Trying Not To Blink: A Poetry Collection

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Trying Not To Blink: A Poetry Collection Page 6

by Eric Nixon


  Old Man With A Time Machine

  An old man with a time machine

  Once pulled me aside and said

  Five simple words that changed

  My life, my view, my perspective.

  Words spoken from the vantage

  Atop the mountain made tall,

  Towering high on the pile

  Of a lifetime’s squandered seconds,

  Misspent minutes, and dissipated days

  All spent searching for something

  He could never ever recover.

  His voice was equal parts

  Timbred with authority

  And tinged with regret

  As he spoke the lines

  He had spent all his years

  Forging on the anvil of experience:

  “Don’t chase memories.

  Make memories.”

  September 16, 2012

  Benson, Vermont

  Whenever I come up with an idea for a short story, I put it into a Word document that I’m building for an eventual collection. The idea that I had was of a sad young man in a bar who wished he had a time machine. An old man sitting near him said not to wish for that, and the young man shouldn’t chase memories, but spend his life making them. The story would turn out where the old man was a future version of the young man and implied that he wasted his life trying to chase and perfect his past memories instead of living his life.

  As an aside, the word “timbre” is fine, but why not, “timbred?” For some reason Word thinks it’s misspelled.

  Throwing Godrays

  Despite the sun’s seasonal shyness

  The light seems more accessible

  Freer and more dramatic

  As it sits and radiates

  Throwing godrays like a child

  Piercing the clouds and the leaves

  While dutifully dimming the day,

  Silhouetting the hill and the trees

  Just in time for a faster sunset

  An earlier evening

  Punctuated by

  The cooling chill and breeze

  September 17, 2012

  Benson, Vermont

  I’ve noticed that the sun is not only setting earlier, but the light seems more dramatic, like it’s trying really hard to be noticed.

  Seismograph

  At a local restaurant

  Ringed around a bar

  Voices rising and blurring

  Like a low fog of noise

  Filling the room

  Impossible to make out

  Any one conversation

  Just able to discern

  The emotions,

  The highs, lows,

  And general feeling

  Of those surrounding me

  Like a seismograph

  Tuned on and focused in

  To the frequency of people.

  Were it twenty years ago

  There’d be a layer of smoke

  To add to the mental picture

  And make it more real

  The times have changed

  And so have the people

  But their actions are the same

  Drinking, eating,

  talking, enjoying

  The Friday night

  They are immersed in

  September 21, 2012

  Rutland, Vermont

  Maybe I have bad hearing or something, but when I go out to a busy place all I can hear is a swirling din of chatter.

  Tail Up With Swagger

  Eating breakfast this morning when

  Orangey movement caught my eye

  I looked through the window and saw

  My very old indoor cat

  Walking on the lawn

  Tail up with swagger

  Surveying her new land

  I gave her a minute

  While I ate my eggs

  And later joined her

  For a short walk

  Before scooping her up

  And returning her

  To her familiar

  Confined kingdom

  Of the inside

  September 23, 2012

  Benson, Vermont

  Zoe has been one sneaky cat as of late. I don’t know how she keeps getting outside, but she really loves it.

  Before Shot

  When doing anything of note

  Grab your phone

  And take a before shot

  That way you can see

  Where you started

  And how far you’ve come

  September 23, 2012

  Benson, Vermont

  I did something recently and wished I had taken a “before” shot, so I wanted to write myself a reminder to be better about this.

  Schism

  Our house is deeply divided

  By a sociopolitical schism

  Each side telling the other

  They’re to blame

  For our problems

  Neither side working together

  Only working to thwart one another

  Delaying, blocking, preventing,

  Riling, inciting, provoking

  Doing anything but

  What needs to be done

  We can’t afford to think this way

  The cost is too high

  And, in the end, one

  None of us can pay

  September 23, 2012

  Benson, Vermont

  Thank God I don’t have cable, because I already feel like I’m being inundated by constant political coverage each morning on NPR. I don’t think I could handle any more.

  After Dinner Walk

  After dinner walk

  In the way-far backyard

  Dog trotted before me,

  Pretty much nothing of note

  On my impressionable mind.

