by Day Leitao
Wow, wow, wow. Stop everything. Yes, of course Karina would love to kiss him, but not in that situation, not as part of a farce. She pushed him before their lips met. “Hey, I wanted answers, not this.”
He stared at her. “Of course. Kissing me would be disgusting.”
“Yes, it would. You can’t be doing what you’re doing with Raja and then come and try to kiss me.”
“The only reason I had to turn to her is that I can’t figure you out.”
“Oooh, I’m so complicated. I’m the one with cryptic messages and secrets.”
Sian snorted. “Have you ever noticed the way you look at me? Because I have. Other people have.” His voice rose. “What is that supposed to mean, if you refused to kiss me even to save my life?”
“Maybe you should have figured out why your brother called the wrong person to break your spell. I was home. I was fine. I didn’t need this in my life.”
“Oh, it’s horrible, right? I’m horrible. Now can you stop looking at me the way you do? Because then everything will make a lot more sense and I won’t go crazy.”
“Stop playing games, Sian. I can’t stand your lies.”
“Lies? I hate, abhor lying, you have no idea how much. I never, ever, ever lied to you. Not a word I’ve told you was a lie, Karina. Not a single word.”
“What about Raja?”
“What about her? You want to know, I’ll tell you. I was completely lost. I’m completely lost. Confused.”
Karina swallowed. “You’re confused? Well, clear up your confusion, then come talk to me.”
She turned around to leave. Oh, no. Tears were about to burst out, but she held them back. Anything but humiliation.
Sian pulled her hand. “Why didn’t you kiss me to break the spell?”
Karina was so angry she yelled from the top of her lungs. “I did! I did. But it didn’t work, did it? Because you need some kind of slight attraction, which you obviously didn’t have. I felt like a fool, Sian, a fool. I should have known.”
“Breaking the spell depended on your feelings only. Just a spark, that was all you needed.”
He was probably making that up. “I could have stayed home. I broke your spell, didn’t I? And I did more. When those things came after us, your dear brother wanted to run away and leave you there. Hopeless, defenseless. I couldn’t. I teleported with you.” Karina realized that the fear she had felt in the garden had been for him, not for her. Stupid. “You could at least be grateful.”
“I was grateful! You wouldn’t have been able to break that spell if you had no feelings. But you confuse me because when I declared my feelings for you, you turned me down.”
“Was that in your dreams? Because I sure would have remembered if you had done that.”
“On the roof. That night.”
Was he insane? “You did not declare anything! You asked me about my feelings, then mocked me.”
“I didn’t mock you. I asked you, and you were silent. What was I supposed to think?”
“You ask a question like that out of the blue, what do you expect?”
“I don’t know. I can’t ask you because you won’t answer. What am I expected to do?”
“Nothing. Go and find Raja.”
“Right. How horrible. I’m a loser because I followed her advice. Perhaps it was wrong. Now I’m asking you.”
It was unsettling to see him shaken, but then, it could be just pretending. She paused, then said, in a normal tone of voice, “I heard you two talking. You’re together, aren’t you?”
Sian frowned. “What? Karina, she’s like a sister to me. All I did was ask her what to do with you. That was all.”
“Don’t lie to me.”
“What did you hear? Tell me. What did you hear?”
Karina tried to remember. Something about romance. His voice cracking with feeling. Help me. Could she have misunderstood it? “You asked for help.”
“That’s what I’m saying. What would I need help with? I’ve got it all figured out. With you it was different. You don't study that stuff in strategy class. Who could I turn to for help?”
“Well, me.”
“Right. You refused to even fly back here with me. I had to bring more people to make this a functioning castle and for security, not so you’d ignore me.”
Karina raised her voice, “Maybe I wouldn’t ignore you if you didn’t disappear from time to time, and if you didn’t spend your night dancing with Raja.”
“You refused to dance with me.”
“Did you have to dance that close? Did she have to stare at me?”
