If anything, instead of the time apart giving him some clarity, it had just confused him further. And now he could say with full authority that absence does make the heart grow fonder. The past fourteen days had been a marathon of misery. He’d barely slept. Hardly eaten. And had not been able to stop his mind from obsessively thinking about her. About how different things would be if he hadn’t driven up to Whisper Lake on her birthday. If he hadn’t gone to bed when he couldn’t find anyone. If he hadn’t woken up to her naked body on top of him. If he hadn’t made love to her thinking it was a dream only to realize that it was real when she ran out of the room.
How different would things be if he hadn’t carried around ten tons of guilt and shame over the night that was simultaneously the best and worst night of his life?
But all the “what ifs” wouldn’t change the past. And since he couldn’t change the past, they didn’t have a future. It was that simple.
“Have you talked to her?” Nana asked, this time the question sounded genuine. It seemed the Queen of Gossip hadn’t been able to suss that one out.
Since she’d started this obvious fishing expedition playing dumb, he figured he’d turn the tables. “Talk to who?”
“You know who.” She swatted his arm. “Don’t sass me.”
“Yes, ma’am.” He couldn’t help the grin that pulled at his lips. He’d never be disrespectful to get a rise out of his nana, but he did enjoy seeing her in one. “I talked to her the day before I left.”
“Before you left to come home?”
“No, the day before I left for Michigan.” He’d never been to the Motor City but he’d always been intrigued by it since he’d grown up listening to Motown. Since he was working, he hadn’t been able to do much sightseeing, but next time he wanted to visit the Motown Museum.
“You haven’t talked to her for two weeks?” Her tone was reminiscent of when she’d found out that Neil hadn’t brushed his teeth for a month. Shocked and appalled.
“Before she moved back, I hadn’t talked to her for ten years,” he defended.
She looked at him as if the two were entirely unrelated. “What’s your point?”
“Why would I suddenly talk to her now?”
“Because she moved back to town. She’s your friend. And you’ve seen the error of your ways.”
This entire situation had thrown his mental predictive conversation completely out of whack. He hadn’t seen that answer coming from a mile away. “The error of my ways?”
“Yes. You let her get away once, granted it wasn’t that far. She was literally in your backyard with your brother. But now she’s back, she’s single and she’s in love with you.”
It was lucky for both of them that he was an excellent driver, because her last statement caused him to swerve off the road slightly. Thankfully, he was able to correct his blunder before any damage was done.
He gave himself ten seconds to calm down, both from the adrenaline that was rushing through him from the near accident and also the totally left-field remark that his nana had just made.
Getting upset wouldn’t make the situation any better, but he wanted to be very clear with to her that she had it all wrong. Even if she didn’t. Harper’s Crossing was a small town and gossip spread faster than a freight train on greased tracks.
He hoped she’d listen to him as he set the record straight. “I didn’t let her get away once. She dated Neil, not me. And she’s not in love with me.”
“Yes you did let her get away,” she insisted and pointed out, “you said it yourself, she dated your brother. And you just sat back and let it happen.”
Nate had never told anyone how he felt about Eliza. He’d barely admitted it to himself. So, how was it that Bailey and Nana knew?
“I didn’t let her do anything. She dated who she wanted to date.”
“No. She didn’t.” His grandma crossed her arms, signifying this was serious. She meant business. “She dated who pursued her, there’s a difference.”
“She’s not in love with me, Nana.”
As much as he’d wished that wasn’t true, it was. She’d dated his brother for three years. Then proceeded to marry two other men. That wasn’t exactly the behavior of someone who is in love with someone else.
Out of the corner of his eye he could see her shaking her head. “If you believe that, then you are either blind as a bat or dumb as a bag of rocks.
“Where is this coming from?” he asked defensively.
“This is coming from the fact that I might not be around much longer and I don’t want to leave this earth with both of my grandsons being asshats.”
