Fawn, Owner
From: Jack Grisby
Sent: Mon, May 20, 2019 at 8:15 AM
To: Fawn Birchill
Re: The Floor
Dear Fawn,
I apologize with all my heart for what I have done to your floors I can’t believe I did something so stupid and no I didn’t notice it. Rainbow said maybe it wasn’t the best idea but I didn’t listen to her I should have. I’m in the bathroom very upset. I’m sorry. I will resine immediately.
Jack
From: Fawn Birchill
Sent: Mon, May 20, 2019 at 8:18 AM
To: Jack Grisby
Re: The Floor
Jack,
It will be okay. I’ll find a few thrift store rugs for the time being and throw them over the flooring. Please don’t resign—you meant well, and I still need your help.
Fawn, Owner
From: Gregory Harris
Sent: Mon, May 20, 2019 at 5:14 PM
To: Fawn Windsor
Subject: Philadelphia
Dear Fawn,
I hope you are well. It just so happens that I am going to be in Philadelphia, about which you’ve told me so much, in the coming weeks. I have meetings at UPenn, so I will be in the area for about a week. Would you mind sharing your recommendations again on where I should go and what I should see?
How are you, my dear?
Regards,
Gregory
From: Fawn Windsor
Sent: Mon, May 20, 2019 at 9:36 PM
To: Gregory Harris
Re: Philadelphia
Dear Gregory,
Philadelphia!
What a lovely and charming city. It seems that all it ever does is rain, which I find mildly irritating, as it ends up reminding me of England. But the architecture is quite French. If you go to city hall, step inside and look around; you will find yourself in Paris! I do recommend traversing Rittenhouse Square, and if you have time, try the Mütter Museum. It is gruesome but very educational, and I don’t believe you will find it all that hard to stomach. Additionally, since you mentioned that you would be in meetings at UPenn, stop by the Curious Cat Book Emporium. I have been to Philadelphia thrice, and each time I have stopped into this little gem of a store. The owner is lovely, intelligent, and has a cracking good wit. She is also quite pretty, though she is no spring chicken. But, alas, neither are we!
Additionally, if you care for the art of legerdemain, the owner has a magician of great talent staying with her. The last time I was there, the woman—her name is Rainbow—made my Tiffany crystal watch disappear! It reappeared moments later (thankfully!) right before my eyes, but on the other wrist! Truly, you should take a gander. She claims to be from a long line of magicians dating back to the 1700s, when they regularly employed gunpowder in their trickery to thwart the advance of the British army. What they would do is gather in the woods and wait to surprise the redcoats as they advanced across the open fields, and when the time was right, they would burst out of the forest, appearing out of nowhere in a flurry of smoke and fire!
You know, now that I write it out, it sounds more like they were not magicians but regular militiamen. When I revisit the store, I will have to get some clarification on this . . .
Anyway! Here I am going on about Philadelphia when I’ve said nothing about my life. There is honestly nothing very new. I went up to Scotland last week to look at some horses for sale. I purchased a horse, and he has turned out to be quite dumb. Alas, one doesn’t buy horses for their intelligence but for their beauty, swiftness, and/or practicality. This one is quite adorable; however, I often find him with his head pressed against the stable wall, breathing heavily, as if willing the wall to come away. He will also sometimes break out into a sudden gallop only to stop and lie down in the middle of the field, rolling around like a dog. Pierre says it’s nothing to worry about and rather silly to assume a horse can’t have a personality, even if it’s an odd one.
Ah, well, that is really all for now. Do let me know if and when you are planning to go to that bookstore. Incidentally, the owner’s name is Fawn as well—just like my name! (Which could be why we got on so famously.) Tell her that her Brit counterpart says hullo!
Regards,
Fawn Windsor
From: Fawn Birchill
Sent: Tue, May 21, 2019 at 8:02 AM
To: Jack Grisby
Subject: Please Clean
Jack,
Bert made another “mistake” in the romance/erotica section. Please clean it up before it starts to smell up the room. Bring it to me when you are done; I have a special place in which I dispose of such messes.