“Maybe it was stupid. Maybe it was silly. Maybe I should never have taken her advice. She said you were jealous. She told me to…” He looked down.
“That was stupid, Sian. What did you think would happen? I would look at you both, think you’re flirting, then decide to get between you two? You think you’d be more attractive if I thought you were flirting with us both? You think I’d let you kiss me if I thought you were also kissing her? It doesn’t work like that.”
“Giving you undivided attention didn’t work either. What was I supposed to do?”
“Invite me for a walk, maybe? Say something nice?”
Sian snorted. “Take you to the roof. Does that count?”
“Yeah, and then ignore me all night.”
“You were the one ignoring me. After I declared my feelings.”
He was impossible. “That was not a declaration!”
Hold on. Her heart beat faster. Was it? Was that what he thought he’d done that night; declared his feelings? She’d been so angry at him, it was like a black cloud covering all senses, all reason. The cloud started to drift away. His feelings. Karina whispered. “Was it?”
“Apparently not.” He stared at her. “Karina, what are we arguing about?”
“I’m not sure.” Her head was spinning with so much information that didn’t quite compute.
Sian caressed her face with the back of his hand. “I’m an idiot. You can tell me I’m an idiot. It’s all my fault.”
“Not all your fault.”
He was standing closer to her now. “The only reason you didn’t let me kiss you just now was because you thought I had something with Raja?”
Karina let out a small breath. “Yes.”
“Do you believe me? Believe me when I’m saying she is like a sister to me? That all I did was ask her for help? For you?”
It did make sense. When she put everything together, plus what Aline had told her, it made a lot more sense than Karina’s stupid secret-relationship theory. Plus it was in his face. For once he was not cold, distant, and sarcastic. He was raw and real.
“Yes.”
He had a half smile, then brushed her hair away from her face. He kissed her cheek, then pulled her close to him. Karina closed her eyes as he pressed his lips against hers. She smelled his clean hair, leather, and something sweet. A soft, pleasant buzz took over her body. She felt as if she were flying. Karina felt the luckiest girl in the world—or worlds. All the wait had been worth it.
When they pulled apart, Karina was dizzy. They sat in a puffy couch. It was a good idea because he was tall and if they kept like that her neck would kill her. She looked at the floating stars, sparkles on the floor, and how they were alone in that immense room.
“Sian, did you ask your friends to leave?”
He ran his fingers through her hair. “They respect my privacy.”
Karina got the weird feeling that the whole point of that ball had been for them to spend those moments among floating stars. Karina remembered the dress. Sian was indeed a man with a plan, his only mistake was that she should have told her. Maybe it wouldn’t have worked if he’d told her. But she felt bad. “I’m sorry I didn’t wear the dress you gave me.”
“It’s fine. I wasn’t offended or upset. I obviously chose the wrong style.”
“No. It was perfect. I mean, I didn’t try it, but it was beautiful. I was just angry.”
/> “It’s fine. You look good regardless. And I should have considered how you feel about getting gifts.”
Karina stared at him, wondering what he meant.
He took one of her hands in his and circled his fingers on her palm. “Powerless. Dependent. I understand. I used to feel like that when I depended on my father.” He looked up and stared in her eyes. “But it’s different with you and me. You have immeasurable power. I don’t. I’m the powerless one. I could give you all the fortune in the world, and it wouldn’t even come close.”
Karina laughed. “Less, Sian, less. Can you try not to exaggerate?”
“I’m not exaggerating. You don’t want to depend on anyone, and I should have considered that.”
He did touch on a second point that had been bothering her since she’d come to Whyland with nothing but her clothes and hadn’t even paid for the food she ate. “That’s true too. The hand that gives is always on top.”
He squeezed her hand and smirked. “And that’s why I always prefer to be the one giving.” His face softened, and he caressed her forehead and hairline, brushing her hair away from her face. “But there’ll never be any power imbalance here. If there is any, it tips towards you, not me. Nothing I give you is with the upper hand, nothing.”