  The ground was mostly dark

  Bathed in twilight blues

  iPhone out, flashlight app on

  Leading the way, past the trunks

  Shrouded by the absence of light

  I stopped, pressed “off,” and looked,

  My eyes, following them up

  Skyward, splitting, and branching out

  The tip tops of the silhouetted trees

  Reaching and touching

  The pale-ish rusty white

  Blending into the navy above

  Dotted with bright speck-like crumbs

  Leading to an almond-shaped moon.

  I stared and appreciated this fleeting time

  Nestled between the halves of the day

  Until a wet muzzle nosed my hand,

  Brought me back to Earth,

  And the field in the way-far backyard.

  We moved along

  In the almost-full dark

  The paleness on the horizon

  Was long gone

  Replaced by the pouring of liquid night

  Extinguishing all traces of light

  We returned to the house

  Both successful in our endeavors

  September 25, 2012

  Benson, Vermont

  I took my mother-in-law’s dog, Puppy, for a walk in the back field and this is what I observed.

  Saved And Exited

  Finished writing something

  A poem

  Emotional and heartfelt

  Just in time

  As the sound

  Of intrusive tire crunching

  And the light

  From a set of headlights cutting

  Swung into the driveway

  Interrupting my thoughts

  Breaking my concentration

  Signaling the arrival

  Of the family, home

  From a long day out

  My presence needed

  I saved and exited

  My documents

  Went downstairs

  And carried in the groceries

  September 25, 2012

  Benson, Vermont

  This actually didn’t happen, yet. They’re due back at any min
ute, and I got to thinking of how I would have to switch gears from being all introspective to being sociable.

  OCTOBER

  Glom

  Everything you know about them

  Is a complete invention

  Their outward persona

  Is a cloak of fabrication

  Double-stitched with lies

  Their troubled past

  Is middle-grade fiction

  Designed to pull your pity

  When you’re emotionally open

  Is when they burrow deep,

  Increase the pace,

  And glom onto your life

  A thread comes loose

  And the inconsistencies start showing

  Which calls into question

  Everything they’ve said and done

  But by then, it’s too late for you

  And it’s too hard to remove

  The emotional barnacle

  Without causing damage

  To all involved

  October 5, 2012

  Benson, Vermont

  Glom is a very unattractive word, but then again, so is the action and pace it describes.

  Off The Desk Entirely

  Absurdity is necessary

  The times when you don’t think

  And just act

  In a manner inconsistent

  With everything you’ve done

  Previously in the timepassedly

  Good or bad

  It pushes the envelope

  Either an inch

  Or off the desk entirely

  People may balk,

  Not understand,

  Or get angry

  But that’s fine

  If new ground has been

  Dug, tilled, planted

  Anything that grows is an improvement

  To the uniform grass sitting there before

  And one thing

  Those people with

  “Perfect,” uniform

  Chem-lawns fear

  Is a neighbor not fitting in,

  By trying something new.

  Pay them no mind

  You’re not creative for them,

  You’re creative for you

  October 6, 2012

  Benson, Vermont

  All too often people are more concerned with what other people may think instead of focusing on what they want for themselves. I tend to be like that, but am trying to break free of it.

  The Bridge In My Wake

  A million things I want to write

  1440 minutes in a day

  Not enough days in a year

  The chasm seems impassable

  Spent almost two years writing

  Comparatively, it’s like tossing

  A rock into a river raging

  And trying to attempt a crossing

  Undaunted, I still press on

  Hoping that when I do cross over

  I can look back with satisfaction

  At the bridge in my wake

  October 6, 2012

  Benson, Vermont

  It’s been more than a year and a half since I started writing Emily Dickinson, Superhero, one of over 40 full-length novels I have planned. During that time, I’ve come up with at least a half dozen more book ideas; the ideas keep coming and I am forced to jot notes, file them away for the future, and keep pressing on with my current project. There are so many stories that need to be told which force me, like a compulsion, to keep writing.

  Value Tradeoff

  Quality or quantity

  Sometimes the value tradeoff is

  Something to deeply consider

  Not to worry

  This poem has neither

  October 6, 2012

  Benson, Vermont

  We (or at least I) spend a lot of time analyzing the value tradeoff of things. If I spend more money on this better quality bag of chips, will I get more out of it than if I went with the cheaper, less tasteful ones? At the supermarket today, my wife asked me to go across the store and get something she forgot. I went to that section and spent five solid minutes comparing the local, organic version to the mass-produced factory farm version, which was more 40% more ounces for half the price. It was a really hard decision to make because the practical portion of my mind kept saying, “There is no way in hell that we’re going to spend that much on so few ounces of that product when there’s a cheaper alternative right here.” In the end, I chose the local one.

