by R. M. Lynn
He nods slowly. “I’ll look into some stuff.”
I kiss him, and he kisses me back until I’m breathless. Before he whispers goodnight to me, I set an alarm on my phone and snuggle into him. If I could lay like this forever, I would. There’s no question about it.
◆◆◆
Chapter Nineteen
Kyler
One Month Later…
We leave for our cross-country tour in one week. Everything is lined up, from private jets and hotel rooms to meal times and work out routines. Our roadies and the extra equipment will be with Staffer and his team while the band will fly separately. So, private flights have been scheduled accordingly. It’s all happening, and it’s happening fast. I’ve been on a few tours already, but I know this one is different. I have Alivia now, and I know she has a life in California now. Asking her to leave it all behind is what got us in trouble the first time we tried the whole relationship thing. It’s something I’m not ready to lose, and I never will be, so I’m treading lightly with the idea. One thing, I’m confident about is taking my daughter with me. I was able to secure an extra room at every hotel we've booked, so Lucy and I can have it to ourselves. We’ll also have a private educator come and stay with Staffer and his staff, so wherever we stop, Lucy will still be able to have an education.
My mother was nothing short of furious when I made the decision. I think she was mostly upset to not have the time spent with Lucy while I went away on tour. However, I couldn’t do it to her. My daughter asked to come with in any way she could think of, and I wasn’t going to make her feel like I abandoned her. After talking with Alivia, I felt like she made a valid point. Right now, Lucy is too young, in my opinion, to be without me as her parent. When she’s older, she’ll be able to stay with my parents and be a normal kid. But for now, she’s the kid of rock star. In making my decision, I also believe the private educator is a better option over all. Lucy needs a lot of attention and patience. A kindergarten teacher with twenty other students can’t give her what she needs. Overall, I think she’ll be happier with me on tour, and I won’t do anything other than make her happy.
After a day of finalizing the plans for the tour, the band splits to get our own shit together for the three-month excursion. Staffer is currently in talks with people overseas, and we’re thinking of adding another three-month tour in Europe. Another reason why Lucy should be with me. Three months, she may be able to handle it, but six? I wasn’t sure about that.
I call Alivia on my way home, and I ask if I can pick her up so she can come over. Little by little we started spending more and more time together with and without Lucy. It was important to me that my daughter was comfortable with her. Clearly, she is, so Alivia has stayed extended periods at our house. Lucy seems to enjoy her company more with each day. And so do I. Things are different than the way they used to be with us, however, it’s a good kind of different. We’ve grown a lot over the years without each other, and I’m glad I did what I had to do in order for her to come back into my life. I know she was mad at the time, but I think she’s gotten over it by now.
When I pull up to her driveway, I put the car in park, and pull the key from the ignition before heading up to her apartment door. It still pains me slightly knowing she lives in such a dump, especially when I know she can afford to move. She’s just too damn stubborn. I’d ask her to move into my place with me and Lucy, but I know she’ll decline.
I knock on the door, and when she answers, she tips up on her toes to kiss me in greeting. Paparazzi are standing across the street, cameras pointing at us, flashes going off every two seconds.
“You better let me in before they get a shot of my bad side,” I tease and give her another quick kiss.
She smirks and lets me in, closing the door behind us. “What bad side?”
“You’re right. I have no bad side.”
She rolls her eyes as we head to her living room. She walks to the adjoining kitchen as I sit on her couch.
“Want anything from the fridge?” she calls to me as the sounds of her digging in the refrigerator echo through the room. “I have beer?”
“That’s alright, babe,” I tell her. “Just get over here.”
She finally makes her way to the couch with a bottle of water and sits next to me. Her legs drape over my thighs as her body faces mine. I run my hands up her shins and over her knees and thighs. I repeat the motion going down toward her ankles, stopping finally to rub at her calves, and smile at her as she sips from her water.
“So, I was hoping you were going to be in a good mood,” I murmur.
“Yeah? And why is that?” she asks with a smirk. “Looking to do something kinky in the bedroom?”
I raise a brow and reply, “Well, if you’re offering.”
She laughs and hits my arm with the back of her hand playfully and responds, “Oh, stop. It was a joke. What do you really want?”
“I got hotel rooms,” I tell her. “For the tour. That way Lucy isn’t stuck with the rest of the morons. I want you to come with.”
She opens her mouth to respond, but I cover her mouth with my hand to stop her. I can feel her frown against my palm and chuckle when her eyes narrow on me.
“You don’t have to answer,” I tell her. “In fact, I don’t want you to. I want you to think about it first. Okay? Think about it, and then you can tell me what you want.”
She licks my palm, and I pull my hand away with a grimace.
“That was unnecessary,” I laugh out and wipe her saliva on her leg. “Gross, really is the word I was looking for.”
“That’ll teach you to cover my mouth,” she snaps back with a grin. “And I’ll think about it. Happy?”
“Very,” I murmur and lean in to kiss her.
She pulls away after a brief touch of our lips and lets out a breath. I run my hand over her thigh again and look into her hurricane eyes.
“We should get going. I told Mom I’d be home to eat dinner with Lucy,” I say quietly. “You ready?”
