"Uh oh."
Utah followed Roanne's gaze through the window and spotted Charlie marching up the sidewalk. He looked furious. Uh oh was right.
The front door banged as he entered. He stopped at the table, breathing hard, eyes on fire with angry emotion. "My sister told me she took care of your grandmother last night."
"Yeah? So?"
"And Shirley over at West End just told me she saw you leaving this morning. Apparently you weren't alone."
"What do you care?"
"Don't get smart with me, Ro. We were engaged to be married not long ago."
"You're the one who wanted out."
"You threw your ring at me! You ended it."
She sprang to her feet and pointed her finger against Charlie's chest. "You're sleeping with Gwen, so what's it to you?"
He leaned his face inches from hers. "I wouldn't have slept with her if you wouldn't have overreacted."
"Asshole. You know you were a pig that night. You hardly needed an excuse to take Gwen to bed, so don't put that on me."
He sighed hard. "I wouldn't have done anything with Gwen. You and I should have talked that night. For that, I'm sorry."
"Save your breath, Charlie. All you are is a coward. You're scared to death of getting married. Or maybe you just never loved me to begin with."
"I loved you."
"Not enough."
He fell silent.
She stepped back. "Go away."
"At least I didn't sleep with a stranger just to get even."
"I wasn't getting even. I got laid. That's allowed as a single adult."
Utah was surprised to see hurt push anger aside on Charlie's face. He seemed to care more than his behavior suggested.
"That's not like you, Ro."
"Yeah? Well, a lot's changed since you dumped me for Gwen's fat ass."
His steady gaze faltered and he looked out the window before looking back at her. "I know you won't believe me, but I wouldn't have cheated on you. I may have flirted but that's as far as it would have gone."
"If a man truly loves the woman he's going to marry, he wouldn't flirt with someone else."
"So this is it. It's over for us, is that it?" Charlie asked.
"Looks that way to me."
"I say goodbye and wish you well."
"What else is there to say?"
Charlie opened his mouth but stopped before saying whatever had come to him. He let out a long breath. "Nothing." He started to turn. "See you around." Then he walked toward the door, looking back once he reached it before leaving.
Roanne slumped onto her chair and put her head in her hands. When her shoulders began to shake, Utah began to look for Megan to settle their bill.
###
She was poised on the green. The crowd fell silent. Birds chirped. The breeze flirted with her dark hair. She swung the nine iron. The ball sailed through the air. Seconds ticked by. The ball landed with a bounce and rolled to within one foot of the hole. The crowd cheered. Ah, a day at the Masters.
"You day-dreamin' again?"
Utah turned from hitting golf balls out into the field behind her mother's house to see Ellie standing among hip-tall daisies. "You drinking in the afternoon again?"
"I'm running late today. It's almost five."
Utah shook her head. "I don't know why you need that stuff, Ellie. You're a vibrant, crotchety old bird. Why waste it on scotch?"
Ellie's smile said she recognized the compliment. "When it sounds good to me in the morning, that's when you can start to worry."
Utah smiled back. "Deal."
They'd gone shopping yesterday and it had been lovely spending time with her. They'd talked about Utah's mother. Ellie had infused her with a lot of good memories. That had been her intention all along. Like helping her go through her mother's clothes, Ellie had masterfully turned grief into happy memories.
When Ellie's head turned, Utah did the same to see what caught her eye. Mason stood on her back patio, hands in his jean pockets, looking sexy as hell with messy dark hair and squinting eyes in the late afternoon sunlight. Tall. Big arms yummy in a white golf shirt. The sight of him took her breath and sent a shiver of warm awareness through her senses.
"Your front door was open," he said.
"You better make sure he stays this time," Ellie said just loud enough for only her to hear.
The warmth died a cold death as reality descended. She was grateful to Ellie for snapping her out of the trance. Damn it. Why did she let him get to her like that?
"I thought we could barbeque. I brought everything we need."
