“Yeah,” he said, his voice sounding heavy. “It’s about my father.”
It was a long minute before he spoke again. “My mom fell in love with him when they were in high school. They ran off to get married, and even though my grandparents weren’t exactly thrilled about it, they would have helped out. But my mom didn’t want any help. She never cared about money, and she didn’t want to shame my father by making it seem like he didn’t have enough.”
His head was bowed, and he looked down at his clasped hands as he spoke. “But he couldn’t forget where she came from. I think he almost hated her for it. For having grown up with things he couldn’t provide, even though she always told him she didn’t care. He was convinced she’d leave him for another man, and he’d go into these jealous rages if my mom so much as talked to a neighbor or tipped the pizza delivery guy.”
He took a deep breath. “I don’t know if things were good in the beginning or not. By the time I came along, nothing was good. My father worked in construction, and he made decent money, but nothing like he thought he should be making. He started drinking, and…he started hitting my mom.”
She’d known it was coming. Impossible not to know. But hearing him say it out loud made her heart twist in her chest, and she wanted to go to him so much it hurt.
But the best thing she could do for him right now was listen.
“He didn’t hit me. He yelled at me a lot, but the one who got hurt was my mom. I think she…made it that way. She’d send me to my room if she heard a certain tone in my father’s voice, or if he came home drunk.
“I was scared all the time. Not for myself, but for her. When I was eight or nine I started thinking about ways to protect her, but I was a scrawny little kid and my father was so big… I knew I couldn’t fight him.”
Allison felt a little sick. Parents were supposed to protect their children, not the other way around. But Rick hadn’t had a childhood. You couldn’t be a child when you were trying to protect your mother from your father.
“The year I turned ten I couldn’t take it anymore. I was a little bigger, and I thought…I thought maybe I could at least get between them. He was getting worse, he hurt her bad enough to send her to the emergency room a couple of times. I was afraid he was going to kill her. So one night I tried. I came out of my room and got in the way, just like I’d planned. I woke up in the hospital.”
He laughed, and the sound was so bitter she felt an ache at the back of her throat. “The funny thing is my plan actually worked. My father took off after that. He’d never actually hit me before, so maybe it freaked him out—or maybe he was scared about the consequences. Whatever the reason, we never saw him again.
“That’s when we moved to Hunter Hall. I think my grandparents figured out some of what had happened, even though my mom never told them. But they got her to see a counselor, and they tried to make me go, too.”
“You didn’t?”
“No. I didn’t want to talk about it. I just wanted it over, done, in the past. I still want that. I’ve never wanted to see myself as a victim. As someone…damaged.”
His words were like a hit to her solar plexus.
“Maybe that doesn’t make sense to you,” he said after a moment.
“You didn’t want to be defined by what happened,” she said, her voice shaking a little. “You didn’t want to be defined by your father.”
“That’s it,” he said. “That’s it exactly. So I didn’t go to counseling. I know I should have. I know I’d be better off now if I’d dealt with it then. But the only thing I wanted when I was a kid was to make sure no one could hurt me or my mom ever again. I started doing sports. When I was twelve I started lifting weights. I wanted to be bigger and stronger than my father, strong enough to protect my mom.
“And I did get strong. By the time I was sixteen I was big enough to stand up to anyone who might try to hurt her. I was going to protect her from everything, from ever feeling pain again.”
He looked up then, and there was so much grief in his eyes that her heart broke. “And then she got cancer. I watched her suffer, and I couldn’t help her.” He swallowed convulsively. “It couldn’t even kill her quick. It took her slow, piece by piece, until there wasn’t anything left but the pain.”
She was at his side before she could stop herself. She knelt on the floor and put her hands over his. They were like ice, and she willed her body’s warmth to seep into him.
He took a deep breath. When he spoke again, she could hear the hopelessness in his voice. “All I wanted was to protect her. And in the end, the only thing I could do was watch while she died.”
Her hands tightened around his. “But you tried. Even when you were a little boy, you tried to protect her.” Something else clicked in her mind. “That’s why you joined the military after 9/11. You wanted to do something to protect people.”
“Don’t say that. That makes me sound noble, and I’m not noble. I joined the military because I was young and reckless and—”
She shook her head. “I read a quote once, about soldiers putting their own bodies between their loved ones and the destruction of war. That’s you, Rick. You’re a protector. That’s why I could never feel sorry for you.”
He pulled his hands out of her grip, but only so he could cover hers, instead. His skin felt warmer now. “Didn’t you hear what I’ve been saying? I’ve never been able to protect anyone. Maybe I tried when I was younger, but I never succeeded. And I sure as hell don’t protect anybody now. I don’t even care about anybody now.”
“That’s a load of crap,” she said fiercely. “I’ve seen the list of charities your company supports. Educational grants for disadvantaged kids…mentoring programs…shelters for women and children. Don’t you dare try to tell me you don’t care. You care about your grandmother. You care about Julie, and you only met her last week.”
