by Molly Jebber
“Sharon, I wish we’d both been there.”
Anna admired the woman’s attitude. Her struggle to take each step had been evident, and she hadn’t uttered one word of complaint. Instead, she focused on her cousin’s story and had a positive outlook. The woman had lifted her mood.
She and Leah showed one quilt after another to women asking questions about the patterns and purpose of the keepsake pocket quilts. The customers were kind and speaking with them passed the time quickly.
The last Englischer left, and Anna glimpsed at the clock. “We sold eight quilts in seven hours. A first for us.”
Leah grabbed their bags and dragged her feet to the door. “My back aches from straining to take them off the wooden pegs. Let’s go home.”
Anna, with Leah beside her, stepped outside and locked the door. “Mamm’s waiting in front of the livery. She must’ve left work a few minutes early.”
Placing a trembling hand on Anna’s sleeve, Leah stopped her. “Are you going to tell Mamm about Butch?”
“We no longer have a choice. He may show up again. We were wrong to keep your involvement with him from her. She’ll be upset with us for not telling her about him and question our loyalty to her. I feel terrible about it.”
Leah stared at their mamm in the distance. She lowered her voice to a whisper. “I can’t convince you to keep quiet about him, can I?”
Anna didn’t want Leah to pay dearly for her mistake. Her schweschder had agonized over her bad behavior long enough, but the repercussions of her actions would be far worse if their mamm or the bishop found out from someone else. Shunning her schweschder was a painful prospect. She hoped the bishop and her mamm wouldn’t suggest this. Standing by Leah’s side, she’d continue to support her. “No, but we’ll tell her together. First, we’ll have to inform Beth of our plan. She should be there with us, but I’ll take the blame where she’s concerned. Beth is innocent. We never should’ve asked her to keep quiet about what happened.”
“Mamm will be furious. I’m scared she’ll tell the bishop.”
The bishop was a stern but compassionate man, but if Mamm told him about Leah and the rude Englischer, she had no idea how he would react. “I’m certain she will insist on telling him.”
Leah took her hand. “I’m sorry to add my troubles on top of your burden of Noah’s leaving.”
Anna squeezed her hand. “We’ll get through this together.” They joined Mamm. “Did you have a good day, Mamm?”
“Jah, but I was ready to leave. A steady stream of customers came in and out of the store. I did learn something new from Mrs. Zook, who bought a new broom this morning. She dips her broom in boiling suds once a week to toughen it. She claims the broom is like new and lasts much longer. Might be worth trying sometime.”
“Sounds like good information, Mamm.” Anna smiled at the liveryman and accepted the reins.
They got into the buggy, and she guided the horses toward home.
“Noah is leaving for Lancaster tomorrow. I chose not to go with him.” Saying the words out loud brought another tightening to her chest.
“I’m sorry. You must be hurting. Noah’s moving to Lancaster saddens me. I assumed he’d stay and marry you and limit his adventures to Berlin. Selfishly, I’m happy you’re remaining with us.”
Leah clasped Anna’s hand. “Noah brought a lot of joy into our lives with his jokes and cheerful personality. I wish him well in his new life in Lancaster. I’m confident God will bring the man He wants Anna to marry to Berlin when He’s ready.”
“I agree, Leah.”
Anna took a calming breath. “You’re both right. Noah’s a good man. I wish him well too. We just have conflicting goals in mind.”
“Do you think Noah will eventually abandon his Amish upbringing?”
“No, Mamm. I’m certain Noah will follow God and the Amish laws wherever he goes.”
Mamm reached across Leah and patted Anna’s leg. “If there’s anything I can do to help you through your heartbreak, please tell me.”
“Having Noah gone from my life is heart-wrenching, but I’ll be fine. The healing will take time.” She had hopes and dreams, all involving Noah. They’d vanished when he left her. She blinked back tears. She’d never regret loving him. She hoped she’d never regret letting him go.
Anna halted the horse and waved as Beth came running toward them. She stepped out of the buggy last.
Beth hugged each of them. “I learned a new knitting stitch today! Mrs. Hochstetler is going to help me make a small blanket.”
“I’m pleased you enjoy knitting.” Mamm pressed a hand to her chest.
