by F. F. John
"No, this has only ever been about you and your need to have things your way, whether I want it or not” I counter, the heated words fly from my lips.
Her eyes flash and it's not merely annoyance in there. There’s hurt, as well. "At my coming of age party, you said you wanted to spend your life with me.” Her eyes soften. “I wouldn’t have bothered with any of this if you hadn’t told me that, Invier." She reaches out to me but I wave her off, my hand slashing the air.
"Yes, but never like this." I run my hands through my hair and gaze at the sky. My father asked for my mother’s hand when he wanted to marry her. They flouted tradition and focused on their love for one another. Exactly what I wanted for Neith and I. She, however, had other ideas.
Still studying the sky, I recall that she once told me that blue is a calming color. I even changed my office wall color on the basis of that suggestion. The blue above currently does nothing to soothe my temper.
“You’re upset about the pass, but giving it to Seth actually benefited you.”
“Your decision about the pass was done for you. Not me.”
She shakes her head. “Listen to me. Ika overheard our discussion yesterday and was going to reveal that we’re a couple. He demanded the pass but I gave it to Seth instead. If I’d given it to you, I would have bolstered him, giving him even more ammunition to use against me. And if I’d given the pass to him, I’d have bent to his threats.”
“Are you listening to yourself? You keep saying me and I.” I scoff in disbelief. “Ika revealing our relationship would have only been negative for you. You wanted to protect yourself … and your nome, of course. Not me."
Neith’s beautiful face distorts into something unappealing. "And what about you? You're not as honorable as you make it seem. You won those competitions so that when you got the pass, you wouldn't look bad. That was your plan all along. Admit it."
“Are you kidding me? I won so I could be with you.” Is this the girl I fell in love with? It can’t be. She’s before me with shoulders raised and legs apart. Arms on hips.
The seconds fly by and I groan. There’s no more strength within me to argue any further. Staying in this Pursual, allowing her to manipulate me—it hasn’t been worth it. And for her to further question my integrity is a slap in the face.
“I’m not going to lie to you. This Pursual has been the scariest thing to ever happen to me. It’s taken away my right to choose. I’ve had to subjugate my beliefs to be with you. And yes, sometimes I got scared and wanted to walk away but then, I’d remember that I couldn’t leave you to be with any of the others. Each of them, except for Seth, is solely concerned with elevating their nomes. None of them loved you. I did.”
She lets out an audible sigh and her face falls. The expression doesn’t last long as her features tighten.
“Then why are you still complaining?” Her voice is flush with agony and frustration in equal parts. “If you don’t want me to be with anyone else, then you should fight for me, not leave me constantly fighting for us on my own!”
“That’s not true! I wanted to be with you—”
She rolls her eyes dismissively. “Only if it matches some romantic, ancient notion, right?”
My skin prickles as if I’m trapped in a rose bush. “I’m not the only one stuck on an ancient notion, Neith.” A fist coils in my chest. “This entire production is your idea of an ancient notion.”
She flinches but it lasts a second before her expression softens. She bites her lower lip. Seeing her do that used to drive me wild. I could never refuse her when she did that in the past. Right now, the act doesn’t spur a longing in me. Just regret. A sentiment now mirrored on her face. An icy feeling washes over me.
“We’re done.”
Initially, she doesn’t understand my meaning and stares at me blankly. However, when she crumples to the grass, I know my meaning was clear.
I spin on my heels to the tunnel. All that’s left is for me to inform Portan that I will no longer be a Participant. The rules against withdrawing be damned. They’ll let me out of the competition or I won’t show for any new challenges. I’ve made my choice and it is time for me to go home. I don’t care what people will think of me or what they’ll say. I’m done.
Chapter Thirty-Seven
Invier
I’ve always liked the lobby of the Participant’s building. Today, I finally understand why. It’s a sparse room with nothing but two transparent chairs. Glass walls let in the soothing morning light. They curve around the room ending at either side of a mirrored wall, which houses the elevator. The lack of clutter is a welcome sight as I approach. Unfortunately, someone sits in one of the chairs this morning.
“Hello there, Invier Floran.”
I keep walking and call the elevator.
Not willing to take my silence for a clue, Mehrdad saunters over to me and enters the elevator when I do.
“I want to talk to you,” he says.
Now that he needs something, I’m supposed to lend him a kind ear? If he thinks I’m going to waste my time listening to anything he has to say, he’s mistaken.
“You need to listen to what I have to say.”
He follows me to my suite and waltzes in behind me before the door slides shut. Taking a seat, he nods to the space beside him.
I remain by the door.
“Suit yourself.” He shrugs and the act is full of nonchalance. “I’ll get straight to the point, I’m here to offer you a deal.” The corners of his mouth twitch into a mirthless expression.
There are two taps at the door and I open it.
