I stumbled as the truth of that hit me, and everyone gasped as one. Fortunately my feet managed to recover. I felt like it was them and not me. I'd gone numb inside and my mind was blank.
When I reached Owen, he took my hand but he didn't look at me. I turned toward him and mentally begged him to, the only thought in my blankened mind, begged him to turn to me and tell me he loved me. Rob had kissed Stephanie at this point. Couldn't Owen at least look at me?
He stared straight ahead at Captain Edgar and squeezed my hand hard. It wasn't a comforting gesture. I knew it meant, "Behave yourself. You're embarrassing me." Like I was a child who needed correction.
I obediently turned to look at Edgar too, solidly handsome in his ceremonial uniform, and he gave me a reassuring smile and said, "I must apologize for the ship lurching at precisely the wrong time. I'm so glad you kept your footing."
A murmur of relieved laughter rose behind me, but I stared at him, confused. I didn't think the ship had moved. I thought it had been me.
Edgar's forehead furrowed for a moment, then he took a deep breath and said, "Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today to join Melissa Berger and Owen Reel in holy matrimony. They will be committing themselves to each other for as long as they both shall live. These are sacred vows, and should not be made lightly. Nor should they be taken lightly by their friends and family, as they will need to support them in their new life together. And so I ask, is there anyone here who knows why this marriage should not take place? If so, speak now or forever--"
"I do."
Owen dropped my hand and stared at me. "You don't say that now," he muttered.
I couldn't believe I'd said it, but I'd had to. As Edgar spoke, as his every word sank into me like a dagger, I knew I couldn't do it.
"Melissa?"
I ignored Edgar, instead focusing on Owen. I looked into his eyes, filled with shock. Just shock. No pain or sadness. It made everything even clearer. "I do. I'm sorry, but I can't marry you. I just can't."
Then I turned and fled.
Chapter Forty-One
I left the chapel at a near-run, pushing through the doors past a stunned Derek, then stopped a few steps away and leaned against the hallway wall. There was no point in going any further. I'd have to explain myself eventually and it might as well be now.
I took a long deep breath in through my nose, trying to calm down before Owen arrived, and my treacherous brain gave me the memory of Nicholas's sandalwood cologne as the air filled my lungs. I gave myself one second to think of him, of how sweet and adorable he was, then I let the air out again as Owen burst from the chapel and said, "What the hell are you doing?"
I raised my chin and pushed away from the wall. I wanted to stay leaning against it because my knees were shaking, but part of me knew I needed to stand up straight, on my own. "I'm sorry," I said again, then couldn't think of anything else.
"Never mind that," he said impatiently. "Are you serious?"
I stared at him. "Of course I am. You think I'd call it off as a joke?"
"I guess not."
"You guess--"
He cut me off. "It's just cold feet. It happens."
I shook my head. "I've been telling myself it is, but it's not. It's way bigger than that."
"What is it then?"
Such a good question. "I..." I thought of how I'd written the end of my book and let my words fall from me in the same free way. "Owen, I want to be so wildly in love with my husband that some times I can hardly handle looking at him. I want to know he feels like that for me. And I just don't think either of us--"
"That's fairy tale shit, Mel. It doesn't exist. You can't be--"
Our guests appeared in the hallway behind us, and he turned and appealed to them. "Did you hear that? She's not marrying me because she doesn't get butterflies? Tell her that never happens outside crappy movies."
My eyes met Wendy's. Her face was streaked with tears but her eyes were warm and full of pride, and I knew we both knew Owen was wrong. It did happen. She had it with Mark, Stephanie and Rob had it by the boatload, and I... yes, I had it with Nicholas. And I would go after it.
"Mel, are you sure about this? You might be expecting more than you could ever get."
I made myself turn to Linda. "I'm sure. I'm sorry about the money and everything, I'll--"
She was shaking her head. "I don't care about that. I care about you and Owen." She frowned. "I really think you're wrong, Mel. Good guys, good providers, they're not waiting around every corner, you know. If you give Owen up, you need to know that you might never find someone as good."
