“What is it that you need?” I settle into the sofa with my arm stretched across the back of the cushions.
“Good conversation. A smile that lights up a room. Eyes I can get lost in. Someone that looks like he was born to wear a suit.”
“Oh, is that it?”
“And killer abs.”
I pretend to calculate in my head. “Four out of five ain’t bad.”
“Why only four?” She sets her drink on the table between us. “I made that list for you. I don’t normally stroke egos. You should be flattered.”
“Because you stroked my ego?” I lean forward and place my glass on the table. “Or the fact that you think I look good in a suit?”
“Both.” Rachel has a hungry expression. It’s the same way she looks in the private room. This isn’t the club. This is a hotel suite. The rules are not the same. If things get started here, I know I won’t stop. Crossing that line with Rachel will end my relationship with Sylvie, jeopardize my future at the club, and make me a whore.
“I think I should go.” I stand and put on my jacket. “Thanks for the conversation.”
“Anytime.” She bounces her bare foot in the air as she watches me button my jacket. “Is there anything else I can offer you?” She runs her thumb down the center of her breasts, and I think about Sylvie.
“I have to get home to my daughter and my girlfriend,” I scoff.
“You’re really shitty at this.” Rachel walks to the desk then meets me at the door. “Here.” She places an envelope in my hand. It’s one of the thank-you envelopes from the club.
“Did you steal this from Trance?”
“They come in really handy.”
I lean down and kiss Rachel on the cheek. Her hand squeezes my bicep. She doesn’t want me to go; she won’t dare ask me to stay.
“It was really nice running into you, Rachel.”
She smiles and opens the door. “Til we meet again, Sway.”
I don’t check the contents of the envelope until I’m in the elevator heading to the lobby. It’s fifteen hundred dollars.
Fuuuckk.
I don’t deserve this, not from her. I didn’t even dance. Hell, I wasn’t even nice. I get out of the elevator and contemplate my next move. If I want to keep this envelope, which I do, I’ll have to give her something in return. I don’t have a golden cock worth fifteen bills. No price is worth me cheating on Sylvie. I do what I always do when I’m in a bind. I call Giovanni.
“Are you fucking kidding me? Keep the money,” Giovanni yells over the music in the club. “Get out of there before you grow a conscience. Think of Lulu.”
I am thinking of Lulu and Sylvie. I want to be the kind of man they would be proud of.
“Listen, Theo. People get paid for their company, services, whatever, all the time. This is no different. Pretend you’re a lawyer consulting with a client.”
“Yeah, okay.” I start to feel a little better.
“You said she gets paid for her opinions on business, right? This is the same thing.”
My best friend is a genius.
“Unless you really want to fuck her,” he reconsiders. “Are you just looking for a reason to go back up there and fuck the shit out of her for making you wear the little boy undies?” Gio laughs.
“Of course not.”
“Did she hit on you?”
“Not really, but I’m pretty sure she would fuck me.” It makes my dick hard thinking about it.
“Go home, Theo.” Giovanni sighs. “You have a beautiful girl waiting for you.” He’s right. Again.
We hang up, and I jump in a cab because I love Sylvie.
I fucking love her.
I should’ve told her before. That will never happen again. I’ll fucking tattoo it on my chest, so she’ll always know.
I think about texting her but decide against it. I want to surprise her. I’ll sneak into the house and crawl into bed with her, and she’ll be waiting for me, naked.
That isn’t true.
We can’t sleep naked cause kids.
This is my fantasy, so we’re naked.
She’s on her back with her legs spread open. Moonlight spotlights her perfect tits.
I have to stop…If I want to last longer than six minutes.
The cab stops in front of my building, and I toss him fifty bucks.
I run up my stairs and open the door as quietly as I can.
We moved Reese’s playpen into Lulu’s room, so I don’t have to worry about waking him. I place my shoes by the door then stop in the kitchen for a glass of water. I down two glasses then go to my room.
Sylvie is sleeping on her side, facing away from the door.
Perfect.
