Confessions of a Curious Bookseller

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by Green, Elizabeth




  This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, organizations, places, events, and incidents are either products of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, or actual events is purely coincidental.

  Text copyright © 2021 by Elizabeth Green

  All rights reserved.

  No part of this book may be reproduced, or stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording, or otherwise, without express written permission of the publisher.

  Published by Lake Union Publishing, Seattle

  www.apub.com

  Amazon, the Amazon logo, and Lake Union Publishing are trademarks of Amazon.com, Inc., or its affiliates.

  ISBN-13: 9781542025850

  ISBN-10: 1542025850

  Cover design by Liz Casal

  For Matt, because of everything.

  And for the boys.

  CONTENTS

  Advertisement

  ACKNOWLEDGMENTS

  ABOUT THE AUTHOR

  Advertisement

  WE’RE HIRING!

  In West Philadelphia, steps from Clark Park and the Green Line, sits the most renowned and beloved bookstore in the city: the Curious Cat Book Emporium. And as luck would have it, we’re hiring!

  Full-time assistance needed for the upcoming holidays (and beyond). Duties: Stocking shelves, counting inventory, greeting customers, answering phones, tidying up, running the register, smiling, and being a rock star! Must not be allergic to cats. Must like cats. (I will know if you are pretending!) Pay is fair. Sorry, no benefits. EOE.

  From: Fawn Birchill

  Sent: Sat, Nov 3, 2018 at 10:20 PM

  To: Kyle Krazinsky

  Subject: Application for employment

  Dear Kyle,

  Congratulations! You have been selected for the new role of cashier/tech support at the Curious Cat Book Emporium! Please arrive Monday, November 5 at 8 a.m. to begin your shift. Along with a smile and a willingness to make a difference, please wear jeans and a nice shirt or sweater (it can be drafty in here) and shoes with strong toe protection. As I stated in the interview, you will be lifting!

  Before I forget, the store opens at 9:30 a.m. I ask my employees to arrive thirty minutes early, but I would like you to arrive at 8 a.m. to assist with the register’s computer as it has been freezing up lately. Also, my phone doesn’t ring anymore when people call me. It’s fine if it’s my mother, but if it’s something important, I’d like to know!

  Congratulations!

  Fawn, Owner

  phillysmallbiz.com

  Mon, Nov 5, 2018

  Top Review—The Curious Cat Book Emporium

  I thought there would be a poetry section? I came in looking for some Charles Bukowski. If you have a poetry section, it’s not well marked. I couldn’t find it last time I was in.

  —Jiancheng P.

  phillysmallbiz.com

  Mon, Nov 5, 2018

  Dear Jiancheng P.,

  We in fact do have a poetry section! It is on the second floor by the historical fiction. Unfortunately I have only four full shelves of it, but I always found that the quality of poetry should overshadow the quantity. Don’t you agree? We have Emily Dickinson, Wallace Stevens, Pablo Neruda, and Alfred, Lord Tennyson to name a few. I apologize, for we do not carry Charles Bukowski, as you requested in your PSB review. Do you know how PSB works? I only ask because you shouldn’t give us one heart simply because we aren’t carrying the book you were looking for. Do return and I will personally show you the poetry section, though most likely Charles will not be there. He is far too edgy to be tucked between William Blake and Emily Dickinson. Imagine the conversation! Oddly, I do have Allen Ginsberg—a fact I had forgotten because I borrowed the book to read one day and never returned it. “A Supermarket in California” is probably my favorite poem. Have you read it?

  Fawn, Owner, The Curious Cat Book Emporium

  From: Sam Asimov

  Sent: Tue, Nov 6, 2018 at 5:08 PM

  To: Fawn Birchill, Staff

  Subject: New Bookstore Opening

  Hi Fawn,

  It looks like a new bookstore is moving in down the street. Do you know anything about this?