Utah glanced at Ellie, whose gray eyebrows rose up into her forehead, deepening the wrinkles there.
"Burgers," Mason added.
"In other words, he's after something only a man could want," Ellie said with deliberate loudness.
"Stay out of this, Ellie," Mason said.
"Why, I'd love to join you for a barbeque. Thank you for asking, Mason. I'll just go in and clean up." She took off her gardening gloves as she made her way inside her house.
Utah stared at Mason from across the yard. Ellie's warning was still echoing in her head. It was a jarring wakeup call. If she kept falling for Mason, she was going to find herself in the same situation she'd been in at sixteen. Worse, probably. He wouldn't stay. And even if she could go with him, she wasn't even sure he'd want her to. That thought depressed her and made her mad at the same time. If he was so dead set against settling down in Timberline, then what was he doing coming around like this? Toying with her feelings.
What Roanne told her stopped her from rounding on him. For some reason Mason needed her. And it scared her to realize she wasn't going to be able to turn him away.
"I tried to stay away," he said.
She moved toward him. "What's the matter, you bored already? It's not even July yet."
"Dad's down at Moosehead for poker night."
She stopped on the patio in front of him. "So when you're bored the first thing you think of is me?"
"I think of you all the time. Boredom has nothing to do with it."
Sparkles of pleasure came before she could stop them. She tipped her head to the side. "Careful, I might start to get the wrong idea."
"I'll be good."
Yeah, right, and so would she.
She walked by him and went inside, propping her golf club against the wall. He'd put a grocery bag on the counter. She got busy putting everything away. When she closed the refrigerator door, she turned to find Mason right there. He put his hand on the refrigerator, caging her with one big arm.
"Tell Ellie this is just for you and me tonight."
Staring up into his hungry green eyes, she swallowed hard. "Mason, I'm not going to have sex with you."
"It would be more than that."
"How can you say that when you're only going to be here for the summer?"
"We'll have all summer. Tell Ellie she isn't invited."
"Just the summer isn't enough for me."
His devouring gaze went from her mouth, her nose, then back to her eyes rebutted her declaration. He resisted accepting it. He wanted her badly, as much as she wanted him. They both were well aware of how good it would be, the sex. But sex wasn't enough. Not this time.
The sound of Ellie coming through the back door preceded her sassy voice. "Well," she breathed, "looks like I got here in the nick of time."
Mason lowered his arm and turned a disgruntled glower her way, stepping back from Utah.
Utah's chest relaxed enough to breathe again. Ellie eyed her as she put a pitcher of sun tea on the counter.
"What, no scotch?" Utah teased.
"I didn't feel like drinking alone. You young people are such lightweights."
Smiling, Utah reached into a cabinet for glasses.
"Mason, why don't you make yourself useful and go light Utah's grill?" Ellie said.
He looked at Utah before doing as requested, one last plea to get rid of her feisty old neighbor.
Fat chance. That feisty neighbor was going to keep her from doing something she'd regret in the morning.
Ellie got out the makings for hamburgers and salad and started to slice onions. Utah poured iced tea into three glasses.
"If you aren't careful, he'll tear your heart out when he leaves," Ellie commented in her usual uninhibited way.
"Tell me something I don't already know." She set the pitcher of iced tea down.
Ellie nodded in exaggerated nonchalance. "All right; Andy's going to retire after the first of the year."
"I knew he wanted to retire, but I didn't know it was so soon." She slid her hands off the cool glass of the pitcher.
"He also told me he wants Mason to take his place."
"Know that, too."
"Damn the gossip in this town."
"Wasn't gossip. Andy pressed him at Bob's the other night."
"About being sheriff?"
"Mm hm."
"So Megan wasn't exaggerating."
"Imagine that."
"How did Mason take Andy's suggestion?"
"Not well. He doesn't want to be sheriff."
"I don't see why he's so against it here."
