by Elle Scott
‘Which one is your favourite?’ Xander asks.
I smile, he asked this question after our first tarmac chat about a month ago. ‘You know!’
‘You never know, you may have changed your mind since then,’ he taps his fingers on the glass and looks down.
‘I'm not like my mother remember?’ I promise.
Xander drops his head against the wall and tilts his face towards me, his piercing turquoise eyes send a shock wave of heat through my body.
‘You're going to be the death of me,’ he says. The words themselves sound dramatic but he says them with conviction and I wonder if he actually believes it.
‘Nora,’ he steps closer to me, ‘do you think we could not talk about this to anyone?’
‘What do you mean?’ I'm getting lost in his gaze.
‘Us, whatever this is.’ A cold barrier slams its way between our bodies breaking the bubble I was floating in.
‘Oh,’ I don't know what to say.
‘It's just, I prefer to keep it simple, I don't want to dilute what we are growing into with the thoughts and ideas of others…’
He laces his fingers through mine once more and as we turn back towards the Rec Hall he leans over. ‘You're so beautiful!’ The words, although spoken without emotion, make me feel better.
We walk down the hallway and with our hands still interlaced we walk past the elevators. As we get closer to the Rec Hall he releases his hand and lets his fingers hover on the base of my palm for a second, then—as we open the doors to the Rec Hall—we are just two team mates, one leading the other towards the rest of our team.
At almost ten o'clock the Recreation Hall is buzzing. In the top left corner, Team Beta and Ross surround three TV's with X-Box controllers in their hands, they stare focused on the screens. Opposite them in the top right corner, half of Team Delta huddle together on sofas sipping green tea, or some other herbal remedy, holding hot compresses to their foreheads and rubbing each other’s feet—their mission location today was even worse than ours apparently. Team Charlie, besides ours, are the rowdiest team, they drink spirits and play twister or charades or strip poker. I spot Miles and Eli playing a game of eight-ball in the middle of the room, Miles waves us over.
Once I reach their table, I realise that Xander isn't by my side. I dart my head around the room, he's sat himself comfortably next to Ross and has picked up a game controller.
‘Excuse me,’ Eli bumps my side. I step back with my hands up in surrender. He stumbles as he leans over and spends a while trying to place his can of bourbon on the side of the table. ‘Don' bump that okay?’ He slurs.
I look to Miles who grins as he mouths the word, ‘drunk!’
‘Right’ I mouth back smiling.
I'm not surprised when Eli misses his shot. He face-plants himself in the middle of the table scattering the rest of the balls. ‘GAME OVER!’ he muffles.
‘Maybe it's bed time?’ I suggest to Miles, who nods in agreement.
‘NO!’ Eli stands straight, trying to convince us of his sobriety. ‘Not bedtime Nora, you silly!’
‘You want to play?’ Miles offers to me.
‘I should probably get some sleep.’ I give a half-hearted smile. I glance at the bottom wall where the yoga mats are spread out in a circle, a single glass of wine sits full beside one. Eli follows my eye line. Each mission we do has its highs and lows, a barrage of emotions, and gives us a multitude of topics we can't discuss with anyone else. It's too bright, loud and crowded here, it would be so much nicer at a peaceful coffee shop with snugly sofas that swallow you up and threaten to never allow you to get up again. Never the less, we always end up here, sitting on yoga mats in a circle, with the usual flow of alcohol to drown our exhaustion and assist our communication.
‘She was here but left,’ his bottom lip rolls out towards his chin before he leans down and tries to whisper. ‘She took one look at Miles when he came in and was out of here,’ he turns to Miles and shouts. ‘Set up another game!’
‘I'm going to bed. Good night boys,’ I spin without giving them a chance to reply.
‘Me too,’ Miles says running behind me.
He catches up to me just as I reach Team Charlie, who are in the middle of playing charades. As I walk through them, Nicki flicks her black dreadlocks over her shoulder, then lifts her arms out to the sides. Miles grabs my arm and pulls me out of the way before she whacks my face.
