of paperwork. She didn’t even like seeing Walker’s name and hers together on the same page. How was she going to endure being on the same property with him for the next seven days?
“Please, Gott, give me strength and grace,” she whispered before exiting the restroom.
* * *
Fern could barely glance my way, much less greet me or say my name, Walker silently brooded as he drove toward the Christmas tree farm to begin his shift. I understand why she’d resent me for marrying her gschwischderkind, but she doesn’t know the full story.
That was just it: no one knew the full story, except Walker. And he and Gloria had solemnly promised, for Jane’s sake, they’d never tell another soul about what led to their sudden marriage shortly after the tree accident claimed his coworker’s life.
As aggrieved as Walker had been by Jordan’s death, he soon discovered Gloria was even more despondent. Walker knew Gloria and Jordan had socialized together—nearly eighteen, Gloria was still on her rumspringa and frequently hung out with Englischers—but he wasn’t aware of the extent of their relationship until after the funeral. Walker was giving Gloria a ride home in his buggy when she broke down, confiding she was pregnant with Jordan’s baby.
“We planned to get married next week on my birthday,” she’d sobbed. “Now what will I do? My daed will never forgive me. He’ll turn me out of the haus if I tell him about the bobbel.”
Racked with guilt, Walker felt he couldn’t allow Jordan’s child to grow up homeless, as well as fatherless—not after the Englischer had given up his life to save Walker’s. So, after intense agonizing, he sacrificed his own future for the baby’s and wed Gloria instead of Fern. Although he believed he’d made an honorable decision, Walker was heartsick about ending his courtship with Fern, anticipating it would hurt her as much as it hurt him.
However, it appeared Fern’s pain was short-lived; she hadn’t even waited until the following autumn wedding season to marry Marshall. According to Jaala, they’d wed in the spring, a mere seven months after Fern told Walker she’d rather remain single forever than to pledge her life to any man other than him.
Granted, Walker had said the same thing to her. The difference was, despite all outward appearances, he had meant it. I didn’t want to marry Gloria, but at the time I didn’t seem to have any other choice, he rationalized. If the shoe were on the other foot and Fern had been forced to marry someone else, I would have stayed single for the rest of my life...
Which was exactly what he planned to do from now on, but it was no longer because he clung to any enduring love for Fern. On the contrary, his breakup with Fern had taught him what a mistake it was to give his heart to her. To any woman.
Likewise, although Walker cherished Jane as much as any father cherished his daughter, in retrospect he realized he shouldn’t have married Gloria. If he hadn’t been so traumatized by the accident, Walker likely would have come up another way to help her and the baby that didn’t involve keeping such a burdensome secret. That didn’t involve living a lie.
I can’t change the past, but with Gott’s help, I can make better decisions in the present, he reminded himself as he turned down the lane to the Christmas tree farm. And for the next week that includes keeping as much distance between Fern and me as she seems to want.
Copyright © 2020 by Carrie Lighte
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ISBN-13: 9781488060434
The Amish Christmas Secret
Copyright © 2020 by Vannetta Chapman
All rights reserved. No part of this book may be used or reproduced in any manner whatsoever without written permission except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical articles and reviews.
This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places and incidents are either the product of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, businesses, companies, events or locales is entirely coincidental.
This edition published by arrangement with Harlequin Books S.A.
For questions and comments about the quality of this book, please contact us at [email protected].
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