“It wasn’t luck. Mr. Coates came to my homestead. It was you he was looking for. He was worried, and I offered to help him find you.”
She remembered that she had gone for a walk without telling anyone, and all this was surely her fault. Would she ever be able to forgive herself? What if Diana did not recover? Good Lord, she couldn’t bear to think of it.
Hilary appeared with the towels, and Madeline pushed her fears aside and proceeded to gently remove Diana’s stocking and begin to wash the blood off her leg.
There was some commotion downstairs, the sound of boots thumping over the floor and a lot of questions being asked at once. “John, go and see if that’s the doctor.”
John left Madeline alone with Diana to cleanse her wounds.
Perhaps it was better that Diana was unconscious, Madeline thought miserably, for if she were awake, the pain would be excruciating. It was obvious to Madeline that bones were broken. How many and where, she couldn’t tell, but no normal leg ever looked as misshapen and swollen as Diana’s leg looked now.
More footsteps came thumping up the stairs, and the doctor—a distinguished, gray-haired man with gold spectacles—entered the room carrying a brown leather bag. He set it down on the floor and approached the bedside, immediately checking the pulse at Diana’s neck, then feeling her head for a fever. His intelligent eyes assessed Diana’s full form and settled on her leg. “That looks serious.”
Madeline could tell by his voice that he was a Yorkshireman. She moved out of his way to allow him room to examine her sister.
A swell of fear squeezed Madeline’s heart. “How is she?”
“It’s too soon to tell.” He squeezed Diana’s calf and all around her knee. “She hasn’t regained consciousness at all?”
“No.”
He continued to apply pressure in different spots. “The leg is definitely broken. In at least three places.” He shook his head ruefully. “Four places.”
Madeline tried to keep her voice steady, even though inside, her stomach was rolling with queasiness. “She’s not going to lose her leg, is she?”
The doctor glanced up at her only briefly. “I’ll do my best, Miss Oxley.”
He moved around the bed and pulled Diana’s lower eyelids down with his thumb, then checked around her scalp for a head injury. “Things look fine here. Perhaps she fainted because of the pain.” He went to his bag and pulled out a couple of splints. “I’m going to try and set the leg now, while she’s still out. Will you stay? I could use your help.”
Madeline stepped forward. “Doctor, you couldn’t make me leave if you tried.”
He nodded approvingly at her and began to roll up his loose linen sleeves. “I’m afraid this is going to take a while.”
As soon as Charlie was wrapped in a blanket and nursing a cup of hot broth in the kitchen, Adam hurried upstairs to check on Diana and Madeline. The door to Diana’s bedchamber was closed, John was sitting on a chair in the dimly lit hall, and there was an eerie howling from the wind outside. Rain was beating the windowpanes and something was knocking somewhere—a barn door perhaps, swinging open and banging against a wall.
Adam paused at the top of the stairs, imagining what was going on behind Diana’s closed door. He glanced at John. “What’s happening?”
“The doctor is setting her leg. She still hasn’t woken up.”
“I suppose that’s a good thing at the moment.”
They waited silently in the hall. Adam recalled his last conversation with Diana, how he’d broken off their engagement and admitted he was in love with her sister. If he had known how angry she would be, or how determined she would be to find Madeline, he wouldn’t have left her alone.
A moment later, the door opened slowly and Madeline appeared. Adam took an anxious step forward. John leaped from his chair.
Madeline still wore her wet clothes. Her hair had fallen out of its knot on her head and hung wet and limp upon her shoulders. Her face was pale and ashen. She staggered to the side.
Adam lunged forward to grab onto her at the same time John did. They each held one of her arms.
“Sit down, Madeline,” Adam said. They helped her into the chair. “What’s happened? How is she?”
Madeline slid a hand over her hair, pushing it away from her face. “She’s still unconscious, but we managed to set the broken bones in her leg.”
Relief washed through Adam.