She nods and stands from the couch. “Let me just finish packing up a bag.”
“I don’t know why you just won’t take one of my drawers,” I call to her as she heads to her bedroom. “It would be easier.”
“I know, but I don’t want to overwhelm you with all of my stuff,” she hollers back. “I have a lot of stuff.”
I chuckle to myself and bellow, “I like your stuff, and if it makes you happy and you need it at my place, then I want it there.”
She comes back to the living room without a bag and looks down at me on the couch, her hands on her hips.
“What?” I demand with a smirk.
“Do you really want my stuff there?” she asks quietly. “We never got to this step before.”
“We were in college,” I remind her. “It was different then.”
“What’s different about it this time around?”
I mull over her question before murmuring, “It’s different now because before I didn’t know what I had until I lost it. Now, I never want to lose you again.”
She nibbles her bottom lip, which tells me she wants to say yes to my request. I watch her and wait patiently for her to make a decision on what she wants. I’ve made it very clear that I’m all in, and I know she feels the same way. We’ve been skirting around taking more serious steps that we both want for long enough. It’s time to get the ball rolling in the right direction for good. No more looking back.
“Truthfully,” I finally say to pull her away from whatever thoughts she may be having, “I want you to stop living here and come live at my place. But I know you’re not ready for that. So, for now, I’m good with you having a drawer and your shit in my bathroom.”
“I’m good with the drawer and shit in your bathroom,” she murmurs after she takes in my words. “But I might need some space in the closet, too.”
I grin and give her a nod. “I can definitely give you space in the closet. Not a problem.”
“Okay, well then,
I’ll need to pack a bigger bag,” she tells me before heading back to her bedroom.
“I’ll be here,” I chuckle out.
We finally get out of the apartment fifteen minutes later, and I’m half tempted to ask if she packed her whole damn room up into the oversized duffel bag. I know it’s heavy, too, because I have to heft it to and from the car. I carry it up to my room before returning to the kitchen to sit with my parents and Lucy for dinner. Alivia finishes a phone call out on the deck before coming in and sitting across from me and Lucy. My parents chat with me about the tour while Lucy talks Alivia’s ear off. My heart can’t help but swell as I take it all in, knowing this is how it was meant to be. Alivia and Lucy, my two favorite girls in the world, smiling and laughing with each other like two long lost friends.
Once dinner is done, Alivia takes Lucy upstairs to help her get ready for bed while I help my mom clean up the kitchen. Conner takes a phone call from Noah as I step up to the sink to help her dry each dish she washes.
“You know I have a dish washer, right?” I ask my mom with a smirk. “You’re standing literally a foot away from it.”
“I like doing dishes, I’ll have you know,” she retorts with a smile of her own.
“Weird,”
“So, I’ve noticed that Liv and Lucy are getting closer,” my mom murmurs. “How do you feel about that?”
I shrug and say, “I think it’s great. I want it to be this way with them. I enjoy it, and I hope they do, too.”
“I’m happy that Lucy has a mother figure,” she adds. “Liv knows that she’s attached to her, right? I wouldn’t want things to go sour again.”
“It’s not like that,” I assure her. “Liv isn’t going anywhere. Not this time. Lucy doesn’t have anything to worry about, and I’d always put her first no matter what happens.”
“I know, honey,” she insists softly. “I’m glad to see you two so happy now that’s she’s in your life again.”
“Me, too,” I whisper. “I love her, you know? I really do. And I always have.”
“I know, Kyler,” Mom replies with a big smile. “She’s clearly in love with you, too.”
“I know.”
“Have you told her?”
“I will. But I think she already knows anyway.”
Mom looks up at me and says, “But you know it means more when she can hear you say it.”
“I know, Mom,” I tell her. “I will.”
“You two really work well together when it comes to Lucy, too,” she adds. “I love watching you guys. It’s like your own little family.”
“Mom, are you crying?” I ask as I watch her lift a towel to her eyes.
“I’m just happy you’re happy, honey,” she cries out softly.
I wrap an arm around her shoulders and pull her into a hug. I let out a breath and release her when I know she’s calmed down. She gives me a smile and wipes under her eyes once more before returning to the dishes in the sink. She scrubs and rinses a plate before passing it off to me to dry.
I run the dishrag over it and whisper, “I’m going to marry her one day. When she’ll let me.”
“I can’t wait,” Mom whispers back through a smile. “And I want more grandbabies.”
“I’ll let her know,” I respond with a chuckle.
Once the dishes are done, and my parents head home, I head upstairs to Lucy’s bedroom. I can hear Alivia murmuring softly even before I approach the door and open it slightly to peer inside. Alivia sits on the edge of the bed with a book in her lap. She reads to my daughter who’s clad in pink and blue polka dot pajamas under her covers. I make my way into the room and sit on the edge of the bed. Alivia’s eyes glance up to mine, she smiles, and then focuses back on the words she’s reading. Lucy doesn’t even spare a glimpse at me, only watches Alivia read to her about a talking frog who needs to find the perfect present for her friend the rabbit. It’s a bizarre tale, but I sit patiently until Alivia finishes and Lucy claps happily at the end.
