“Alright Vinnie, prepare to go down!” Adam took the controller from Mick and settled in front of the screen.
“I’ll go down on you anytime you like hot stuff. Just say the word.” Vinnie flirted.
Adam laughed and I loved how he didn’t bat an eyelid at Vinnie’s over the top flirting. Sometimes straight men didn’t know how to take Vinnie, they became awkward in his company and that was generally the tipping point for us. If you weren’t into Vinnie you weren’t into us. We came across it less and less these days, but it was still there. Adam had just fallen in to our group dynamic. He fit perfectly.
“So how do you want to do this wedding of ours?” Nick pulled me closer on his lap.
“Barefoot. On a beach. At sunset.” I told him as I played with the longer hair on the top of his head.
“Bikini and boards shorts?” He asked.
“Yes! And tattoos instead of rings.” I added.
“That sounds like us.” He grinned
“Which beach though?” I wondered.
“Well, if we’re talking sunsets there really is only one option.” Nick raised his eyebrows at me.
“San Antonio!” I sang.
“Ibiza baby!” Nick grinned.
“I love it. We can have the reception at Cafe Mambo.” I bounced up and down excitedly on his lap and he laughed. Nick, Cam, Jase and I had gone on holiday to Ibiza several times over the last few years and always loved the place.
“Why didn’t we do this years ago Moonbeam?” Nick kissed my forehead and I made a note to tell Dana about how nicknames meant nothing.
“I don’t know, we’re obviously made for each other.” I laughed.
“Come out on the bike with me this weekend?” Nick changed the subject “It’s been ages.”
“It’s been snowing in case you hadn’t noticed.” I said back as my fingers traced the tattoos that lined his arm. Nick’s arms and back were covered in ink and I loved looking at it all, it mesmerised me.
“Not anymore.” He smiled, wriggling his eyebrows at me.
“I’d like that.” I smiled back and stood up. As I walked past Adam I couldn’t resist sticking a hand in his deep brown hair and messing it up. He held up his beer bottle in response and I took a drink before giving it back. See, just friends. I mean, I’d been sitting on Nick’s knee for the last ten minutes planning our pretend wedding; we had nicknames for each other. And Mick called me love, like all the time, nobody ever suggested there was more than friendship with either of them.
*****
Nate: You’re coming tomorrow aren’t you babe?
Me: Probably. Feels like I should. But I don’t want shit to be awkward.
Nate: It won’t be. Be good to see you. Luke wants you there babe.
Me: I’m thinking about it.
*****
The sky was clear and the sun shone brightly on the morning of Amy’s memorial service. Her body was yet to be released, but her family had wanted to do something to bring everyone together. So they were having a service at the church followed by a gathering at The Irish Rover. They would have a private funeral for her at a later date. They had asked for everyone to wear purple, or other bright colours, since it had been Amy’s favourite colour and she had hated black. So I was wearing a purple pencil skirt with a gold belt, a grey top, my faithful leather jacket and grey suede ankle boots. I thought she would approve.
Adam: Okay?
Me: Okay.
I turned my phone off and got out of the car, my eyes scanning the crowded church yard for the source of that ever present feeling of being watched. I saw nothing as usual, but the feeling didn’t leave me. Cam was immediately on one side of me, Nick sandwiched me in between them on my other side, holding my hand and easing my tension slightly.
Cam, Adam and pretty much everyone had told me over and over that I didn’t have to go. That I shouldn’t feel obligated after what had happened between Jase and Amy. And I knew that, yet something told me that I needed to be there, that despite everything Amy had been my friend first. I needed to show my support for the rest of my friends and for her family. I also was very aware of the fact that Amy and I had never had the chance to speak again after I walked in on her and Jase, she had disappeared that night and I had no idea how she had felt about any of it. Now I would never know. Although considering what had happened to her afterwards, I doubt it had crossed her mind again.
The first person I saw was Amy’s cousin and my friend, Luke. Our eyes locked and I really didn’t know what to expect because although we’d texted a little, none of us had seen him since the night I caught Jase and Amy together. It had seemed as though he was avoiding us, despite Nate’s reassurances to the contrary. Cam stiffened beside me as Luke moved towards us. But Luke was quiet and sensitive and I really doubted he would start anything even if he did have a problem. Luke wasn’t as tall as the other guys, but still tall in comparison to me. Being in his last year of med school he was your typical student type, with messy, dark brown hair and a cute, wonky smile.
Luke stopped and reached out, putting his arms around me, “I’m really glad you came, Callie.” His whisper was for my ears only and I relaxed into his embrace. He squeezed me tightly before releasing me and automatically taking his gloves off and reaching for my hands.
“Me too, Luca.” I said, allowing him to put his gloves on me and breathing a secret sigh of relief that he didn’t hate me for this whole mess.
“Miss you guys.” He said, including Cam and Nick in the conversation. “It’s just not the same anymore.”
He and Cameron exchanged one of those one armed man hugs before he moved onto Nick and did the same. Then Luke came back to stand beside me and enclosed my hand in his, holding on as though his life depended on it. I sensed he was in need of an anchor of some kind so I let him hold on, while the three of us made small talk.