Madeline continued. “But the doctor’s not sure if…if she’s going to be able to keep her leg. We’ll have to wait and see. Even if she does keep it, she might not be able to walk again. At the very least, she’ll need a cane. That’s the most we can hope for, and we’ll be lucky if she manages that.”
The idea of Diana having to learn to walk again, or being confined to a pushchair for the rest of her life was like a knife stabbing Adam in the gut. He was responsible for this—for bringing Diana here to this strange land, for breaking her heart and crippling her at the same time.
“I just wish she would wake up.” Madeline sobbed with despair.
Adam knelt before her and squeezed her shoulder. “She will. We must all pray, and have faith.”
Madeline covered her face with hands that were shaking violently. “This is all my fault.”
“It’s not.”
“Yes, I went for a walk without telling anyone and I stayed away too long. With the storm coming, Diana must have been worried about me and gone searching. It was wrong for me to go off like that, not thinking about anyone but myself.”
Adam pulled her hands away from her face. “It was not your fault, Madeline. I assure you.”
“But you were looking for me, too!”
Adam gazed into her beautiful pain-filled eyes and knew he had to convince her that she was the most innocent in all this. He glanced up at John, who was watching uneasily.
“John, will you excuse us? I need to speak to Madeline privately.”
God, Adam did not want to tell her now, not like this. But he could not let her go on thinking this was her fault. He had to take control of this situation and, no matter what the consequences, confess the truth.
Chapter Seventeen
John left Madeline and Adam alone in the upstairs hall outside Diana’s room. Madeline watched Adam rise to his feet and felt a prickling of uneasiness, for he looked as if he were going to deliver shocking, terrible news. Though what could possibly be worse than what had already occurred that day, she could not imagine.
Adam held out his hand. “Come with me.”
Despite her uncertainty, she accepted his hand and followed him to the reading corner at the end of the hall. Floor-to-ceiling bookcases surrounded them, and Adam lit the candles. He sat down in an upholstered chair opposite Madeline, just as he had sat opposite Diana earlier in the day.
“I must tell you something, Madeline.”
“What is it?” Madeline stood. “Good Lord, Charlie’s not hurt, is he?”
Adam gazed up at her, his face solemn. “Charlie’s fine. Please, sit down.”
She did as he asked and waited shakily for him to speak.
“God, this is difficult. I don’t know how to say this. I don’t want to say this now of all times, but I must. Madeline, what happened to Diana is not your fault. It is mine.”
She stared blankly at him as a numbness poured through her limbs. “How so?”
A muscle trembled at his jaw and he hesitated before answering. “It is my fault because this afternoon, while you were outside with John, I told Diana that I could not marry her.”
His words struck Madeline like a bucket of cold water in the face. “But…why?”
Adam met her gaze directly. A vein stood out at his temple. Madeline sat across from him in shock, not certain why he was telling her all of this now.
“I couldn’t marry her because I don’t love her, Madeline.”
She stammered in bewilderment, “But you said you did.”
“That was before I knew you.”
&n
bsp; “But all along, you wanted her to come. The picture…the letters…”
Adam squeezed her hands. “I know this is the worst time imaginable to have this conversation, but as soon as Diana wakes up, you’re going to hear the truth anyway, and I would rather you hear it from me. She went riding alone because of what happened between us. I told her that I could not marry her, because…because I was in love with you.”
For a long time Madeline sat in her chair, immobile, listening only to the sound of her blood pounding in her ears. She stared blankly at Adam.
“You can’t be.”
He bowed his head.
“You can’t possibly love me. I’m nothing.”
“You’re not nothing. You’re everything.”
“No, you’re confused, Adam, because of what happened today.”
“When Diana wakes up,” he said, “she is going to tell you exactly what happened today, and make me out to be a rake and a philanderer. She will loathe and despise me more than ever now, because of the accident, and I cannot blame her for that.
