"Andrew, she's gorgeous. So many colors!"
He nodded. "She's a tortoiseshell. All shades of brown and orange and everything in between."
I squatted and held out my hand, and Ruby stepped forward and sniffed it then head-butted it. I stroked her soft back. "Hi, pretty girl. What a sweetheart."
"I hope you're still saying that after she meets the guinea pig. I'll leave the harness on her until we're sure they're okay together."
I pushed up to my feet. "Sounds like a plan. Well, should we try it out?"
I'd returned Curly to his cage, so we walked Ruby over and let her sniff around the cage while Curly sniffed at her. Once they both seemed to accept the new smells, I took Curly out and set him down in front of Ruby while Andrew kept hold of her harness so if she tried to lunge for Curly he could stop her.
She didn't. They sniffed each other some more, then Curly rubbed himself against her front leg. She looked surprised, but gave his head a tentative lick.
Andrew and I laughed, and he loosened his hold on her harness but didn't release her entirely. "Just in case she was doing a taste test."
"He probably tastes like lettuce."
He smiled at me, and we watched our pets become more comfortable and began to relax ourselves. Ten minutes after they met, they were roaming around the apartment hardly seeming to notice each other and Andrew and I settled onto the couch since our focused attention no longer seemed necessary.
"I feel like I should say I'm sorry your party got cancelled, but since I know you weren't exactly looking forward to it that feels weird."
I chuckled. "True. No, I'm hardly devastated." Especially now. No time with James, more with Andrew. Kind of the definition of a "win-win" situation.
"Glad to hear it," he said, and we lapsed into a peaceful silence, broken only by our occasional amusement when Ruby or Curly did something cute.
Eventually, he said, "So, what would you be doing if I hadn't invited myself over?"
"You didn't. Ruby did."
He shook a finger at the cat. "Rude girl."
I laughed. "Curly and I don't mind. As for what I'd be doing, I was going to play with him a bit then read for a few hours before hunting down something for dinner."
He nodded slowly then took a deep breath and said, "Mind if I join you?"
I blinked. "At that? You want to sit and read?"
His neck reddened. "If you don't mind. I love it but I hardly ever take the time to do it for hours at a time."
"You should, it's awesome," I said, feeling as shy as he looked. "It's my favorite way to spend an afternoon. But you don't have a book."
He looked toward the front door. "Brought my ereader just in case."
I laughed. "You think of everything."
So we raided the kitchen for a beer for him and a vodka cooler for me since I wasn't in a beer mood and opened the blinds so the apartment filled with sunshine, and we sat together on the couch and read while our pets alternately played and curled up in our laps to sleep.
Though we barely spoke, it felt lovely being together, but eventually my stomach began growling.
"Either Curly's mad at you or it's dinner time." Andrew smiled at me.
"I don't think he's mad," I admitted. "What time is it?"
Andrew checked his watch. "Five-thirty. So..."
I didn't want him to leave. "Should we order pizza or something?" I said, then had to add, "Unless you have plans for the evening."
His eyes warmed as he looked at me. "I hope we could have plans, unless you've got something else to do."
"Not a thing."
We sat smiling at each other like fools, then my stomach rumbled again and I said, "Well, I do plan to eat."
"What a coincidence, me too. Let me take you out, though, to make up for drinking your beer."
I laughed, loving the words 'take you out'. "You had one. Where will you take me to make up for it, McDonald's?"
He feigned shock. "You think I'm made of money?"
I giggled and he said, "I do have to take Ruby home and give her an insulin shot, though. What if you come with me and then we go out?"
I looked at Curly. "Sorry, bud, you're on your own tonight."
Andrew put on a high squeaky voice. "Can I have lettuce?"
"Of course."
"Then get out of here."
I laughed and headed to the fridge to get the promised lettuce, Andrew behind me bringing out our empty bottles. When I closed the fridge door, he said, "I like your fridge decoration."