Good wasn't good enough any more. I thought I knew where I could find the butterflies and the emotion I needed, and even if I was wrong about Nicholas I was still right about not marrying Owen. I wanted the whole package, and if I couldn't have it I would not accept a weak imitation. Better no husband at all. Far better.
I looked at Owen. "You are good. I know. It's not that." I sighed. "We just see everything differently."
"There's someone else, isn't there?"
Wendy moved to stand behind me and Mark followed her. I appreciated their support. "It's not about that, it's--"
"But there is." He shook his head. "I thought you were better than that."
His words hurt, but his 'I'll make you feel guilty' tone infuriated me. "You know what? There is someone else."
My mother gasped, but I kept going. "There wasn't. There was never going to be. But I fell in love though I didn't mean to and so I know what I'm missing with you because I know how I feel with him."
Owen and I locked eyes. "You know you'll regret this, right?" he said. "This other guy, if he even exists, there's no way he's as good as me. I'm a good man, Mel. We don't grow on trees. You'll regret this."
I ignored this annoying speech because I had to ask something else. I had to know. "Owen, do you love me?"
"Of course I do. I proposed, didn't I?"
"What were you thinking when I walked down the aisle?"
He shook his head angrily. "What difference does it--"
"I want to know."
"I thought you looked pretty and I was glad to finally be getting married! That's it!"
His vehemence shocked us all, even him. Into the stunned silence I said, softly, "That's not nearly enough." Surprised by my own calm, I drew off my engagement ring and held it out to him, waiting without a word until he took it. Then I added, "I won't marry you, and that's final."
Nobody else spoke. Owen looked away, shaking his head, and muttered, "What the hell." Then he gave a half laugh and said, "Guess I was right about not needing a pre-nup."
I stared at him. "What do you mean?"
His neck reddened. "Nothing." Then he turned back to the others. "If anybody needs me," he said, "I'll be in the casino."
He started to turn away, since Wendy and Mark and I were blocking the hallway before him, but I caught his arm. "No. Tell me. We never even discussed a pre-nup."
He pulled his arm away, then sighed. "I know. I didn't want to bother you with it." He glanced at Linda then back at me. "I didn't think it was necessary."
"But..." I remembered my conversation with Linda at the spa, which felt like a million years ago. She'd been surprised I didn't know he'd considered one. "You talked to your mom about it but didn't tell me?"
"You didn't need to know. It was no big deal. I took care of it."
I heard Wendy take a quick sharp breath, and I agreed with her to the bottom of my mom's white sandals. "I should have known. We should have been partners."
He shook his head. "Whatever. We're nothing now, right?" Then he turned and walked away down the long straight hall. He wasn't heading toward the elevator that would take him to the casino, but I certainly wasn't going to call him back to tell him.
The stiff silence continued until he'd disappeared around a distant corner, then Wendy cleared her throat. "Well. Okay. Melissa, how about we go back to the elevator and then down to 8034 and let you change cl
othes?"
I looked at her, confused by the detailed itinerary, but realized she was probably so shocked she didn't know what she was saying. "Yes. Thank you."
She gave me a hint of a smile and started to turn away, but before I could follow Linda said to Austin, "You're not the other man, are you?"
He gave a surprised chuckle. "Trust me, Mom, there's no way I can give Mel what she wants. I don't buy all that stuff either."
"Linda, I'm really sorry," I said before she could go on to wonder about her other, absent, son. "I am. I thought I could do it, I thought it would work, but when it came down to it... I'll pay you back and--"
She waved her hand at me. "Honey, to be blunt, you can't afford it. And..." She sighed. "Honestly, I wish I felt the way you do. But I don't believe in all that and I never will. Go get changed."
I nodded, then turned to my mom. "Sorry, I just--"
"I know what you just, I heard it," she said, shaking her head. "I think you've never been so wrong. But whatever. You'll make your own decisions."