‘Sorry Nor— serious business here!’ She gasps before making a V shape with her hands and gets back to her mime.
‘Titanic!’ Someone yells as we weave our way through the rest of Team Charlie.
I smile, Team Charlie remind me of our team— except for the last few nights. Where we would normally be telling jokes and laughing and getting to know each other’s secrets; the last few nights we have been separated and brooding and wondering what the hell is going on. Is it me? Is it my fault? Is it because I’ve been spending a lot of time with Xander that’s caused the rest of the team to feel awkward? Maybe that’s why Xander wants to keep us a secret for now. But then, that can’t be all, can it? Viv has been acting so strange lately. And what did Eli mean when he said she looked at Miles and left?
I turn to face Miles, ‘Tell me what on earth is going on with Viv?’
‘I don't know! We've never been that close but the last couple of weeks she's been really standoffish with me… and tonight, she looked at me like I was the devil incarnate,’ he says.
I laugh at his choice of words, ‘sorry, I just don't think you'd make a very good villain.’
‘What? I can be a brooding bad boy, right?’ Miles’ eyebrows rise almost to his hairline.
‘Yeah and I can fly,’ I tease.
Miles curls his top lip as I press the button for the elevator. He glares at me through slitted eyes while we step inside. A force so relentless that my heart quickens; my breath stops. His eyes pierce through me until the door shuts… then we laugh the whole way down to the bottom floor. As we reach the door to my bedroom I nudge his bicep with my shoulder. ‘Good night, Goof.’
He rests his hand on top of my head and ruffles until my hair begins to fall over my face. ‘You too, Sparkles.’ I watch him head down towards his own bedroom. It’s nice to have someone who doesn’t expect anything from me, our friendship is so simple. Like everything should be. So now, my task… to get Viv back to that place with us; a place where we are family and everything is as it should be.
THREE
Vivian
I don’t belong here anymore. I never really belonged here in the first place. It was too easy to join this company; they didn’t even check my credentials. The first red flag for me was them not even chasing up the fact I am only nineteen but apparently have a psychology degree. It screamed to me they were hiding something, so I played along. After I became close to Nora and the others, I made it my mission to uncover whatever is wrong here, but somewhere along the way though, I lost my voice. Time is running out and I need to get it back. The thing is, I know who I am and what I want to achieve but I still feel invisible… And there’s this sense of doom telling me I won’t succeed. My parents moved back to India three years ago, and they thought I was on my way towards financial happiness and success. If they saw me now, they’d wonder if bringing me here to grow up was worth the effort. Not even a certificate to show for it.
The thought of them knowing the truth brings a smile to my face. I lift my hand to conceal my mouth, even though no one is around to see it. I love my parents, I really do, but I’ve never felt like I am enough for them. I’ve never felt like they trust the choices I make. When I was two, my dad was keen to start his own medical practice but the only job he managed to get was a lecturer at one of the local universities, so we moved here. I don’t know why he thought Australia was the best option, but I’m glad we came here. It’s all I know. A few years ago though, mum wanted to go back to Mumbai to be with her ill brother, they packed up all our stuff. I said no immediately.
I grimaced. ‘I’m not sure that’s what I want for my life.’
A muffled choking noise reverberated behind me; I turned around to find mum composing herself. ‘What on earth would you do if not that? Colour in for a living?’ she mocked.
‘Maybe,’ I frowned.
‘Oh, Vivian,’ dad grabbed my shoulders. ‘You can’t be an artist. There’s no money in that. Be a psych, and paint on the side, yes?’
‘Besides, you’re enrolled, there’s no turning back now!’ Mum said.
I smiled and nodded; always smiling and nodding to them.
I started the course. It’s not like I’m running completely blind here. I learnt a little about social psychology; how humans think and relate to each other, how beliefs are formed, how—what was it? Oh, I can’t remember, I have a book about it somewhere—cognitive something. Anyway, it is basically how the same thing can happen to two people and their experiences are different. That’s my job here, to make sure everyone’s experience on the field isn’t too overwhelming. Well, that’s what they hired me for. What I’m really here for is another thing entirely, and it’s starting to get to me.