  Sam

  From: Fawn Birchill

  Sent: Tue, Nov 6, 2018 at 6:17 PM

  To: Sam Asimov, Staff

  Re: New Bookstore Opening

  Dear Staff,

  Yes, I am aware of this and have been for many months. By no means will this change anything. I cannot press this enough—we will see no changes, and there is no reason to panic. In fact, this may be an excellent boon for us, as it will help to heighten people’s awareness of the importance of books and perhaps spark interest in people who have never before been readers, ultimately bringing them to us. I assure you this is not a negative development. Furthermore, I plan on going over and introducing myself to the staff as soon as they are up and running. Here, I must make my supposed enemy my friend and see if we can even work together somehow.

  Stiff upper lip,

  Fawn, Owner

  phillysmallbiz.com

  Tue, Nov 6, 2018

  Top Review—The Curious Cat Book Emporium

  It took me twenty minutes to find the book I was looking for and when I found it, it was in the travel section. I must ask: Why was Upton Sinclair’s The Jungle in the travel section?? They know that it’s a novel, right?

  —Alex S.

  phillysmallbiz.com

  Tue, Nov 6, 2018

  Dear Alex S.,

  I am so glad you were able to find the book you needed; however, I am sorry that it took you so long to find it. I am perplexed as to why you did not reach out to me or to one of my many employees for assistance. I purposefully hire people who are not intimidating creatures, so you should have no trouble approaching them for help. The fact that you found The Jungle in the travel section is a fault of one of my employees, and I do thank you for bringing it to my attention. I always strive to hire people who are well read, but we can’t have perfection all the time. A person who hasn’t read The Jungle might look at it and think it is perhaps a study on the flora and fauna of, say, Borneo, and not, as we know, a horribly depressing novel about poor Lithuanian immigrants coming to Chicago and butchering animals all day. I will have to tell my employees that Upton Sinclair was not, in fact, another Bill Bryson but a novelist and does not belong tucked beside The Adventures of Lewis and Clark. How fortuitous then that you thought to look in the travel section at all. You are either a detective or a skilled peruser, or you are spinning me quite a yarn. I give you the benefit of the doubt and think that you love perusing and so came upon it by happy accident. Sometimes that is how the greatest books are found.

  Best wishes,

  Fawn, Owner, The Curious Cat Book Emporium

  From: Kyle Krazinsky

  Sent: Tue, Nov 6, 2018 at 7:11 PM

  To: Fawn Birchill

  Subject: Cat food

  Hey Fawn,

  Just wanted to let you know that I went out tonight and picked up some food for the alley cats behind the store because I noticed your bag was running low. I’ll bring it in tomorrow, so don’t feel like you have to go out and buy more tonight.

  Kyle

  From: Fawn Birchill

  Sent: Wed, Nov 7, 2018 at 8:02 PM

  To: Florence Eakins

  Subject: Richard

  Dear Florence,

  I fear that I have little patience left for Richard. Hopefully you have told Mother nothing of him, and as far as she knows I am not dating or seeing anyone at the moment. I do hope, Florence, that you have managed to keep
this secret for me. Please also remember that the only reason I’ve told you anything is because I do not have many female friends that I can trust and confide in, and so I hold you to this promise that you made to me in the beginning to not tell Mother about Richard. If he were any other kind of man, I would brag about him. I would be bringing him around all the time. But Richard? I often wonder late at night as I lie alone in the bed how it ever got to this point with him. How did I complacently allow this dating to go on as long as it has? Can you believe it’s been three months? Just last week, he took me out to dinner and paid for it himself! If this doesn’t smell like commitment, then I don’t know what does! He tried to kiss me that night after dinner as he was dropping me off (I tell him to stop four blocks away from my actual house because I don’t want him to know where I live). After watching him eat that soup all night, he really expects me to kiss him? The dribbling, Florence! The front of his shirt was sodden in vegetable broth before the main course had even arrived.

