by Erika Masten
“…and so I ended up flat on my face, being dragged through a pile of horse dung, with one foot caught in the stirrup. My horse was looking down at me and I swear, if he could have spoken, he would have called me a damned fool. I never tried that again.”
I laughed. “It’s amazing you survived your childhood.” I took another sip of my wine, stealing a glance at his face in the subdued lighting of the back room. His chiseled features, in this light, were beyond handsome. Part of me was a bit intimidated; I’d never been anywhere near anyone so good looking. His lips alone were enough to make my heart beat faster. They were sensuous, full and he had an almost, but not quite, pouty lower lip. I could fully imagine being kissed by him and loving every second of it.
Rising, I excused myself to the ladies room. I really needed a moment to catch my breath and remind myself why I was here.
Once there, I looked at my face in the mirror. I was flushed, high color in my cheeks. Calm down, girl, you’ve only just me the man. And this is different. It’s not what you’re used to.
Jake was not remotely like any type of man I’d met in the past. And that was good. I wasn’t going to give my heart away again; that’s not what this was about. Leslie had read me the riot act about getting hurt…again…and I’d tried to tell her this was different. It wasn’t about a relationship, or at least not a traditional sense.
Underneath all the nerves and butterflies and flushed cheeks, I didn’t really want to be interested in Jake in a romantic way nor him in me. I don’t want hearts and flowers and long walks in the twilight, holding hands. I wanted to learn my limits, explore this deep and probably dark side of my sexuality. That Jake was drop dead gorgeous certainly didn’t hurt in any way. But I’d be damned if, when this ended, I’d cry myself to sleep over him.
And there was that yet-unspoken aspect of our relationship: the bondage or domination or whatever it was going to be. We’d skirted the edges of that topic but had yet to address it head on.
Jake was watching me as I walked back across the room to our table, and for a moment I was that same self-conscious girl I was with most men I’d met, feeling judged and found lacking. And I kicked myself for feeling that way.
But then I saw his eyes moving over my body with something closer to frank admiration, a seductive smile playing about one corner of his mouth, and not the derision I had expected. My heart did a little hand spring.
“I took the liberty of getting you another glass of Chardonnay and ordering us a plate of appetizers. I’m not sure about you, but to be honest, I was a little nervous about this meeting and I passed on eating dinner. But now I’m finding my appetite has returned, with a vengeance.”
I slid into the banquette, nodding my head. “Same here. I mean, with the nerves. And the appetite, I guess. Something to nibble on will be nice.”
The food arrived shortly and over the delicious spicy bits of food the topic turned to our relative employment. I explained where I worked and what I did and talked a bit about the clients I had. Then I asked him where he worked.
Jake looked at me, an unreadable look on his face, that enigmatic half-mile curling at the edge of his mouth.
“I didn’t think you knew who I am,” he said finally. He had told me his last name was McNamara, but there was nothing in that name that rang any bells for me.
“I’m the President and CEO of McNamara Oil.”
I blinked, staring. I tried to formulate some kind of reply, but I was speechless. McNamara Oil was one of Houston’s—probably one of Texas’s—largest oil companies. My palms suddenly grew damp and my throat went dry; I was sitting in the presence of one of the wealthiest men in Texas. I took a large swallow of my fresh Chardonnay.
“I hope that’s not going to be a problem for you.” Jake was looking at me, a slight frown creasing his forehead. “It can be hard for some women, being seen with a fairly well-known figure. It can be…uncomfortable at times. I’m occasionally in the public eye. And sometimes I’m a target I guess you could say, for unwelcome attention from a certain type of woman. Being who I am and being a bachelor is hard sometimes.” He gave a rueful laugh, shaking his head. “It’s had its darker moments.”
Dark moments? As much as I wanted to pursue that remark, I let it pass. I mentally shook my head.
“No, I mean, yes…I mean…” It finally dawned on me that a fairly steady stream of people, including quite a few gorgeous young women, had waved or smiled a greeting to Jake, even in the secluded corner where we were seated. I took a deep breath.
