It didn’t have to be answered today. Even hiding behind closed eyelids, Amanda could feel the heat and brilliance of the sun cresting over her. She’d survived the night for all its horrors, and now she had no choice but to go on.
At least Cindy would be back today. Amanda would be released from the hospital, but where she’d go, she had no idea. She wanted to go home, but didn’t know where that was anymore. Even her house felt like an empty shell.
Being trapped in those walls would probably drive her insane, but so would being trapped in Tony’s house or Cindy’s. Will’s place had always had the welcoming feeling of a home she belonged to. Amanda doubted those feelings would linger anymore. Like her house, the memory of Will’s place made her feel even more alone.
The only place that didn’t sound like a misery to bear would be going back to the ranch, but nobody had shown up to make the offer. Not reading too much into it, Amanda still didn’t feel right about assuming or asking. For all the sins Amanda might have laid at Knox, Jace and Cody’s feet, it didn’t compare to her own.
She had no right to demand anything from them. In fact, if she had a shred of decency left, Amanda would never bother them again. Unfortunately, Amanda wasn’t as noble as Davey had lamented. Walking away from the Reese brothers would only ever be possible if she gave them their baby first.
For all the detachment she felt for the notion of being pregnant, Amanda still knew she’d never give up her baby for somebody else to raise. The kid tied her to the Reese brothers and knowing how Knox felt about being trapped didn’t give Amanda much hope.
Sighing over her choices, Amanda finally gave over to the sunlight. Greeting the fresh day with weary eyes, Amanda found her room strikingly uncluttered. Till then every time she opened her eyes a cluster of men waited to catch her awake. With the absolute silence filling her room, this time Amanda honestly expected to have a moment alone.
Apparently not. If waking up to a strange man looming over the foot of her bed didn’t unnerve most women, add the fact that he towered well over six feet and had to be at least three feet wide, filled in with solid muscles stretching every piece of black fabric covering his massive body. Mix in a glare out of frozen blue eyes and Amanda felt every right in asking, “Are you here to kill me?”
“You don’t seem too concerned that I might be.”
Not from Kansas. Not with that accent. Amanda would have said military, but she couldn’t believe this fiasco had warped that far out of hand. He hadn’t asked her any stupid questions and Mr. Swine wasn’t standing guard, so he didn’t come from the government.
“I guess I’m supposed to take that as a yes.”
“I’m not allowed to answer any questions without my lawyer.” Amanda couldn’t help but smirk when her smart comment drew the large man off the wall.
Straightening up, his crystal blue gaze narrowed on her. “Is that right? And you are ever obedient, right?”
Just on principle Amanda didn’t like this guy. “When it suits me.”
“I see.” Again he considered her response with an unnecessary pause. “So tell me, does it suit you to live or are you one of those death wish people?”
Amanda refused to answer that. This man didn’t deserve one. She’d give him points for stubbornness because he really gave her a long moment. Even when he had to concede defeat, he did so only with a threat.
“I’m asking, you see, because my job is to keep you alive. That’s what I was hired to do and it’s what I will do.” As he spoke, he circled the bed to use his intimidating bulk to shadow out the sun. “From this moment on, you do what I say, and I don’t give two shits what suits you.”
“Bugger off.” Amanda pointedly yawned. After her night, this dick didn’t understand. She couldn’t be scared anymore. “You’re annoying me.”
“And you’re not listening.” He leaned down real close to make sure he had her attention. “I’m here to keep you alive. You do want to live, don’t you?”
Amanda rolled her eyes, knowing there would be nothing to back him up but to answer. “Yeah, but I still don’t like you.”
He smirked, straightening up. “That’s not really required. My name is Jack Daniels, and I don’t want to hear no grief over it.”
“I guess you’re a straight up kind of guy, huh?” It might have been lame, but it made Amanda snicker.
Not Daniels who turned on her with a hard look. “Tell me something, what’s it like to kill your own father?”
Touché, Amanda lost her smile at his question. It would have been giving him some kind of victory not to answer, so Amanda did. With a shrug, she played it off. “Not like anything really.”