Thank you,
Fawn, Owner
From: Jack Grisby
Sent: Tue, May 21, 2019 at 8:11 AM
To: Fawn Birchill
Re: Please Clean
Hi Fawn,
Do you have rubber gloves and is this safe to do it seems like maybe I could get a infecscious disease.
Jack
From: Fawn Birchill
Sent: Tue, May 21, 2019 at 8:16 AM
To: Jack Grisby
Re: Please Clean
Jack,
There are rubber gloves in the broom closet by the back door, but honestly the cat lives off Friskies and hot dogs, and I assure you that his excrement will not harm you if you simply use a paper towel.
Fawn, Owner
From: Jack Grisby
Sent: Tue, May 21, 2019 at 6:09 PM
To: Fawn Birchill
Subject: Reconsider TV ad?
Hi Fawn,
I was watching Big Bang Theory reruns again and then Friends and there were so many advertisements during the commercial breaks that I have a feeling that those companies get a lot of customers even though they spent a lot because a lot of there customers like the advertisements. I don’t know maybe we should reconsider?
Jack
From: Fawn Birchill
Sent: Tue, May 21, 2019 at 7:18 PM
To: Jack Grisby
Re: Reconsider TV ad?
Dear Jack,
I believe this would be a waste of money.
What we must focus on here are our competitors. What is it that Mark is doing that makes him so successful? I believe the only differences between the two of us are his fancy signage, his bright lighting, and his modern furniture. Oh, and his fancy coffee and beer. And perhaps the open mic readings and book signings.
Honestly, I believe signage is becoming more important these days, for most people are either drawn in by word of mouth or by window-shopping. If you make a place look inviting on the outside, then they will want to come in. So my thought is this: let us buy up some nice potted plants and hanging baskets and set them outside. Also I will ask that you go to the back of the Grumpy Mug and search through their trash to find a couple of posters that we can alter to appear fresh. I believe that if we actually cut the posters into star shapes to remove the Grumpy Mug name, Mark will be none the wiser. He couldn’t possibly accuse us of theft if there is never any proof that his name existed on the poster to begin with. Let me know where you get with that. Also, I cannot afford to buy all new lighting for the store, but I will ask that you open the shutters along the side of the building and let some light in. We might have some overdue dusting to do, as the light will no doubt reveal a serious lack of cleanliness toward the back of the store. Luckily, those books are history and foreign language, so we don’t get many customers back there at all.
Fawn, Owner
Fawn Birchill/CuriousCatBooks/14h
Fawn here! What classic literary character represents you most? Fawn: Daisy Buchanan, Madame Bovary, Caddy Compson all in one!
Fawn Birchill/CuriousCatBooks/13h
Fawn here! What classic literary character represents you most? Jack: Bilbo Baggins, Dirk Pitt.
From: Jack Grisby
Sent: Wed, May 22, 2019 at 8:02 PM
To: Fawn Birchill
Subject: Pool party Monday
Hi Fawn,
>
Can I take Monday off to go to a pool party at my house?
Thankyou
Jack
From: Fawn Birchill
Sent: Wed, May 22, 2019 at 9:23 PM
To: Jack Grisby
Re: Pool party Monday
Jack,
That is completely fine. I didn’t know you had a pool—how lavish! Is it aboveground or in-ground? It always makes a world of difference to me. Where in-ground is fashionable and always costs loads of money to install, with aboveground I always feel like a fish in a large, opaque fishbowl, constantly going in circles or small straight shots. The design doesn’t wear one out but only gives one the sense of aquatic claustrophobia. Swimming becomes an act of futility, more than anything else. It is my opinion with pools, at least, that one must go big or go home.
