"Do whatever you like," Jordan said, losing interest. "I will leave it all up to you."
After breakfast Honor sent Chauncey to town to bring the doctor to Green Rivers. Then she went into Darcy's room at the back of the house. Darcy was lying on the bed, but tried to rise when she saw Honor.
"You stay where you are," Honor ordered firmly. "The doctor will be here this afternoon."
"But it is your birthday and I wanted to make you something special."
"It is a day like any other, as far as I am concerned."
"Don't nobody knows it's your birthday, ‘cept me, does they?"
"It does not matter, Darcy. What matters is that you stay off your feet until the doctor says it is all right for you to get up."
"My poor little lamb. Who will care for you if something happens to old Darcy? The people in dis house use you, all 'cept Master Aaron. And he surely does love his momma. If you was to go off with that Yankee major, he would take care of you. I has seen the way he looks at you. He ain't liking for to be with Miss Meagan. That man loves you."
Honor stood up quickly. "I do not know what you are saying, Darcy."
"Oh, yes you does, you knows all right. I knows you love that Yankee, and maybe it ain't a bad thing."
Honor stared at Darcy. "How do you know this?"
"I knows a lot more than people thinks I does, and I knows you love that man and he loves you. You ain't never going to have no happiness with Master Jordan. He is selfish and he will drain all your strength and leave you with nothing."
Honor pulled the covers up around Darcy's neck. "You just rest. I will be back to check on you in a little while."
"You makes me fairly mad when you does that," Darcy said as she threw the cover off defiantly.
"When I do what?" Honor said, perplexed by Darcy's prying.
"When someone gets too close to the truth you switch and talk 'bout something else, afraid someone will sees how you feel. Well, I have know you for too long to be fooled by you, and don't I know it's the same what your aunt did when she didn't want to talk 'bout something."
Honor was thoughtful for a moment. She remembered her Aunt Amanda's changing the subject when she did not want to talk about something in particular. Had she developed the same habit? Yes, perhaps she had. It was as though if she hid the truth from everybody else, she could also hide it from herself.
"You rest now, Darcy. I will go and see if Chauncey has left yet."
"See what I means?" Darcy said, giving her an 'I told you so' look as Honor kissed her black cheek and smiled slightly.
"You are always right, Darcy."
Honor's day was spent tending Darcy and taking on the extra work that Darcy usually tended to. Every so often she would remember it was her birthday and think how nice it would be if someone else beside Darcy had remembered also. But she pushed the thought out of her mind. Birthdays were not important when one reached twenty-one. For a moment she allowed herself to remember her seventeenth birthday. It had been the night Adam had been wounded, the night he came to see her. She wondered if he also remembered. No, of course not, why should he? She scolded herself.
As the day progressed she began to sink into a deep depression. The doctor was late getting to Green Rivers, and by the time he had checked Darcy over and told Honor to keep her off her feet for a few days because the veins in Darcy's legs were giving her problems, it was already dark. He gave Darcy a mild sleeping potion, and by the time Honor had seen the doctor on his way, she barely had time to rush upstairs, change her gown for dinner and run a brush through her hair.
When she entered the sitting room she found the other family members waiting for her. Honor was so weary, she sank down into one of the easy chairs, dreading the thought of getting up to go in to dinner.
"Aaron was unhappy that you did not have time to spend with him today," Jordan said critically.
Honor frowned. "I am sorry. I will try to make it up to him tomorrow. Everything was at sixes and sevens today, with Darcy ill. I never realized how much I depend on her."
Maggie looked at Honor with hurt in her eyes. "I guess you are thinking that I could be more help to you, but my health is not as good as it once was," she sniffed.
"Maggie, I know you do not feel well. I do not expect you to do anything until you feel like it," Honor said, wishing she did not have to face a wall of criticism tonight.
"Do not fret, Maggie," Meagan said. "Honor likes twittering about all day. She fairly dotes on hard work. You see before you a martyr, a golden angel, all full of human kindness and sacrifice for her fellow man."
