Drew walked in and went straight for his room. She had helped everyone but Drew. He was always an emotional person, but since the accident it was hard to decipher those emotions. Allie thought about following him, but decided giving him some time to come to her might be better. She chose to go sit with her Ma instead.
Ma had slept most of the day away. She assumed that would be the case. Frank filled her in on what to expect as much as he could. She caught a few things he said, but most of it was just noise that her brain refused to comprehend.
“How was your day, dear?”
Ma’s voice shook her out of her thoughts.
“Oh, busy. I got this place back into shape and have soup simmering if you’re hungry.”
“Not right now. I’m not very hungry yet. Thank you for the work today. I can’t seem to stay up on all of it anymore.”
“Of course not. And no one expects you to.”
“I sleep most of the time now.”
“Are you in any pain?” Allie wished she was a doctor. Then maybe she could do something more to help her.
Ma smiled sadly.
“Some yes. Doc is doing what he can and Pa makes sure I take my medications.”
“That’s good. And you should get your rest. It’ll keep your strength up.”
Ma laughed.
“What good is strength, dear? I can’t do anything. I’m just lying here waiting for God to take me home.”
Allie put her hand on her mouth and fought back tears.
“Oh, come here. I shouldn’t talk like that to you.”
Allie laid on the bed with her Ma.
“It’s true, though. I was so hopeful this was just a virus, but I think I knew from the beginning. Something was just off. It didn’t feel the same. I had a gut feeling, but I desperately wanted to be wrong. Then doc voiced his suspicions. At first I didn’t believe him. He could be wrong, but I keep getting worse. I could go to the city and have some tests run, but I know they will just say the same thing Doc is saying. I have come to terms with it for myself. I have Drew to take care of, though. What am I to do about that? Everyone must someday face it. I just hope those that I leave behind don’t suffer too much over me. I’ve had my ups and downs through the years, but it was a good life. You and Drew are my everything. I’m so proud of what you’ve become.”
Allie laid there listening to her. She wanted to be quiet and just hear everything her Ma had to say. She would hold all of the words in her heart for after. They laid like that until Pa came in with a bottle and glass of water.
“Time for some medicine.”
Allie stood and left the room so they could have some alone time. She decided it was time to find Drew. He was still up in his room. She walked in and he ignored her. Maybe he didn’t really even see her. She put her hand on his shoulder and he shrugged it.
“Drew, I miss you. It’s me, Allie.”
“I know who you are.”
She smiled. He spoke. That was something.
“Can I get a hello hug?” she held her arms out waiting.
“No.”
She folded her hands around her stomach. She knew he didn’t mean to, but that still hurt her. “Why?”
He stood and faced her raising his voice, “Because you’re here. You came, that means Ma is dying. If you stayed home Ma wouldn’t die. She would have to stay alive and do her work, but now you’re doing it for her.”
“Oh Drew. Is that what you think?” Allie sat at the foot of his bed.
“Yes, you need to go home so Ma can get better.”
“Drew, please come sit down. Please?” He obliged her, but he didn’t want to.
“Drew, it is true that Ma is dying, but she would die with or without me. My coming here hasn’t changed anything”
“He started crying and stood, his face turning red.
“Yes, it did. If she has work to do, she has to get better. No one else can do it. You need to go home.” He pointed towards his door and stomped his foot.
Allie stood.
“I will leave your room, but I’m not going home. Both Ma and Pa need me here. Neither one of them can keep up with this place and take care of Ma, too.”
Allie closed the door behind her and heard her brother crying. She knew he was angry. It made no sense talking to him now with him being in this state. She knew he’d shut her out and it would be like talking to a wall.
Allie made her way down to sit by the fire. There was a pile of socks sitting in a basket and she realized they needed darning. She gathered the materials necessary and began tackling that task while letting the warmth of the fire warm her through to her bones.
Her mind wouldn’t relax. She wasn’t sleeping well with her mind racing. She worried Ma needed something at night and she wouldn’t hear her. Pa was with her and she knew even though he was avoiding the subject during the day, he had to be helping her at night. She was thankful for that, at least.
All of this was temporary and once it was finished she knew she would miss everything. A bad day with Ma was still a day with her. She didn’t think Ma was in pain, but realized if she was Ma might not have the same view as Allie did. She made a mental note to talk with Doc when he came next about pain management and made sure they were doing all they could in that area. Allie didn’t want her Ma to hurt and if she did and there was nothing to be done about it she would, reluctantly, pray for a faster ending.
She finished the darning and grabbed the Bible on the table next to the chair randomly opening it to John chapter 16. She read through to verse 22 before stopping to ponder the text. God was telling her that even though she was experiencing great sadness that would only deepen in the next few weeks, she would one day find joy again.
Allie couldn’t fathom when or how long that may take. She did take comfort in knowing one day it would. She knew everyone was destined to die, even if she felt she wasn’t ready for her Ma to go. Those left behind had to deal with it and work their way back to living.