“Huh?” Daniel’s really had a way about him. It just irritated the crap out of her. “I just wondered. You know on the books you look like a pretty easy girl to mind after, but then knowing you killed your own father…” Daniel’s shook his head. “Makes me think you’re a little rabid, prone to cold-blooded violence, and I don’t need you poisoning or shooting any of my men. Understand?”
“What about knifing them?” Amanda shot back, insulted to her core even if Daniels had reason to worry. “I always like a good back for a target.”
“Is she giving you any trouble?”
And just like that Amanda felt something—relief. Cody stepped into the room sounding as annoyed as ever, but he smiled when their gazes locked. It didn’t matter how much pain it caused her aching body, Amanda sprang up and landed right in Cody’s arm, because he moved that fast to catch her.
Half hanging off the bed, she clung to him as his familiar warmth and strength took her back to the feeling of being home she’d been wishing for. Despite the bandage encasing half of her arm, Amanda managed to hold him close with her good one. She burrowed her face deep into his neck and inhaled his comforting scent.
“You came.”
“Of course I did, darlin’,” Cody whispered back.
“Of course we all did.”
Knox’s annoyed voice corrected Cody a second before his thick arm shoved the youngest back, so he could take his place in Amanda’s embrace. Crushing her in his oversized arms, Knox smothered her in a sense of total security. It weakened the defenses keeping everything inside of her numb. His words only provoked the beginning sniffles.
“I swear, baby girl, if you ever scare me like you did last night again, it will take a whole month of you being tied to my bed before I finish punishing you.”
“Don’t be threatening her,” Jace snapped and just like that Amanda got dragged across her bed to be tucked into Jace’s arms. Her knight, Jace minded her injury as he adjusted her to fit snuggly into his arms. Sighing, Amanda’s eyes drifted closed as she wished she could just live in this moment.
Unfortunately Daniels still lurked in the room. He just couldn’t leave without saying goodbye. “Well, I can see this is a private thing.”
The way he said it had Amanda lifting off Jace’s chest to glare at him. “Did you hire this asshole?”
“Now Amanda—”
“Because I want him fired, as in yesterday.”
“We’ll be checking out in about an hour.” Daniels paused at the door, completely unconcerned by her comments. “I hope by then you can provide the compliant client you said we’d be looking after.”
Amanda’s jaw about unhinged. “Compliant?”
Chapter 55
Cody grimaced at Amanda’s shriek. He’d known the minute he’d met Jack Daniels it would be water and oil when it came to the security agent and Amanda. Of course, Cody didn’t think any man trained as well as Daniels would get along with Amanda. They needed somebody with Daniels’ skills to keep Amanda alive, so she was sort of stuck with the asshole.
Not that Amanda would ever be cornered quietly. Glaring at all three of them, Amanda retreated to the center of the bed. “I don’t like him.”
“Listen Amanda,” Jace took the lead as they’d all agreed he should. Taking her hand, using his soothing voice, Jace tried to
work some magic on the very grumpy woman pouting in the middle of the hospital bed.
Cody lost track of Jace’s spiel as he gazed at Amanda. She was truly safe, grumpy and contrary as ever. He’d missed her so much these past few weeks. Without her, his days had converted back to the drudgery of mind-numbing routine.
It was strange just how much joy could be drained out of everything given Cody loved his work, but that was the power of a woman. They could just twist a man all in knots, like Amanda was doing now as she pouted up at them.
“I don’t care,” Amanda responded to whatever reasonable argument Jace made. “I don’t like him and I’m not taking orders from him.”
Her petulant attitude pierced Cody’s warmth with the fear he’d borne all night. He would not go back there. The hard lash of emotion prodded him right into the argument he hadn’t been paying any attention to a moment ago. Stepping up to clasp her cheeks in his hands, Cody forced Amanda’s chin up.
“You listen to me, Amanda, and you listen good. You put us through hell last night and that isn’t going to happen again. We need you alive, darlin’, and that’s how Jack Daniels is going to keep you. There ain’t going to be no argument on this.”