“I’m sorry. What I mean to say is that I apologize that I didn’t recognize who you are. I should have, but nothing clicked with the name.” I looked down at my disarrayed plate of food, poking a discarded shrimp tail with my fork.
“To be honest, I think I was a bit overwhelmed by all of this…” I waved my fork around “…the whole domination and bondage aspect of all of this to even make the connection.”
He still looked concerned. I pushed on with my bumbling explanation. “But no, I don’t think that it’s going to be a factor in taking this relationship wherever it’s going to go. It’s more about who you are than what you do.”
A look of relief passed across his handsome face, the frown lines fading. He grinned, a charming boyish smile that lit up his eyes, and sent a distinct wave of something warm coursing through my body.
“Good. I’m glad.” He picked through the plate of food in front of him for a moment, finally looking up at me. “If you’re ready, I think I’d like to talk about what we expect from this relationship going forward.”
I swallowed hard. This was the part of this meeting I was dreading the most. I had no frame of reference for this type of conversation, but it was the reason we were here. I nodded, not really knowing what to say, letting him take the lead.
“First I’d like to say that I find you a very attractive woman, Abby. I think we have a great chemistry already and you’re very easy to talk to. I think a large part of what’s going to make this work for us is good communication, both in and out of the bedroom.”
The word bedroom set my heart to pounding. This is really happening.
“Going back to who I am, I’d ask that our relationship be kept confidential.”
Something in my look must have alarmed him. He reached out, taking my hand in his. It was the first time he’d touched me intimately, with intention.
His voice was soft, intense. “I misspoke, I’m sorry. I’m not saying that I don’t want to be seen with you; I do. I’d be honored to be seen with you anywhere; I’d be the envy of every man who saw us.”
I felt myself blush to the roots of my hair. He went on, a serious cast to his voice.
“There may be times when I would want you to accompany me to public events, maybe even as part of your submissive role. I do want to show you off. But for the rest, what we do in private, stays private. There are too many people who would fall on that part of our relationship and tear us to shreds.”
He squeezed my hand again. “And I wouldn’t want that for you. I can handle myself, but it’s not something I’d expect you to handle.” He hesitated, still holding my hand.
“So, are you okay with this so far?” He was looking at me intensely. I nodded.
“Good. I’m glad.” He released my hand, his face relaxing. The absence of his touch was almost as palpable as the warmth I’d felt from him. I left my hand on the table with the hopes he’d take it in his again.
“Alright. So the basis of this relationship, for me, is exploring bondage and domination in a sexual relationship with a willing partner. I’m not really into the sadistic, masochistic part of BDSM, or at least I’m not interested in pursuing that now. But I’m very interested in the other aspects.” He took a swallow of bourbon.
“As I said, this is all new to me. I haven’t been in a place in my life before, I guess, where I felt comfortable pursuing this.” He looked at me, a calculating look in his eyes. Then he smiled.
“And y
ou’re still on board with this? You’re very quiet. I don’t want to dominate the conversation…” He broke off, grinning at his word choice. “What’s your motivation for being here? What are you looking for in all this, Abby?”
I took a deep breath. “I guess I’m interested in the same things as you are, only from the other side.” I toyed with my wine glass, twirling the stem between my fingers. Time to be honest here, Abby.
“I haven’t had very good luck with men. Nothing ever works out. But there are things I want to explore in myself, the relationship between pain and pleasure, how I can give up control in return for something…hopefully something more, exciting? More intense? I’m not sure. I’m not a girl that enjoys either pain or not being in control. But in this case, it’s different…” My voice trailed off. “It’s complicated.”
Jake smiled. “It is, isn’t it? And I guess it’s something we’re going to learn along the way, and learn together. This is all new to me as well.” He broke off as a stunning redhead sauntered past our table, waving at him. He gestured briefly in return.