  Once, while walking down the street, sweating in the October heat, he told me all about how he had a deep and affectionate love for freight trains and begged me, like a little boy, to go down to the Schuylkill with him where the freight train runs to see it go by. I was only tempted to say yes insofar as I might have gotten the chance to push him in front of it.

  Florence, how do I do it? How do I rid myself of this man (besides the unthinkable freight train idea)?

  How do I break it off gently?

  Many thanks,

  Fawn

  November 8, 2018

  Sometimes asking for help only presents a hindrance. Yesterday, for example, it rained so much that water began pouring into the store through the closed windows! And as I was running around directing my team of three to close the shutters, water was dripping all over my bed upstairs! And so instead of catching it with buckets like I should have been, I had to micromanage their efforts. One would think that putting three heads together is an advantage, but in their case the outcome is more akin to a head injury.

  But they mean well, and I can’t fault them for trying. They are good workers and, like me, have a soft spot for feeding the alley cats behind the store. Even though my employees can be forgetful at times, I never have to remind them to keep the bowls filled. The other day my newest employee noticed that my cat food was getting low and went out and bought another bag. He didn’t even ask for money! This gives me hope for the future.

  When I was their age—no, much younger, in fact—I was running my father’s general store with my sister with perfect competence. While our father was out on deliveries and Florence handled the books, I was front and center, selling cigarettes and milk while sweeping up spills and telling the town drunk to take a hike. The responsibility I had! I have to admit it, and it pains me to say it, but without this experience I might not be so brazen and successful. Sadly, I can’t say the same for my sister, Florence, who has Falstaff’s work ethic, but to each her own. I am not sure how the two of us, who had the same upbringing, could turn out so differently, but alas, life is funny. All I can do is seek to better myself.

  The holidays are approaching. I am nervous as usual that I won’t hit my numbers, especially now with the advent of this new little bookstore just down the street. All these negative business reviews aren’t helping, but they are par for the course ever since I added my business to the platform. The truth of it is that most people who come in are quite satisfied, but generally speaking, happy people don’t leave reviews. So we hear the negativity far more frequently. Over the years I’ve learned not to take any of this personally, but I do hope it doesn’t sadden my employees too much. No one is born with thick skin; instead it is battle-tested on the rough seas of the business world. I hope they can survive.

  phillysmallbiz.com

  Thu, Nov 8, 2018

  Top Review—The Curious Cat Book Emporium

  Before I went all the way to their store, I called to make sure they had Great Expectations. I need it for school, like yesterday. Anyway, I got all the way there only to hear from one of the employees that it wasn’t there, and when I told him I had even called to make sure it was there, he said that it must have been purchased. I live five minutes away. Am I supposed to believe that in the time it took me to hang up and go outside, someone else came in and bought their only copy of Great Expectations? I guess I should have lowered my own before entering their store.

  —Beth G.

  phillysmallbiz.com

  Thu, Nov 8, 2018

  Dear Beth G.,

  As a Luddite, I find it unpalatable to even log on to the internet, let alone find my way to phillysmallbiz.com and my listing therein. However, I want my customers to know that I go to great lengths to make them satisfied with their experience. The fact that you couldn’t find your book is a testament to how many customers we get in a given day. Yes, I agree that one of my employees made a mistake by not putting it aside, but I think that if you needed it badly enough for school and were a responsible young woman, you wouldn’t have waited until the last minute to read such a thick novel. If you’re interested, however, I do have A Tale of Two Cities, which is also by Dickens and has quite a bit of murder in it, unlike Great Expectations, wherein the only interesting thing that happens is that some old hag catches on fire and dies.

  Sincerely,

  Fawn, Owner, The Curious Cat Book Emporium

  From: Florence Eakins

  Sent: Thu, Nov 8, 2018 at 7:43 PM

  To: Fawn Birchill

  Re: Richard

  Fawn,

  To be honest, this sounds like you’re leading the poor man on. Good thing is you haven’t gotten that far with him yet, so you can always break it off. I mean, of course you can break it off at any time, but the earlier the better. I’m curious why you’re bothering with this guy in the first place if you don’t really like him?

