Stressed but hopeful,
Fawn Birchill, Owner, The Curious Cat Book Emporium (a Mark Twain specialist store)
P.S. When I close my eyes and go to sleep at night, three words float around in my head like lava in a lamp: chapter 7 bankruptcy. Don’t be the leak in my ship, Mr. Whitney.
November 21
Dear Fawn,
I cut out some CVS coupons and have enclosed them here. I thought they might be of use to you. I am also enclosing a funny Cathy comic that made me LOL. I hope you like it.
Hope to see you at Thanksgiving!
Mother
From: Fawn Birchill
Sent: Wed, Nov 21, 2018 at 8:14 PM
To: Staff
Subject: Please Advise
Dear Staff,
As you may be aware, the new bookstore’s official opening will be on Black Friday. Before we all panic, I have a strategy! I went to CVS and bought some poster supplies so we can announce our 40 percent off sale. We will put posters in the windows and adhere them to the telephone pole outside the store. I have taken photos of the posters with the digital camera and am having trouble uploading them to show you, but if you have free time tonight to stop by the store and give me your opinion, I would be very grateful.
If anyone can offer me some tech support through email regarding uploading the photos from this hellish device, I would be equally grateful. When I connect the wire from the camera to the computer, it doesn’t prompt me to do anything but assumes I know exactly what to hit or what program to open, as if I am some kind of technical savant. The thing about computers is that they are presumptuous machines and show neither patience nor adaptability based on the user’s level of comprehension. Although I understand they are insentient machines, this still infuriates me, as I am forced to write to my dear employees for help the night before Thanksgiving when most of you are no doubt hitting the booze. I, too, am minutes away from that myself—not because of relaxation, but because I can’t handle this project sober for another minute.
Any assistance is greatly appreciated!
Best wishes,
Fawn, Owner
From: Jacob Whitney
Sent: Wed, Nov 21, 2018 at 9:03 PM
To: Fawn Birchill
Re: HIGH IMPORTANCE: Please Advise
Greetings!
Terribly sorry for the delay on my part. As Black Friday is right around the corner, this would be a very costly, last-minute request. I’ll see what I can do.
Regards,
Jacob
From: Fawn Birchill
Sent: Wed, Nov 21, 2018 at 9:09 PM
To: Jacob Whitney
Re: HIGH IMPORTANCE: Please Advise
Dear Mr. Whitney,
Thank you for your reply!! If you had been paying attention to my emails from the beginning, you would have had plenty of time to arrange a delivery of these books before Black Friday. As it stands, we are too late for traditional shipping, but please understand that I am willing to rent a truck, drive to Paoli, and pick them up myself right now. Though I haven’t driven in many years and am terrified of highways, I am willing to do this because it is that important to me. Or, you could simply hire a delivery service to bring them here tonight. I will pay for it.
Sincerely,
Fawn Birchill, Owner, The Curious Cat Book Emporium (a Mark Twain specialist store)
From: Fawn Birchill
Sent: Wed, Nov 21, 2018 at 9:18 PM
To: Staff
Subject: Please Advise
Hello again!
Can someone please assist me through email or phone on how to send the photographs of the posters over to you all for final approval? I’m not sure if they look right and I could use your opinions. I took the pictures with my camera, but I can’t figure out how to get them onto the computer.
Many thanks!
Fawn, Owner
From: Angela Washington
Sent: Wed, Nov 21, 2018 at 9:31 PM
To: Fawn Birchill
Re: Please Advise
What are you seeing when you plug the camera in? There’s a drive that recognizes devices when you plug them in.
—A
From: Fawn Birchill
Sent: Wed, Nov 21, 2018 at 9:50 PM
To: Angela Washington
Re: Please Advise
Angela, you are so kind to write back! I have the wire connected, but when I click “Start” and then “Drives,” there is nothing there but the C drive, something else I don’t recognize, and the D drive with a little boxy-looking picture. Could that be it?
Many thanks,
Fawn, Owner
P.S. I know, I know. I realize I’m the last person in the universe to give in and buy a smartphone. :(
From: Angela Washington
Sent: Wed, Nov 21, 2018 at 10:05 PM
To: Fawn Birchill
Re: Please Advise
Can you take a pic on your phone and send me what you’re seeing? I think you want the D drive.
—A
From: Fawn Birchill
Sent: Wed, Nov 21, 2018 at 10:16 PM
To: Angela Washington
Re: Please Advise
Well, I would take a picture of it and show you if I could. I guess the boxy-looking thing could be a camera. Is the camera usually on the D drive? Why don’t they just call it a camera drive?
I just clicked on it, but then nothing happens. I give up. The posters will have to do as they are. If they are ugly and not to anyone’s liking, feel free to blame the D drive.
Fawn, Owner
From: Fawn Birchill
Sent: Fri, Nov 23, 2018 at 7:15 AM
To: Staff
Subject: Black Friday Doughnuts!!!
