I wrapped my arms around her and pulled her tightly to me, moaning into the kiss.
Then she broke the kiss and whispered into my ear, "Are you sure?"
"Yes."
"We don't have to do this."
"Please, Moira. I want you." I paused. "Unless this is a one-night-stand. I don't want that."
"It's not," she said. "It's not."
I felt her fingers at the back of my dress. She found the clasp and the zipper, and then she slid it off my shoulders and it fell to the floor.
She kissed me again before she removed my bra. Then she slipped my undies and panties from my legs, and I stood before her, naked. She pulled me into her arms again.
"You are so lovely," she whispered. "I want you."
"Take me."
I heard her own clothing slither down her body.
"May I look?"
"No."
"Please."
"No."
"Please, why not?"
"I am old."
"No," I said. "You are perfect."
She pulled me into her arms and drew me to the bed, pressing me against the pillows. "I am going to blindfold you," she told me.
"Let me look first."
"I'll scare you."
"You don't really believe that."
"I am hideous."
"You are lying."
"If you open your eyes, I will be upset," she said. "I am going to blindfold you now." And then I felt something slide down over my eyes. She kissed me softly.
"Honey?"
"Shhh," she said, and she began stroking me.
"Let me touch you at least."
"Not this time," she said. "Hands at your sides." She pressed my hands where she wanted them, then she shifted, and she was kneeling over me. "If you move, I will tie you up."
I giggled.
"You think I'm bluffing?"
"No."
Then she kissed me, and her hand was on my breast. I arched my back, shoving my breast into her hand, and her lips took me in her mouth.
It didn't take long until I was squirming under her touch. Then, soon, her hands strayed closer and closer to my center, then a brief touch. She was kissing me, her hand resting over my vulva, pressing lightly.
And I thought about Gwendolyn.
I had let Gwendolyn do this to me, not Moira. I'd been dating Moira, but I'd had sex with Gwendolyn.
Or I was dating Gwendolyn, but I was letting Moira take me.
My heart rate went through the ceiling, and I knew whatever was about to happen, I had already either already cheated on Moira or was about to cheat on Gwendolyn.
"Oh god," I said. I started to cry into the blindfold. "Oh god. Oh god."
I was a big cheat and a tease. This was wrong, or last night was wrong.
"Honey?"
"I can't. Oh god, Moira, oh god."
And I pushed away from her, swiped the blindfold from my eyes, and couldn't look at her as I ran for my clothes. I didn't find them all, I didn't care, I pulled the dress on while hopping down the stairs, screaming, "I can't, oh god, Moira, I'm so sorry!"
And I was gone with my purse and my dress barely covering my shoulders, unzipped. I'd left my shoes, half my clothes, and the supplies I'd brought to cook.
And I left the woman I loved behind, the woman who must now surely hate me.
I got in the car and drove as fast as I could.
"I'm a cheat!" I yelled. "A cheat. Oh god!"
I don't know how I made it. I could barely see, and I should have had several accidents on the way, but I arrived at Sam's, flying to the door, banging on it, yelling for her, sobbing.
The door opened, and I flew to her, sobbing uncontrollably. I felt arms around me, and I heard Suzanne asking, "What happened? Pamela, are you okay? What happened?"
"Where are your shoes? Pamela?"
And then we were on the sofa, Sam was holding me, and I was sobbing into her shoulder, screaming, "I'm a cheat, a cheat," and sobbing.
It took a long time for them to calm me down, barely, enough to say, "I slept with the wrong one. Oh god, Moira hates me! I left her like that, she hates me, she said she's hideous and wouldn't let me look at her, and then I realized I had cheated on her, and I slept with the wrong one!"
And then I was sobbing again.
I didn't register when Suzanne left the room. I clutched at Sam, who stopped trying to calm me down, she just held me while I cried.
Slowly, I grew numb. Moira hated me, she had every right, how could I have been so horrible to her? How could she want me when I was so horrible.
Slowly, Sam started asking questions.
"Did you physically hurt Moira?"
"No."
"Did she physically hurt you?"
"No."
She hugged me.
"Did she say she hated you?"
"No."
I got another hug.
"What happened?"
"We had dinner, and then we were cuddling, and she was stroking me. It felt so nice." I sniffled, and Suzanne was there with tissues. I blew my nose and dried my eyes. "I asked her to seduce me. So she told me to close my eyes and pulled me to her bedroom. She wouldn't let me look. She blindfolded me."
"Did that bother you?" Sam asked quietly.
"I don't know why she wouldn't let me look. She wouldn't let me touch, either." I looked at Sam. "She said she's hideous, but she's not. She's beautiful. Why would she say that?"
"That's for her to tell," she said. "She's not hideous. Then what happened, if you were okay with the blindfold?"
"She was touching me, and then she touched me. Um." I looked down in my lap.
"And you freaked out?"
I nodded.
"Why? You didn't freak when Gwendolyn made love to you."
"That's why!" I said, sobbing again and burying my face in her shoulder. "I made love to the wrong one! I cheated on Moira, or if I let Moira touch me, I was cheating on Gwendolyn."
"Oh, you idiot!"
