"Room twelve, at the top of the stairs. Tap on the door. I will send the champagne up immediately."
Adam started up the carpeted stairs. Tinny music was coming from the room below, and he paused. Did he really want to go through with this? He had never sought a woman for pay, and although it had sounded like a good idea a moment ago, it now seemed distasteful to him. He had just decided to return to the hotel when he heard loud voices coming from one of the upstairs rooms. There was no mistaking the sounds. It seemed one of the male patrons was beating up one of the women, for Adam heard the sound of struggling and a woman screamed.
He was about to rush up the stairs to the lady's rescue when Mrs. Palmer rushed past him and entered the room where the disturbance was coming from.
"Get out of here," Mrs. Palmer said. "You have been here for over a week, drinking and abusing my girls. I will tolerate no more from you."
Adam could tell the Madame needed no assistance from him and he had started down the stairs when he heard a man's voice and stopped dead in his tracks.
"I pay you good money, and I will do as I please," Adam heard Jordan Daniels say.
"No amount of money gives you the right to beat up my girls. I run a respectable establishment, and the reason I do is because I don't allow anyone of your kind here. I felt sorry for you because you said your little son died. Maybe it's the truth, and maybe you lied, but I want you out of here no matter what the truth is."
"My wife will not let me touch her. I came home from fighting the Yankees only to find that my wife had been consorting with the enemy while I was away."
Adam wanted to leave but he could not. Had the woman said that Aaron was dead? Surely he had misunderstood.
"I killed my own son," Jordan whined. "Honor asked me not to take him riding. It was an accident, and now my wife has lost her mind. She won't speak to me, she won't even look at me. I love her and she hates the sight of me," Jordan said drunkenly.
Adam waited to hear no more. He ran down the stairs and to the livery stable. He did not even take time to return to the hotel to pick up his luggage. Once at the livery stable he quickly made arrangements for the owner to pay his hotel bill and see that his buggy and luggage were returned to Landau. He hired a horse, and within an hour he was riding toward Green Rivers.
He rode as if a demon were after him. Honor needed him, and he had not been there for her. Jordan had said that Honor had lost her mind. Oh my God, do not let it be so, he prayed.
The sun was just coming up when Adam knocked on the front door at Green Rivers. It was cold, but Adam did not feel it, nor did he feel the weariness from riding all night.
Darcy answered the door, and when she saw Adam, tears came to her eyes. "You is too late, Master Adam. My baby done gone and lost her mind. She ain't said one word to anyone since they brought little Aaron home," Darcy said as she wiped her eyes with her white apron.
"Where is she, Darcy?"
"She is upstairs with Miss Meagan, and ain't Miss Meagan took the best care of her sister. She don't leave Miss Honor's side for nothing."
"Show me to the bedroom, Darcy," Adam ordered.
"No, sir, I can't do that, it ain't proper."
"Darcy, either show me where Honor is or I will find her on my own."
Darcy saw the determined look on his face and decided to do as he asked. Maybe this man could help her baby.
She led him up the stairs and opened the door to admit Adam. Meagan was sitting beside Honor's bed, and quickly got to her feet when she saw Adam. She flew across the room into his arms and cried on his broad shoulder. "I sent word to you but they said you had left and were not expected home for another week or so."
Adam's eyes went to the bed where Honor lay. She was staring at the ceiling and did not even know he was there. Adam held Meagan at arms' length. "How did this happen, and what does the doctor say?"
"Jordan and Aaron were thrown from his horse, and Aaron was killed instantly. When Honor found out, at first she would not believe it, and then she became as you see her now. I do not know where Jordan is. He left some time last week and no one has seen him."
Adam walked toward Honor slowly. He went down on his knees and took her hand in his. His hand was trembling as he pushed a pale strand of hair from her face. Her once brilliant green eyes were dull and had a faraway look in them. She looked so vulnerable, so fragile.