Karina shook her head. “I was just angry.”
“Can I ask you something?”
“Yes?”
“If you get angry at me again, can you come straight to me? Maybe we can solve it. Maybe we could have solved it all a long time ago.”
Karina laughed. “You mean two days ago. But that’s the thing. How can we discuss that stuff? What could I say? I think I like you. Do you like me?”
“A lot more than like, I would have replied, instead of going around in circles.”
Karina laughed. “At least we’re even.” She paused, thinking. “Were you waiting for this? To tell me the secrets of the castle?”
“I had to trust you. But we need to go outside, to a stream. We’ll do it tomorrow.”
“Sometimes I get the feeling you’re stalling.”
“Of course I’m stalling. Over one year waiting for this. Do you think I want to talk now?” He kissed her, then said, “I’m kidding. We do need to be away from these walls, and I’d rather do it during the day.”
“Over one year, you said?”
Sian tilted his head. “Nobody believes in love at first sight. Until they do.”
“Do you?”
“Not sure. I heard about you, and it intrigued me. Was it just because I knew there was something amiss, or was it something more? I don’t know. I saw you in the yellow tower when you were a prisoner—”
“What? How come—”
“I wanted to talk to you, to understand what was happening, but they didn’t let me. And then I met you, and we were on opposite sides, but you were sweet. You asked me to surrender, strike a deal. You sounded so worried. I thought it was because of your friends. Later I realized it was because of me. You cared. For no reason whatsoever. Now, I won’t lie. I lost and I was upset. I couldn’t be upset at you, though. I’d never in my life want to ask a favor from my brother. For you I did just that, to get that book to your hands. All I hoped was that you’d never forget me. And now you’re here.”
“I didn’t need a book to remember you, Sian. But it was nice knowing that you cared.”
“More than cared.”
He wrapped his arms around her and pulled closer to him. Again they were kissing and kissing and kissing.
They descended to the third floor a couple hours later, holding hands. Karina’s heart was tight. She feared saying goodbye to him and then waking up the next day and realizing it had been just a dream.
As they reached the door to his bedroom, Karina said, “I guess… Good-night.”
He looked puzzled for a moment, then shook his head. “No, no. Your things have been brought here. You’re staying with me.”
Advice about avoiding guy’s bedrooms and all the meanings of sleeping together spun in her head and she tensed.
Sian blinked, seeming confused. “What’s wrong?”
Karina didn’t want to offend him, didn’t want to suggest anything that perhaps he wasn’t suggesting, wasn’t sure how to express her worry, wasn’t even sure if there was any reason to worry, or if perhaps she should make anything clear. Was there anything that needed to be clear?
While she thought, Sian looked inside, looked at her, then back inside, then laughed. “You’re thinking further ahead than I was.”
Karina pulled her hand. “No, I—”
“Sorry. I’m just… I was surprised, that’s all. But there’s no difference. We’re still the same people we were upstairs. We can go up and sleep in the ballroom if you want to.”
Karina wanted to change the subject. “Can Raja sleep on her own, though?”
“I think she’s with Aline and Joel. Either way, you’re the one who’s most at risk here.”
“And you’ll only explain it to me tomorrow?”
He kissed her cheek. “Everything in its time.”
Karina woke up as rays of light reached her face. She was over the covers and still wearing the same leather as the night before. She was going to rethink her opinion that sleeping in jeans was uncomfortable.
Wait. She’d been with Sian and it was just that they never properly got ready to sleep, but sleep caught them regardless. Forget uncomfortable. The touch of his arms lingered on her, his presence, his smell. She turned to look at him, but he wasn’t there. Her stomach knotted a little. Are things in daylight the same as at night? Would he still hold her? Kiss her? She remembered some of her friends and parties, and how kissing one night could be a fleeting moment. But that was pointless fear. What she’d seen in his face, heard in his voice, had been real. She just wished he’d be near her now, so she could be sure of that.