I get naked then slide into bed behind her, and cup her breast. It feels strange from this angle. Smaller. I must be drunk.
She starts to turn towards me. I stop her. I want to feel her soft round ass against me.
“Theo?” she mumbles.
“Yeah, baby.” I kiss her. She doesn’t kiss me back right away. Damn, she must be pissed about me not telling her I love her. I can fix that.
“Theo,” she spits, this time louder, angrier.
“Shhh.” I place my finger over her mouth. “I’m sorry I didn’t answer you when you said I love you. I’m an idiot.” I kiss her as I press my dick against her hip. “I may be a dumbass, but I love you.”
She slips onto her back. I feel her hand on my thigh and moan. I love when she touches me. My cock looks huge with her thin fingers wrapped around it. I swivel my hips so she can get a nice firm grip. Her fingers walk across my skin, but instead of grabbing my hard-on, she pinches my leg.
“What the fuck!”
Suddenly the door flies open, and the light flicks on. Sylvie is standing in the doorway. I look at the body lying beside me. The one I was just fondling and rubbing my dick against. The one I just confessed my love for.
“Leeyan?”
“Can you please get your dick off my leg.”
Leeyan squirms away and rolls off the bed.
I look between the first woman I ever loved and the woman I love now. My dick goes limp, and I pull the covers up to my chest.
“I’ll give you guys some space,” Sylvie starts to close the door.
“Wait,” I yell and go to stand, then remember I’m butt-ass naked. I pause with the sheet over my crotch and reach for my boxers. “It isn’t what you think. I thought she was you.”
“Clearly,” Leeyan quips.
Sylvie keeps retreating. She’s freaked out. It could be the fact that I was in bed with my ex, or it could be the fact that I didn’t tell her I love her.
Both, definitely both.
“Can you give us a minute.” I look at Leeyan like it’s the least she can do. I feel something under my foot. My underwear! I stealthily put them on under the covers.
“This is my bedroom, but whatever.” Leeyan huffs and walks to the door.
“This stopped being your room the day you got on that bus for boot camp,” I inform her as I jump out of bed.
Sylvie picks up a t-shirt and hands it to me.
“Thanks, babe. How’s Lulu? When did she get here? Was she happy?” I ramble as I pull the shirt on.
Sylvie starts to answer, then stops and allows Leeyan to interrupt.
“Lulu was thrilled to see me.” Leeyan walks around the bed wearing a pair of baggy gray sweatpants and a green Army t-shirt. The clothes hang off her body as if they aren’t hers. Like she got the wrong laundry or something.
“Did she even know who you were?” I shoot back.
Leeyan gives me a dirty look. “How often do you leave our daughter alone at night?”
Sylvie scoffs and crosses her arms. I can tell she’s at her limit, and I commend her for maintaining her composure. If the situation was flipped, this room would have been destroyed.
“She wasn’t alone; she was with my girlfriend.” I look at Sylvie, and she blushes.
Reese begins to cry, and Sy
lvie backs out to get him. Now Leeyan makes a noise. “And how long have you been together?” She points towards the hall. “Is that your baby?”
I pull on a pair of black sweats and walk out. My bedroom is close to the kids’ room, and the walls are thin.
I find Sylvie feeding Reese in the kitchen. She has a privacy blanket over his head. He likes to eat in the dark.
“I thought you were weaning him?” I ask as I fill a glass with water from the sink.
“It’s the only way he’s going back to sleep tonight.” She stops talking when Leeyan walks into the kitchen and sits across from her.
“How long have you guys been together?”
I feel like telling her it’s none of her fucking business. Where’s the fun in that?
“We’ve known each other for what, two years?” I rub Sylvie’s back and kiss her head. She gives me a look. I shouldn’t rub our relationship in Leeyan’s face. Sylvie isn’t a weapon.
“Two years, huh? And the baby isn’t yours?” Leeyan smirks.
Sylvie shrugs my hand off her shoulder. “We’re just friends.” She removes Reese from her boob and adjusts her top. Reese pops his head from under the blanket. He smiles when he sees me and holds his arms up.