"Darling, I came as soon as I heard. I am so sorry," Adam said as he choked back the tears. "I know how much you loved little Aaron, and I loved him, too, knowing he was a part of you." His voice was gentle as he spoke to her. "My love, look at me. Hear the words I speak to you. I love you more than life itself, and if I could bear all of the pain you are feeling I would gladly do it for you."
Still she did not respond.
Adam sat on the edge of the bed and took her in his arms. "Oh, my darling, it grieves me to see the pain you are enduring. Let it out, cry. Let me share this grief with you."
As Adam held her, his tears fell on her face, and Honor blinked. She looked about her as if trying to remember where she was. Someone was holding her in his arms and he was crying. Honor looked into Adam's face. For a moment she wondered why he was there, and then it all came back to her. Aaron was dead. Her baby, her little boy, was dead. She would never hear his laughter again or feel his arms around her neck. Her tears came out in great sobs, and her body trembled from the intensity of her pain.
"Help me bear the pain, Adam. I cannot bear it alone," she cried.
"We will share it, and I will stay with you for as long as you need me."
"Oh, Adam, he was so young, so full of life, why did it have to happen?"
"I cannot tell you the reason it happened, Honor, but you must not dwell on that. Remember only that Aaron loved you. He had a good life and the best mother a boy could have."
"I want my son, Adam."
"Hush, darling, I am here," he soothed.
Meagan sat down in a chair, watching Adam get through to Honor where all others had failed. She was witnessing a love so sweet, so pure, that tears blinded her. Adam and Honor belonged together. It was not right that they must be apart. Surely God in his infinite wisdom saw that the two of them were meant for each other.
An hour passed, and then another. As Adam held Honor in his arms and talked to her quietly, Meagan went downstairs, unable to watch the two of them together any longer, feeling she was intruding on their privacy. She feared Jordan might come home and find Adam in Honor's bedroom. Much later, when Meagan returned to Honor's room, she saw that her sister had fallen asleep in Adam's arms. She tried to convince Adam to go downstairs with her and have something to eat, but Adam refused, saying he wanted to remain with Honor.
"I am frightened that Jordan will return," Meagan told him.
"You need not worry about him. I saw him in Richmond, and he was in no condition to travel. He will not be able to sit a horse for at least two days."
"Was he drunk?"
"You might say that."
"Thank goodness he is not here. A few weeks ago he tried to beat her up and he wasn't even drunk. Then just a few days ago he accused Honor of causing Aaron's death. Thank God she did not hear him."
"I will kill him if he ever touches her again," Adam said angrily.
Honor stirred and opened her eyes. When she saw Adam still held her she sighed and closed her eyes once more in peaceful sleep.
"I am going below to prepare you a tray," Meagan said. "I insist you eat something."
Adam did not try to dissuade her. When she left he looked at Honor. He kissed her softly and fresh tears came to his eyes as he thought of all she had suffered because of Jordan Daniels.
Meagan convinced Adam to eat some of the vegetable soup and drink the coffee she brought him. He had just finished the coffee when Honor awoke, sat up, and looked about the room. For a moment there was fear in her eyes, and then she saw Adam.
He reached out his hand to her. "Relax, darling, I am still with you."
"Oh, Adam, I am so glad you are here, but you must leave. Where is Jordan? He must not find you here."
"You are not to worry about Jordan, he will not come here today. Honor, if you are up to it, I want to talk to you."
She nodded, clutching his hand tightly.
"I want to take you away from here. There is no longer any reason for you to remain, and I want to be able to take care of you and know that no one will ever harm you again."
Honor thought at the moment there was nothing she would like better than to go away with Adam, but she could not, she was still married to Jordan. What would people think if they found out about her being married to another man? It would be bad for Adam, as Suzanne had pointed out to her. She loved him too much to damage his reputation. No. it would not be fair to Adam. She must convince him that she wanted to remain with Jordan so he would return to Boston.