“Hey Callie.” A female voice said behind us, I turned to see Sally and Natalie, two of Amy’s friends from college. We had been out together a few times and they came in the pub occasionally. Liv knew them since she worked in the library and had met them there, but I didn’t know them very well.
“Hi.” I said and both of them came forward, arms outstretched and gathered me into a group hug that completely over whelmed me and had the tears flowing from all of us.
Then Vincent, Nate and Mick were there and I found myself being pulled into Nate’s arms while the others greeted each other with hugs and quiet words.
Nate’s brown eyes looked down at me, “You alright babe?” He asked.
“I’m okay.” I told him quietly, reaching up to wrap his shoulder length, dirty blonde hair around my gloved fingers.
“I like it down.” I told him and he smiled. Nate usually had his hair tied back in some way due to constantly having his head in the engine of a car.
After offering our condolences to Amy’s parents Cam and I moved back towards our friends, who had been joined by Liv, Greg and Dana and taken seats in the church pews. Out of the corner of my eye I noticed a familiar, tall, caramel haired figure walking towards where Nick had saved space for us to sit with him. I knew who it was before our eyes met. I knew his walk, his clothes, his smell. I didn’t have to see him.
Cam put a supportive hand on my back to let me know he was there, but my hardened attitude towards Jase crumpled the second our eyes met. He was broken, lost and drifting in his own personal hell. Now was not the time for our relationship drama. I was here for Amy and our friends and Jase was one of those. Before I had time to think about it we had flung ourselves into each other’s arms. I felt his hand in my hair as though it had never been absent, as the other wrapped tightly around my waist.
“I’m so sorry Cee.” He whispered, his voice cracking on my name. A feeling of familiarity washed over me. It was comforting in that moment, like coming home.
“Sshhh,” I whispered, unsuccessfully holding back tears. “It’s not important now.”
“Jase, over here.” Nate
called to him as we drew apart, gesturing to an empty space next to him and behind Luke, who was sitting with his parents and Amy’s family.
“You gonna be ok?” He asked me as he nodded at Nate and wiped away my tears with gentle strokes of his thumbs.
“Fine.” I nodded, “I’m going to sit here with Nick and Cam.”
“Alright.” He nodded again, hesitating.
“Will you be coming back to the pub after this?” I asked.
“I told Luke I would, but I’m not sure Mick will want me there.” He said.
“It’ll be fine.” I assured him and rubbed his arm then I moved away to take my seat between Nick and my brother.
Nick grabbed my hand as I sat down, pulling it into his lap. “You ok?” He asked.
I nodded and looked from him to Cameron, who refused to make eye contact with me.
“One wrong word, Callie. One wrong move. I mean it.” Cam said through gritted teeth, looking straight ahead.
“He’ll behave.” I promised and I knew he would.
*****
“The time she let Natalie bleach her hair because she wanted to look like Tinker Bell...” Sally began.
“And it went green!” Liv finished, smiling at the memory.
“She didn’t speak to me for a month!” Natalie sighed and raked a hand through her own short, bleached blonde hair.
The bar was packed with Amy’s friends and family. Kat, our chef, had put out a huge buffet and Mick had refused the Donaldson’s offer of payment. One of our staff members, Kaden, was helping Mick behind the bar and Mick had told me to stay with my friends and not worry about the bar. We were all sitting together in a group at the back of the pub, sharing Amy stories. I was sharing an armchair with Nick, perching on the edge, between his legs. He had taken out the purple hair comb I’d secured a section of my hair with and was combing it gently through my hair.
“Or the time she was going to paint my room and ended up painting Cam’s instead.” I shared a sad smile with my brother. I never had figured out how Amy had managed to mix up my room and Cam’s and I’d always had a sneaky suspicion she’d done it on purpose. She never was one to miss an opportunity to wind someone up.
“Five coats!” Cam groaned and shook his head and we all laughed at the memory. “Five coats of paint it took to cover that enormous pink flower she painted above my bed.”
“When she wore fairy wings every day for a month.” Sally said. Amy loved fairy wings and had worn them every chance she got. She had several pairs and changed them to match her outfits.
“And when she convinced everyone she’d married Mick over the summer and that was the reason he had stayed in town!” Luke remembered, shaking his head with a smile on his face.
“Those purple Doc Marten boots that she painted daisies on.” Natalie said, her voice cracking.
“Oh she loved those!” Vinnie smiled, putting an arm around Nat to comfort her. “Never took the damn things off.”
“She painted her car to match!” Jase added quietly, his eyes finding mine and holding.
“And her bedroom.” Luke said, pulling Liv to him as she wiped tears from her eyes.
“She was so funny!” Dana said, leaning into Greg who was beside her, he kissed her gently on the top of her head as she rested it on his shoulder.
“That she was.” I sighed and leaned my head back against Nick’s chest. Despite the sadness of the situation, it felt good to have all of us together like this. Nobody could ever replace Amy, she was unique, a force of nature and we would all miss her so much. She’d hated conflict and adored her friends, which was why I was so upset and confused when she slept with Jase. Even now she was bringing us all together. I may never know why she did what she did. Maybe she had been in love with him, who knows? But I did know that nothing either of us could ever have said or done after that night could take away the friendship we’d had for so many years before it. That was real and I resolved to concentrate on that instead of questions I would never know the answers to.
