by Lauren Wood
“What’s up Trent?”
“Not much Bill. Just going to see if Ayla wanted some lunch. We are all going down to Molly’s to grab something to eat.”
Bill had this look on his face and I could tell that he wasn’t happy. He looked mad and I wasn’t sure what to say to dissolve the situation. He had told me before that he didn’t like Trent, but I didn’t know why. After the way he was acting earlier, I felt like he was acting a little too jealous for my liking. Trent was harmless as far as I was concerned and I didn’t see the harm in going into town and checking out the restaurant. I still didn’t know the place well and I wanted to go, so I told him that I was down for going.
The man that I had come to know and care for frowned at me in a way that was hard to miss. He didn’t want me to go and he insisted that I ride with him. Trent didn’t seem too happy about it either and there was looks being passed between the two men that I didn’t care for. When had everything became so complicated? I felt like I was going to be fought over like the last piece of chicken on the table and it wasn’t appealing to me at all.
When I got in Bill’s truck, he had a soured look from earlier on his face and I wanted to know what was going on with him.
“What do you mean Ayla?”
“I mean why are you acting like I am your property? You would have been better off just pissing on me like a dog to mark your territory. After everything that they have done for me, I’m not going to be rude to these guys.”
“They aren’t doing it for you Ayla. They are doing it for me. Half of those guys owe me money or a project that I have done for them. They are not doing it out of the kindness of their hearts. They are doing it for payback. I tried to tell you that before, but you don’t listen. They are not to be trusted.”
He was infuriating and it was hard to talk to him when he was acting like this. Even if they did owe them, they didn’t owe me and I was reaping the rewards. But now I felt like I owed Bill even more and I didn’t like that feeling at all. I wanted to be here on my own steam and the idea that I owed it all to Bill, more so than before was hard to take. He had already done so much that I didn’t want to add any more to the growing list. I felt like now I owed him or he was going to act like this and I didn’t want to owe anyone. I had just left a man that thought I owed him the world.
“How do I know that I can trust you Bill? I hardly know you.”
Bill looked at me and he looked hurt. I meant it, a little, but it was becoming too complicated for me. I wasn’t here in Alaska to get involved with a man, I had actually came here for the exact opposite reason and now I knew that there was a part of me that was going to have to back off some. The cabin was going to be ready to stay in tonight and I was going to stay there. I think we both needed a break and the more I thought about it on the long ride to town in silence, the more I realized that it was time for the two of us to get a break from each other. It was a far different feeling then when I had woke up in his arms this morning, but I had to remind myself that I didn’t owe him that. I would pay him back some other way for his help, but I think we both needed some time apart.
When we got to the restaurant, it was small and our small band of people took up half of it. I was hoping that Bill would get out of his mood, but it didn’t seem to be the case. He was stewing about something and when Trent came by to sit by us and I told him to find a seat, Bill was even worse than he was when we left. I wanted to say something to him, but I didn’t want to do it in front of everyone because I knew that it wasn’t going to help matters at all. I just wanted to have a nice lunch and I ignored him a bit and talked to Trent.
The man was nice and he showed interest. I wasn’t blind to it of course, but I didn’t play into it much either. I just acted like I didn’t notice and I could feel the anger seething off of Bill. The fact was though that I didn’t belong to him or anyone else. I had come up here alone and that didn’t mean that I was his. I wanted it to work out between us, but I couldn’t get over the change in his mood.
When we were leaving, Trent offered me a ride back to the cabin and I was thinking about taking him up on it because I wanted the light conversation to continue, but Bill made it clear that I was going to ride with him. It was the way he did it that really upset me.
“You know, you don’t own me Bill.”
We were in the truck, heading back to the cabin and I couldn’t hold it in any longer.
“I know I don’t own you Ayla, but I have told you before that I don’t trust him.”
“Trent seems nice enough. He is very helpful and I don’t get why you are being like this.”
“I am just trying to protect you. You don’t know these guys like I do.”
“You don’t have to protect me. I am a grown woman and I don’t need this crap from you. I left a man that thought he owned me and I am not ready to get back into a relationship with anyone, especially not someone that is going to treat me like this.”
“I don’t know why you are mad Ayla. Did you want to drive with him back to the cabin?”
I shook my head that I didn’t, but he just didn’t seem to get it and I knew that he wasn’t that dense. He was being this way on purpose and the more I tried to get past it, the more upset I became. I was so irked at the moment that I wanted to get out of the truck. I didn’t want to be sitting next to him. That was all I knew.
“No, you just don’t seem to get it Bill and I don’t want to argue anymore.”
He didn’t say anything else and I didn’t either all the way back to the cabin. I tried not to slam the door behind me when I got out of the truck, but I certainly closed it a little harder than I had to. I went into the cabin without saying much of anything to him. I was going to make sure that the inside was ready because tonight I was staying here. I wasn’t going to go back to his place, no matter what Bill said. I was going to be fine out here by myself. I knew that I didn’t know the place well, but I had come here by myself and it wasn’t because I was looking for some man to take care of me. I could take care of myself.