“Nana?!” In all of his twenty-eight years on this earth, Nate had never heard his grandma curse. Instead of the F-word, she said fudge. Instead of damn, she said darn. Instead of shit, she said shoot. This was a side of her he’d never seen.
“Well, it’s the truth. I’m not going to live forever and you’re just like your grandfather, stubborn as a mule. I had to kick him in the rear and I’ll do the same for you. That girl is the one. She’s your happily ever after. If you want to bury your head in the sand that’s up to you. But let me tell you something, Nathanial Edward Holmes, what you and Eliza have is special. It always has been. That kind of love, the real love, the true love, the forever love, doesn’t come around every day. Some people live their entire lives on this planet and never feel what you feel for that girl and they would do anything to have what you have.”
The cab of his truck grew quiet and for a brief moment he thought she was all lectured out. His shoulders, that he hadn’t even noticed were tensed up, lowered down to resting position. But, his relief was premature.
“And one more thing, if you waste it, if you ignore it and don’t go after her, don’t tell her how you feel, then you don’t deserve that love, and you don’t deserve her.”
I couldn’t agree more.
He kept his silent agreement to himself. His nana had hit the nail on the head. He didn’t deserve love and he didn’t deserve her.
Chapter 13
“Wow. This place is incredible,” Brian’s cousin Josh commented as he stepped up to the bar and lifted his empty beer bottle, motioning to the bartender that he wanted another one.
“I know, right?” Eliza did her best not to let her teeth chatter together as she spoke to him.
A chill ran through her body as she sipped her fruity beverage, which she was hoping had enough alcohol in it to not only warm her up, but also loosen the knots that had formed in her stomach. The knots that had formed when Nate had arrived just before the wedding rehearsal.
She’d been chatting with Becca’s cousin-in-law Jamie about her son Joey and the differences between braces and Invisaligns when Nate had walked in and sucked all the oxygen from her lungs. The confidence, strength and just plain sex appeal he exuded caused her to stop mid-sentence, it was all she could do to just breathe. He was wearing a white button down shirt that contrasted with his olive complexion perfectly. With each step he took the cotton material of his shirt pulled taut in all the right places, aptly showcasing his incredible physique. He also donned a pair of aviator glasses and black slacks that were tailored to his tall, athletic frame. He was her ultimate fantasy come to life. He looked every bit the bodyguard that he was, and her body had immediately responded by tying itself up in knots that hadn’t gone away.
A chill from the air hit her and she had no one to blame but herself. She’d known that the rehearsal dinner was going to be at Stone Castle, but she hadn’t factored in how cold castles were when she packed for the weekend. All she’d considered was that Nate was going to see her in whatever she wore. Which is how she’d ended up in a little black dress that showcased her legs perfectly, but wasn’t exactly temperature appropriate.
After Josh was served another beer he turned so he was facing the great hall and casually leaned back against the bar top, resting his elbows behind him. He lifted the bottle to his mouth and took a sip before tilting his head
slightly towards her. “Am I crazy, or weren’t you and I supposed to be walking together?”
“Oh…um…I’m not…I think…” Eliza wasn’t sure what she was supposed to say. She didn’t want to throw Bailey under the bus, especially since she still wasn’t sure why Superwoman had done what she’d done, but she didn’t want to lie either. “You know weddings. They change things up all the time.”
“Yeah, I guess.” Josh nodded his head in agreement, but his expression read unconvinced. He took another sip of his beer and glanced over in the direction that Eliza was actively trying not to stare at.
Nate and Bailey were talking to Amber and her husband Seth Sloan. Seth was Becca’s cousin and Nate’s boss. The four of them looked like a real life Armani ad. Nate had been Bailey’s shadow the entire rehearsal dinner. If she moved, he moved. Seeing them together wasn’t doing anything to loosen the knots in Eliza’s stomach or keep her unjustified jealousy at bay. They were standing next to a large, ornate fireplace which meant Bailey wasn’t only getting Nate’s undivided attention, she was also warm. At this point Eliza wasn’t sure which she envied more.