Amanda swallowed, her features going soft with sadness as her lashes dipped to cover her gaze. “I didn’t mean to scare you.”
“What the hell did you think we were going to feel?” Knox grunted. “You know we love you. You know all you had to do was ask for help and there wouldn’t be nothing we wouldn’t do for you, but instead you run out to get yourself caught by your daddy. Why would you do that?”
Instantly Amanda turned from Knox’s question, acting as if he’d actually hit her. It angered Cody to feel her withdraw from his touch, and he unleashed the emotion on his brother, the only safe target.
“Shut up, Knox! It doesn’t matter why, it only matters that she’s safe now, and she’s going to stay that way.” Turning back to Amanda, Cody softened his tone, trying not to upset her anymore. “It’s going to be all right now, Amanda. You are going to come home with us and everything is going to be all right.”
Cody hated sounding like he was pleading. Especially in front of his brothers, but the desperation bled into his voice, increasing as she lifted tear-filled eyes to him. The sight panicked him for all the sorrow he could sense in her and the fear she’d actually try to reject him. Cody wouldn’t allow it, not this time.
“What?” Cody whispered, brushing away the tears starting to slip down her cheeks. “What is it, baby?”
“You don’t understand,” Amanda breathed out, making his heart twist. Shifting her gaze to Knox, she shook her head. “You were right. I am trouble.”
With that conclusion her head sunk, but Knox’s hand lifted right back up. “Amanda, what happened last night isn’t your fault.”
“Yes, it is.”
Despite the tears, her voice hardened with a calmness. Swallowing back whatever emotion threatened her, Amanda stiffened up with old defenses. It made Cody want to pull his hair out. They should have gotten past this by now.
“It isn’t, Amanda,” Knox insisted. “You might not have made the best decisions, but—”
“You don’t understand.”
“Then make us.” Cody drew her gaze back to him with his demand. “Please, Amanda, whatever it is, tell us.”
“You’ll hate me.”
“Never.” Jace beat Cody to the punch. Leaning down, he pressed a soft kiss to her forehead, making her chin dip even lower. “We love you, Amanda.”
“Won’t you trust that enough to tell us the truth?” Cody prayed the answer would be yes.
Amanda wobbled, chewing her lip and staring blankly down at the bed. Finally, though, she started talking. “You know, Brandon was a typical older brother—annoying, bossy, just as irritating as anybody could be on a daily basis.”
Her head lifted slightly, revealing a momentary smile as some memory captured her for a moment. “Of course I was the typical younger sister. I worked at making sure Brandon was annoyed on a daily basis.
“We never really got along.” Amanda shrugged. “The age gap was just too much or maybe it was personality. It’s hard to say how things would be now, but back then it was one battle after another.”
Again Amanda paused, appearing to consider the past. None of them pressed her, letting her have the time she needed to sort through her words. “I won most of them. Mom always sort of sided with me, but Brandon helped that by being a screw up.
“The last thing a female deputy needed was to constantly be arresting her own son for an endless litany of charges. Possession, DUI, assault, Brandon humiliated her and didn’t even care. At home it meant I could pretty much get away with murder and Brandon couldn’t sneeze in the wrong direction.
“Back then, I thought that was pretty damn cool.” Amanda gave a hollow laugh. “I guess I was drunk on the power, so when Mom called one night to tell me to tell Brandon he had to cook dinner for me, I enjoyed giving him the message.
“Brandon cooking was kind of a joy to me back then. He couldn’t cook, so I could complain to Mom when she got home and he’d get bitched at for not being able to offer her the smallest bit of help around the house.
“Only thing was Brandon didn’t want to play that game.” Amanda sucked in a deep breath and stiffened right up. “We had some words and then he stormed out of the house saying he’d get his meal at the bar. I knew that meant he was meeting up with Will McKinney.”
Cody straightened himself at hearing Will’s name. He’d always wondered what it was that bound Amanda to Will. After last night’s events, the question had become more bothersome.