As she sat up, she noticed someone on an armchair in the corner. Raja. Karina felt embarrassed, and maybe a little annoyed to realize that she had no privacy, but she didn’t want to say any of that. Instead, she said, “Good morning.”
The girl got up and walked to the bed. “Hey. Sorry I’m here. Sian didn’t want to leave you alone.”
Well, why did he leave then? But it didn’t matter. “Thanks.”
Raja smiled. “No problem.” She tilted her head and looked at Karina.
Karina was a little ashamed of having been jealous and thought she should be nice to Raja if she was Sian’s almost sister or whatever, but the way the girl kept looking at her was unnerving. Karina asked, “What?”
“Just looking.”
Karina got up. “You were provoking me last night. Trying to make me jealous. Why?”
Raja shrugged. “It worked, didn’t it? You should be glad—if it’s something you wanted.”
“You just made me upset and angry.”
She waved a hand. “Yeah, yeah, yeah. People get angry, get emotional, spit out stuff they’d been holding back. It works. Plus, if it weren't for me, he'd stall forever and never take an initiative.” Raja shrugged. “I’m not asking you to thank me or anything.”
If it had been under Raja's advice that he'd made his move, as clumsy as it had been, it was true that it had worked. Perhaps Karina should be thankful, except that there was still something odd about the girl. Karina decided to be honest. “I still feel you don’t like me.”
Raja sighed. “I don’t know you well enough to like or dislike you, Karina, it’s not that. It’s about trust. I have no clue why you were picked as his chosen one.” She rolled her eyes. “Maybe I do. You’re otherworldly and all. And that’s the thing. You might turn around and leave, and you might take these things different than us.”
Karina felt a chill in her stomach at being reminded that she didn’t belong in this world.
Raja continued, “So I don’t know.” She pointed a finger to Karina. “But I’ll tell you something: you break his heart, I’ll find you and gut you.”
Charmin
g. “I wouldn’t call myself a heartbreaker, Raja, so I’m sure you can chill.”
Raja narrowed her eyes. “I don’t think you’re sweet and harmless like everyone thinks.”
Karina laughed. “Well, sweet and harmless sounds boring. And you get trampled on.”
“Careful. Fear of being trampled makes people squash others.” She looked down, then back at Karina. “I’m sorry, though. If I made you jealous. I was just testing you. But really, at first, you showed no reaction. I thought—”
“It’s fine.” Karina just wanted that awkward conversation to end. “I wanted to eat something, though. I guess you have to walk with me, right?”
Raja nodded, then walked to the door. She paused then turned and said, “Sian is like a brother to me.”
“Why, though?” Karina then wasn’t sure if the question was too personal. “I mean, if you don’t mind answering.”
Raja shook her head. “No problem. Sian used to come to my mother’s business, and my mother took him under her wing. I mean, as much as she could, right? Because he had bigger wings over him. Before that, I had a real brother. He died. Maybe…” Raja shrugged. “Life is weird. It takes things from us but gives them back.”
“I’m sorry.”
Raja shook her head. “Nothing to be sorry. It’s how life goes.”
18
Unwrapping Secrets
Karina and Raja reached the kitchen, which was big and had dark marble counters and a circular table on a corner. Aline, Georgia, and Matheo were setting the table. Karina sat, wondering if any of them would look at her differently or crack any comment. She wasn't embarrassed about having kissed Sian, but rather embarrassed about her prior behavior. The worst thing had been knowing that they all had conspired to have her and Sian together. Why hadn’t they just told her that stuff? On second thought, Aline had told her not to be jealous of Raja. On a third thought, maybe taking a while to get together was normal. If they were together. She still had that odd feeling that the dream was about to dissipate. Only seeing Sian and knowing how he'd act towards her would put her at ease.