Dear Staff,
There are doughnuts and bagels in the kitchen. Please help yourselves! It’s important to stay energized on this very important day! (Please do not eat in front of the customers.)
Fawn, Owner
P.S. Has anyone heard from Angela? She won’t pick up her phone.
From: Fawn Birchill
Sent: Fri, Nov 23, 2018 at 12:30 PM
To: Angela Washington
Subject: Edible Arrangements
Angela,
Simply sending an Edible Arrangements basket in lieu of your presence on Black Friday (the most important retail day of the year) is ludicrous and inadequate. How dare you assume that this is a suitable apology for a no-show? I understand family is important, but family is constant, unlike a paycheck.
Still, we are enjoying the fruit. When you return, we will discuss a proper punishment.
Fawn, Owner
From: Fawn Birchill
Sent: Fri, Nov 23, 2018 at 8:59 PM
To: Staff
Subject: A Success!
Dear Staff,
Thank you so much for your efforts today! Although customers only started to trickle in around 9 a.m., I still think we had a very successful day, even without Angela’s presence. And even though we did not have the Mark Twain inventory delivered in time as I had hoped, I don’t think I’ve heard the cash register pop open that much since last year at this time! Truly, you should all be commended. You stayed positive during the slow morning hours, kept your energy up as we cleaned up from the madness of the day, and ignored the long and pretentious line of people down the street for the grand opening of a store they had no idea about. They must have paid those people to stand in line.
I am truly blessed to have you all helping out today, and I appreciate your stiff upper lips in the face of the adversity of new store openings and absent employees. Also, thank you, Sam, for jumping on the register so that I could lie down. My back is really getting worse, and the eye twitching seems to be somehow connected.
Fawn, Owner
P.S. Who names a bookstore the Grumpy Mug Bookstop? I can’t tell if it’s a photo booth for criminals or a store that sells heavy tomes as doorstops. Confusing? Misleading? I think so!
Dear Fawn,
Somebody left
a ziplock bag of pizza in my refrigerator. Did you leave it? It was good.
—Jane, your tenant
From: Fawn Birchill
Sent: Sat, Nov 24, 2018 at 1:03 PM
To: Jacob Whitney
Subject: Black Friday Hell
Dear Mr. Whitney,
Although I stayed positive throughout the day and afterward commended my employees for their excellent job in the face of adversity, I am sickened by how poorly our Black Friday actually went. I looked at the numbers, and it was surely the most abysmal Black Friday I have on record. I am able to tell you, with utmost surety, that Black Friday’s sales were akin to a typical rainy day in February. Do you understand what this means? I will help you if you do not. What this means is that we did not get the proper inventory in for the busiest day of the year, customers were disappointed to find NOTHING new to buy, and I lost hundreds of dollars while my nemesis gained not only happy customers but all the money that was rightfully mine for the taking. I am almost too upset to go on, and so I will instead plan my next move. Wallowing does a person not a shred of good.
And so, when will you be able to have the books delivered? Let’s please aim for before Christmas and spare me from another cruel circumstance.
Fawn Birchill, Owner, The Curious Cat Book Emporium (a Mark Twain specialist store)
From: Jacob Whitney
Sent: Sat, Nov 24, 2018 at 3:56 PM
To: Fawn Birchill
Re: Black Friday Hell
Fawn,
Please expect the books to arrive within the next couple of weeks.
Best wishes,
Jacob
From: Fawn Birchill
Sent: Sat, Nov 24, 2018 at 4:09 PM
To: Angela Washington
Subject: Punishment
Angela,
I have thought about it long and hard, and I believe the proper step to take is suspension without pay for one week. I will see you back here on Monday, December 3.
I looked up the price of the arrangement you sent us, and it almost knocked me to the floor. Though it was an expensive apology, it doesn’t take away the sting of abandonment. Enjoy your week off.
Fawn, Owner
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ANNOUNCING THE NEW MARK TWAIN ROOM!
In West Philadelphia, steps from Clark Park and the Green Line, sits one of the most renowned and beloved bookstores in the city: the Curious Cat Book Emporium.
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*Free coffee will be available along with home-baked cookies. (One cup of coffee and one cookie per customer, and you must show receipt of sale to receive the coffee and cookie.)
December 1
Dear Florence,
Enclosed please find three CDs I found at a thrift store that I thought Little Joe might like to have as he practices his singing skills. I realize Sarah Brightman and Charlotte Church might be out of his vocal range, but they are lovely to listen to all the same. The Josh Groban CD skips a little, and Sarah Brightman’s “Moon River” is a disaster, as it skips throughout the entirety of the song, so he might want to forego that one altogether. Otherwise the CDs are in good shape. I hope he enjoys!