I looked at the napkin contract we'd signed when I'd started running and laughed. "It's a reminder that I've got support."
"You've got tons of it." He looked down. "Right, Ruby?"
The cat stared up at him.
"I think that's a yes," he said, giving me a smile.
I smiled back, so happy he was there. "Probably."
I returned Curly to his cage, which was tricky since he was running around in circles with excitement over the lettuce he could smell. Once I had him safely locked away, I rewarded him with the lettuce and left with Andrew and Ruby.
Andrew's apartment was a little bigger than mine and full of more computer equipment than I'd seen outside an electronics superstore, probably not a surprise since he worked as a software developer. "Got enough technology?" I said as I looked around.
"Not quite. I have space right there." He pointed at a corner of his nearly full desk. "Then I'll have enough."
"Well, get on it. It's important to have enough."
He smiled at me. "Yes, it is." He dropped his voice to a whisper. "Don't tell, but I might already have enough."
"I won't tell, but I think it's kind of obvious," I said in the same whisper.
He bent to free Ruby from her carrier and said, "So I'll deal with the beast and then we can go. Think about what you want to eat."
I tried, but I could only think of Andrew. Were we on a date? Sitting at home reading hardly seemed like first-date material, but it had been so wonderful, and now we were going out for dinner. He was taking me out for dinner. If it was a date, it would probably be the best first one I'd ever had since we were already so comfortable with each other.
He opened the fridge, its door half-covered with foot-shaped magnets, and found a small glass bottle, then began preparing a syringe of insulin.
"Can I talk while you do that?"
He glanced up and smiled. "Of course. It's not tricky. What's on your mind?"
"I just wondered what's up with the feet." I tapped the fridge door so he'd know what I meant.
He laughed. "They're all for the same foot care clinic in Toronto. They have magnets in all the race kits, so I just started collecting them."
"What will you do when the fridge is full?"
"Buy a new fridge." He returned the insulin bottle to its shelf and grinned at me. "Obviously."
"Sorry, how stupid of me." I grinned back.
"I'll forgive you this time," he said, heading into the living room.
I followed, and watched him gently inject Ruby, who'd hopped up onto the back of the couch to let him do it. "She doesn't complain at all," I said in wonder as he withdrew the needle and gave the cat a pat. "Amazing."
"She's smart. Knows she feels better when she gets it."
I shook my head. "That's incredible."
He fed her then looked at me. "So. Are you ready to go?"
Our eyes met, and I knew: this was a date, at least somewhat, and he both wanted it and was nervous about it.
I smiled. "Definitely. You?"
"I think so," he said. "Let's find out."
We left Ruby stuffing her furry little face and he took me to a sushi restaurant nearby. I didn't have much experience with sushi, and none with chopsticks, but since nearly all his coworkers were Japanese he ate sushi frequently. He taught me how to do it, laughing with me as I messed up, and we ate and talked and argued over whose pet was the best and laughed so much my sides ached.
When the food was gone and he'd paid the
bill I couldn't bear to have it end. "So," I said, "can I buy you a coffee?"
He gave me a small smile and shook his head, and I had an instant of sadness before he said, "But I'd love to buy you one."
"I thought you weren't made of money," I said, relief and happiness making me giddy. "Isn't it my turn to pay?"
"Not tonight. Maybe next time."
I raised my eyebrows and said, "Good luck with that," but the idea that he wanted to see me like this again made me so happy I couldn't hold onto the disapproving expression I'd tried to put on.
"I guess we'll see."
"I guess so."
Chapter Twenty-Five
The nervousness I felt the next morning as I walked from my car to the Beaches path made my knees shake so much I wasn't sure I'd be able to run.
Andrew and I had spent nearly two more hours together after dinner, drinking coffee and talking nonstop. He told me more about Rhiannon, how he'd helped her recover from the tragedy of her fiancé's murder and begin not to hate herself for not being perfect and how hard he'd found it to accept her sudden death just as she began to get her life back together. His eyes teared up more than once as he described the first horrible days of his bereavement, the pain and fury and inevitable survivor's guilt he'd felt, and I held his hand and somehow managed to hold back my own tears at the rawness of his emotions. He didn't say he'd loved her, but I could see it and it made it all even more awful.