Incidentally, growing up it was always my classmates whose parents were lawyers or doctors who had in-ground pools. I envied them greatly—especially since they would never invite me over. Sometimes, in the dead of summer, my sister and I would don bathing suits and leave our dusty yard, biking the five miles with towels draped over our shoulders in the hope that Tiffany (the one with the pool who lived closest to us) would invite us over if she saw us biking in front of her house. One day, Florence and I circled her driveway for so long that her mother came out and told us to “get lost.” By that time we were quite hot and thirsty, and the noise of splashing and merriment behind their palatial home was enough to make Florence burst into tears right in front of her. The display did not soften her heart of stone. We went back home after this and resigned ourselves to filling up the bathtub with cold water and taking turns lying there in our bathing suits. Unfortunately, Father was always too cheap to even consider the smallest of abovegrounds. We weren’t even the envy of the poorest kids in the trailer down the street, who had one of their own anyway.
Ah, here I am going on! You can see I am sensitive when it comes to talk of pools! Of course you may take Monday off. I will continue on here with no trouble whatsoever, though it is unlikely that anyone will venture in on Memorial Day, so I’m hoping that I may be able to just close. Is this family only or are you also inviting friends? In-ground or above?
Excited for you,
Fawn, Owner
From: Jack Grisby
Sent: Wed, May 22, 2019 at 9:54 PM
To: Fawn Birchill
Re: Pool party Monday
Hi Fawn,
Its inground with a Jacuzzi attached to it and then next to it is a poolhouse and an outdoor wet bar with lots of rum in it.
Jack
From: Fawn Birchill
Sent: Wed, May 22, 2019 at 10:17 PM
To: Jack Grisby
Re: Pool party Monday
Jack,
Ah, magnifique! I had no idea your family was so affluent! What do your parents do?
Incidentally, I make a mean cold macaroni salad, so if you are short on them, I can make one for the party and leave it in the fridge for you to take over. I am in no way inviting myself but simply offering to put in some time to make a delicious snack for your guests. Do think on it!
Fawn, Owner
From: Jack Grisby
Sent: Wed, May 22, 2019 at 10:32 PM
To: Fawn Birchill
Re: Pool party Monday
My mom is a prosecuton lawyer and my dad is an heir to an oil fortune and basically now he is a philanthripist and he opens halfway houses in the city.
Oh and I talked to my mom and she said that there is no need for extra food because it will be catered but she says thankyou.
Jack
From: Fawn Birchill
Sent: Wed, May 22, 2019 at 11:14 PM
To: Jack Grisby
Re: Pool party Monday
Jack,
My heavens—I had no idea, Jack! Your parents must be very hard to hate!
Even though you say it will be catered, I recommend you sneak my macaroni salad in among the food. It will be a homemade delight. Who, may I ask, have you hired for the catering? Tell me it is not Fortieth Street Catering.
Fawn, Owner
From: Jack Grisby
Sent: Wed, May 22, 2019 at 11:55 PM
To: Fawn Birchill
Re: Pool party Monday
No we are not using Fortieth Street but someone else I’m not sure.
Jack
From: Fawn Birchill
Sent: Thu, May 23, 2019 at 12:12 AM
To: Jack Grisby
Re: Pool party Monday
Jack,
Phew! You dodged a bullet by not hiring them. Your parents have truly amazing taste for going with someone else. I applaud them.
As you are not catching on to my many hints, I am just going to come out and ask this. Please do not feel obligated to say yes. Even though I am your boss, in no way should you be pressured to think that if you said no, I would consider firing you. Does your pool party have room for one more? Trust me, if you say no, I will definitely not show up on my bike in a bathing suit, circling like a shark until you let me through the gates! Ha ha!
Fawn, Owner
From: Tabitha Birchill
Sent: Thu, May 23, 2019 at 10:05 AM
To: Fawn Birchill
Subject: Memorial Day?
Dear Fawn,
I hope you are well. I wanted to invite you to a Memorial Day cookout at the hospice center around noon. Can you make it? It will be held in the nursing home section (east wing, next to the koi pond). Food will be provided, and there will be a little fireworks show as well. And, for the main event, someone will sing the national anthem; however, we hear it will be sung by one of the nurses. For some reason they are not having Little Joe sing, even though Florence basically told them it would be in their best interests to do so. This nurse can’t carry a tune in a bucket. I don’t know what they have against us. Perhaps they are jealous of him? Hope you can make it!