It was Moira's voice. I looked up. Suzanne was closing the door. I stared at Moira.
"You must hate me," I said. "I'm so sorry."
"You stupid girl," she said, walking over to crouch down in front of me.
"I know," I said. "I'm so sorry, Moira." I turned to Suzanne. "Can you refund her money?"
"Don't be ridiculous!" Moira snapped. "She will do no such thing. And you are going to listen to me."
Neither Sam nor Suzanne was moving. They were frozen while Moira crouched down in front of me, but I tried to bury my shameful face in Sam's shoulder. Moira reached out and pulled me off of Sam and made me face her, her hand firmly clenching my chin. "Look at me and listen to me, Pamela," she said firmly. "I knew."
"Knew what?"
"That you had slept with Gwendolyn. She told me."
"What?"
"This morning. She drove straight from your place to mine."
"Why?"
"Because she told you goodbye at your door."
I turned to Sam. "I told you!" I said, starting to sob again. "She needs me, but she doesn't want me. That's how bad I was."
"Oh for crying out loud," Moira said. "She came to me and told me how bad she would be for you, that she would crush your spirit, but that you might pick her because she needs help, and you think you can give it to her. She wants it so desperately, and she won't be able to be strong, but she would crush your spirit trying to fix her."
"She needs me," I said quietly.
"She needs therapy."
"You don't know what you're talking about!" I told her fiercely.
"Yes, honey, I do. She told me a story. She said she told it to you, and that you and I were the only ones she ever told. Do you know what story?"
I nodded. "She told you? All of it?"
"Yes. More than she told you. She also said she's going to get the therapy she needs. She knows it will take a long time."
Moira paused, watching me.
I looked away now, numb inside a
gain, but she forced me back to look at her.
"I cheated on you," I said. "And then I was horrible to you."
"You were a little horrible," she said. "But now I understand why, and I can forgive that. But you're an idiot."
"I cheated," I said quietly.
She sighed. "Was I clear that I wanted you to have your last date with Gwendolyn before our last date?"
"Yes."
"And last weekend, when you were practically throwing yourself at me, did I stop you?"
"Yes."
"Do you know why?"
"No."
"Because I knew Gwendolyn would seduce you, and I knew I would be horribly jealous if you had sex with anyone after you and I had. But you and I haven't yet. Until you stormed out of my house, everything since the auction has gone exactly how I would have wanted it to, Pamela."
I stared at her. "You don't hate me?"
"I'm a little upset with you, but I don't hate you."
Then I looked away, and she let me.
"Pamela," she said. "Did you like what we were doing?"
I turned back to her. "Yes."
"Is this confusion the only reason you left?"
"Yes."
"So if we'd had this conversation earlier, would you be in my bed right now, begging for me?"
I smiled wanly. "Yes."
She paused, took a breath. "You will never, ever, EVER leave me like that again. Do you understand me?"
"Yes, Moira. I'm sorry."
"You will never flee when you should communicate. Am I understood?"
"Yes, Moira."
"Do we understand each other?"
"Why wouldn't you let me look at you?"
"Oh honey, I'm hideous."
"Stop saying that!"
She sighed and began unbuttoning her blouse. She shrugged out of it. She wasn't wearing a bra, and I saw the scars. She had scars across her stomach and one breast.
"Do they hurt?" I asked after a moment?
"No."
"May I touch?"
She nodded.
I reached out and ran a finger along one of the scars. I avoided her breasts. We had an audience, after all. I looked at Sam. "You knew?" She nodded. So did Suzanne. I looked back at Moira. "What happened?"
"Crazed girlfriend. She was screaming 'bitch, bitch' at me while she was doing it."
"That's why you hate that word."
"Yes." Moira paused. "She nearly killed me. She is institutionalized now and probably will be for the rest of her life."
I looked up at her face. "I don't think you are hideous. I think you are beautiful. I wish this hadn't happened to you, but you will never hide this from me again. Do we understand each other?"
She smiled. She pulled her blouse back on and buttoned it slowly.
I looked between the three of them. "I'm such a drama queen."
"Not usually," Suzanne said. "This is the last time, I bet."
Sam pulled me to her and kissed my cheek. "All better?"
"I don't know." I looked at Moira. "Do you still want me in your life?"
"Hell, yes," she said. She stood up and held a hand out. "Let's go home."
Surprise
It was our six month anniversary, sort of. The first Saturday afterwards. I was still in a state of bliss from what Moira and I had been doing the night before. We were tangled together in the bed.
"What are we doing today?" I asked her. "Do you have to work?"
"Nope. I have a day scheduled with you. I have a few surprises for you."
"Really?"
"I bought you a present."
My face fell. "Oh. I didn't buy you anything."
She kissed me gently. "You are going to love it."
"What is it?" I asked.
"No prying. Get up and go shower."
"Come with me," I said, leering at her.
"If I do, we won't get out of the house until after lunch, and I don't want to wait. Go shower, then you will make us breakfast while I shower. Dress casual."
"Will we be outside?"
"Dress casual."
"Where are we going?"
"Pamela," Moira said. "If you ask one more question, I will.."