His gaze returned to me. “I was told it’s not wise for an inexperienced Dom to choose an inexperienced sub, that I’d be asking for trouble. But somehow, to me at least, it seemed like it would be, well, not so much easier but more comfortable learning and exploring with someone who was just as inexperienced in this as I am.”
Jake’s voice had grown low. I leaned forward to catch his words.
“I have all the confidence in the world in my ability to run a multi-million dollar corporation. But here, I’m not quite as sure of myself.” He sat back suddenly, a startled look on his face.
“It just occurred to me. Maybe that’s part of this too, that I’m looking for an arena where I’m not master of all I survey; I’m starting from ground zero here. Perhaps I’m looking for a challenge, something else I can master.”
Jake smiled, that boyish charming smile that seems to do funny things to my stomach. “I don’t want you to think you’re a project or an experiment. I want you to enjoy this, to learn and grow with me and, hopefully, make this a mutually beneficial experience, for as long as it lasts. How does that sound?” He touched my hand briefly. “And I interrupted you. I’m sorry about that.”
“No, you’re fine. You’re much clearer on your motivations than I am.” I sat back against the leather of the banquette. “I want to challenge myself as well, see how far I’m willing to go with this. And I read some of the forum posts on the website; I should be picking an experienced Dom as well.”
Jake laughed, a wonderful sound. “I guess we’re going about this all wrong, but it seems like the right approach for me.”
The rest of the evening passed easily and very quickly. We were still talking when the bar closed. Jake walked me to my car, both of us quiet in the dark. I was shivering in the cool air but I thought it was due more to Jake than the spring air. We were at my car far too soon.
“Well, Abby…” Jake hesitated only briefly before pulling me against him, looking down at me. I could see his eyes in the semi-darkness, hooded, almost black. Gently he bent his head, his lips brushing softly against mine. I may have moaned a little then.
He slowly increased the pressure of his lips on mine, capturing my lower lip in his, caressing it briefly with the tip of his tongue. Releasing me, he looked down into my eyes. His voice was low, seductive and very arousing.
“I think we’re going to be good together, Abby. Very good together.” He pulled me back into his arms. This time his kiss was anything but gentle. His lips claimed mine fully, his tongue seeking entrance—which I granted—probing, searching, setting a fire alight in my stomach. I know I moaned then, and loudly.
When he finally released me, I staggered briefly, reluctant to open my eyes. His hands still held me and kept me from falling. I heard his soft laugh, his warm breath, still carrying the soft scent of good bourbon, washing over me.
“I’ll call you tomorrow…give us the night to think about what we’ve talked about.” He ran a finger down my cheek, catching a wind-blown strand of hair and tucking it behind my ear. He leaned forward, kissing my forehead.
He waited until I’d pulled out of the parking lot before leaving. I saw him in my rearview mirror, hand raised in a brief wave. And then he turned away, heading to his own car.
It was a long, long time before I fell asleep. My mind was whirling, much of it going over everything we’d talked about, but a large part replaying our kiss, the feeling of his lips on mine, his hands on my body. Even though his kisses had been brief, they had been powerful, but in different ways. The first hadn’t been tentative or hesitant, but soft, asking rather than demanding.
There had been a latent force in his second kiss that was hard to pinpoint, but in it I felt the potential Jake carried to dominate, to carry me along with his will. To make me submit, willingly.
It was a heady combination, the gentleness of his first kiss followed by his outright claim to my mouth with the second. I finally drifted off wondering how these opposites would play out in the bedroom.
***
I managed to be on time to work. Leslie had already left a voicemail message, demanding the details of my ‘date’. I had already started punching in her extension number when it occurred to me I couldn’t really tell her much of anything.
Jake had asked that we keep the dominant submissive aspect of our relationship confidential. But I had already told Leslie that I was meeting someone from a BDSM website; I just hadn’t told her who.