"Small town. Doesn't want to get old alone. I don't know."
"Well, if he hates the idea of being alone so much, then why hasn't he married yet?" Ellie put onions and tomatoes on a plate.
"Maybe he hasn't found the right woman."
"I doubt he'd notice the right woman if she was standing right in front of him. Like she was when I walked in here."
Utah ignored Ellie's slanted, suggestive look. "Mason's never denied how he feels about this town."
"My Harry was raised in an orphanage. When I met him he was so absorbed in his career I was afraid he'd leave me when things got too heavy. He did leave me, but he came back after he faced what he was most afraid of. He'd gotten so accustomed to being alone, to depending on no one but himself for everything, that he withdrew from his feelings for me. He was afraid to give anyone that kind of power over him. It's the loss of control that scared him. Control of his feelings was the only thing that got him through the orphanage. But letting go is what sets us all free. Harry had to learn how to let go. And once he did, we shared great, great love. I'll never have that again. Not like that."
Watching the truth shine on Ellie's face, Utah's heart swelled with affection for her and grew more curious of what drove Mason at the same time. Did he think his adventures with the Army would keep him safe from losing someone he loved and living alone? From having the time to face what was missing in his life? Was he afraid to find love and family? Settling down meant having a life like the one his father had in a small, isolated town.
"Mason doesn't know what it's like to have a mother," Ellie continued. "He only saw how sad losing her made his father. If he can't let go and embrace the love life offers him, he'll wind up just like his father. Ironic, isn't it? That the thing he fears the most he'll bring upon himself anyway?"
"So he'll jump out of helicopters in war-torn countries, but avoid marriage and family."
"That's how I see it."
"You're a wise old bird, Ellie. Where were you when my ex took everything I had?"
"Just promise me you'll keep your clothes on with Mason until he proves he's overcome his issue with small towns and marriage."
"I promise." It was an easy one to make. She hoped it was just as easy to keep.
"I want to be cremated when I die," Ellie blurted.
Utah shot a look at her. "What?"
"As long as we're having this girl-talk, I might as well tell you, you're the only one I trust to do what I want. You're Mamie's daughter. I see a lot of her in you, you know."
Not wanting to talk about her mother, Utah kept it light. "Thank you, Ellie. If I don't die before you, I'll make sure you get what you want."
A soft smile answered her. Ellie understood how she felt.
She took the plate of burgers outside and found Mason standing before the smoking grill, looking at the mountainside.
"You'd never guess there was a trailer park up the street," he said when she put the plate on a side shelf on the grill.
"And you hate this place."
He used a wire brush to clean the burned debris from the grate. "I never said I hated it here."
She just smiled.
He glanced at her, but Ellie came outside with placemats and colorful plastic dishes that Utah recognized as her mother's and began to decorate the round, glass-top patio table. He turned back to the grill, putting the burgers on and sending wafts of aroma rising into the air.
He wasn't getting out of it that easy. "Ellie said your dad is retiring at the end of the year. I knew he was thinking about it but I had no idea he wanted it so soon," she said.
"News travels as fast as I remember. Faster." He waited a while, then flipped a burger.
"Is he serious about you taking over for him?" She meant to push him about it.
"I'm not going to."
"Why did he ask you that when he knows you don't want to live here?"
He flipped another burger. She noticed how his face tightened and knew it must have something to do with what happened on his last mission.
"He'd like to have me living here."
"You think that's the only reason?"
He flipped the last two burgers without responding.
"He must have had a reason to believe it was worth a try or he wouldn't have asked you," she said. "Maybe you'd be happier here than you think."
His flirtatious grin didn't fool her. "Are you trying to talk me into staying?"
Deep down, she had to admit that if she trusted him to stay, she'd be a lot more open to sleeping with him.
"Maybe if you convince me, I will."
She resented the dangled carrot he'd thrown at her with that comment. "If I have to sleep with you to do that, I'll pass."