“What’s up, buddy?” I pat his back and bounce him up and down. That always helps him burp.
Sylvie hands me a cloth thing, so he doesn’t puke on me. “Lulu gave him a couple of licks from her ice cream; I think it upset his stomach.”
“Did you tell her he can’t have dairy?” I rub Reese’s back.
“She said it wasn’t fair that she got a treat for eating her dinner and Reese got nothing.” I love the way Sylvie smiles when she talks about Lulu.
“Remember that time Lulu asked to taste your breast milk?”
“Yeah, I caught her trying to lick my pump.” We laugh at the memories, and it feels like a big fuck-you to Leeyan.
I can’t read the expression on Leeyan’s face. I don’t know her anymore. Hell, she’s been gone longer than we were together. As much as I want to hate her, I can’t. Not when Lulu has her eyes.
Sylvie goes to the refrigerator. She pulls out a beer and holds it up. “You want?”
“I need.” Leeyan takes the beer. Sylvie hands her the opener and closes the fridge. “You’re not having one?”
“No, breastfeeding.” She pats Reese’s back and looks at his face. “He’s sleeping. I’ll go put him down.”
I kiss the top of his sweaty head and hand him to Sylvie. I’ve never felt more like an adult as I do right now. Sylvie and I play house all the time. We take the kids to the park and do the dishes together. It’s usually just us, going with the flow. Having Leeyan here to witness these moments makes everything real.
Sylvie leaves, and Leeyan asks me to sit down so we can talk.
“So, are you out or what?” I ask.
“I am unless I reenlist.” She takes a sip of her beer. “That depends on how things go.”
“What things?”
“We have a lot to talk about, Theo.” She sets her beer down and folds her hands in front of her. “I want to be in Lulu’s life.”
I laugh out loud.
Leeyan doesn’t think her statement is amusing. “What’s so funny about wanting to see my daughter?”
“Well, let’s start with the obvious. You left us, her,” I correct. “You left before her second birthday. Like days before. You haven’t been in her life since.”
“I tried,” she snaps. “You made it impossible for me to talk to her.”
“She was fucking two! What did you want me to do, Leeyan? She didn’t know how to use a phone.”
I think about the first year she was gone. She called as often as she could. I looked forward to hearing her voice. Lulu didn’t. Leeyan could’ve been a telemarketer asking us to sign up for AT&T. Lulu was too young to understand the significance of those phone calls. They were everything to me. Once Leeyan realized this, her calls came less frequently.
“I tried to video chat.” Leeyan sits back and crosses her arms. “Do you know how many times I waited at that stupid terminal for your call?” She actually thinks I am the bad guy.
“You waited for me?” I clarify.
“Yes, you could’ve at least emailed me to say you couldn’t make it.”
“Wow.” I let the word draw out like it’s longer than three simple letters. “You really have no clue, do you?”
Leeyan shrugs. “What do you mean?”
She’s always been selfish. I didn’t think she was oblivious as well. I lean forward and try to keep from yelling.
“Do you really think waiting for me to video chat is the equivalent of me waiting for you to figure out your life and come back? I’ve been here.” I tap my finger on the table. “I’m here raising our daughter. I know what kind of cereal she eats, how long it takes her to tie her shoes, which stuffed animals are her favorite.”
“I’m here now. I want to know those things too,” she says. “I want to be a family.”
“You don’t know the first thing about being a family. You’re a stranger to Lulu. A voice on the phone, a picture on the wall. You’ll never know her the way I do. We are a family.” I stand. “Me and Lulu. We’ve done just fine without you.” I walk out, so I don’t have to see what my words do to her.
I go to the bathroom and splash water on my face. I process the fact that Leeyan is here saying all the things I wanted her to say three years ago. If raising Lulu has taught me anything, it’s how fast time flies. She was in diapers when Leeyan left. Lulu has grown up since then. We both have.
I walk back to the kitchen to tell Leeyan I’m going to bed. This has been a completely fucked up night, and I just want to hold Sylvie while I fall asleep.