"I cannot go with you, Adam. I am a married woman, and just because things are not right between Jordan and me does not give me the right to turn my back on my marriage."
Adam's features were stormy. "Say you love me, Honor." He grabbed her chin and forced her to look at him. "You have never said you love me, and still I cannot let you go in my heart. Tell me now if you feel anything but friendship for me. If you do not love me, I shall leave, and never trouble you again."
Honor wanted to tell him that she felt only friendship for him because if was not fair to him to let him hope that there would ever be anything between them. Oh, she wanted to lie to him, but Adam read the truth in her eyes even before she spoke.
"Oh, Adam, I love you so much. I have loved you for a very long time," she cried at last, no longer able to hide the truth from him. "Perhaps if I had not loved you I could have accepted Jordan when he returned from the war." Tears were swimming in her eyes and she tried to blink them away.
Adam crushed her in his arms, holding her so tightly she thought he would break her ribs. But it was bliss to feel his strong arms about her. "Do you have any idea how long I have waited for you to say those words to me, darling?" he whispered in her ear. When he raised his head, Honor saw the tears in his eyes. She reached out and gently touched his face.
"I could not say it before, Adam. I have no right to love you."
"Everything will be all right now. You will go away with me, and you will never have to see Jordan Daniels again."
Honor hated the thought of hurting Adam, for she knew she would feel his hurt in the very depths of her soul. There was happiness in his blue eyes for the moment, and an answering happiness in her heart. She hesitated for the moment, loving the feel of his arms around her. This moment belonged to her. The time for hurting and parting would come all too soon.
"When we get to Boston you can stay with Suzanne until your divorce has been granted. Then as soon as we can arrange it we shall be married. I want to show you off to all my friends. How they will envy me my beautiful love." His hands moved caressingly up and down her arm as he worshipped her with his eyes. "Say again that you love me, Honor."
"I love you, Adam," she whispered. "I shall always love you. That is why it is hard for me to say what I must say to you now."
He placed his finger over her lips. "I know what you would say. You do not want to go to Boston with me until you can go as my wife. Very well, I am prepared to remain here with you until we can be together."
"No, Adam, that is not what I have to say to you. I can never be your wife. I will never divorce Jordan."
The smile left his face to be replaced by a look of confusion. "Do not do this to me Honor, for God's sake. You said you loved me, was that a lie?" he said in a deadly quiet voice. "I do not understand what you are saying."
She tried to look away from him but he would not allow her to.
"Do you know what you are doing to me? I have had no life to call my own since I met you. My whole life has centered around you, even when I did not see you for months at a time, I would think of you each day and try to picture what you would be doing. Then that night in the apple orchard when I made love to you, it was so good between us, Honor, you know it was good. I want the right to love you anytime I want to, I have lived through hell not knowing if you were sleeping with Jordan." Adam gathered her close to his heart. "I love you Honor, do not send me away."
Honor bit her lip to keep from crying out. She hated what she was doing to him, but would it not be far better to hurt him now, than to go away with him as she wanted to do? Her heart felt as if it were torn and bleeding, knowing she must send him away. Loving was supposed to be doing what was best for the one you loved, and Suzanne had pointed out to Honor how bad it would be for Adam should she go away with him.
"Please, Adam say no more, I can not bear it. It is because I love you that I must ask you to leave and never try to see me again."
"The love you profess to have for me cannot be so strong if you wish to send me away," Adam said accusingly.
Perhaps you are right, Adam," she said, knowing it would be the hardest thing she would ever be called on to do, because she loved him so much she must send him away.
As she saw the pain in his blue eyes she almost weakened, but she remembered that he was an important lawyer in Boston and that it would hurt his career if it were to circulate that he had married a divorced woman. Please, God, she prayed silently, give me the strength to let him go.
"Adam, I am very tired, could you not leave now?"
"Honor, is there nothing I can do to persuade you to come with me?"