Like lightning, those words tore through me, exactly the words she'd said to my dad after she'd brow-beaten him into not coming on the cruise. I gave a far different answer than he had, though. He'd shrugged and turned away. I said, "Yes. I will."
Then I turned and headed toward the elevator. Wendy fell into step beside me. The moment we rounded the corner she grabbed my hand and said, "I'm so proud of you."
I tried to laugh but it came out more like a sob. "Really? You're the only one."
She shook her head. "Nope. Mark is too. I know it." She hurried me into the elevator, and once we were there she collapsed back against the wall. "Safe."
I hugged her hard. "Thank you. You're the best maid of honor ever."
"Hardly. I don't think most of them give an 'are you sure you want to get married?' speech right beforehand."
"Exactly." I squeezed her harder. "That's why you're the best."
Our laughter had a hint of hysteria to it.
When the elevator reached our floor she let me go and said, "Okay, let's go get you un-bridal."
She walked so fast down the hall that I could barely keep up. I scurried after her, as people stared at me rushing along in my big white dress, and called to her, "Got other plans for the day or something?"
"Just think there's no point in waiting around."
"Okay, but do we need to sprint?"
Apparently we did. We reached the room in record time and I waited, breathing hard, as she opened the door and let us in.
She was unzipping my dress as the door clicked shut. "Wendy, geez. Calm down."
She stopped and took a deep breath. "Sorry, I just-- sorry."
With a little less haste, she helped me out of my beautiful dress and began returning it to its bag as she said, "What about your hair?"
In answer, I reached up and pulled out the pins. "I don't want to keep on anything from the wedding."
"Ditto." She took out her own twist, pulling apart the braid Dimitri had made, then unzipped her dress and began changing into jeans and a t-shirt. "Why don't you go wash your face and get rid of the makeup? Take your clothes with you. Hurry up."
She was acting so weird, but since she'd been so helpful I just said, "Okay," and picked up my favorite pale pink t-shirt and my purple long skirt along with a clean and non-wedding-related bra and underwear. I'd worn the skirt and shirt on the Bahamas trip with Nicholas, and wearing them now felt right. A way to be close to him.
My hair was a little kinked up from the twist and braid, but I wet my brush and after a few good strokes it smoothed out pretty well. I pulled it back into its usual ponytail and washed my face, and as I was drying off I realized that I'd called off my wedding and I'd never felt happier.
I grinned at myself, knowing that in moments I'd be off to find Nicholas and that whatever happened I had done the right thing, then jumped at a loud knock on the stateroom door.
"Get your clothes on then come out. I'll get it," Wendy said, and I heard the lock click open then her talking quietly. Then the door closed again.
"Who was it?"
She didn't answer, so I dressed quickly and went out.
Then I stared into warm emotion-filled brown eyes. "Nicholas!"
Chapter Forty-Two
He moved toward me and took hold of my shoulders. "Are you okay?" Before I could answer, he said, "You're so brave. You're amazing."
"You... how..." I shook my head. "I'm lost. How did you know? Did Wendy email you or something?"
The sweetness and emotion in his smile nearly made me cry but his words shocked away the tears. "I was there." As I tried to get my head around this, his grip tightened on my shoulders. "I got there when you were halfway down the aisle, and I waited outside with the door open just a bit until Edgar started to speak then I stepped into the chapel."
"To see me get married? But--"
"No." He took my face in both hands, his touch lighting me up. "I was waiting for Edgar to finish asking if anyone objected so I could."
I stared at him, hope and happiness unfurling inside me. "You were?"
He nodded, his mouth curving into a smile. "But someone beat me to it." His smile vanished and he took a step closer. "When I left you in the coffee area, I thought I was doing the right thing. I thought I shouldn't interfere. Owen is way better husband material than I could ever be. But I hated it, and just before ten I knew I couldn't let you marry him without at least trying to let you know how I feel."
My heart racing, I said, "What were you going to say? To Edgar, I mean?"