There was a short silence. “Okay,” he said, and for the first time she heard a hint of a smile in his voice. “Maybe I do care about a few people.”
There was another silence, and Allison was aware, suddenly, of how intimate the space around them was. The only light in the room came from a small lamp on an end table. It cast a soft glow over them, while the rest of the room was in shadow.
It was so quiet she could hear Rick’s breathing. It was so quiet she could hear her own heartbeat.
It felt like they were the only two people in the world.
She looked down at their joined hands. As she watched, his thumb started to move over her wrist, soft and slow.
She closed her eyes as heat bloomed inside her.
A minute like that, with nothing existing but his touch. Then he started to pull her toward him.
She wanted to follow where he led. She wanted to fall into his arms, to fall into him. But fear choked her, powerful and mindless, and she jerked away from his grasp before she could stop herself.
“It’s getting late,” she said, retreating back to the sofa. Her voice sounded strange, like it belonged to someone else.
“You’re right,” Rick said after a moment. “I should let you get some sleep.”
He rose to his feet, and she rose with him. “Thanks for letting me see you,” he said. “For letting me apologize. And…for the rest of it.”
“All I did was listen.”
He smiled a little. “You did more than that.”
His words warmed her. “I was glad to do it.”
There was another pause, and they looked at each other.
It would be so easy to lose herself in those green eyes. Her furled edges seemed to open toward him, like a flower opening to the sun.
“Of course, you realize this doesn’t change anything between us.”
Her heartbeat quickened. “What do you mean?”
“Our bargain,” he reminded her. “Until Hunter Hall is mine, you’re still on the hook.”
She should have known that’s what he meant. “Right. Yes. Of course.”
“We should
make plans for next weekend. Any ideas?”
He sounded almost businesslike, and she tried to focus. “Well. Are you still willing to meet my family?”
“Absolutely. In fact, that would be perfect. I’ll make sure my grandmother knows about it. That combined with the show we put on today should convince her that I’m serious about you. What do you have in mind?”
“There’s a birthday party at my parents’ farm next Saturday. For Jake and Jenna, my brother and sister. They’re twins. Jake will only be there via video, since he’s in Afghanistan, but Jenna and a sizeable chunk of the Landry clan will be in attendance.”
“Count me in.”
She took a quick breath. “Okay, then. I’ll let everyone know you’ll be there.”
It occurred to her that she’d be introducing Rick to her parents for the first time. To her whole family, in fact.
She couldn’t help wondering what he’d think of them. And what they’d think of him.
Rick moved toward the door, and she followed. He paused with his hand on the knob.
“Good night, Allison.”
“Good night, Rick.”
He smiled at her briefly, and then he was gone.
She closed the door after him. When she realized she was still standing there a minute later, listening to the sound of the elevator taking him back downstairs, she turned away.
She went back into the living room, but she was too restless to sit down. She paced back and forth instead, her eyes unseeing, her hands stuck deep in the pockets of her robe.
She was falling for Rick Hunter.
And even though this was the first time she’d acknowledged the truth, she knew in her heart she’d been falling for him from the moment they’d met.
But nothing had really changed. They were still the same people, with the same problems.
He’d told her things tonight she was sure he’d never told anyone else, but that didn’t change who he was. Rick wasn’t suddenly going to start believing in the possibility of happiness or love, or anything outside himself.
Except for Hunter Hall, of course. That, he could believe in. The house had been his haven, his sanctuary, and it had the advantage of being made of stone instead of flesh and blood.
She understood better now why he wanted it so much, why he’d go to any lengths to make sure it was his. And she’d carry out her side of their bargain, and do everything she could to get Rick the one thing in the world he would ever let himself want.
Not that he didn’t want her. She was pretty sure that whatever Rick felt toward her now, it included a healthy dose of want. But even if that could be enough for her, she still had her own walls to contend with. Walls that were still firmly in place.
Allison went over to the window and rested her forehead against the cool glass. She’d been perfectly happy with her life until Rick had come along. He’d turned her well-ordered existence upside down.
And no matter how hard she worked to put it all back together, she knew her heart would never be the same.
Chapter Eight
On Monday Rick went down to the third floor to touch base with his VP of product development.
“What are you doing in this part of the building?” Derek asked. “It’s been weeks since you visited R&D. I thought you didn’t give a damn what we design any more, as long as it makes money.”
That shot hit home, and he remembered what Carol had said. Was he really turning into a corporate suit?
“I know I’ve been focusing on business products lately, but I was thinking about getting back into game design. And I know you’ve been making noises about educational software…”
Derek looked astonished. “You’re actually going to look at my product proposal? I thought you said the profit margins would be too low to make it worthwhile.”
“I’d just like to explore a few ideas. I’m having the sales group compile some market data. I thought you and I could have a brainstorming session on the products themselves.”