He didn't monopolize the conversation, though, even though I'd never have tried to stop him doing so with all he'd been through. He asked about my relationship history, and I shared the mess I'd had with Chad and how I hadn't been available to him because of Kim's surgery. Andrew was supportive of me, squeezing my hand and saying he was sorry for the humiliation I'd felt, but also made it clear that he didn't think I should take any part of the blame for Chad's cheating. Looking into his warm eyes I was able to see that he was right, and also able to tell him how horrified I was that I'd even considered letting Chad off the hook with such a pathetic excuse. I knew he wouldn't judge me for being so weak, and he didn't. I'd never felt so comfortable and open with a man. With anyone.
But how would we be today?
When he walked me up to my apartment after those hours together we paused, briefly silent, in my doorway. We reached out to each other and shared a long hug, more than long enough for me to realize how good it felt to be in his strong arms, then released each other while still standing close together. Our eyes met and the air around us seemed to hum with anticipation, then he took a step back and cleared his throat. "Well. See you tomorrow morning. Thank you for a great day."
"No, thank you," I said, and to lighten the mood added, "I'll be there tomorrow with bells on."
"Running shoes would be better," he replied, then we'd grinned at each other and he'd left.
Our time together had been like a date, an amazing and perfect and intimate date, but the ending had been very much just friends and I didn't know where we stood now.
Ten seconds after I saw him standing with Jeanine waiting for my arrival, I knew. I knew from the distance I saw in his eyes, from the way his casual greeting didn't betray any of the closeness we'd felt the night before. With Jeanine there he wouldn't have been too demonstrative anyhow, but this went past that. He had pulled away from me.
I smiled and returned their friendly hellos and did my best to hide my disappointment that we weren't where we'd been, and as we began our warm up I trotted along between them and gave myself a little pep talk.
Andrew knew as well as I did that we had a connection, but our talk last night made it clear that his pain over Rhiannon was still intense. He obviously didn't feel ready to date again, so finding himself interested in me would naturally confuse and upset him. In fact, the more distant he got, perhaps, the more he was into me.
Measuring our relationship by his lack of attention to me didn't appeal: too much like how Amanda assessed her situation with James. But it wasn't even close to the same thing. James mostly treated Amanda like an annoying fly buzzing around the edges of his life, with occasional bursts of kindness to keep her around. Andrew spent hours a week helping me to become a better runner, and our conversations during those runs were helping me become a stronger person. Andrew wasn't distant, he was taking things slow. I could handle that pace.
"Hey, sorry about last night."
I glanced at Jeanine, confused, but she was looking at Andrew.
When I turned to him I couldn't see his face but his ears were turning red below the edge of his running hat. "No problem," he said. "I'm sorry I answered so late."
She smiled. "I should have known when you didn't answer my first text that you were out for dinner or something. Sending three more was overkill, especially since I only wanted to check we were still on for today, but you usually answer so fast I figured the messages got lost."
When we sat down for dinner I'd told him how Amanda constantly texted James on the rare occasions we hung out together and how much I hated not having any of her attention. He agreed that her behavior was rude, then pulled out his phone and ceremoniously turned off its sound. I'd laughed and done the same, and we'd carried on talking, but now that I thought about it I realized he'd given his phone a second glance before putting it away. He'd ignored Jeanine's message in favor of staying focused on me.
Jeanine went on to tell a story about a friend who'd sent her ten messages in five minutes because she hadn't answered right away, and I listened while watching Andrew's profile. So cute. And maybe interested in me?
He turned his head toward me. His cheeks were pinker than the run should have caused, and he gave me a sheepish and adorable smile.
I smiled back.
Yup, interested.