  Flo

  P.S. Saw Dad yesterday. He seems okay.

  From: Fawn Birchill

  Sent: Thu, Nov 8, 2018 at 8:24 PM

  To: Florence Eakins

  Re: Richard

  Dear Florence,

  Thank you for your prompt reply regarding my dilemma.

  You asked me quite frankly why I would bother with such a creature in the first place. Well, if you must know, my reasons are twofold: Richard isn’t a bad-looking man. In fact, part of his initial appeal were his looks and his occupation. A handsome librarian who was interested in me sounded too good to be true, and sadly, it turns out that it was. Unfortunately, it is his behavior that I find insufferable. I do not have to tell you how long it’s been since I’ve been out in the dating scene. Running a successful bookstore is extremely tiring and saps all my energy. It also makes it quite difficult to have a social life, and so it was flattering and welcome when this stranger at the library asked me out for coffee. How, as one who spends her time among shelves of books all day, could I say no to such a proposal? Please do not blame me and instead help me out of this mess.

  Sincerely,

  Fawn

  From: Florence Eakins

  Sent: Thu, Nov 8, 2018 at 9:02 PM

  To: Fawn Birchill

  Re: Richard

  Fawn,

  Sometimes the hardest thing is the right thing. Remember when Dad used to say that to us whenever we had a dilemma? He wasn’t much for giving advice, of course. It pretty much began and ended with that statement, but at least he tried. I take that advice with work a lot and most of the time it turns out paying off. I’m up for a promotion soon, so I’m doing the hard thing and taking on more work than ever. Can you believe I’ve been a marketing coordinator for going on five years now? I’m so ready to move on. A director role has opened up, and I’ve got my sights on it. So of course lately I’m staying a bit later at work, which Joseph isn’t thrilled about since he’s the one having to take care of the kids after a long day at Macy’s, but this is what I want and in the end it will be best for all of us. Maybe he could even one day quit his j
ob and do something that he really wants to do—whatever that is.

  I guess all I’m saying is that it’s going to be hard to break it off with this Richard guy, but if that is what you want to do, then you must. Honestly, he doesn’t sound so terrible if you take away the soup slurping. Everyone has their quirks. The question is, Is it the price you’re willing to pay to be with him? If not, bite the bullet, Fawn. But do it kindly.

  Also, Dad asks about you every time I visit him. I’m getting tired of feeding him the same line about you being busy. Why don’t you stop by sometime?

  Flo

  From: Fawn Birchill

  Sent: Thu, Nov 8, 2018 at 10:00 PM

  To: Richard Saunders

  Subject: You and I

  Dear Richard,

  As much as I have enjoyed our time together, I must regretfully bring it to a close. Please know that this had nothing at all to do with you and everything to do with my invalid father who needs someone to care for him in his last dying days. I will be splitting my time between Philadelphia and Norristown and will therefore be far too busy to date. Perhaps when my father finally passes, I will have time. However, for now, I must close the book on this. You are probably wondering why I would be so kind to my father after I have told you so many terrible things about him. Well, when parents age, as I’m sure you already know, the children come to a realization that they must be there for them whether they harbor ill will or not. Please do not blame yourself for this—you are merely a bystander caught up in the whirlwind that is my life. You are charming and generous and no doubt will find someone else to slurp soup with. By the way, were you able to get that vegetable broth out of your shirt? I do hope it didn’t stain. Dry cleaning bills on top of a restaurant tab would be enough to make my stomach turn.

  Sincerely,

  Fawn

  November 8, 2018 (continued)

  I just ended it with Richard. I hit “Send” five minutes ago and I’m still pacing, not because I think I have made a mistake but because as annoying as he was, I really don’t enjoy the idea of hurting his feelings. Especially this late at night. Perhaps I should have waited until the morning, but I couldn’t put this off any longer.

 

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