Allie would have to move past this and live again. The future joy would take work and she would take all the help God would provide, but knowing He wasn’t asking anyone to do what He Himself didn’t do helped somewhat. The pain of knowing what was to come and the great sadness she felt while watching her Ma grow closer to death everyday didn’t abide, but she knew one day peace would come. It still hurt, but she had hope. Life did move on, somehow.
CHAPTER 15
The next several days were filled with people coming and going. Everyone wanted to bring food and see her mom. Allie was doing her duty accepting the guests and filtering those few in that Ma would want to visit with and sending others away, so they wouldn’t disturb her sleep.
At some point Ma would probably want to see everyone, but she didn’t have the energy for more than a few short visits a day. Doc had been here a couple of times and the news hadn’t changed. She was dying and by the looks of it, not long from now. Part of Allie was happy knowing that she wouldn’t suffer for very long, but the other selfish part wanted her Ma here as long as possible.
Allie was around the side of the house removing clothes from the line when she heard a knock at the door. She set Pa’s shirt in the basket and walked around front to see who it was this time. When she saw the familiar red hair of her long childhood friend she started crying. Blinne walked to her and held her while the tears fell. They stood there a long time… holding each other, both crying, the laundry all but forgotten for the moment.
“Is there anything I can do to help? I feel so awful, Allie.” Blinne broke the hug, but kept her hands on Allie’s shoulders.
Allie used her apron to dry her tears.
“Nothing. There is nothing anyone can do, and it is such a helpless feeling. We are all just waiting. Pa doesn’t really want to talk much about after right now. I guess we will deal with that when it happens. Ma seems sad but accepting of her own fate. She worries about all of us though. Drew thinks it’s my fault. I tried to talk to him, but he isn’t rea
dy to listen. I don’t know what to do.”
“Grab your laundry and come on in, I’ll make us some tea.”
Blinne knew where everything was since much of her childhood was spent at Allie’s house. The girls were closer to sisters than friends.
After Allie set the laundry down in the front room, she found Blinne in the kitchen. That’s when she noticed her belly. Instead of being happy she felt jealous and angry and she hated herself for it.
“How are you feeling? You should sit and let me do that.”
“Stop it, I’m fine. I’m at the good stage now. Sickness is gone, but I’m not so huge that I feel like an elephant,” Blinne laughed at her own joke, but Allie just sighed sadly.
Allie sat down wondering how life could just go on. Her Ma was dying as her best friend was bringing in a new life. Allie was caught in the middle.
“How is Lena doing? Where is she?”
“I left her home with George. I wasn’t sure a baby crawling around and making noise would be appropriate right now.”
“I’m sure it would have been fine. I miss that chubby face. I’m sure she has changed so much in the few months I’ve been gone.”
“You have no idea. They grow so fast,” she handed a cup of tea to Allie and sat at the table with her.
“Tell me about Wiley City. And Frank,” Blinne’s eyes twinkled as she looked over the mug of tea.
Allie smiled and looked down into her cup.
“Wiley City is small. It’s new, just getting started. Nothing like Deer Lodge. North Yakima is larger. It’s not too far from us. The people so far are wonderful. I haven’t met anyone I don’t like, although I’m sure there will be some. With as many people that are there a few are bound to turn up. She paused to sip her tea. “Frank is doing well. His practice is really picking up and keeping him busy. I know he wanted to be here, but leaving so soon after opening is risky.”
“That’s awful that he couldn’t come. I’m here for you. Anything you need.”
Allie already knew she could count on Blinne. It was nice to hear those words though.
“Blinne is that you?” Ma had somehow climbed out of bed and was standing at her door.
Allie rushed up and went to go help support her Ma. Blinne followed.
“I’m here.”
“Allie, dear, will you make me a cup of tea too? Blinne, help me back to bed, please.”
“Of course, Ma.”
Allie headed back to the kitchen and Blinne wrapped Ma’s arm around her shoulder. They walked to her bed and Blinne helped ease her down, adjusting her pillow just so.
“Thank you dear. Blinne, if you will, get into the bottom drawer in my dresser and find the journal. I would like you to take that home and hide it. After,” Ma licked her lips and hesitated a moment before continuing. “Please give it to Allie. I don’t want anyone else seeing it. Understand?”
“Yes, of course.”
Blinne moved from the bed and quickly retrieved the journal. She was curious about what was in it, but would show respect and refrain from reading it herself. This was Allie’s.
Allie made her way in and Blinne hid the book behind her back.
“I’m going to head for home, Allie. Your Ma is up. You should visit with her.”
“Are you sure? I’m sure Ma wouldn’t mind if you stayed with us.” Allie set her cup of tea on the table beside the bed.
“I am.”
Blinne walked to Allie, and with one arm hugged her. She kept the journal behind her back with the other. Then she turned and winked and smiled at Ma before she headed home.