"I hope you will refrain from neglecting Aaron in the future," Jordan said. "He should be your first concern. Darcy would be the first to tell you that."
Honor bit back angry words. She could have reminded Jordan that the past few weeks he had done all in his power to keep her and Aaron apart, but she did not wish to argue, she was just too weary.
"Flora said we are having leg of lamb tonight, Honor," Maggie said, "and you know I prefer to have leg of lamb on Fridays, the way I always did when Clayton was alive."
"Maggie, I am truly sorry, but with Darcy sick, I told Flora to make up the menu today. I will see to it that Lamb is served exclusively on Fridays in the future," Honor said, rubbing her throbbing temples and wishing she dared go to her room, lock the door, and have to face no one until tomorrow.
They were interrupted by Chauncey. "Master Jordan, there is a boy outside with a basket for Mrs. Daniels, says he is from Landau."
"For me?" Maggie said in surprise.
"No, ma'am, says it is for Mrs. Jordan Daniels."
Jordan looked at Honor quickly. "Do you know anything about this?"
"No, send the boy in, Chauncey," Honor said, wondering what could be in the basket, and trying to blank out on who might have sent it.
The boy, who appeared to be no more than fourteen, was apparently having a hard time with the heavy basket. He sat it down before Honor and handed her a note. Then he bowed graciously and left.
Jordan removed the tissue paper from the basket to reveal the shiny red apples that Landau was so famous for. He looked at Honor while everyone waited for her to read the note out loud.
Mrs. Daniels,
Knowing how much you enjoy the apples from Landau, I thought they would be an appropriate birthday gift for you.
My sister, Suzanne joins me in wishing you happy twenty-first birthday. Give my regards the rest of your family.
Respectfully yours,
Adam O'Roarke"
The room was silent as Honor reached into the basket and picked up one of the apples. The tears flowed freely down her cheeks as she clutched the apples and the note in her hand and ran from the room and up the stairs.
"Good Lord, did no one remember it was Honor's birthday?" Meagan said.
"Apparently Mr. O'Roarke did," Jordan said angrily, not knowing if he should direct his anger at himself for forgetting Honor's birthday or at Adam O'Roarke for remembering it. He quickly went from the room and up the stairs. Knocking on Honor's door, he turned the knob and entered the room. She was standing by the window, and he approached her quietly.
"Honor, what can I say? Your birthday just completely slipped my mind."
"It is unimportant, Jordan. Do not blame yourself," she said, without looking at him.
"I am not much of a husband to you, am I Honor? You go about working until you could drop, trying to make life easier for the rest of us, never complaining, and not a one of us remembered it was your birthday. We never would have thought of it if O'Roarke had not reminded us. You must think us all a bunch of ingrates, taking from you but never giving."
"No, Jordan, I do not think that."
"God, I wish I knew what you do think. Can you never let me get close to you? Must you always shut me out? If you were a proper wife, this would never have happened."
She turned to him slowly. He was doing it again, finding someone to blame for his shortcomings. She knew i
t should not matter to her that he had forgotten her birthday, but it did, it mattered a great deal.
"I really am tired, Jordan, I think I will just skip dinner tonight. Please make my excuses to the rest of the family."
"I will get you a present tomorrow, Honor. We shall have a party. Aaron will like that. Yes, we shall celebrate your birthday tomorrow," he said with enthusiasm.
Honor's eyes sparkled like green fires. "Do not even say it. I do not want you to say one word to Aaron, and I do not want a present from you."
"Hell, do I not know it. You do not want anything from me."
Anger boiled up inside her. "You are right, Jordan, I do not want anything from you except for you to leave me alone."
He grabbed her by the shoulders, his breathing labored.
"You would not turn me away if I were Adam O'Roarke, would you? You are deluding yourself if you think he and Meagan have not been to bed together. You know your sister, she would soon lose interest in a man if he did not succumb to her charms, yet she continues to see him two or three times a week.
What do you suppose they do together, talk about you?"