Sohr is outside, hands clasped in front of her. In her shadow is the guard I abandoned in the garden earlier.
The door isn’t open wide enough for her to see into my suite but she adjusts her view to see past me. I shift to block her.
“Apologies, for the inconvenience, Scion Floran.” I’m struck by how melodious her voice is, “but your guard lost track of you earlier and I want to make sure you are safe and well.”
Despite her politeness, my mood is less than accommodating. “Well, you can see that I’m fine.” I attempt to shut my door but she holds it open with a foot.
“This is the second time you have evaded an escort in the last twenty-four hours, Scion Floran,” she says.
She’s using little physical effort to keep my door open, though my muscles strain to close it. I finally stop trying, realizing she has more strength than I do.
“Scion, I must inform you”—she removes her foot—“that next time, disappearing from your assigned guard again will result in automatic expulsion from the competition.”
She doesn’t react when I laugh.
“Eliminate me if you like.” I slam the door and Mehrdad claps slowly.
“That was impressive.” He says, a trace of amusement lighting his face. A fresh wave of irritation washes over me. I need to tell Portan I want out and this baka is holding me up. His beady black eyes are rounder than usual and his sharp cheekbones give him a gaunt appearance.
“You’re wasting my time, Mehrdad. If you have something to say, say it and get out!”
The corners of his lips droop as he rises. Suddenly looking serious. “There are only three of us left in the competition and I have an offer for you.”
He bends to select an apple from the coffee table bowl. He tosses a Granny Smith into the air and the apple lands effortlessly in his palm.
“If you let me win, my family will enter an alliance with yours. It will allow your nome to earn a sizable income. Income that can keep your family afloat and prevent a disgraceful exit from the Twenty, which we all know is coming.”
Mehrdad is delusional and like Neith, he thinks he knows what I want and can use that to control me. The minute his mouth shuts, I yank open the door to usher him out. A sentinel remains on duty in the hallway.
“You won’t even think about my offer?” He can’t disguise his surprise as his brows leap.
“Why should I? La
st I checked, I was ahead in this competition. Not you. My chances of winning are much better than yours.” I point to the door, reminding him to leave. “I also can’t fathom a business partnership with your family that would benefit us.”
He snickers softly and it’s a joyless sound. At the door, he gives me one last glare.
“I’ll give you until tomorrow morning for your decision. I hope you say yes, because if you don’t”—he pauses—“things will go badly for you.” One threat from Sohr and another from Mehrdad. It’s all I can take.
“I don’t need any additional time. My answer is no!”
“You really won’t reconsider?”
I gesture to the door again and he moves.
“You’ll regret this.”
“Somehow, I doubt that.” I slam the door with all my might and the floor rattles beneath me.
I go to the bedroom and grab my guitar. Mom sent it to me the day after I got here and I’m yet to use it. Sitting on the bed, I strum the strings playing a soothing melody I created years ago. I recall my mom’s face when I played it for her the first time. She’d given me the same smile when my name was called as a participant in the Pursual. My fingers stall over the strings.
What will she think when I return home, having quit? And, what will Dad think? What with all his talks on the importance of family, one’s place in a nome and how that structure reinforces society. His pride when I was in line with the other participants tugs at me.
Unable to play with these conflicting emotions, I lay the guitar on the bed. Maybe I should reconsider Mehrdad's offer? He and Adela are in this competition to improve their family’s standings. Why shouldn’t I? An alliance with the Cyras would make Mom happy and Dad wouldn’t be opposed. Song would definitely approve. Besides, Neith only ever thinks about her family’s wealth, power, and profit. That’s why she’s not willing to marry me without her father’s approval. She won’t put her position and wealth at risk to be with me. She no longer deserves my love or my loyalty, so I might as well think about how to leverage this situation to my advantage.
I loved Neith with all my heart and all I got was deception. Although I’m ranked first in the competition, there’s no guarantee I will win the last competition. There’s also no guarantee the points system won’t change to give another competitor a chance at winning. And if I lose, my chance to help my family will be gone.
If I accept the offer, we’ll get a financial jolt in the proverbial arm but what would that make me? I’d be no better than the other participants. Could I live with myself, having made such a decision? Could I live with myself, having lost … Neith?
A nagging thought comes to mind—you promised you wouldn’t let this competition change you.
It’s too late for that. I took an oath to take part in a competition I never wanted to be a part of. I didn’t encourage Seth to request the pass, even though he deserved it. I punched Ika in anger and now, I’m considering Mehrdad’s offer so the last few days wouldn’t have been a complete waste.
My list of sins lies bare before me and they don’t look good.
Knuckles raps at the door but I don’t move. My mind is swirling and seeing another unwanted visitor isn’t a good idea.