Before I could bask in that, my phone rang. I pulled it from my belt's pouch and sighed. "Hey, Amanda, what's up?"
"I need a favor."
Of course she did. She never called me any more when she didn't, and since I'd been too busy with Tosca and Andrew and Jeanine to call her either, we hadn't spoken for weeks. "Okay, what is it?"
"Why are you panting?"
"I'm running. What do you need?"
"How's about a little conversation? Do you have to be so abrupt?"
I blinked. "You launched right into needing a favor. I thought that's what we were doing."
"Whatever. I just thought you might like to chat too. But never mind. You'll be at school tomorrow, right? And most days this week?"
To my annoyance, I felt bad that I had been too direct. Liking that she wanted to re-connect with me, even though we'd no doubt talk only about James, I said, "I'll be there every day. Come by whenever."
"Oh, good. Look, that stupid gerbil I had in my room last year is coming back for another round. Peter had it for the summer, and his mom wants to bring it in tomorrow but I wasn't planning on being back at school until next week. You can take care of it until then, right?"
The gerbil, nicknamed Jaws by the staff for its love of trying to bite at students, wouldn't appreciate my attempts to care for it, and I didn't appreciate Amanda trapping me by making me admit I'd be there. "I don't know, I'm pretty busy."
"You just need to throw some food at it and fill up the water bottle daily. There are leather gloves on the windowsill if you have to stick a hand in there. Don't want you to lose a finger!"
She laughed, and I knew I was supposed to laugh too but instead had to hold back a sigh.
"You'll do it, won't you? If you don't I'll have to cancel my vacation with James this week."
James, my least favorite five-letter word. To avoid hearing any more about him, I said, "Fine, I'll take care of the gerbil. As long as the leather gloves are there."
"You're the best. Gotta go."
She hung up before I could reply. So much for wanting to chat.
I put my phone away, anger and frustration sweeping me, as Jeanine said, "Everything okay?"
"Sure. Fantastic. But next run remind me to
turn off my phone first. Or at least not to answer it."
"You're not bending over backwards to help someone, are you?"
Her tone was joking but I knew she meant it. She'd told me several times that I needed to stand up for myself more. She was probably right, but that just made it more annoying. "Nope. I'll be there anyhow so it's no big deal."
She shook her head in mock disappointment. "Andrew, do something."
"Okay." He looked back and forth between us then said, "Let's sprint until that bench," and pointed an awfully long way down the path.
She gasped in not-so-mock horror. "I didn't mean about running. I meant--"
"We know what you meant," I said, not wanting to do this at all and especially not in front of Andrew. From the sounds of it Rhiannon had been a strong and driven woman; why would he have any interest in me if I couldn't even hold my own against a gerbil?
"Megan's a smart lady. We don't have to tell her what to do. Now both of you, sprint."
"Isn't that also telling me what to do?" I said as we pelted down toward the bench.
He winked at me and I laughed, but I hated that even Jeanine, who didn't know me that well, knew I let Amanda push me around.
*****
We didn't discuss my caving in to Amanda again during that run, although I felt sure Jeanine wanted to, and Andrew didn't mention it when we ran together Tuesday morning, but on Thursday morning during our warm-up I brought it up myself.
I couldn't help it: the whole situation was so annoying and I needed to talk to someone. Tosca and I had spent time together Wednesday going through both of our plans for the new school year and helping each other improve them, but it hadn't felt right to complain to her about her coworker even though I knew she didn't think Amanda should have expected me to handle her responsibility. It did feel right, though, to talk to Andrew.
"So, I've been feeding that stupid gerbil of Amanda's."
He nodded, glancing over at me as we ran. "How's it going?"
"Well, its cage hadn't been cleaned in forever so I did that because I felt bad for the poor beast, and it repaid me by..." I held up my hand to show him the small puncture wounds in my index finger.
"I thought you told Amanda you'd be wearing gloves to protect yourself. No?"
Toronto Collection Volume 2 (Toronto Series #6-9) Page 59