CHAPTER 16
The days had grouped together to form a couple of weeks, and Frank was still just as lost. He put a note on the office door saying he would be back later in the day and decided to head to North Yakima to the Cascade Lumber Company to pick up some boards. He was going to work on the picket fence Allie wanted. Hopefully he would finish so when she came home she would have a little something good.
The mill sat northeast of the city. It was right next to the river and they used the water to float the logs. The weather decided to rain on him in his open wagon. It only amounted to a drizzle and didn’t really concern him much. He did make a mental note that maybe he should rig something up to the wagon to protect Allie on days they had to go somewhere, and it was rainy.
The trip there and back was quick and easy. He parked in front of the house and dropped off the wood in the yard. Then he parked the wagon and brushed down his horse at the livery. On his way walking back home, someone he hadn’t met before came running down the road. She turned and ran down his road. He picked up speed to see what that was all about, but first passed John Wiley, who stopped him to talk.
“Hey, Doc. How is the business going?”
“Hi, John. Things are going real good. It’s getting pretty busy. I decided to take a half day or so off. Picked up some lumber. Allie really has her sights set on that picket fence we talked about before.”
“How is Allie? I heard she had an emergency and had to head home.”
“Yep, it’s sad really. Her Ma has cancer and she needed to go help them out a bit. Hey, John will you walk with me. I just saw a woman running towards my place. Or at least that direction. I hope it’s not for me, but I feel I should make my way back in case she needs some help.”
“Sure thing. Hopefully it’s nothing serious, but if it is maybe I can help, too.”
They continued their conversation about Allie’s Ma as they made their way back to the office. Sure enough, the girl was frantically pounding on both the office door and the front door.
“Ma’am can I help you?” Frank asked jogging up to her.
“Are you the doctor?”
“Yes, ma’am at your service.”
“Oh, thank God! It’s my mother. She isn’t doing well.”
“Annie is that you? My you’ve changed a bit,” John caught up to them.
“John, yep it’s me. Please, we should hurry. Ma isn’t good.”
Frank couldn’t remember an Annie. He knew he never met her before, but he was trying to figure out if he had heard the name. There was something there. He felt he should know it, but he just couldn’t remember.
“My wagon is all hitched up around the corner. Let’s all get in,” John urged.
Annie started running in the direction the wagon would be and the guys followed. They weren’t sure what this was about, but it seemed urgent. John drove and it was a good thing that he knew who Annie was and where they were headed since Frank was still at a loss. Then they pulled up at a familiar house, and it all fell into place. Elizabeth.
Frank took off running. He burst through the door and the rest of her kids directed him to the bedroom. Bobby explained she had collapsed and they got her into bed. She was unconscious. Frank quickly examined her, but realized he forgot his bag back at the office in the rush to leave, so was limited with what he could do.
Elizabeth was breathing, but barely. She was cold to the touch, but sweating profusely. Her lips were blue and Frank opened her eyelids to check dilation. That’s when she retched on the floor. Frank quickly went through the symptoms and his heart sunk.
I took the meds back after John died right?
He was trying to remember back, but since Allie left everything blurred together. Mentally he was with her in Montana, but physically he was here. Treating people and apparently making big mistakes.
Frank was trying to decide what to do when she took that horrible sounding breath no doctor likes to hear from a patient he wants to survive. She was gone. He knew without even looking. Oh God, Oh God. What have I done? Frank’s mind ran rampant.
John entered and closed the door behind him leaving the family out.
“John, I’ve made a huge mistake.”
John’s eyes were concerned. He looked at Elizabeth and could tell she was gone. She was turning more ashen by the second.
“What did you do?”
Frank was pacing.
John processed what had just happened. He looked back and forth between Frank and Elizabeth.
“No, you did not kill her. Don’t go thinking that way. She took those pills on her own. You’ve been mighty worried and your mind is elsewhere. It happens Frank. We are going to tell those kids she died of a broken heart. I’ve heard that before and it really isn’t untrue. They don’t need to be feeling any guilt from this.”
Frank nodded but remained on the floor. “I’m a doctor. I’m supposed to know better.”
“You are a doctor, and based on the talk spreading around here, you are a good doctor. Don’t go letting one mistake change that. I think it’s best for the time being, you take some time off. Go to Montana. Be with Allie. We need you focused and sharp when you come back and open back up.”
“I’ll lose business. People here need me now,” Frank sighed and leaned his head against the wall.
“They need a doctor who can concentrate at the task at hand, and right now you can’t do that. Don’t worry about the people here. I’ll pass the word around that a family emergency has come up and you will be back as soon as possible. Folks around here are good people, Frank. They’ll understand. Give ‘em some credit.”
Frank sat motionless for minute thinking it all over and then he nodded and let John help him up.
“First we must find any medication left behind. Then you must go out there and tell them the truth. She had a broken heart. It just couldn’t keep ticking any longer.”
After a short search in the room they found the pill bottle. It was in her dresser and empty, as Frank suspected it would be. Frank’s heart fell more.
In His Time (Carried Through Chaos Book 2) Page 7