Much love,
Mother
From: Fawn Birchill
Sent: Thu, May 23, 2019 at 10:32 AM
To: Tabitha Birchill
Re: Memorial Day?
Dear Mother,
Thank you for your kind and generous invitation, but I am sadly going to have to decline. I have been invited to an extravagant in-ground pool party in Chestnut Hill, and as I have already accepted, to say no at this point would be more than a little rude. There will be fireworks, a bar featuring rum from all over the tropics, a band, and catered five-star cuisine by Philadelphia’s most famous chef. You probably haven’t heard of him in your narrow circles, so I won’t even bother to tell you who it is, but he is by far the greatest restaurateur Philadelphia has ever seen. And if I tell you that Moritani himself will be there (another excellent and famous chef), you wouldn’t know what I meant, but just know that this fact alone makes it a big event that I cannot miss. Thank you so much anyway, and have a lovely time with Father!
Fawn
From: Jack Grisby
Sent: Thu, May 23, 2019 at 10:51 AM
To: Fawn Birchill
Re: Pool party Monday
Hi Fawn,
I asked my mom and she said no its family only so I can’t add you to the invite even though I want to. Sorry.
Are the signs I picked from the garbage okay? They stink a littie.
Jack
From: Fawn Birchill
Sent: Thu, May 23, 2019 at 11:13 AM
To: Jack Grisby
Re: Pool party Monday
Jack,
I understand entirely. In fact, my father, who is very ill, has asked that I spend the day sitting with him in hospice. I believe they will have their usual Memorial Day food of burned hockey-puck hamburgers, canned applesauce, and boiled creamed corn. Generally the “events” consist of loading everyone outside onto the lawn (which takes about an hour) and setting off the saddest excuse for fireworks the world has ever known to the tune of a tone-deaf nurse singing “The Star-Spangled Banner” into a microphone. The fireworks last about five minute
s. I believe the staff is afraid of setting the building on fire, as they tend to have no idea what they are doing.
I think the signs you rustled up are fine. From the street, no one will see the wet decay on the edges, and by the time they notice it they will be too close to the door to turn back without looking like they’re afraid of commitment. And don’t worry about the smell. I think if our customers are interested in smelling our signage then they have bigger problems than we do! I am buying the plants today. Please start cutting the old posters into star shapes. Remember, Jack, we need to avoid any evidence that these ever came from the Grumpy Mug.
Fawn, Owner
From: Tabitha Birchill
Sent: Thu, May 23, 2019 at 6:00 PM
To: Fawn Birchill
Re: Memorial Day?
Dear Fawn,
Please reconsider the invite? It would be lovely to see you, and I’m not sure how many more Memorial Days your father has left. Florence will be there with Joseph and her kiddos. Also, I wanted to update you that after much badgering on my part, the nursing home has rescinded and they are allowing Little Joe to sing! Should be a wonderful time.
Love you,
Mother
From: Fawn Birchill
Sent: Thu, May 23, 2019 at 6:50 PM
To: Tabitha Birchill
Re: Memorial Day?
Dear Mother,
Florence’s presence on Memrial Day fails to make me feel guilty. In fact, I know for sure that they have very little to do that day as generally Joseph cannot manage a grill on his own without burning himself and their backyard is the size of my bathroom so whats the point in doing anything for Memorial Day but spending it locked up in the ever-exciting halls of the hospice?
And for the the record, I can hear Little Joe sing “The Star Spangled Banner” any time I like. With the way those two constnatly have him performing at the drop of a hat I know there will be no shortage of his rendition of our country’s great anthem blasting across the Appalachians. I need only to call them up and request it.
Fawn
From: Fawn Birchill
Sent: Thu, May 23, 2019 at 7:18 PM
To: Tabitha Birchill
Re: Memorial Day?
Confessions of a Curious Bookseller Page 23