She forced herself to look away. When Eliza turned back to Josh she noticed his jaw tense and his grip tighten on his beer bottle. Her eyes shot back to where he was looking just as Bailey’s head fell back and she laughed, her hand brushing Nate’s forearms. The forearms that were bare because his shirt was rolled up to three-quarter length.
Josh inhaled slowly, as if he was forcing himself to calm down. She knew why she didn’t like seeing Nate and Bailey together, but she was surprised that Josh had a similar reaction. Earlier at the rehearsal, he’d acted like Bailey was a stranger. Of course, that didn’t really tell her anything since Nate had treated her the same way, and they weren’t strangers.
During the dry run of the processional, as the groomsmen began taking their places, Aunt Wendy had brought everything to a screeching halt. After a quick powwow with the bride and groom she was back with a total revamp of the bridal party layout. The wedding was being held outside in the courtyard of the castle under a gigantic archway. The fairytale setting was picturesque and gorgeous, but there was no way the space would accommodate everyone in the traditional formation of groomsmen on one side, bridesmaids on the other.
So Wendy instructed the pairs to stand together on each side of the bride and groom with the groomsmen standing behind the bridesmaids to cut the spread of people in half. The guys all walked out and then each bridesmaid walked up the aisle and stood in front of their designated groomsman.
Eliza was the third from the last to go. She’d watched each pair partner up. Then it was her turn. The whole groomsmen-swap already felt odd and it hadn’t helped that Aunt Wendy had positioned Nate and Josh standing right next to each other.
When Eliza took her place in front of Nate he gave her a small nod in greeting then looked away. She did her best to act like she hadn’t noticed that he took a slight step back when she turned her back to him, like he was afraid to touch her. She’d glanced over her shoulder and grinned at him, hoping he’d smile back and she’d be able to tell herself that the distance he’d put between them wasn’t personal. But he’d acted like he didn’t even see her. His gaze had stayed focused solely on Aunt Wendy as she directed the rehearsal.
Her heart sunk and just when she was about to throw herself a good ol’ fashioned pity party for one, Bailey took her place in front of Josh. If Nate had given Eliza the cold shoulder, Josh’s shoulder was the Tundra. Unlike Eliza, who’d just subtly smiled, Bailey actually said hi to Josh, and other than a tight grin he’d ignored her completely.
It’d been interesting to witness, mainly because, unlike Eliza’s reaction to Nate, Bailey didn’t seem hurt by Josh’s response. It was the opposite. A spark lit in her eyes that to Eliza at least, looked like Bailey was saying, game on. Eliza’s curiosity was officially piqued.
The entire wedding party stood in place for just a few minutes before Aunt Wendy had the pairs walk back down the aisle. Together. For a second, she’d been a little nervous that Nate wouldn’t offer her his arm, but she hadn’t had anything to worry about. Always the gentleman, Nate offered her his arm. When she wrapped her fingers around his bicep, she’d gasped at the rock hard bulge she’d felt. She’d never felt someone’s arm that had muscles that big and it was…hot.
Just thinking about it now had her warming from the inside out. Or maybe it was her drink.
“How has it been being home after all these years?” Josh asked as he set his beer down.
It was obvious to Eliza that he was trying to distract himself from the same thing she was. If she’d known him better, she’d let him know he wasn’t alone, maybe even commiserate with him. But other than a brief crush she’d had on him when she was in first grade, she really didn’t know him all that well.
“It’s been great!” She gave Josh the same answer she’d given everyone that had asked her over the last few weeks. The same answer that usually led to follow-up questions about what had brought her back. Since she didn’t feel like talking about that right now, she figured she’d change the subject. “So, is Brian having a bachelor party tonight?”
Becca’s bachelorette party was going to be a sleepover. All the girls were going to stay in Becca’s suite tonight. She was happy that it was going to be low-key, but knew that wasn’t everyone’s style.
“Nah. We’re going out on the lake tomorrow, but no big partying planned for tonight.”