Anna and Leah nodded in agreement.
“Mamm, Leah and I will water and feed the horse.”
“Good. I’m hoping we have plenty for our meal tonight.” She waved Beth over. “Do you want to help me cook or stay with Leah and Anna?”
“I’ll stay with them for a few minutes, and then I’ll kumme and help you.”
Mamm nodded and took a brisk walk inside.
Anna led Beth and Leah inside the barn. “Beth, I need to tell you something important.”
Beth hurried to her. “What’s wrong? You’re not sick, are you?”
“I’m fine. Noah stopped by the shop, and we had a difficult but good conversation. Noah and I won’t be getting married. I told him I couldn’t marry him if he insisted we had to move. He’s chosen to go to Lancaster anyway. I wanted you to hear the news from me.” She sighed. “Leah and I are going to tell Mamm about Butch, but let’s wait until after supper.”
Beth stepped back and her face paled. “All right. I don’t like keeping secrets from her. I’m scared she’ll never forgive us.” She bit her bottom lip. “I want to be there when you tell her. I just want to get it over with.”
“I’m sorry we put you in this position.”
Beth said, “I forgive you.” She held Anna’s hand. “I’m sad Noah is leaving, but I’m overjoyed you’re going to live here. Noah’s selfish trying to take you away from us.”
Anna kissed her younger schweschder’s head. Beth’s enthusiasm warmed her heart. “You’re a sweetheart. Go help Mamm. Leah and I will be in shortly.”
Beth nodded and walked toward the haus.
Anna and Leah led the animal into the barn. Mamm worked hard at home and the store. She stopped whatever she was doing to listen to their latest news, good or bad. Her hugs were the best. Nonetheless, she expected them to behave in a manner pleasing to God. Anytime Anna had misbehaved, Mamm’s steely stare of disappointment hurt worse than the actual punishment she had received. “I feel better we are going to tell Mamm. It isn’t fair to Beth to have her worrying about keeping a secret from Mamm. It isn’t right for us to do so either.”
“I’m afraid to face her wrath. She may never trust me or you again. I’m so sorry, Anna.”
Mamm would be shocked and worried when they told her about Leah and Butch. Would Mamm question Leah’s integrity in making decisions once they told her about Leah’s transgression? Anna believed her schweschder was remorseful, and she wanted Mamm to forgive Leah and still trust her. They’d betrayed her. She hoped Mamm would learn to trust her again too. “She’ll be disappointed in us. You’ll have to convince her you won’t deceive her again. I’ll have to do the same.”
Leah nodded.
Anna hooked her arm through Leah’s, and they walked to the haus.
Beth ushered them to the table. “We’re having pancakes and eggs for supper. Sit and relax. I’ve got the table set.”
Anna rubbed her younger schweschder’s back. “You’re a good helper.”
Serving each of them, Mamm emptied the pan of eggs. She passed Leah a plate of pancakes. “Let’s hold hands and bow our heads.” She prayed a prayer of thanks for the food.
Anna noticed Leah hadn’t eaten more than a few bites of her food. She was relieved Mamm was preoccupied with Beth’s story.
Beth held her glass. “Mrs. Hochstetler and I had a picnic for lunch, and she
forgot to put cookies in the basket for dessert. While she was inside fetching them, a raccoon climbed on the table and snatched her ham sandwich and scampered away. He was bold and my being there didn’t bother him a bit. Mrs. Hochstetler came back and screamed, and I laughed. He was adorable. I wanted to hug him.” She shrugged her shoulder.
Mamm squinted. “Don’t ever pet a raccoon. They may look cuddly, but they can be a mean animal.”
Beth finished sipping her water. “Mrs. Hochstetler warned me about wild animals and not to get close or bother them. Don’t worry. I won’t.”
Beth told the best stories. Her arms waved and her eyes widened with excitement. She was a delightful child. Kindhearted and full of energy, she did more than her fair share of chores. She was thankful Beth had entertained them. She hadn’t been in the mood to participate much in the conversation. Noah’s leaving and Leah’s ordeal had worn her out and the night wasn’t over yet.
Leah scooted her chair back and took her plate to the dry sink. “I’ll fetch water for washing the dishes.”