"I try not to think about it at all, Jordan. What Meagan and Adam do is no concern of mine," she told him, trying to remove his hands that were painfully biting into her shoulders.
He grabbed her chin and forced her to face him. "Tell me again that you were never in bed with O'Roarke. The thought that he has had you is tearing me apart inside."
Honor tried to avoid his searching eyes. It would not be the truth to tell him she had not been in bed with Adam, and yet she did not wish to tell him of the time Adam had played the role of her husband to save himself from being captured by the soldiers. Honor knew she would never tell Jordan about the night in the apple orchard—it was her secret. That time belonged to her, and to talk about it with Jordan would make it seem ugly. She tried to look away, but Jordan prevented it, so she closed her eyes instead.
"You are hiding something from me, and I insist that you tell me what it is." She struggled, trying to get away from him, but he held her firm. "Tell me, Honor, what are you trying to hide?" His voice held a threat in it, and Honor felt fear, knowing what Jordan was capable of.
"I do not want to talk about it, I am with you and not Adam, I stayed with you, Jordan, I live in your house. Is that not good enough for you?"
"No, it is not good enough for me," he mimicked. His hand tightened on her chin, and she knew there would be bruises there tomorrow. "Tell me," he insisted.
Honor swallowed hard. "It is just that once Adam was wounded and he came to me. Some of our soldiers were after him, and I lied to them so they would not know who he was."
Jordan's face loomed above her. "And how did you convince them that he was not the man they sought, Honor?"
"He . . . I told them that Adam was you."
"Under what circumstances?"
"Adam was weak from loss of blood so he was in my bed ... I lay down beside him to convince the soldiers that he was my husband." Honor said, trying to pull away from him, fearing the anger she saw on his face.
"You lying, conniving little slut. You have made me suffer because you found me in bed with your sister, and yet you expect me to overlook your indiscretion? Where is the difference between you and myself? Would you have me believe nothing happened between you and that man?"
Honor shook her head. "Nothing happened that night." Honor closed her eyes, not wanting to deceive Jordan, for in truth she was as guilty as he, it was just that what she had shared with Adam was too close to her heart, and she did not want Jordan to know about her love for Adam.
"What about the night you went to Landau, Honor?"
She raised her head and looked into his eyes, and in that moment he read the answer to his question.
Jordan raised his hand and struck her hard across the face. Honor's head reeled from the impact, as Jordan yelled, "You have had me walking on eggshells around you, hoping if I was patient and understanding maybe you would forgive me, not knowing that you had also committed an indiscretion. I will no longer carry around this guilt, nor will I ever again allow you to occupy a separate bedroom from me. From this night on you will be a wife to me, and in time, who knows, you may even come to like it."
"No!" she screamed. "No!" "No!"
He shook her so hard that her head snapped back, and then his mouth came down on hers roughly. Honor felt his teeth grind on her lips, tearing the tender flesh underneath. She fought with all her strength as Jordan's hands moved roughly over her body. Honor tried to push him away, to tear her mouth free of his. Inside she was screaming, but no sound penetrated the bedroom. Please, no, she pleaded silently. Do not let this happen to me again.
Honor felt terror so strong that her whole body trembled from its intensity. Jordan was going to rape her again. She fought him with all her strength, but she knew he would win in the end. In her fear Honor rejected not only Jordan, but also Adam. Adam had been gentle where Jordan was brutal, but they had both wanted the same thing from her. All men were the same, wanting only to satisfy their lust with a woman. She resisted Jordan with renewed strength— no man would ever touch her in that way again!
Honor felt her gown rip and screamed, "Do not touch me, I do not want any man to touch me again!" She was becoming hysterical, as she fought Jordan with all her might.
"You are a slut like your sister," Jordan hissed. "You dared let that Yankee have what you would deny me."
Honor moaned, turning her head from side to side as she felt Jordan's hand on her bare skin. "No not again, please," she begged.