“But you must know that I was searching for you so that I could have the chance to explain my feelings in my own way, and to tell you that I am not a dishonorable man. No matter what she tells you, and no matter what you choose to believe, please know that I have grown to care for you deeply and ardently, Madeline, even though I did my best to fight it.” His blue eyes bored into hers. “Believe me, I felt that a break with Diana was the right thing to do. I had no idea any of this would happen. If I had known, I would have handled things differently, I assure you.”
Adam paused for a moment. He closed his eyes and held them shut before opening them to continue.
“The truth is, when I brought you with me to meet Lord Blackthorne’s ship, I had a letter in my pocket which I intended to send to London, a letter which instructed my solicitor there to halt the proxy marriage or annul it if necessary. I had hoped to prevent Diana from coming, to retract my proposal and make things right so that I would be free to love you.”
Madeline’s insides shuddered with an odd mixture of disbelief and despair. She had long dreamed of hearing these words from Adam’s lips, even while she was forcing herself to accept that it would never happen.
Now that it was real she found that she could barely believe it. How could he want dull, stubborn, mousy Madeline over beautiful, bewitching Diana?
“I don’t understand. When did your feelings change, and why didn’t you tell me?”
“They changed very gradually over time, and I didn’t tell you because I was trying to fight it. I didn’t want to fall in love with you. I was engaged to your sister, and by the time I was ready to take steps toward winning your heart, it was too late. Diana stepped off the boat.”
Madeline covered her face with her hands. “I can’t believe this is happening.”
He reached for her hand. “Forgive me, Madeline. I didn’t mean to cause you or Diana pain.”
“But you have, and I don’t know what to do. I don’t know what you want from me.”
“I only wanted you to know the truth.”
“And what am I supposed to do with it? I can’t be happy about it. I can’t accept your love and fall willingly into your arms. Diana is wounded and broken, she may never walk again, and now to learn that she is heartbroken, too?”
A part of Madeline wanted to scream at Adam for waiting until this moment to tell her this. For telling her at all! For what could she do now, but suffer with guilt for the tragedy that had befallen Diana, and a lifetime of regrets for what might have been, if things had been different?
She cleared her throat. “I don’t know what to say, Adam.”
“Say anything. Scream at me if you like, for I was so wrong about what I thought would make me happy. You must think me a foolish man.”
Foolish? No more foolish than I.
Madeline knew she was as much to blame for this accident as Adam, for whether he realized it or not, she had helped cause whatever confusion he was experiencing now. She had acted like a wife to him in all ways but one. She had supported him, encouraged intimacy in their conversations. She’d taken care of his family and cooked for them, and she had been as charming as she knew how to be.
On top of that, Madeline had entertained terrible thoughts, wishing Diana would jilt Adam again so that she herself could pick up the pieces. Or she’d wished that Adam would jilt Diana so that for once in her life, Madeline—the ugly duckling sister—could be the chosen one.
The rain battered against the window, the panes rattled in the wind. Adam and Madeline sat in stony silence.
“I’m so sorry, Madeline,” he said. “Will you ever be able to forgive me?”
Madeline felt tears coming, tried to subdue them, but it was no use. She could not be with Adam now, despite what he was saying. She could never be so cruel, so disloyal to her sister when her future was so uncertain. Madeline breathed shakily and forced herself to speak.
“This has been a terrible day, Adam. I doubt you even know what you’re saying.”
Head bowed low, he shook his head. “I know exactly what I’m saying.”
“I’m sorry,” she said, her voice quivering, “but I have to go and be with Diana.”
Madeline pulled her hand from his and rose from her chair.
“Wait, don’t go yet. I need to know. If this hadn’t happened, would you have cared for me? Would you ever have been able to love me as a man?”
She stared blankly at him. Her heart was reeling with chaos! She was aching inside. Aching! She loved Adam more than anything in the world and he had no idea. None.
A barn had collapsed on her sister, while the entire world was collapsing around Madeline. How could she possibly manage so much tragedy?