“Mom hated Will because he had the fake ID that helped Brandon get liquored up. Also his daddy was their weed connection, so Will was pretty much unwelcome in our house. That meant when Mom showed up tired from a late shift, hungry with no dinner on the table, she was ready to whip Brandon.”
Amanda paused again. A shudder ran through her as her breath took on a choppy pattern. Now the words rushed out in a way that told Cody she’d never spoken them before.
“I made sure she was pissed enough to head out to take the argument to Brandon. Then I called the bar to gloat at him that Mom was on the way.” The emotions broke through on a cry as Amanda bent over. “I did it.”
Wretchedly sobbing into the sheets, the grief poured out of her. “I put them both on the road that night. I killed my mother and my brother and I broke one hundred and thirteen of Will’s bones. I’m the reason he got addicted to pills. The addiction that lead him to kill three people and set off a war that ended with him dead.”
Amanda lifted her watery eyes to Cody, capturing him in her pain. “I killed them all, every single person I loved.”
Cody couldn’t stand the sight and sound of Amanda’s anguish anymore. Sliding onto the bed, he folded her into his arms, having to share the moment with Jace who pressed into her other side. Cody, though, got Amanda’s head buried in his chest and her arms clinging to him because she loved him and trusted him.
Sighing, Cody closed his eyes and rested his cheek against his foolish woman’s head. All these years, Amanda had blamed herself and Cody understood that. He’d been there, but he’d had his brother to finally point out some sense to him.
Not that Amanda would listen to reason now. She had a few years of torment to pour over Cody’s shirt. There wasn’t anything any of them could do until Amanda cried herself out. Finally, though, she wound herself down to a gasping, sniffling, hiccupping mess with barely enough strength left to cling to Cody with her good arm.
As her grip weakened and her hand slid down to his thigh, Amanda gave Cody the room to reach back to the rolling hospital table. Snatching up the cardboard box of tissues, he turned back to Amanda to nudge her chin up.
Her big eyes locked on his and Cody could see the fear in them. She was waiting to be accused, to be attacked and rejected. Cupping her chin in his hand, Cody started talking as he cleaned
her face.
“I want you to listen to me, Amanda, because I’ve been down this road before. Three years ago I would have done just about anything for Sharon, and I ain’t going to lie to you about that.” Cody paused to rub a thumb over Amanda’s damp cheek.
“Just about anything,” Cody repeated to himself because he realized he would do anything for Amanda. Not because he loved more, but because she fit better. Amanda belonged with them.
“Anything, but the one thing she asked.” Cody shook himself out of the moment and lifted a clean tissue to her other cheek. “See, Sharon, she’d always wanted to be a chef, loved to cook. She wanted to go off to New York City and experience food.”
Cody couldn’t help but laugh as he always did. “I thought it was just a thing. We all did, but she had the bug and so we helped send her to school out there. The thing is when she came back, it wasn’t to stay. Sharon came back to convince me to move to the city with her, build a life there, just the two of us.”
Jace spoke into the pause Cody left, it didn’t feel right saying things he’d knew would hurt the others. “You have to understand, Amanda, Sharon always loved Cody more.
“Don’t,” Jace shook his head at her when she turned those wide, sorrowful eyes on him. “Don’t worry, baby, it was all right. I did love Sharon, and I never would have hurt her by saying anything, but she knew.”
“What?” Amanda whispered.
“That Jace loved another woman more.” Knox grunted. “You.”
“You,” Jace nodded, smiling slightly. “Since I first laid eyes on you, darlin’ and long before it was right.”
“But…” Amanda swallowed, her head dipping as she tried to reject what Jace and Knox were saying. “You call her name when you sleep.”
“Nightmares.” Jace lifted her chin up to force her to meet his gaze. “Nightmares because of the guilt.”
Cody bet Amanda understood. She didn’t question him anymore but turned her gaze on Knox. Standing at a distance, near the foot of the bed, Knox scowled back. Cody knew what his brother would say if he hadn’t been there, so he said it for Knox.
Kansas Heat Page 52