  Long story short, this poem was partially inspired by my indecision at the grocery store.

  Haunted Hayride

  Sunday morning cleanup

  For the town-wide haunted hayride

  A heavy silence blanketed the scene

  Missing is the joy for an event gone well

  As the incident replayed in their minds

  While trying to terrify and entertain

  They had a horror of their own

  When a tractor pulling the spectators

  Accidentally ran over a ghost

  Nearly making the player into one

  The decorations down and gone

  The skeletons put away in storage

  But the scariest part is yet to come

  When the investigators and lawyers

  Threaten and frighten all involved

  October 7, 2012

  Benson, Vermont

  Our tiny town’s volunteer fire department puts on a very popular annual Haunted Hayride. We live across the street from the staging area where hundreds of people were taken a mile away on a dirt ATV trail that was all set up with spooky scenes and scary apparitions. Friday night went very well. Saturday night, about halfway through the event, an ambulance sped past. Over the next hour, the large tractors that pulled the huge hay carts filled with 30 passengers each, sat empty and idle. Then, they announced that there was an accident and had to close. They would refund the tickets for everyone who hadn’t yet gone. This morning I saw online that one of the “role players” was run over by a tractor and airlifted to Albany Medical Center. Those people taking down the barricades, decorations, and other hayride-related things seem to be shrouded in a palatable sense of sadness and dread.

  Scientists Call It Instinct

  Raking up the leaves in the yard

  Watching geese wedging their way south.

  Many of them have never flown the route

  Yet, they somehow know the way

  So they can return to the same place

  Generations upon generations

  Do the same thing every year.

  Scientists call it instinct,

  But I say God cheated

  By pre-programming

  Some of His creations

  Which is completely fine

  Since you can do what you want

  When you make the rules

  October 22, 2012

  Benson, Vermont

  I’ve been noodling this one for a couple of days now.

  One Letter

  Ryan Adams

  Bryan Adams

  One letter makes

  A world of difference

  October 22, 2012

  Benson, Vermont

  Drop the B.

  Through The Vent

  Through the vent

  The noises flow

  Heat and silence up

  Happy sounds down

  And heard below

  For some reason it’s never

  The other way around

  October 22, 2012

  Benson, Vermont

  Note: It’s a few months later and I must report this poem has been rendered moot by the noises rising up through the vent.

  The Changing Face Of Friendship

  I contacted a bunch of friends,

  People I’ve known for two decades

  Or thereabouts.

  I asked for something

  As simple as a click

  (and even provided the link)

  But out of twenty

  On
ly three came through for me

  This isn’t reason enough

  To redefine things

  With a defiant stance,

  But it was yet another

  Addition to the pile

  That grows taller with every

  Unanswered email,

  Unresponded question,

  And unrequited card.

  As the years pass on by

  I’m more acutely aware of

  The changing face of friendship

  And how every one of us changes;

  Some for the better

  Some for the worse

  But most stagnate and fade out

  Dulled by decades of living

  Which seem to make them

  Too tired to compose a response

  Of any sort – so they don’t.

  I shrug and assume they’re

  Too tired for friendship.

  Or, something like that.

  October 22, 2012

  Benson, Vermont

  This is something that’s been going on for years and years. Maybe the people I have labeled as friends are just busy with their own lives. Or, maybe they’re mislabeled, and I should think of them as acquaintances. I don’t know.

  Seasonal Exposure

  The leaves and vegetation are gone

  Revealing so much which was hidden

  More importantly

  The natural visual fencing

  Separating us from the neighbors

  Is gone like the leaves,

  The warmth, and the greenery.

  This seasonal exposure

  Is making me feel vulnerable

  Under the neighborly gaze

  Of persistently nosy eyes

  October 22, 2012

  Benson, Vermont

  We have a lot of trees on three sides of our property. For the last six months, we’ve had a wall of green separating us from everything else. Now, our natural curtains have become an orange and brown carpet, and it seems like there are all sorts of people around. I liked it better when I couldn’t see anyone else.

  A Pointed Reminder

  The moon’s sharpness is piercing

  And surprising

  Despite looking like a cosmic hook

  One problem:

  It’s not quite at a good enough angle

 

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