Whoever it is knocks again. More persistent this time. Leaving the guitar on the bed, I stroll to the living area hoping Mehrdad hasn’t returned.
Before I reach the door, it’s opening. How is that possible? The trackers we received during the orientation open our doors. As such, it should only open automatically for Seth or I. Everyone else has to wait for me to pull it open. Who else could circumvent the security?
A shock of short white hair and gray pupils appear. Adela.
“I knew you were in here,” she says, ignoring the fact that she’s trespassing. “We need to talk.”
She steps past me and walks to the fruit bowl.
“Why do you have apples, when I have bananas? I hate those things.” She picks a Granny Smith and places it in her pocket.
“What do you want?”
“I’m here to help you.” She sits on the sofa and cuts to the chase. “Let me make you a better deal than the one Cyra offered.”
“I won’t bother to ask how you know about that. Go ahead and tell me your offer.”
She flashes perfect teeth. “Work with me to win and I will permit a partite pairing so you can still be with Scioness Reffour.”
My face twists in distaste.
“What are you talking about?”
She brings the apple out of her pocket, tossing it from hand to hand. “Please don’t play coy with me. I know you two have been an item for over six months.” Not waiting for me to respond, she jabbers on like a judge reading a sentencing for the millionth time. “Given your lowly ranking, she used the competition to make you appear more acceptable to her father and the other nomes. We all know a pairing between you two would face an uphill battle otherwise. I also know you two broke up earlier, but—”
“Of course you do,” I drawl, not disguising my sarcasm.
“With me, you can have love and wealth. It’s a much better deal than Cyra’s.”
The universe must want me to stay in this competition, what with offers flowing left and right.
“Sure, but I’ll tell you what I told him.” I lean on the wall by the door. “I am ahead in the rankings and already on track to have what you’re offering. Why should I sacrifice that?”
“Don’t dismiss my offer that quickly. You have no clue what the next challenge will be.” Her eyes flash. “Think about it and let me know.”
She opens the door and steps into the hallway. “I may be the one friend you have left, Floran.” She stops to look at me one final time. “By the way, my debt is paid now.”
Chapter Thirty-Eight
Belema
I can’t wait to tell Neith about my shopping trip to Long Bay. I haven’t been there in a long time but decided to go once I woke up. She went to meet Invier so I didn’t get to take her with me but I bought her a small crystal goose figurine.
Excited to show her my gift, I rush through into her room once the door opens. However, the sight of her on the stone floor by her bed makes the shopping bags in my hands clatter to the ground. I drop a knee beside her, my heart hammering in my ears.
“What’s wrong with you? Did you hurt yourself?”
Her cheeks are tear-stained and she struggles to inhale through blocked nostrils.
She tells me about the fight she had with Invier and how it ended in him breaking up with her. Her voice is small and her words struggle past sniffles which force me to go get a towel from the bathroom.
As she calms, I mutter, “Well that was to be expected.”
“What?” She blows her nose. “You told me yesterday, he’d understand.”
“No, you said he’d understand because he loves you. But he had good reason to be mad at you.” I don’t want to come across accusatory but I must be honest. “You tricked him into the competition, you told him you’d reserve the pass—”
She flings her mucus-filled towel onto the floor and it lands with a thud. “Now is not the time for a reality check.” The sniffles start again. “He hates me and I know he’s going to quit.”
“So what? Let him quit.” I’m glad we’ve gotten to this point. Maybe we can have a real conversation about her and Invier.
She scoffs. “You’re jealous because someone loves me and you don’t have that in your life.”
I’m taken aback by the venom with which she spoke and physically recoil from her. “I’m your best friend and I’m happy for you. Still, I’m not just going to tell you what you want to hear. That’s not what I do and you know—”
Her shoulders sag, regret printed across her features. “I’m sorry Bel. I shouldn’t have said that.” Fresh tears spill as she sidles up to me. “Please, don’t be mad at me too.”
We watch each other. Her eyes are wet and I breathe through my anger. Neith doesn’t always know when to sto
p, and this is a clear example. Why say something so hurtful to me? Why not take a second to think things through before being so mean? With a muttered grumble, I let my emotions calm and as always, the anger between us fades.
It’s not abnormal for her to lash out, but I wish she’d remember I’m not the source of her anger. I’m certain Invier doesn’t hate her. However, after the incident with Ika last night, he could be resentful enough to be mean to her. After all, he never wanted to be in the Pursual and Ika’s assault on Neith caused him to get violent, something that seemed abnormal for him. At least until last night.
Pinching the towel with my forefingers, I take it to the bathroom. On my way back, I catch her holding her mom’s picture. Sad eyes gaze at the image. I’ve seen that picture my whole life. It’s a happy image. Her mom’s head is tipped back in a laugh and trees dot the horizon behind her. Her raven hair sways in the wind.