At that, he turned away. Timberline didn't have enough to offer him and she refused to put herself in a position to be the only thing that could change his mind.
She left him to help Ellie bring the rest of the food to the table and sat as Mason brought the plate of cooked burgers.
"My Harry and I used to do this all the time," Ellie said, fondness rich in her tone. "We had an old Weber grill, none of that fancy gas, and I used to make potato salad from scratch. I sure do miss all the simple times."
Utah looked closer at her elderly neighbor and realized that last comment had been carefully placed. Ellie sent Mason a too-innocent glance.
"I don't have a problem with simple things," Mason said. "I just need them to go with the sound of traffic and sirens."
Ellie grunted. "You've had a lot of years to convince yourself of that."
Utah pushed her salad around with her fork.
"You always were a nosy neighbor," Mason said, teasing her the way everybody did.
"Mmm. Nosy enough to see what it did to Utah after you left. Do you blame me for not wanting to see that again?"
"Ellie." Utah shook her head and willed with her eyes for her to stop.
"No, I don't blame you," Mason said. "I wouldn't hurt her."
"If you leave her, you'll hurt her."
"Ellie, don't." She did not want to relive those months after Mason left her.
Mason sat back on his chair, abandoning his burger. He was too curious of what Ellie was saying.
"Did something happen?" he asked.
"When she brought that Bakersfield boy home on one of her mother's ski weekends, I knew it was bad," Ellie said.
"Troy Bakersfield?" Mason probed. "Trailer park Troy?"
Utah narrowed her eyes at Ellie. It was her lowest teenage memory. Back then she'd blamed Mason for the ruin of her heart, now it was just part of growing up. A part, however, that she'd rather Mason never knew.
Ellie ate a bite of her burger as though nothing she said were out of the ordinary, just an innocent rehashing of the past.
"You dated him?" Mason asked. "
He's ten years older than you."
Sighing, Utah dropped her fork and leaned back. "What did you want me to do? Wait for you? Fifteen years is a lot to ask, don't you think?"
"I don't mean that, but you dated a loser who was too old for you. Why'd you do that?"
"He showed an interest in me. I had fun with him."
"He took her to wild parties," Ellie interjected, sipping her tea.
Utah was going to mow her daisies after everyone left.
"What parties?"
Utah rolled her eyes at Mason's demanding tone. "It's too late to rescue me."
"The height of ski season. They went to Steamboat a lot. I recall one night in particular. Utah's mother was gone again so I stayed up until Troy dropped her off. This time he didn't go inside with her, left her on the curb in fact. I took her into my house."
Utah shut her eyes briefly, remembering the ache. She and Troy had fought that night. It had been a year to the day that Mason had left.
"She'd been drinking," Ellie said. "A lot. Cried herself to sleep that night."
Lost in memory, feeling the old agony again, Utah looked between Ellie and Mason, at the sun beginning to set over a mountainous landscape and valley of grass. The pain of not understanding why Mason left and never called had crippled her. By that horrible, drunken night a year later, the pent up emotions had taken their toll.
What was it about her that was so easy to give up? Her parents' divorce had made her feel similar. Mason hadn't cared enough to stay, much less keep in touch. Her father barely acknowledged her existence. Her first husband had only wanted her money.
It dawned on her now that she'd never really overcome the sense of inadequacy those experiences had given her. Maybe she'd never really gotten over Mason, either. She'd learned how to separate what his leaving had done to her from the feelings of a sixteen year old girl, but the essence of him was always somewhere in the deep recesses of her heart. That was the case with any first love, wasn't it?
Mason was watching her.
"As soon as she was eighteen, her mother sent her off to college," Ellie continued. "Saved her life in my opinion. Staying here would have led to a life of recklessness and heartache."
There was no mistaking Ellie's meaning, and beside her Mason sat utterly still, eyes searching. But Utah wasn't going to let him see inside. Not about that.
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