by A. J. Offutt
"That word is equally disagreeable to me, King Robert. Let's say 'parley' instead. There has been no war, and both our worlds want precisely the same things. It will be quite satisfactory to Troy to forget that the incident occurred. We can merely state 'the two governments decided to parley without the needless horrors of war' in our press releases."
The Macedonians registered surprise.
"In that event, I am happy we were unable to contact Troy this morning," General Dane said. "This is a gesture on your part, sir, which we cannot fail to appreciate."
"Fine. Now then. We want merely three things, gentlemen. As you know, I am fully authorized by the Secondary Control Council of Troy to present our terms, haggle if I have to, and sign the necessary papers. Shall we begin?" Blacksword glanced at his watch.
"As you will," King Robert II replied.
DRAWING on his cigar, Black¦sword turned his head politely to Robert's left and exhaled. General Dane, seated on Robert's left, coughed surreptitiously.
"Well. First, we demand nothing. Not a damned thing. I mean that. Our expenditures have been slim and we have lost nothing but a bit of face. For that loss of face, or defamation of character, or whatever you choose to term your calling us—" Blacksword paused and frowned slightly as he quoted from memory — " 'heartless, bloodsucking aggressors dominated by a war-mongering council and a megalomaniac dictator' — for such cruel terms, we shall require restitution. The only way that can be made is through advertising. We are undertaking a galaxy-wide publicity campaign to clear ourselves."
Blacksword drew in and blew out a white cloud at the ceiling. Still regarding the ceiling, he said, "That was unkind of you, gentlemen. 'Heartless, blood-sucking aggressors dominated by a war-mongering council and a megalomaniac dictator!' I should like you to know that is untrue. I completely dominate Troy myself, and the council has merely carried my words to the people."
The young Macedonian Minister of defense grinned and sobered quickly, glancing about to ascertain if he'd been seen. Blacksword leered at him.
"As I was saying, the public relations campaign. We feel it only fair that Macedon should assist us in defraying the costs. And I reiterate that that is the only payment or recompense, of any kind, we — request."
"And the amount?" Robert II prompted suspiciously.
The chief speaker of Macedon's parliament leaned forward anxiously.
Blacksword shrugged. "We feel that half a million should cover it."
"Half a million?"
"Yes. Million, not billion."
"That sounds reasonable in the extreme, Majesty," the chief speaker observed.
"I should say!" the Minister of defense exclaimed.
"Agreeable," King Robert said. "I admit, Dictator, we had expected far greater demands."
"I told you we demanded nothing. Mmm. I do have instructions to clear each point as we reach it, so please prepare the check now, if you will, and make it out to me. A token to take home, you understand."
Young Robert had appeared to bridle at Blacksword's pushing, but the final sentence satisfied him. "This government pays its debts in cash," he said with regal pride.
Blacksword nearly dropped his cigar. "I suppose that will be acceptable," he said, with a desperate attempt at unconcerned calm.
The King nodded at the chief speaker, who sent his secretary a-running for the money.
Blacksword leaned back with a sigh. "Now. As to Monos, Deuteros and Tritos, the three unpeopled planets of this system."
THE Macedonians leaned forward. Robert II narrowed his eyes.
"We have drawn up an agreement concerning their exploitation," Blacksword said. He paused and peered at them over the tops of the papers he held. "Monos, which is fully equipped with oxygen atmosphere and the other requirements for human life, we wish to be colonized jointly and equally by Troy and Macedon, thus permanently uniting our two worlds, and forming, with the new world, an interplanetary triumvirate."
General Dane could not restrain himself. "Excellent!" he breathed.
"What will be the governmental system of the planet?" King Robert asked. "And what flag will she fly?"
Blacksword nodded. "First, we propose to call her Athena. Secondly, we have designed a new coat of arms and flag — here you are. It's a combination of the symbols of Troy and Macedon. Thirdly, we propose she be governed by a Trojan-Macedonian council for two years. At the end of that time, she is to be allowed to choose her own system. That way we won't have the — 'Athenians' — rebelling."
"Done!" Robert snapped. He was obviously admiring the sketches of the Athenian flag and coat of arms. Blacksword had had them prepared secretly on Luna by a professional designer. This had been done twelve days after Blacksword's arrival on Troy, five months before.
"Fine. As for Deutoros and Tritos, we propose that a corporation be formed — Hellenistic Enterprises, Inc., perhaps — for exploitation of all natural resources of the worlds. The profits will be shared 50-50 by Troy and Macedon. We may want to sub-contract the actual work on a percentage basis to a private concern, but that can be settled later."
They gaped at him. Even the. careful King Robert lost his composure.
"The board of directors, of course," Blacksword went on, glancing at his watch, "will be composed of an equal number of members of the Trojan Council and the Macedonian Parliament. I'd suggest you hire a businessman as President of the corporation."