I'm never one to be over-the-top happy. My questioning of things must drive everyone crazy, but this anger and sharpness? I wish I could control it better. I'm sure they didn't even know I was capable of such fierceness. I want to be able to tell my friends the truth but I can't even begin to, not with him on our team.
I sigh and shuffle my head deep into the pillow. This room is so stark. In fact, this whole sorry excuse for a base is so clinical. It has to be home though, I guess, and the comfort of my bed is welcome bliss at twelve o'clock in the morning. I roll over to face Nora's bed, she's not here though—she’ll creep in late thinking I am asleep. I wonder what she's doing, but I'm ninety-nine percent sure she'll be with Xander, like always. I've missed her lately. At least tomorrow is a mission reporting day, I'll have plenty of time to spend with her then.
I close my eyes and try to fight the jumble in my head. I wish Nora didn’t even go out tonight. I wish she had agreed on my insistence that we stay here instead. I wish she'd forgotten about Xander and seen him tomorrow. I wish…
The door creaks open and I hear the latch click into place. I don’t hear the follow up click of the lock though, which is typical Nora, so naive. She tiptoes to sit on the edge of her bed, ‘Are you awake Viv?’ she whispers.
I hold my breath and lay as still as possible. She’s here, at last. I can tell her about my concerns. Why I’m asking so many questions; why I’m feeling out the motives of my team mates; why she needs to back off Xander and think clearer; why she’s too caught up in being nice to everyone to realise that everyone isn’t nice.
She slides her ballet flats off and rolls into bed still in her navy-blue button up shirt with scalloped collar. I never know how can she sleep in something like that but she can sleep anywhere, that girl.
‘Nora?’ I say.
‘Oh, yes?’ She springs upwards.
It’s too late to talk now. I don’t want to talk now. She’s not in the right frame of mind to talk now. Now, that I have her alone finally, my mind fills with excuses. The reality is, I’m too resentful to speak at the moment; the last thing I want to do is lecture her on her doe-eyed innocence.
‘Good night,’ I whisper.
She throws herself back onto her pillow, pulls the covers up around her neck, and coos brightly, ‘Sleep sweet.’
~~~
My office is a four-metre squared cube of reverse delight. No windows, one door, a small desk, two chairs and a couple of filing cabinets that have only a few scraps of paper inside them. I’ve not decorated in the last ten months, there has been no need, this gig is only temporary. I know that.
Nora was sound asleep when I left the room; I couldn’t bear to wake her. I hope she gets here soon, we always sit together in here and go through our mission reports. I check my schedule, ugh, Miles is first to check in. I look at my watch, he’s already twenty minutes late. I hope he doesn’t bother. A knock on the door. Dammit.
He sits down opposite me. He squeezes a lip-less half smile half frown, the kind of faux smile that you expect from an acquaintance you aren’t sure about yet. Hidden mouth, a great start.
‘How are you?’ I have to ask.
‘Yep, good,’ he nods.
‘Can you tell me about yesterday?’
‘Which part?’ He loosens his lips and opens his eyes like a whimpering puppy begging its owner for a treat.
‘The orb, of course, Eli was almost killed, what do you think about that?’
Miles’ head and shoulders slump over as he traces his finger along the edge of my desk, ‘Viv, look…’
‘You saved him, that was quite heroic,’ I cut him off, which is the biggest no-no professionally but I don’t want to hear his lies.
‘He’s practically family, just like the rest of our team. I would have done that for any one of you,’ he still cowers as if he knows that I see through his lies—but then, his eyes quickly dart up and catch me off guard. He… he isn’t lying.
‘What is all of this? Not just the orb yesterday, but all of it?’ I beg him to be honest with me, we are team mates after all.
A knock on the door shocks my body into breath.