"You'll what?" I said, feeling very playful.
"Go to work."
"Oh hell," I said. I climbed out of bed and headed for the shower.
* * *
As she usually did, she held the door for me as I stepped into her car. Then she handed me a blindfold.
"Seriously?"
"Yes. Don't argue. You know you're going to wear it, because we won't go anywhere until you put it on."
I slipped it over my eyes. It was a proper blindfold, which meant I couldn't see a thing even out of the edges.
"You are in too playful of a mood. Promise me you won't cheat."
"I won't cheat, Moira."
"Pamela, I put an amazing amount of effort into this surprise, and you absolutely will not ruin it."
"I promised. Have I ever broken a promise to you?"
"No, you haven't." Then I felt her step closer. "This is my iPod. Put the ear buds in."
"All right," I said. "But why? I want to talk to you, not listen to music."
"I want to drown out the sounds, too."
"Seriously?"
"Yes. You are going to sit quietly and let me drive us where we are going. You may wonder about where we're going all you want, but you will not peek and you will make sure the ear buds stay in. Slip them under the strap from the blindfold to be sure."
"I'll be able to hear during breaks," I said.
"I have a one hour sound sample of nighttime forest noises without a single break. There's a thunderstorm and other sounds, but no silence."
"You've thought of everything. Do I get a kiss first?"
I felt her hand on my chin, and she held me for a kiss. It was soft and sweet, but when I got playful, she pulled away.
"Aww..."
"Will you behave?"
"Yes, Moira. I'll behave."
"Put the ear buds in."
I reached out, and she put one ear bud into each hand. I adjusted my grip then slipped them into my ears, sliding them under the straps for the blindfold.
"All right, now, I am going to trust you. You know the controls on this. I will hit play, but then you will adjust the volume until you couldn't hear a lawn mower outside the car. Turn it up as loud as you can without it hurting."
"Yes, Moira," I said.
She hit play, and the sounds began right away. They were quiet, and as she'd ordered, I turned it up almost to a painful level, then backed it down just a tiny bit. She squeezed my hand for a moment before closing my door.
I felt the car shake when she got in, and I could hear the slam when she closed her door. I reached over and said in as normal a voice, "I could hear the door slam."
I couldn't hear any response, but she squeezed my hand once. And then I felt us rolling backwards.
I tried to pay attention to the turns. I know we got on the freeway, but she took a lot of turns, and I quickly became completely lost. Periodically she reached over and caressed my arm or clasped my hand, but as she always did, she primarily drove with both hands on the wheel. She hated my driving, as I was a one-handed driver, and always was using my right hand to touch her.
Twice we left the freeway but got back on after a few confusing turns. I decided she was deliberately making sure I didn't have a clue where we were.
Finally she left the freeway system entirely, and we drove on surface streets for a while. We came to a stop, and I thought we were there, but it must have just been a stop sign, as we started up again. There were more turns, but we were driving slower. Maybe we were in a park somewhere.
We came to a stop, and I felt the engine die. Wherever we were going, we were there.
She clasped my hand for a moment, then set my hand on my knee. I felt her climb out of the car and close her door. She left me sitting there alone.
I behaved. I didn't cheat
. It would break my heart to disappoint her. That and she could be watching me to see if I cheated.
She was gone for several minutes. I listened to the thunderstorm in the iPod. I couldn't hear anything else at all. Then there was a gentle tap on my window before the door opened. I knew her touch, and then she reached past me and unbuckled the seat belt before taking my hands and directing me from the car. I climbed out, and she pressed me against the car before closing the door. Then she took me by the arm and started me walking forward.
We were on pavement, but that's all I could have told you.
Then she stopped and turned me around several times. When we were done, I had no idea which direction we were facing in relationship to the car. She led me forward another dozen steps, then stopped.
She moved behind me and adjusted the direction I was standing, then she reached for the iPod in my hand and began turning it down.
"Can you hear me over the sound?" she asked?
"Yes."
"Adjust the volume until you can understand me but try to drown out background noises." She handed the iPod back and kept talking to me. I turned the volume up, then nodded. I could tell she was talking in a firm voice from right behind me, and I couldn't hear anything else.
"I bought us something," she said. "It's in my name, but I really bought it for you."
I leaned back against her.
"I really hope you like it. When you are ready, you may remove the ear buds and pull off the blindfold. Do you understand?"
I nodded.
I took a breath, then, in one motion, I tugged the ear buds out of my ears with their cord while using my other hand to remove the blindfold from my eyes.
Directly in front of me was an airplane. I looked around, and to my left was Moira's airplane, her beloved Mooney. I turned to face it.
"No, no," she said. She turned me back to the first airplane.
"Why am I looking at your hanger mate's Cessna?"
She sighed. "That's not even the same color or model that was in here last week," she said.
Then I realized I was looking at a small, white and blue, two seat Cessna. I looked over my shoulder. "That's a 152."
She nodded. She was grinning. "You bought me an airplane? Oh my god, you bought me an airplane?" I spun to face her and couldn't decide if I should hug her or kiss her. So I did both, laughing at the same time.
Bidding War Page 26