When the men left for the day, Bill stayed around and followed me into the cabin. I was putting some of the stuff from the van into the cabin and I could tell that he knew I was staying. He wanted to say something, but instead he just helped me without saying a word.
It was only when everything was done that he said anything to me and it broke my heart a little bit because I didn’t want it to be like this between us. I was still holding on to the feeling from this morning and it was hard to see how it had gone so bad, so quickly.
“Are you sure you don’t want to come back to the house with me. I could sure use the company and I already pulled out a couple of moose steaks. Have you ever tried moose?”
I shook my head that I hadn’t, but I wasn’t going to fall for it. I couldn’t. I knew what would happen if I went and he got his hands on me again. It was hard to tell him no, but I was going to have to if I wanted to make my point I knew that we would be back together soon, but I also knew that I was going to have to let him stew on it so he would think twice next time.
“No Bill, I think I am going to stay here tonight.”
“Well there are a few things that we need to come back and do, but I will make sure that it is done. I made you a promise and I mean to keep it.”
I thanked him and watched him leave. Everything in me told me to stop him and not let him go, but at the same time, I knew that I had to. I would see him tomorrow. It wasn’t like I was never going to see him again.
But why did I feel like I couldn’t live without him? I had just met him and it didn’t make any sense to
Chapter 10
Bill
I spent the whole time driving home trying to figure out what had just happened. One minute I was waking up to a beautiful woman all warm and up against my chest and now I was driving home alone. She was mad at me and I know that it was partially my fault, but at the same time, I didn’t really get what had happened. It was all going so well and then it wasn’t.
I’ll be the first to admit that I had gotten jealous. There was no way to deny it or get around that fact, but I thought that I had a good reason. Trent was sniffing around and from what I knew of the man, I didn’t want him anywhere near Ayla. I thought she had understood that, but now I realized that I had went too far.
It was depressing going home without her and the more I thought about it, the more I knew that I should go back to the cabin and try to make amends with her. But she didn’t want me there. She had made it clear that she needed some time alone and I had to respect that, even if it was literally the last thing that I wanted to do. I didn’t want to give her space. I wanted to remind Ayla what was between us before she forgot.
When I got into the small cabin that I had called home for the last couple of years, I knew that there was going to be a part of me that didn’t want to be there. It seemed so much smaller without her there and so quiet. The bed looked lonely and it was the last place that I wanted to be.
Taking a shower, I wasn’t even horny, but I knew that it was because I was no longer able to see Ayla. How had she changed me so much in so little of a time? It was hard to imagine how a few days had changed everything, but it really had. Now she was all I could think about and again I had to fight the urge to go back to the cabin and beg for her forgiveness. I didn’t feel like I had done anything wrong, but I was willing to say whatever it was that I needed to say to make it happen.
The stubborn side of me wouldn’t let me though. I wasn’t going to go grovel, not even to her. I wanted to, don’t get me wrong, but I knew that it wouldn’t do me and good. She had made up her mind and I was just going to have to be okay with it. Even though I wasn’t okay with it at all.
So I made dinner and wished that Ayla was there. I felt like such a chump, but then again, I was missing her terribly. I went to bed early and shut the light off. The dark didn’t help. It only seemed to increase how much I was thinking about her and I finally fell asleep, but I knew that it was going to be Ayla that I dreamed about.
The next morning Ayla was the first thing that I thought about and her absence was so very clear to me. I wanted to see her, but it was still too early because I knew that she wasn’t awake yet. She wasn’t really a morning person like I was, so even though it was still dark outside, I had to wait a little while before I could go over there. I had told the other guys that I would take care of the rest of it and I wanted to spend the day with her by ourselves. I had it in my head that it was all going to work out and whatever had happened between us the day before would be forgotten.
It was all I could think about and when it was a little later I went to the cabin because I couldn’t wait any longer. I felt an energy inside of me that was impossible to ignore and I knew that I was going to have to figure out a way to make it work. She was mine and I had to find a way for her to realize it.
When I got there, I noticed that there were a lot of tracks around the house in the bit of snow that had fallen the night before and some of the tracks had my heart racing. It wasn’t just animals, it was a bear and as soon as I saw her, I knew that Ayla had a very long night.
“Bill! I am so happy to see you.”
She launched into my arms and I felt bad that I hadn’t come back and checked on her. There was a part of me that had wanted to, but she was so adamant that she needed space. It was hard to imagine what kind of a night she had went through because it looked like she hadn’t had a wink of sleep. I had to imagine that was because of the bear and when I started to look, I could see claw marks where it had tried to get in.
“What happened, Ayla?”
“There was a bear here last night and he wouldn’t go away. He was trying to get into the cabin and I thought he was going to. I’ve never been so afraid in all of my life Bill. I didn’t know what to do and I just sat in here, waiting for it to come through the door. I don’t know how the lock held because the whole place was shaking.”