Leeyan is gripping her beer bottle with two hands when I return. I recognize indignation on her face.
“I’m tired. I’m going to bed.” I place my glass in the sink. “We can talk tomorrow.”
“Tell me about your new job?” Her sharp tone tells me she already knows something. After everything I’ve been through tonight, being judged by Leeyan is the last thing I need.
“It’s a job.” I sigh and brace for whatever she’s going to throw at me.
“What exactly do you do?”
I turn around and look her dead in the eyes.
“I think you know what I do.”
“I want to hear you say it.” Her smug expression sends acid through my veins. She knows I work at Trance; the question is how. Who would’ve told her? I know it wasn’t Sylvie.
“Who told you?” I cross my arms, and my muscles flex from the tension in my body. Leeyan notices. Her eyes run the length of my arms. I have more tattoos since the last time she saw me. Tattoos and muscles sort of go hand in hand. I’ve never had a lot of chest hair, but Leeyan would rub her hand over the little patch to wake me in the morning. She’d get a kick out of seeing my hairless body. I don’t know why I have the sudden urge to pull off my shirt. I guess I want her to see that I’m not a joke. The idea of me working as a dancer isn’t as ridiculous as it sounds.
“Does it really matter, Sway.” She laughs at my stage name. “Are you that hard up for money? Your rent is practically free.”
Crybaby fucking Dennis must be the one that told her about Trance. That loudmouth mamma’s boy had no problem blabbing to Leeyan that I’m a dancer but forgets to mention he doubled my rent. Fucking prick.
“Is that what you think?” I step forward and lean on the back of a chair.
“If you needed money, you could’ve asked.” I hate that Leeyan is sitting here offering me a handout. Like I can’t provide for my daughter.
“Don’t presume to know shit about my financial situation. I don’t need your money or you.” I turn to walk away.
“I didn’t come here to fight you know.”
I pause at the door to listen because part of me really wants to know why she came back.
“I figured you moved on after you stopped
writing. I don’t blame you.” Her voice is softer now, almost sad.
I turn around. Leeyan is peeling the label off her beer bottle in the same nervous way she did the day she told me she reenlisted.
“I know you think I’m a monster for not trying harder to see Lulu. But I just couldn’t. It was easier for me to pretend she was still a baby. That she didn’t know I was gone.” She wipes a tear, and I smile inside. Lulu deserves more than her tears.
I pull out the chair and sit down.
“You knew she wasn’t going to stay a baby, Leeyan. Eventually, she would grow up.” We both would.
Leeyan nods but won’t look up. “Did she ask about me? I mean did she…”
“Yes, of course. I told her you were at work, far away.” I think about all the days I told Lulu the story about her mom fighting bad guys and helping people. Anything to make sure she didn’t feel abandoned. “Lulu thinks your job was really important, so if I were you, I’d talk it up a little.”
“So that’s why she asked me how many people I’d saved.” She smiles at the thought of Lulu imagining her as a hero. “Thank you.”
I could end this conversation right now and go to bed with Leeyan thinking I’m a good guy. I should. I won’t. Not after all the nights I lay in bed thinking I was a bad guy. Thinking of all the things I should’ve done to make her want to stay.
“I didn’t do it for you.” I stand up and push the chair under the table. “I did it for Lulu. Telling her you were an important part of the army was better than the truth.”
“And what is the truth, Sway?” I hate the sound of my name on her tongue. “What do you know about my truth?”
“I know that you left your daughter so you could play badass on the other side of the world.”
She stands now. “You’re a fucking stripper, Theo. Do you really think that’s an appropriate job to flaunt in front of a little girl?”
“At least I’m here, Leeyan.” I jab my finger on the table. “Every dollar I earn, every decision I make, is for Lulu. Can you say the same?”
Leeyan sighs and does this thing where she holds up her hands like she’s innocent. “I didn’t come here to fight with you. I thought maybe…”
Got Mine (Men of Trance Book 1) Page 11