Derek grinned at him. “If you think you can keep up with me. How long has it been since you’ve written code, old man?”
“I could run circles around you.”
“And what about this game idea? What’s the theme going to be?”
“Warrior women. A lot of our gaming products have a male focus, so I thought it might make sense—commercially speaking—to go after the female demographic, as well.”
Derek raised an eyebrow. “You never worried about the female demographic before, and you always swore you’d never go back to design. What brought this on?”
Allison had brought it on—but he wasn’t about to admit that.
She was the reason he’d started thinking about educational software, because it would help kids. And she was the reason he’d woken up at four o’clock that morning with game ideas flying around his brain. Being with her had shaken something loose inside him, and the creativity he’d thought was long dead seemed to be flowing again.
He shrugged. “Nothing in particular. And the game is just in the nascent stages, the creative fog phase. Maybe nothing will come of it.”
“Something will come of it. And I think I’ll be sending Allison a big fruit basket later today.”
Rick frowned. “I didn’t say anything about Allison.”
Derek grinned. “I know you didn’t.”
He thought about calling her a dozen times that day, but resisted temptation. They were both busy people and he didn’t want to push.
He told himself the same thing on Tuesday. By Wednesday, he was running out of willpower.
Whenever he thought about their kiss, his body hardened—and he thought about it a lot.
He couldn’t remember the last time a single kiss had affected him this much. It was as if his world had shifted on its axis, reorienting itself around that one moment.
He’d gone to her apartment that night to apologize, and ended up telling her things he never thought he’d tell a living soul. Her warmth and compassion had almost undone him, but it was that bulky robe and her ridiculous bunny slippers that had made him want to kiss her again.
He’d started to, but she’d pulled away from him fast. That was the Allison he knew—protective of her space, wary of physical contact.
Only now he knew another side of her, too. A woman who came alive in his arms. A woman who kissed with a passion that left him shaking, and aroused him more than any woman he’d ever known.
A woman he was determined to be with, even if it was just for a little while.
He knew she deserved more. Allison deserved a man who could be a husband and a father, a man who would love her for the rest of her life.
But even though she deserved it, she wasn’t looking for it—at least not right now. She’d said so herself.
Which meant there was no reason the two of them couldn’t be together.
He’d be breaking his cardinal rule of dating, of course. He didn’t get involved with women he could care about. But it would only be for a few weeks, maybe a few months. And no woman had ever tempted him the way Allison did.
She’d turned him down once, but he’d propositioned her with all the finesse of a randy teenager. It had been too much, too fast—especially after a kiss that had knocked them both for a loop.
And Allison had been single for a long time, with every intention of staying that way. He couldn’t push her into a relationship the way he’d pushed her into that kiss.
But he could sure as hell try to persuade her.
His cell phone rang, and he flipped it open absently.
“Rick?”
A jolt went through him.
“It’s Allison,” she added, as if he couldn’t have told her voice from the voice of every other woman on the planet.
“I was just thinking about calling you,” he said. “To see when you wanted to leave on Saturday.”
“I was calling you for the same reason.”
He leaned back in his chair. “Great minds think alike.
So what time should I pick you up?”
“I’d like to drive this time. I tried to imagine your Porsche in my parents’ driveway, and I just couldn’t do it.”
“You’re such a reverse snob.” He turned his chair toward the window and caught sight of his reflection, smiling back at him. “So what do you drive?”
“A secondhand pickup.”
“Of course you do. You’re just an Iowa farm girl at heart, aren’t you?”
“Smile when you say that, city boy.”
He knew exactly what she looked like right now—her eyes glinting with mischief, her mouth quirked up at the corners.
“I look forward to being chauffeured to your parents’ farm in your secondhand truck. Is it red?”
“Blue.”
“To match your eyes?”
“Of course. I’m sure you’ve noticed how good I am at accessorizing.”
He was almost glad she wasn’t there in person, to see him grinning like a fool. “What time should we leave?”
“Um…noon? And I warn you, this is a Landry party and it could go on for hours. I almost feel guilty for subjecting you to this.”
“Are you kidding? I wouldn’t miss it. But speaking of subjecting people to things…”
“Uh-oh.”
“It’s not so bad. My company’s charity ball is next weekend. Great food and a great band, and you’ll get to see me in a tux. Sound good?”
“Does the fact that you’re asking mean I don’t have to go?”
He raised an eyebrow, even though she wasn’t there to see it. “Sorry. This event is definitely required under the terms of our agreement, since there’s no way my girlfriend wouldn’t be there with me.”
“Maybe your girlfriend could have an attack of the flu? I have to say, black tie and dancing aren’t exactly my thing.”
“Are you trying to weasel out of our deal? I’m surprised at you, Allison. You seem so much more honorable than that.”
“I see you’re determined to get your pound of flesh.”
“Just making sure you hold up your end of our bargain.”
“Maybe I’ll show up in jeans, just to annoy you.”
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