He smoothed his fingers gently over my cheek, then laid his hands on my shoulders again. "I wasn't going to talk to him. Just to you. And I didn't plan it. I was just going to tell you the truth." He swallowed hard and looked deep into my eyes. "I love you, Melissa. The best moments of my life have been with you, and I want them all to be with you from now on."
Overwhelmed, I threw my arms around his waist and buried my face in his shoulder. "I love you too. So much."
He held me tight against him and I cuddled in even closer. I took a deep breath, savoring his rich sandalwood-and-leather scent and the unbelievable joy of being in his arms, then I pulled back and looked at him as a realization struck me. "I smelled you. In the doorway after I left the chapel. That was your cologne. I thought I imagined it but it was real."
"Yup." He grinned at me, his eyes bright with love and his arms still locked around me. "Never mind smelled, I thought you might have seen me. Wendy did."
I stared at him and he nodded. "Right when you first spoke. She looked toward the door and saw me and she gave me a tiny smile and did this." He jerked his head to the side. "So I got out of there and hid around the corner."
"She knew I was going to run," I said, laughing with sheer delight. "And she figured it'd be better if you weren't right there when I did." That would have made telling Owen even more awkward. She'd also known Nicholas would be coming to find me afterwards. Her rushing me made sense now, and so did saying her room number; she'd been afraid he wouldn't know where we were going. Even moving to stand behind me had been to make sure Owen wouldn't go that way and run into Nicholas. "That girl. She's so quick on her feet."
"That she is." He pulled me tight against him again. "I love you so much, Melissa. I should have said so days ago. Hell, I should have said so when we were together. I knew it then, but it's so much deeper now. I wish I'd told you then, because then we--"
I shut my eyes and squeezed him hard. "I wish I had too. But before doesn't matter any more. Everything is great right now."
We clung together. I knew we had hard times and painful talks ahead, and I couldn't imagine all members of our families would be supportive. But we'd both been ready to stand up for our love and that would make everything work out eventually.
A knock at the door startled us apart, and I cringed for a second, not sure I was ready for whoever was there. But then I raised my chin, determined to stand my ground, and saw
Nicholas raising his at the same time. We grinned at each other and I opened the door.
"Melissa, are you-- Oh. Nicholas?" Edgar looked back and forth between us. "Am I meeting 'the other man'?"
Nicholas nodded. "We did our best not to let it happen but..." He shook his head.
"I'm not here to judge you." He gave Nicholas a gentle smile then turned to me. "I actually came to see if you're okay. And to make sure you haven't changed your mind. Although I think I can see the answer to both questions just by looking at you two."
I smiled at him, and he said, "Well, that's great. Linda will be pleased."
My mouth fell open.
"You're not going to tell her, are you?" Nicholas said, and I had a moment of shocked horror that he was going to hide us before he said, "Because I think we should do that, Melissa and me, together."
Relief flooding me, I nodded.
Edgar frowned then his face cleared. "Of course. You don't know. Nicholas, you're about to get a new stepfather."
I stared, shocked, and Nicholas said, "She's marrying Raul?"
Edgar nodded. "Unless Melissa had changed her mind and wanted her wedding timeslot back. I believe the exact words were, 'Raul's a good guy and today's as good as any.' They're writing up a pre-nup agreement as we speak."
I shuddered, not entirely mock, and Nicholas said, "She's such a romantic."
We laughed, then Edgar sobered. "Unless..." He looked back and forth between us again. "Did you two want to get married?"
We shook our heads at once. "I haven't proposed," Nicholas said, then his arm wound around my waist and he added, "Yet."
I grinned and cuddled into him, and didn't bother saying that marrying Nicholas in the time slot I'd had reserved to marry Owen would be the worst possible way to start our marriage.
"Okay," Edgar said. "Just thought I'd check." He smiled gently at me. "That was very brave, you know. I wish you all the best. Both of you."
"Thank you," Nicholas said, and Edgar turned to go, but before he could I said, "Would you?"
Toronto Collection Volume 2 (Toronto Series #6-9) Page 92