Anna stood. “Mamm, I’ll clear the table. Leah and Beth will help me wash and dry the dishes.”
Mamm yawned and stretched her arms. “I’ll check the cellar for canned peaches. I might make a pie sometime this week. I’m not sure if we have any left. Then I’ll sit for a few minutes in the front room.” Mamm pushed the door open and stepped outside.
Beth frowned. “Do I have to do dishes?”
Shaking her head, Anna grinned. “Leah and I will do them. You go play.”
“Yippee!” Beth skipped out the door.
Anna nodded and carried over a stack of dirty plates to the dry sink. Guilt inched its way into her. She should never have agreed to involve Beth in keeping a secret from Mamm. What a terrible lesson to teach her sibling. She wouldn’t want her family to keep anything from her. Deceit was an ugly word, and she cringed at succumbing to it.
Leah brought in the washbasin full of water. She poured it in the big pot on the hot stove. “I’m nervous about talking to Mamm.”
“Me too. After we’re finished in the kitchen, let’s get some fresh air and our thoughts together before approaching her about Butch.”
They washed and dried the dishes, then passed by Mamm in the front room. She had her head back and eyes closed. Her heavy breathing and mouth wide open showed she was asleep. Anna put a finger to her lips and gestured for Leah to go outside. She and Leah found Beth in the barn.
Beth ran to her. “Where’s Mamm?”
“Sound asleep,” said Leah.
Anna said, “Telling Mamm about Butch won’t be easy. We must express how sorry we are to have kept this from her.”
Leah and Beth nodded.
Horses neighed, and Anna’s heart thudded. She whirled around and froze. Mamm.
“Tell me what? I came to search for all of you. I found your quick disappearance after supper odd. What is going on?”
Quivering, Leah stepped to her. “I met a handsome Englischer, Butch Winter, in town and kept him a secret from all of you. I assumed Beth was asleep the night I crawled out the window to meet him, but she wasn’t. She told Anna. When Anna confronted me, I’d already decided I wouldn’t have anything to do with Butch Winter again or any other Englisch man. I promise. Please forgive me, Mamm, please.” She buried her face in her hands and sobbed.
Anna and Beth came alongside her.
Her schweschder had rambled what happened out so fast, Anna wasn’t sure Mamm understood everything she’d said, but her pinched lips and angry eyes said she’d caught the gist of Leah’s story.
Hands on hips, Mamm stood red-faced. “I’m shocked and appalled at your behavior. You’ve dishonored God and your family. How long have you been meeting with him?”
Leah wiped her eyes with her apron and wrung her trembling hands. “The one time I met him in the woods, he grabbed my arms and pressed his lips with force on mine. I pushed him away and ran home as fast as I could. When Anna confronted me with what Beth told her, I begged her and Beth not to tell you. I was so ashamed of what I’d done.”
Squaring her shoulders, Mamm waggled her finger. “Anna, I’m ashamed of you. You’re the oldest. You shouldn’t have hidden Leah’s bad behavior from me and even worse, to ask Beth to do the same. Your deceit and bad behavior are out of the realm of your normal character. I’m sick about this.”
Filled with remorse, Anna met Mamm’s angry gaze. “There’s more to tell you. Butch came to the shop today and confronted Leah. He had charmed her, but she soon found out what a rude and arrogant man he is. Daniel Bontrager was there and asked him to leave, and he did. His return to the shop is why we’re telling you. We hoped he wouldn’t kumme back, and we wouldn’t have to tell you about him. I’m hoping we’ve seen the last of him, but I can’t be sure.”
Mamm pinched her eyes shut for a moment. “Leah, did you allow Butch Winter to kiss you or more? Is there anything else you’re not telling me?”
“He held my hand a few times, but nothing more until he kissed me in the woods. I’m afraid of him, and I don’t want anything to do with him.” She held her red cheeks. “Please, forgive me.”
“I’m hurt and angry all of you deceived me. I’m sick Butch may harm you, Leah. From what he’s done so far, he doesn’t sound like he gives up easily. You’ve been taught to avoid trouble. I don’t understand why you would do such a thing.”