She looked like she was scared to death and I wanted to comfort her. It was good to feel her in my arms again, but it was also a little indicative that she wasn’t going to be able to be so blasé about living here. This was her first night and real dangers lurked everywhere. This wasn’t the sort of place that a woman could just come here willy-nilly and expect everything to be fine. She had to learn the reasons why there was a bear and I could almost immediately see it.
I pulled back from her and I saw that she had a bag of trash out on the porch that had been ripped open.
“Is this from last night?”
She didn’t understand what I was asking and then started to pick it up. “Yeah, I made some dinner and since there was nowhere to put it inside, I went ahead and just tossed the bag on the porch. I planned to take care of it tomorrow, but I guess the bear took care of it for me. Look at this mess!”
I shook my head and wasn’t sure how to approach any of this. She had to understand that this was the reason why the bear had come to see her. It wasn’t something that most people would have had to worry about, but here, it was not the kind of thing that could be done.
“Well this is the problem Ayla.”
“No it’s not. Didn’t you hear me? This was a bear. Look at the marks on the side of the cabin. A little trash is the least of my worries.”
She was shaken and I didn’t want to admonish her, but she had to realize that there were some parts of living here that she was still clueless on.
“No, I mean this is why you had a late night visits from a bear. It smelled your trash, they can do that from miles around and then it came.”
She looked at me stunned and I couldn’t help the way she looked so damn perfect. I tried not to smile throughout, but damn it if it wasn’t good to see her and to still have the feeling of her in my arms as she pulled away a few moments before. I was still here for her and I wanted her to know that.
“So because I threw the trash outside, I got a visit from a bear?”
I looked around at the tracks on the porch. “Well you got a visit from quite a few things, but the bear was definitely here because of the trash. I didn’t tell you about it because I just wasn’t thinking. You have to burn your trash or put it up in the trees.”
I knew that her aunt had something and when I found the bear resistant trap up in the trees, I pointed to it and told her that it was where it was supposed to go.
“Why would it go up there? I mean, that’s quite a ways away from the cabin and really high up.”
“Because the bears are still going to come but they can’t get into it really and then they won’t be trying to get in.”
“Are you serious?”
It looked like she thought I was just messing around with her, but I wasn’t and it was hard to keep a straight face. I knew that she was upset and I was trying to be nice about it, but this was how it was and it was hard for me to try and explain it any other way.
“Yes, Ayla, I’m serious. I should have told you about it, but there is so many things that are different here that you need to know about. They can smell things from a long ways away and if you aren’t careful, they will come visit you like they did last night. I’m just thankful that you’re okay.”
She nodded her head in agreement, but I could tell that she was worried about what other things she didn’t know about. It’s hard for me to tell her everything or to remember everything that I had learned over the years. It was going to be a big adjustment and I knew that she wanted to think that she could do it all alone, but her lack of knowledge was going to come up again. It wasn’t the time for lectures though. I wanted to hold her again and I wanted her back in my arms.
“Do you have a gun?”
She shook her head that she didn’t and asked me if she should get one.
“Yes, like today.”
“Have you ever shot one before?”
Again she said that she hadn’t, but I hoped that she would understand that she was going to have to if she was going to stay here. A gun was as essent
ial as food. She was going to need it for her protection.
“Why don’t you get dressed and I will take you into town? You’re going to need to get one and learn to shoot. It can save your life one day.”
She agreed, but I could tell that she was still freaked out. All I could do was help her in the best way that I knew how. I was going to have to put my feelings aside for a time. There was time later to talk about us. Right now I was worried about her staying safe in this unsafe place that she found herself in. I didn’t want to think about what could have happened if the night had gone a different way.
Chapter 11
Ayla
I felt like such an idiot. How was I to know that a little bag of trash could spell such disaster for me? I was also embarrassed how I had jumped into his arms for comfort when I saw him this morning. There went the idea that I was an independent woman.
So even though I was super tired because I hadn’t gotten any sleep the night before because of the bear, I made sure that I took Bill’s advice and went with him. I didn’t like the idea of a gun, but if I was going to stay here, I was going to have to learn their ways. He seemed to be in a better mood and I was feeling silly about the argument that we had yesterday. Running into his arms had felt better than I like to admit and I knew then that I was going to have to suck it up a bit and go to him for all of his advice. He had been nothing but kind and helpful and it was my own ego that was getting in the way. Bill wasn’t my ex. He never would be.
“Okay, I’m ready.”
He had this look like I wasn’t and I looked down at my clothes.
“What?”
“Nothing, you just look beautiful Ayla. You always look good.”
The comment had me blushing and I tried to wave it off, but I still liked that he noticed. We got into the truck and I leaned against his shoulder a little bit as we drove. I wasn’t going to say I was sorry for yesterday and how I overreacted, but I did want some of that closeness that we had shared before. I would never admit that I wished I was with him last night, but God how much easier it would have been.