‘Okay, time’s up. Sorry, I was late.’ Miles stands up as quick as he can and opens the door. The transformation he makes when he sees Nora standing there is nothing short of curious. His chest lifts as if he’s holding his breath, his posture rises and he rolls his shoulders back, a smile as wide as it goes.
‘Hello you,’ she looks tired as she rubs her neck but her eyes sparkle, like they always do. She starts to step around him but he takes a foot across to stop her, she leans the other way and he follows her movement. She giggles and bumps him with her shoulder in play. ‘Get out of the way Goof!’
His hands raise as he sidesteps to let her pass. ‘Have fun!’
They smile at each other and he closes the door.
‘So,’ I purse my lips and burrow my eyebrows low; what the hell did I witness?
‘He kissed me!’ Nora vomits the words as she slumps herself down in the chair. Her hands drape over the arm rests and her head rolls to the side as if she is listening to music for the first time in her life.
‘Miles?’ I’m confused.
‘What?’ Nora giggles sitting up. ‘No way. No! That would be like kissing…’ She pauses, searching for words.
‘A Toad? A snake?’ I offer.
‘My best friend!’ She frowns and adds, ‘a snake?’
I clear my throat. ‘So Xander then?’
Her face lights up, ‘Yes!’ And then she relives it again right here in front of me; she closes her eyes and sways in her seat. ‘It was amazing!’
‘Do you think it’s wise though?’
‘Wise? Oh hell no. Border-line crazy really, but he’s different I think, with me, when we are alone.’
I’m silent for a while. I get it, he’s hot, he likes her, how can you not want to reciprocate?
‘Xander was here before we got here, right?’ I’m sceptical, I have to be.
She nods. ‘Yeah. And?’
‘I wonder what things he knows.’
‘This again?’
‘Hear me out, please?’
Then Nora does what Nora always does, she reaches her hand to mine and looks at me square in the eyes, ‘I’m listening.’ Maybe she should have been the Psych because just like that she strips my layers bare. I have to tell her, she deserves to know.
‘I think that Palladi…’
An alarming siren starts. It's loud, it's repetitive, it's startling.
Nora stands up disarrayed, and even though it’s obvious her body aches with tiredness, her eyes are wide open. I open the door with ap
prehension, to be confronted by people running around in harrowing chaos. This is not a drill. And I know exactly what is happening.
FOUR
Nora
I’m standing in Viv’s office half awake, half in dream land; memories of kisses dripping off me.
‘Hurry!!’ She says.
‘What’s happening?’ I rush to follow her into the hallway. My first thought is with Xander, the other boys, where are they?
I see Miles first as he surges through, opposing the oncoming crowd. Eli is right behind him. We meet, connect like dust particles to a broom and the four of us run together to the stairwell. Eli is at the front, then Viv, then a few scientists, me, and Miles is right behind, his hand on my back gently guiding and urging me down. We push through the door at the bottom of the stairs.
‘Great, we're all here. Let's go,’ Xander shouts running towards us with Ross.
I stop and turn to him with relief and wrap my arms around him nuzzling my face into his chest. I half expect him to shake me off, stop the public display, but he gives me a tight and quick squeeze. As we run close behind our team-mates, our hands clasp and I hope he will never let me go. Whatever this is, whatever is going down, we will always be a team, we will always be family.
~~~
It's almost midday and not twenty minutes ago I'd just gotten out of bed. We huddle together and wait for answers, as the jarring noise of the alarm continues to echo through the facility.
This is not a normal Sunday.
I like how united we all are though, it makes me feel safe and familiar. Eli stands next to Miles with his forearm relaxed on his shoulder, he looks chilled but I can tell he's freaking the hell out. I'm on the other side of Miles, linking my arm through his. I look up and give him a reassuring smile, or is that him giving me one? We both smile anyway. Xander stands next to me. His fingers still interlace with mine, he squeezes and it gives me comfort. Viv stands in front of us, her knees shake as she turns her head every few seconds. To make sure we are still here? To get comfort? Despite her obvious animosity towards Miles, he grasps her shoulder. She looks back and studies his face with scepticism before giving him a small smile.