Jordan's lips covered hers, and he felt her stiffen beneath him. Releasing her lips, he saw the fear in her eyes and felt renewed anger. He wanted to hurt her as she was hurting him. Doubling up his fist, he hit her hard on the jaw. Honor screamed as pain shot through her jaw and a dark cloud began descending. She could hear voices, and they sounded as if they were coming from a long way off. She recognized Meagan's voice and realized she was lying on the floor and Jordan was bending over her.
"What have you done to my sister?" Meagan shrieked as she ran at Jordan. She pounded at him with her fists, and angry tears ran down her face. Seeing Honor lying helpless on the floor brought out all her protective instincts. She was like a tigress protecting her young. Meagan clawed at Jordan's face and tried to pull him away from Honor.
Jordan stood up and captured her hands in his. "For God's sake, Meagan, I did not mean to hurt her. I am sorry." His eyes were full of misery as he finally subdued her. "I do now know what came over me. I always seem to do the wrong thing with Honor."
Meagan tore her hands away from Jordan and knelt down beside her sister. She gathered Honor up in her arms and glared at Jordan. "Get out of here, Jordan, and if you ever lay one hand on my sister again, I swear I will kill you."
Meagan's threat hung in the air and Jordan raised his hands in a hopeless gesture. "You need not worry. I will not ever come near your precious sister again. I am sick of the both of you. It must be God's punishment to me that I must endure two trollops under my roof."
"Jordan, get out of here," Meagan warned.
He walked to the door and yanked it open. He then turned to Honor, who was sitting up with Meagan's help.
"You are not woman enough to respond to any man. You should ask your sister to tell you all the ways she knows to please a man, you might benefit by it."
Honor closed her eyes, trying to shut out his hateful words. She did not blame him really, because he had spoken the truth. She would be no bargain for any man. She was dead inside, and she also knew that if Adam was her husband things would be no different. She was frightened by the physical side of marriage, and nothing could ever take that fear away.
The door slammed behind Jordan, and Meagan helped Honor to her feet. Then she led her to the bed and eased her head onto the pillow. Honor saw the tears in Meagan's eyes and wondered what could be the reason for them.
"You are to pay no attenti
on to Jordan. He can never admit he is at fault in any way. He will always find someone to blame for his shortcomings," Meagan said to her.
"He is right, Meagan. I cannot stand to have him touch me. I am not capable of being a wife to Jordan. He has every right to be angry with me."
Meagan sat down and took Honor's hand. "How many times have you been intimate with Jordan?"
Honor blushed at Meagan's bold question. She considered how to answer. Maybe Meagan could help her. Lowering her head, Honor spoke, hardly above a whisper: "Twice, on our wedding night."
"Was that the only time?"
Honor nodded.
Meagan frowned. "Did Jordan force himself on you that night?"
Again Honor nodded, remembering the horrible ordeal of her wedding night.
Meagan's arms went around her sister and she held her protectively. "My poor little sister, you have had much to endure, not the least of which has been me."
It felt good to rest her head on Meagan's shoulder. "What is wrong with me, Meagan? Why am I not like other women?"
"I wish I were your brother instead of your sister at this moment. I would make Jordan Daniels pay for what he did to you."
Fresh tears washed Honor's face. "I will never let a man touch me again, I cannot endure it, they are all monsters, wanting only what they can take from a woman."
"Honor, that is not true. If you loved a man, it would be very different."
"I love Adam, and I let him make love to me. At the time I thought it was different, but now I know he used me as Jordan did. The only difference was Adam was not as brutal as Jordan was."
Meagan frowned. So Honor had been with Adam. She hugged Honor tightly, wishing that she could tell her that if she were Adam's wife she would have nothing to fear, but Honor was in no state of mind to listen to her at the moment. Meagan knew that Honor was almost hysterical, that Jordan's attack on her tonight had made her fear all men. Her eyes burned with anger. Jordan had no right to treat her sister in such a brutal manner. She felt tears in her eyes at the thought of how much Honor had suffered because of her and Jordan. Between the two of them they had made her fear even Adam, whom Meagan was sure Honor loved.
Rebel Temptress (Historical Romance) Page 25