"No, Adam, I will not leave with you. It would be best if you were to leave now," she said, feeling as though she was tearing her heart out.
Adam stood up slowly. "I begin to see how it is with you, Honor. Did you feel pity for me and think to tell me you loved me like throwing a dog a bone? Come to think of it, some of the missing pieces begin to fall into place. The love has always been all on my side. I should have been warned when you had very little physical attraction for me. That night I made love to you I thought I held a warm and loving woman in my arms, but you are cold, Honor. I do not need you and your charity." He had spoken softly, and his face was an unreadable mask.
"Believe what you will, Adam. I am not going to convince you any different."
"Do you never challenge fate, Honor? Must you always go along with whatever happens in your life, allowing yourself to be swept away with the tide and never putting up a fight?"
"Yes, I accept that which I cannot change."
"I should consider myself fortunate that you did not accept my proposal. I am well rid of you," he said, lashing out at her. '
Honor felt the sting of his words in the depths of her heart. He would leave today not knowing she loved him more than life itself. "You never had me, Adam. I never belonged to you."
It seemed that a mask descended over Adam's face at that moment. "I always intended to return Landau to you. I hope you will accept it from me now that I have no use for it."
"No, I could never do that. Perhaps you should sell it. Maybe Meagan would be interested in buying it from you. You could ask her."
They spoke like two polite strangers, neither of them willing to let the other see his hurt.
"I will take my leave of you now. I doubt that our paths will ever cross in the future. I will, however, wish you happiness, for I cannot find it within myself to wish you ill."
"I wish you nothing but the best, Adam. I would like to think of you . . . finding someone worthy of you. I hope you find the love that you deserve, Adam." Never had she needed her strength as she did at that moment. She would not cry and beg him not to forget her as she wanted to do.
"Do not say it!" he cried. "How cool you are as you dismiss me from your life for good." Then once more the mask slipped into place. "I warn you, when I walk out that door, I will never return. You can prevent my going with just one word, Honor," he said, unable to resist the attempt to try one last time. Inside he wanted to go down on his knees and beg her not to send him away alone.
"Adam, I cannot tell you what you want to hear. Please go now," she said, biting her lip to stop its trembling.
"Good-bye, Honor. May you always have what you want from life, although I am not sure you know what it is that you do want."
"Thank you for your kindness to me, Adam. I shall never forget your thoughtfulness to me." Honor looked at him, knowing she was seeing him for the last time.
He turned and left her without another word. When he reached the bottom of the stairs he found Meagan waiting for him.
"Did you and Honor resolve anything? Is she going away with you?"
"Why should you think that? Honor is just where she wants to be, and I shall soon be back home in Boston where I belong." He brushed past Meagan, and she watched him mount his horse and ride away, wondering what had taken place between him and Honor. If ever two people were meant to be together, it was her sister and Adam.
Meagan went upstairs and found Honor crying her heart out. Sitting down beside her, Meagan held Honor in her arms.
"Adam did not understand that I had to send him away. He believes I do not love him, and*now I will never see him again."
"Honor, are you crazed? Why did you send him away?"
"There were many reasons, but most important is my fear of hurting him, although I have already done that."
Meagan looked at Honor angrily. "You owe nothing to Jordan, while Adam offered you everything a woman could ever want. I could shake you for what you have done."
"I have not had much time to think, but I want to help Jordan regain his self-respect. It was I who caused him to lose it, and I shall try and help him find it."
"God, you make me angry. You must think you are some sort of do-gooder. Will you destroy Adam to help Jordan?"
"Meagan, please try to understand I have to do what I feel is right."
"You cannot fool me Honor, you feel guilty because you allowed Adam to make love to you, and you now think by punishing yourself you will wipe the slate clean of your guilt."
Honor sighed. "You may be right, but I can no more go against what I believe in than you can."
Rebel Temptress (Historical Romance) Page 27