It shouldn’t matter to her if Brian had a bachelor party or not, but she had to admit she was relieved that Nate wouldn’t be surrounded by strippers tonight. Which was ridiculous. What he did was absolutely none of her business.
“Oh there you are dear!” Nana Holmes waved her arms as she approached her, she appeared slightly out of breath. “I’ve been looking for you.”
“Is everything okay?” Her eyes immediately scanned the room. If she wasn’t feeling well, Nate needed to know.
Her eyes quickly zeroed in on their target and found him engrossed in his conversation with Bailey. Amber and Seth had left and it was just the two of them in the corner, by the fireplace. For not being together, they sure were together a lot. Nate hadn’t left her side since the rehearsal had ended.
“Oh yes, everything’s fine,” Nana Holmes assured her. “I was just wondering if you could possibly go get my coat.”
“Um…sure.” She glanced at Nate again. It wasn’t that she minded getting Nana Holmes’ jacket, it was just that she wasn’t sure why she wouldn’t ask Nate.
“Oh, he’ll never figure out which one is mine. You know men.” She nodded towards Josh, who looked as confused as Eliza felt. “It’s the floor length, black mink. The young lady that checked it has left her post. All the coats are in the second door to the left off of the foyer.”
“Second door?” Eliza made sure she’d heard her correctly. This castle was easy to get lost in.
“That’s right, dear. Oh and you’re not claustrophobic are you?”
Eliza shook her head. “No. Why?”
“No reason.” Nana smiled brightly but then covered her arms. “Can you hurry, dear? I’m freezing.”
It struck her as strange that Nana Holmes wouldn’t just go get the coat herself. Unless maybe she was claustrophobic and the space was tight. Whatever the reason, if Nana Holmes wanted Eliza to get her coat, of course she would.
* * *
Nate had always respected and even looked up to Seth Sloan. Seth was eight years older than him and he’d grown up idolizing him. He’d always seemed so smart, cool and mysterious. When Nate’s enlistment in the Army had ended Seth had offered him a job, he’d gotten to know him as a man, and the more he got to know him the more he admired him.
Seth was one of the few people that when he talked, Nate listened. But right now, he just wanted him to shut the hell up and leave so he could speak to Bailey. Alone.
“It was William Stone, he built this castle. He was an English Duke th
at was banished to America in the late 1800’s,” Seth assisted his wife who had been telling them the history of Stone Castle.
Amber nodded. “Right, so he got banished for refusing to marry the woman his family had chosen because he was in love with his chambermaid Emilia. Which in those days, of course, was very scandalous. So, he smuggled his love on the cargo ship he sailed over in. They were married and lived together happily as husband and wife for over a decade. Then, one day, he returned home to find the gruesome discovery that she had been brutally murdered.
“Legend has it that he went mad with grief. He searched the woods, the town and the lake surrounding the castle day and night, looking for her killer, until he finally dropped dead from malnutrition and exposure. When news made its way back to England and William’s mother, she was consumed with guilt for sentencing William to exile. She bought the land and the castle in order to keep the last piece of her only son. For over a hundred years it sat vacant. Except, of course, for the ghosts of William and Emilia, who roam the halls searching for each other.”
Bailey sighed sincerely. “That’s so tragic.”
Nate had heard the story before. He spent the summer between ninth and tenth grade up at the lake. The castle was empty then, and the local kids used to say that at night you could hear the ghosts wailing. Logic led Nate to believe that it was teenagers who were taking advantage of the private, remote and dark spaces.
Amber’s face grimaced slightly as she rolled her neck from side to side. Nate saw the immediate concern register on Seth’s face. He placed his hand on his wife’s lower back. “You’ve been working too hard. Becca could’ve ordered dresses.”
“Oh stop.” Amber waved her hand dismissively. “I loved doing it. I would’ve cried if she’d just ordered dresses.”
All He Desires – Nate & Eliza (Crossroads Book 12) Page 11