Robert II had taken advantage of the opportunity to regain his outward coolness. "Dictator Blacksword, Macedon agrees," he said quietly.
"Good, good. Now here is a trade agreement we have drawn up for your approval." Blacksword handed him a sheet of paper.
The monarch read it, turned it over, looked at Blacksword.
Blacksword answered the unspoken question. "That's all."
Robert handed the page to the Minister of defense. Eyebrows peaking, he passed it to General Dane.
"'There shall be free trade among the worlds of Troy, Macedon and Athena, according to the laws set down by Earth High Command'," he read.
They stared.
"That's all. I think we're all familiar with the TAI free-trade laws. And that, gentlemen, is the complete article of agreement."
They continued to stare.
KING Robert said at last, "But-"
"Is there some point which needs clarification or adjustment, Majesty?" Blacksword asked innocently.
"This is all?"
"Not by a long shot. There's a lot of work to be done. But this is all we need discuss now. The war did not occur, and our parley is finished. I am happy its results are so mutually satisfactory. These agreements and contracts, when filed with TAI, are binding for one hundred years. We will file them at once, of course.
That way there can be no more disagreement between Macedon and Troy — not without TAI intervention, which is very troublesome and expensive. And you and I, King Robert, will have the satisfaction of having created something which will endure after we are gone. Shall we sign?"
They signed.
They beamed the documents to TAI headquarters, where they were photocopied and recorded. The Trojan-Macedonian alliance was irrevocably sealed, at least for the next hundred years.
The Macedonians were disappointed to learn that Blacksword, five fresh one-hundred-thousand-dollar bills in his pocket, must leave at once. Blacksword was sure he detected tears in the eyes of King Robert as they clasped hands. They were standing on the edge of the space-port when Blacksword glanced up and saw the ship.
It was Trojan and it bore the insignia of the Secondary Control Council and it was coming down very fast.
"Gentlemen, I must hurry," he snapped, and hurled his bulk, along with cane and cigar, into the limousine.
"Get me to my ship and burn the paving!" he ordered.
The car hurtled across the tarmac, leaving Macedonian officials scratching their heads.
As the car pulled up near the Ebon Cutlass, a man ran out of the communications room and
handed a message to General Dane. He glanced up at the down-sweeping ship, then at the departing Blacksword. He disappeared into the communications room.
Blacksword had both feet and his cane on the ground when the siren went off. Then the loudspeaker bawled in General Dane's voice "Stop that man! Stop Blacksword!"
Blacksword's chauffeur was stupefied for four seconds before he reached for his pistol. Four seconds was approximately three too long. Blacksword, moving twice as fast as a man his size would be expected to move, cracked the fellow alongside the head with the steel-filled cane.
Blacksword dived into his ship with a last backward look — a kaleidoscope of down-hurtling Trojan ship, milling Macedonian dignitaries, running armed men, and a command car full of uniforms bearing down on the Ebon Cutlass.
"Gun it!" he yelled, and slammed the port.
The Ebon Cutlass roared off, leaving behind some very angry men of two different worlds with some very interesting things to say.
STEP TEN
COMMUNIQUÉ horn Blacksword to Gorham:
Well done! Get our "Trojan warcraft" and our "Macedonian warcraft" and all those "cobalt bombs" back to base and remove the fake insignia. They both surrendered to each other without knowing it till too late! They are now hopelessly allied, with no possibility of war for at least a century.
A bonus has been deposited to your bank account, "Commander."
Blacksword Ex-Dictator
Troy
TAI
TOP SECRET COMMANDER-IN-CHIEF ONLY
TO: G. L. Dienes
Commander-in-Chief Terra Alta Imperata Lisbon Earth
The business with Macedon and Troy went off very smoothly, and we even recruited a new man. Former TAI Captain.
I note from recent news releases that both Troy and Macedon were so disgusted with the way their respective governments were hoodwinked by one Blacksword, a completely unscrupulous blackguard, they have fired the whole crew and become democracies, both of them. It is my understanding they also plan to inflict this form of government on the to-be-colonized world, Athena.
Three new democracies join the ranks.
Why in the name of heaven it is considered so damned important that every world eventually adopt Earth's governmental system, I'm sure I don't know. This observation following dealings with such men as your boss, President Kearney.
It does my heart good to know that men like you are around to protect men like him from the unscrupulous machinations of men like Blacksword.
But so be it, and my services remain available for proselytizing via showing them the fallacies of totalitarianism.
Since my salary is so ridiculously inadequate, and since the Trojan affair entailed such extensive expense as travel, recruiting, etc., please forward, in the usual way, expenses totaling $500,000 post haste. No swindle sheet attached. Too busy to keep one.
G. Paul Blacksword
Top Secret Agent # 1
*
DICTATOR desires employment, preferably permanent, in similar capacity. Will accept opportunity to establish own circumstances. Seven years, five months experience. Last position terminated at request of populace. Box 702 GBS Network.