“Can we read another one?” Lucy asks and glances between me and Alivia.
“Not tonight, baby,” I tell her. “We can read another tomorrow, though, okay? I promise.”
“Can Livy read it?”
“Sure, baby, if that’s okay with her.”
We both look to Alivia for a response, and she smiles as she murmurs, “I would be more than honored to read another book for you tomorrow night. I think I know exactly which one I want to read, too.”
“The princess one?” Lucy asks her enthusiastically.
Alivia shrugs but smiles knowingly. “I can’t tell you just yet. It’s going to be a surprise.”
Lucy smiles wide and then looks to me as I say, “I’ll sing you a song before bed, okay?”
She nods and snuggles into her pillows as I get ready. Since she asked for a new song about a month ago, she’s let me pick different songs pretty regularly. Sometimes it’s an older song, other times I sing her a more popular song. I’ve even sang her a few of Violet Lane’s hits, but she never falls asleep to them because she knows all the words and stays up to sing with me. However, more often than not I still sing her the sun song. Tonight, I do just that. She falls asleep halfway through like she always does, and Alivia and I slip out of the bedroom a moment later.
I take her to bed, undress her slowly, and then let her undress me in return. I make love to her slowly, wanting to feel the way I do when I’m with her forever. She’s an absolute rush. Afterward, she snuggles against me, and I run my hand over her spine methodically. The feel of her breathing beginning to lull me to sleep.
“I have to tell you something,” she whispers suddenly, jarring me from my half-asleep state.
“You can tell me, babe,” I murmur.
“I just don’t want you to be mad,” she adds.
I instantly think she’s talking about the tour, and my heart lurches in my chest. I want her to go so badly it hurts, but I know I’ll have to respect her decision no matter what it is. I’ll respect it, but I won’t like it if she decides not to go.
“I won’t be,” I insist. “You can tell me anything.”
She lets out a heavy breath and finally whispers into the darkness, “Lucy accidently called me mom. Um, it was when I took her up after dinner? I was helping her pick out pajamas, and I don’t even know what she was saying really, but she clearly called me mom. I don’t think she even noticed, though, because she just kept on talking like nothing happened.”
I’m silent for a moment as I take in each of her words. I knew they were getting close, but I had never had the discussion with Lucy about what that meant quite yet. I guess I thought I had more time to figure it all out. Clearly, I was out of time.
“I’m sorry,” I murmur after a moment. “I’ll talk to her about it.”
“It’s okay,” she assures me. “I just wanted to let you know so you’re not shocked if it happens again in front of you.”
“How do you feel about it?” I ask her quietly. “I mean, you weren’t upset over it, right?”
“Of course not,” she tells me. “I was a bit thrown off, but I want to be a role model for her. I care about her, so much, Kyler, and I want her to feel comfortable with me.”
“Well, if that doesn’t scream comfortable, I don’t know what does.”
She presses a kiss to my chest, lets out a breath, and snuggles as close as she can to me. I kiss her forehead and close my eyes. Alivia didn’t know it yet, but she was a part of my family. She’s ingrained into my life, my daughter’s life, and we weren’t about to let her go. Our lives were too connected now. Everything was coming together, and everything we were beginning to do was a step in taking things to an even more serious level. I know she’s hesitant about going on tour. However, I know I don’t have to try to convince her that it will be good for us. She knows this. It would be an experience, and I want her to see what our music is all about. On a stage, in front of a crowd. Not some studio where everything gets edited for the album.
; Eventually, once my rolling thoughts quiet down in my head, sleep takes over my body. However, it isn’t without one final thought about how much I love the woman next to me and how grateful I am to be given another chance to prove to her that I’m the right man for her.
In the morning, Alivia helps me pack up some things for Lucy while she’s downstairs with my mom. My daughter hates watching me pack things into bags for her to take on the tour because she seems to think that I’m packing it away and she’ll never see the stuff again. So, I’ve had to pack things up in incriminates so she doesn’t realize anything is missing.
“What about these?” Alivia asks me as she pulls out a pair of dressy sandals from the top shelf in the closet. “In case you take her to some event?”
I shrug. “I don’t know if I would, but it can’t hurt to be prepared.”
“Do you have a nanny coming?” she asks me as she sticks the shoes into a pink and blue suitcase.
“Yeah, Staffer hired one for me. My mom made sure to go through every resume herself,” I tell her with a smirk. “But the only time I won’t be with Lucy is when there’s a show or something.”
“Well, maybe you don’t really need her,” she whispers suddenly, and I look up at her.
“What do you mean?”
“Maybe I can just watch her when you need it.”
“What’re you saying?”
She bites her bottom lip and murmurs, “I’m saying that if the offer is still on the table, I want to go with. On tour with you and Lucy.”
“Are you sure?” I ask and stand up from the edge of the bed and step toward her. “You really want to come?”
She nods and steps into me, her arms coming up and her fingers intertwining at the back of my neck. She tips her face up to press a kiss under my jawline.
“I really want to come,” she replies softly. “I should’ve come with you when you asked years ago. But in a way, I don’t know if we’d be as strong as we are now. But I want to go.”