Anna hadn’t prepared herself for the harsh anger and painful disappointment in her mamm’s face and voice. Never had she witnessed such a strong reaction from her mamm. “Frankly, we were afraid you’d tell the bishop. We aren’t prepared to shun our schweschder if he demands we do so.”
Mamm glared at them. “He may ask our community to shun her. If he does, we’ll abide by his wishes. Leah and I will go to the bishop’s haus. I don’t want anyone to tell him about Leah’s transgression before we do. Someone could’ve walked by the store window and seen or overheard him. I hope not.” She climbed in the buggy. “Leah, let’s go.”
Anna hitched the horse to the buggy and joined them. “I’m going too.”
“Me too.” Beth’s lips trembled, and she nodded in agreement.
Leah swiped her wet face and exchanged a grateful glance with her schweschders.
Mamm drove out of the barn.
Anna and her schweschders stayed silent on the way there.
Anna grimaced each time the wheels hit a rut on the bumpy dirt trail on the way to the bishop’s haus. The silence was deafening, and the ride was miserable. Clouds shielded the sun and the gray sky matched her mood. This day would be a bad memory. Noah had walked out of her life, and she was sick about this dissension in her family. She bit her bottom lip. The answer was prayer for her family, for Noah, and for herself. Now she had to face Mamm’s wrath and suffer the consequences. She and Mamm were close. She was rife with agony. She shouldn’t have kept Butch Winter’s interference in their lives from Mamm and asked Beth to do the same. She should’ve known better.
After halting the buggy in front of the bishop’s haus, Mamm tied the horse to the hitching post and marched to the door.
Clasping Leah and Beth’s hands, Anna walked with them to the porch.
The bishop opened the door before Mamm knocked. “Horses hooves clip-clopping down the lane alerted me. I peeked out the window and recognized you. Kumme in. Why the long faces? Has something happened?” He motioned to them. “Please sit.”
They stood until Mamm sat. They chose to sit close together on the settee.
Mamm twisted her hands in her apron and breathed deep. “Leah met an Englischer, Butch Winter, several times in town and once at night in the woods. My family kept this from me. I found out this evening and wanted you to hear the story from my lips. Her punishment from me is to write Psalms, Chapter Twenty-three, fifty times and give her homework to me tomorrow night. At the same time, she is expected to recite the passage by memory.”
Mamm must’ve kumme up with her punishment for Leah on the w
ay there. The price Mamm was making Leah pay for her transgression wasn’t as bad as she’d worried her penance might be. The bishop’s punishment could still be to shun Leah.
The bishop peered over his spectacles. “What do you have to say for yourself, Leah?”
Tears sliding down her cheeks, Leah met his stern gaze. “I’m ashamed and horribly embarrassed. He kissed me forcibly and I ran away.” Her lips quivered. “Nothing else happened between us. I assure you I will not make this mistake again. I’ve asked God to forgive me, and I hope you and my family will also.” She closed her eyes and dropped her chin to her chest.
“Anna, do you have anything to say?” The bishop waited for her to answer.
She swallowed and grasped Leah’s hand tight. “I believe she is sorry for her transgression, and I have forgiven her. She’s filled with grief about her behavior. I would ask you take her blemish-free past into consideration. I’m guilty of keeping this a secret from Mamm and also of involving Beth.”
Anna slid closer to Leah. She glanced at Mamm’s pinched lips and taut jaw. Would their bad judgment sever the bond her family shared? She had gone against Amish law, and her decision had been wrong.
Beth put her hand on Anna’s lap and rested her head on Anna’s shoulder.
The bishop leaned back thoughtfully and steepled his hands. “Leah, you haven’t joined the church yet.”
“I’m not going to participate in rumspringa. I have no desire to experience the world. I want to marry an Amish man and remain in Berlin. I’ll join the church when I’m eighteen.”
A wave of relief settled in Anna’s chest. Leah’s declaration would help to erase the bishop’s and Mamm’s concerns that her schweschder would abandon her firm belief in God and Amish values. She was happy Leah had voiced her regret again. Her schweschder’s remorse solidified in her mind that Leah had grown from this unfortunate incident.
“I’m happy you’ve chosen to make a commitment to Amish life and join the church when you’re eighteen, but please don’t commit to Amish life for your mamm’s or my benefit. This decision must kumme from your heart.”