Her voice quavered as she spoke. “How can you not know the answer to that question?”
His face went pale.
She forced herself to search for the courage to continue. “Did you never once suspect that I loved you the first moment I stepped off the ship, and that I have been struggling all this time to crush that love? To defeat my feelings and stop wanting what I believed was forbidden to me?”
Her response was like a blow to Adam’s chest. The wind sailed out of his lungs. “You cared for me? But you never revealed it.”
“How could I? I was imprisoned by the same things you were. You were engaged to my sister, and I believed that you loved her.”
He took a cautious step toward her and touched her soft cheek with the back of a finger. “Madeline….” Her eyes were wide and bloodshot as she gazed up at him. Adam’s heart swelled with a relentless, overwhelming love for her. “Don’t tell me this can never be.”
She blinked, as if in some kind of stupor.
He couldn’t stop himself. She was so beautiful, uncertain and disheveled as she was. He lowered his mouth to hers.
A tiny little moan escaped her as he brushed his lips over hers, reveling in the gentle tentativeness of the kiss. Her lips parted and he let his tongue mingle with hers as he cupped her whole face in his big hands. How long he had waited to do just this.
He pulled back from the kiss and whispered as he rested his forehead against hers. “Please tell me we can work through this.”
She stepped away from him, her lashes sweeping downward. She sucked in a breath. Was she going to cry?
God, he wanted to hold her. He reached for her, but she took another step back, almost as if she feared him.
“I don’t know what your intentions are with Diana,” she said. “That is between the two of you, but you must know that nothing can happen between us now. I cannot betray my sister and run off with you, not after what has happened to her. How could I do that? She still loves you, Adam.” Madeline put a hand on her stomach, as if she felt ill. “If she wishes to return to Yorkshire, I will have to go with her.”
Hands trembling visibly, she backed away from Adam and returned to Diana’s bedchamber.
Adam stared after her fo
r a long time, then leaned back against the wall and sank numbly with despair to the floor.
Madeline wasn’t sure if it was the morning light beaming in through the lace curtains or something else that had awakened her, but as soon as she opened her eyes, she found herself lying next to Diana, her head on the same pillow, listening to her sister moan.
Instantly wide-awake, Madeline sat up. “Diana, I’m here. You’re going to be all right. Can you speak?”
She continued to coax her sister to consciousness, and when those big blue eyes fluttered open to stare at the bed’s canopy above them, Madeline shouted with glee and hugged Diana. “Thank you, God, thank you!”
“Where am I?” Diana asked groggily, both confusion and irritation evident in her voice. “I don’t feel very well.”
Madeline reached for the basin on the bedside table, and Diana retched into it. She continued to moan with confusion and discomfort.
“My leg…dear God in heaven, it’s excruciating. And my head…what has happened?” She tried to sit up, but pain forced her back down. Suddenly she screamed, a shrill, piercing shriek full of agony and fury. “What happened to me!”
Panic speeding through her, Madeline stroked her sister’s forehead. “You were hurt. There was a storm. The barn collapsed on you, but we got you out. You’re safe now.”
“Safe!” She slapped Madeline’s hands away. “You call this safe? My leg! Get off the bed! Every time you move it hurts!”
Madeline quickly slid off, as gently as possible. “I’ll send for the doctor again.”
“Again? He’s already been here? Why am I in so much pain if he’s already been here? What kind of doctor is he? Some kind of quack? Ow!”
“He was very good. Your leg was broken in four places, and he set all the bones last night while you were unconscious.”
Diana writhed on the bed, moaning and groaning, so Madeline seized the opportunity to dash out of the room to fetch help. She met Hilary in the hall. Still in her nightdress and running from her room, she pulled a shawl around her shoulders. “Miss Oxley, is her ladyship awake?”
“Yes, you must ask Mr. Coates to fetch the doctor again. Lady Thurston is in dreadful pain and I don’t know how to help her.”
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