I hung up the phone, trying to figure out just what I would say to her when I saw her. The phone had no more than left my hand when it rang, making me jump. I snatched my hand away as if I’d been burned by the sound.
The call went to voicemail. As soon as the message light began blinking I punched in the access code and listened to the message. It was Leslie. I deleted the message, deciding I would deal with her later. There was a client meeting to prep for and as distracted as I was over Jake, I didn’t think I could afford to spend any time right now thinking about Leslie.
By the time I finished with meetings, emails and making client phone calls, it was well past my usual lunch time. There were a few more messages from Leslie, one from late morning asking if I wanted to grab lunch. With a stab of guilt, I deleted them all.
I grabbed my purse, intending to head down to the commissary in the basement of the building. The food was stale and tasteless, but I was in too much of a rush to care. And I wanted to avoid Leslie.
But best laid plans often go awry. Leslie was just coming out of the elevator on my floor. There was nowhere to hide so I put on a big smile, intercepting her before she could start in with her questions.
“I was just coming to get you. I’ve been tied up all morning with clients. You have time for lunch?”
She made a disgusted noise at me. “Yeah, I know you. You’re avoiding me. Remember, I’ve known you forever. But I’ll ride down with you to the lobby.”
We grabbed the nearest elevator. As soon as the door closed, Leslie turned to me. “Okay. Spill the details. Who is he? What’s he like? Is he cute? Did you make out?”
I scowled at her. “Leslie, really, slow down. ‘Make out?’ We’re not in high school.” I smiled at her. “But, yeah, we did kiss.” I rolled my eyes. “It was horrible. He’s got bad breath and snaggle teeth. Ick.”
She burst into a fit of giggles. “Really? No, you’re kidding. But who is he?”
Why the obsession with who he is? The elevator chimed, announcing it had reached the lobby. We stepped out, the lobby full of the crush and rush of people. I pulled her off to the side.
“If I tell you, you can’t tell anyone. Promise?” I looked at her, the perplexed look on her face almost comical if this wasn’t important. “Seriously, promise.”
“Promise. Is he in the witness protection program?” She was serious. I rolled my eyes again.
“No, not that.” I dropped my voice to a whisper. “He’s Ja
ke McNamara.”
Saying his name made my heart skip a beat, from excitement or guilt, I wasn’t sure. Jake, I’m sorry.
Leslie’s eyes went wide. “No! Really? Geez, Abby, nothing like hooking a big fish first time around.” And then her eyes went wider.
“You met Jake McNamara on a bondage sex site?”
It seemed the lobby had gone completely silent and Jake’s name was echoing off the marble walls. I shook my head, looking around. The lobby was just as noisy and no one was even within earshot. But I pulled Leslie behind a potted plant.
“Leslie, you need keep this quiet. He didn’t want me to tell anyone about that part of our relationship.”
The skepticism on Leslie’s face was obvious. “He wants to keep your relationship a secret? Is that some bondage fetish rule? Why can’t you talk about it?”
She was standing with her hands on her hips, looking like a stern librarian and I’d been caught giggling in the stacks. I expected her to pull out a rule and wrap my knuckles.
“Not me, not the public relationship, but the BDSM part. He’s a public figure; your reaction should be enough to know why this can’t really be public knowledge.”
Leslie relaxed. “Yeah. Okay. I get that part.” She looked closely at me, skepticism replaced by concern.
“Are you sure this is good for you, Abby? Secrets and whips and handcuffs? All for a fuck or two?”
Leslie’s use of the word fuck was rare but always well placed. I sighed.
“Yes, it is…or it will be. And it’s not just for ‘a fuck or two’. I think there’s going to be a whole lot more to this.” I took her arm, pulling her out from behind the ficus tree.
“Come on, I’ll buy you lunch and tell you all the gory details. But only this once. No more after this.”
***
I was puttering around in the kitchen that evening, cleaning up after dinner, when the phone rang. Snatching it up, I glanced at the caller ID; Private Caller. Discreet guy.