Fawn
December 4
Fawn,
Thank you so much for the CDs! When Little Joe opened them, he screamed loud enough to scare the parakeet. She made a beeline toward the cage bars and landed on the ground in her own seeds and poo. It was funny (only after we realized she was okay). So, yeah, the scream proves that Little Joe can definitely reach the range of Charlotte Church and Sarah Brightman! It was very nice of you to think of us while you were out shopping. He is currently listening to Sarah Brightman in his room. I had to pull out my old boom box from the basement because we don’t have a CD player in the house anymore. Guess what was inside the CD player: the Chopin CD you let me borrow a million years ago. Do you want it back? I had completely forgotten you let me listen to it.
Thanks again, Fawn.
Flo
P.S. You were missed at Thanksgiving this year.
From: Fawn Birchill
Sent: Thu, Dec 6, 2018 at 8:13 PM
To: Staff
Subject: Customer Bathroom
Dear Staff,
This evening I discovered that despite the out-of-order sign and the water on the floor, someone is still using the customer bathroom. I do not know if it is our illiterate customers or employees who can’t seem to hold it long enough to climb the stairs to my abode, but please do your best to not let this continue! It is unsanitary and an eyesore. I am in the process of trying to fix it myself—I promise—but until then we must endure this setback.
Thank you for your patience!
Fawn, Owner
P.S. Speaking of eyesores, I have left a live trap outside the alley for one of the cats that has a perpetually watery eye. If you see it in there, let me know. I plan to take it to the vet.
phillysmallbiz.com
Sun, Dec 9, 2018
Top Review—The Curious Cat Book Emporium
Ah, every time I walk through these doors it makes my day! I came in looking for Les Misérables, and one of their fine employees (the handsome one with the beard) was able to help me very quickly. In all my travels around the globe, this is by far the finest bookstore I have ever been in. And that Butterscotch! Ah, what a darling! Clearly, he is well cared for and deeply loved. And this cannot be just me who thinks this, but I have to ask: Doesn’t the owner bear an uncanny resemblance to an older Keira Knightley?
And let me also say that I have been to the new store down the street, and it doesn’t hold a candle to the emporium. Its dullness is palpable. I can feel it emanating off the street like a rank odor from the moors in which I grew up. I feel sorry for whoever must work in that drab establishment all day.
Can’t wait to return to the emporium! Keep up the great work!
—Sybil C.
phillysmallbiz.com
Sun, Dec 9, 2018
Dear Sybil C.,
Thank you for your five-heart review of my bookstore. It means so much when I know my hard work has paid off. I’m also glad we were able to locate Les Misérables for you. It is on my reading list, so please let me know what you think of it. I have a feeling that we have similar tastes. When it comes to literature, I find that it’s less about the books themselves and more the moments we take in the day to read the books. I often look back and remember the rain on the window or the tea in the cup. I remember the angle of a splash of sunlight, or the purring of my cat on my lap. The book is only a companion to these moments, but without the book, these moments may not have happened. Therefore, it is all the better, I think, to have as excellent a book as possible. Don’t you agree? I think you would.
You flatter me, and saying that my store is the best you’ve run into in all your world travels speaks volumes to me. And yes, Butterscotch really adds a flare of life and homeyness to the store. I haven’t been in the new store down the street, but I will take your word that mine is superior, although I do not wish to engage in competitive behavior, as we are both clearly after the same thing: providing excellent literature to the West Philadelphia area.
Personally, I do not believe I resemble Keira Knightley, but if you say so then I mus
t accept. Ha ha! Do keep in touch.
Sincerely,
Fawn, Owner, The Curious Cat Book Emporium (a Mark Twain specialist store)
From: Fawn Birchill
Sent: Mon, Dec 10, 2018 at 8:09 AM
To: Florence Eakins
Subject: Father
Dear Florence,
I received a voice mail from Mother begging me to see our father. Sometimes I think I can’t live far enough away or be busy enough to make her understand that I can’t handle being in hospice centers. All that I think of is death and my own future. Luckily for you, your children will take you on as their burden in forty years, but I have no one. A facility will be my doom. They might as well keep the bed warm for me after Father goes. Doesn’t she understand that? It’s like staring down the barrel of a loaded gun. Does that sound selfish? By the way, this is not to say that I wish I had children; it is merely to say that I wish I had loads and loads of money to pay nurses to take care of me in my home, so I can be comfortable there and not among cold hallways with thin blankets and the constant smell of death.
In other news, my life is about to turn a very important corner! In a little less than a week, I am to receive nearly a thousand Mark Twain books. They are not all worth much, but by sheer volume alone I will be the only Mark Twain specialist in all Pennsylvania. I’ve done some Google searches, and no one has the kind of volume that I will have. It is extremely exciting and surely puts me up to a new criterion of bookseller. Perhaps I will start being recognized at conventions. Won’t that be something!
If Father were still lucid, I’d like to think he would be proud of me for my success. No doubt he would claim responsibility for anything good that happens in my store—he always had a way of letting me know that everything I ever learned was gleaned through him. I might have received much of my business acumen from Father, but let’s not forget that he ended up in financial ruin, so I learned as much from his mistakes as I did from his infrequent successes.
Confessions of a Curious Bookseller Page 4