Interrupting my thoughts, Mick brought over a tray of shot glasses and a bottle of tequila. Tequila was Amy’s drink.
“Let’s send our girl off in style ladies and gents.” Mick said, pouring a shot for each of us and raised his own glass. “To the red haired fairy princess that was our friend Amy.”
“Amy!” We all chorused and downed our shots. Mick poured another round before heading back behind the bar.
The memory sharing continued around me and I looked up to see Adam walk in and sit at the bar, he began talking to Mick. Mick nodded in my direction and Adam glanced over and caught my eye, “Okay?” He mouthed.
“Okay.” I nodded and mouthed back. He smiled and turned back to continue his conversation with Mick. Their heads were bowed together, their backs turned to block out anyone else and whatever they were talking about looked serious. I turned away, only for my eyes to clash with Jase’s again. He smiled awkwardly and pretended not to have seen the exchange, but I could tell he had and also drawn his own conclusions. Conclusions that I could see hurt him to think about. I decided not to put him straight. What, if anything, was going on between Adam and I was our business.
Sitting here now in the room with both of them my mind raced in circles. Jase and I were finished. That much I knew. And honestly, after being with him for so long, I wasn’t sure I wanted to dive straight into something with Adam, or anyone. Wasn’t there meant to be some kind of cooling off period before you went there anyway? I’m sure there probably was. Not that I was an expert. I had been in a serious relationship with one person for the whole of my adult life so far. I didn’t know what it was like to be single, to not be one half of a pair. Let alone what was supposed to happen when you suddenly weren’t part of that pair anymore.
Yes, Adam was drop dead gorgeous, but that was just physical attraction right? I enjoyed being with him, I almost craved his company. He made me feel safe and content. I didn’t have to hide my darkness for him because he saw it, understood it and accepted it and because of that my world was a good place when he was around. Maybe that did mean something; perhaps my feelings for him did run deeper than I thought? Yet, if he were to hint at anything more than friendship? Well, I couldn’t guarantee I wouldn’t go running for the hills. Maybe I had some sort of hero worship thing going on for him, since he was so good to me the night we met? I knew Adam had his own darkness to do with his brother’s death, we had vowed to battle our darkness together and maybe that was enough for us.
Frustrated with myself, I extracted my body from Nick’s embrace and planted a kiss on his cheek where his dimple sat before going to help Mick behind the bar. Cam, Greg and Vinnie had already joined Adam and were gathered in a group around him.
“You don’t have to be behind here today Callie love.” Mick said, enveloping me in what I called a Mick hug. He would wrap his arms around my shoulders from behind and pull me tightly against his chest, resting his chin on the top of my head. I recognised it as an act of possession, Mick was an alpha male through and through, but I didn’t mind. A Mick hug was a very special thing.
“I want to help, it’s busy.” I said, slanting my head slightly to give him a look that told him I needed to be occupied right then.
He searched my eyes before finally nodding. He planted a kiss on the top of my head. I knew he would get it. He always got it. He let go of me and said, “Alright then.”
I served a group of Amy’s family at one end of the bar and then Adam caught my eye. He cocked his head to one side, gesturing for me to follow him to the other end of the bar.
“I just wanted to check you’re alright.” He passed me his beer over the bar. Adam hadn’t come to the service because he hadn’t known Amy, but he’d come to the bar to pay his respects to Amy’s family, having met her parents and Luke during the investigation.
“I’ve been better.” I admitted, not feeling the need to put on a show for him. I took a drink of the beer from the bottle, “It’s a weird feelin
g. Sad because we lost her, but it’s difficult not to laugh and be happy at some of the memories we have of her. You almost feel guilty for smiling about it. I’m sure it’s a feeling you know all about.”
He nodded his agreement and I continued. “And then there’s the whole mess with her and Jase, I don’t think I’ll ever know what truly happened there...and I’m rambling.”
“I’ve come to like it when you ramble.” He said, smiling as I pushed the beer bottle back towards him.
“It’s nice to see Luke and Nate again and to have Sally and Natalie with us. It’s been a while since we were all together like this.” I looked over to see Sally and Natalie watching Adam and me. “Ha! They’ve got you well and truly in their sights.”
“Not my type.” He pushed the beer back to me, his eyes not leaving mine once. He didn’t even turn to look at the two women.
“How do you know? You’ve never met them.” I laughed.
“I just know.” He said and my traitorous stomach did a happy dance.
Later, as the bar was emptying and I was clearing tables Jase approached me.
“I’m leaving now.” He said quietly, the sleeves of his white shirt were rolled up to just below his elbows; he had removed his purple tie and unbuttoned the top two buttons of his shirt. His hands were in the pockets of his navy blue trousers and his matching suit jacket was pulled through the loop of his arm, hanging over his wrist where it disappeared into his pocket. He was looking at the floor. “Thought I’d say goodbye.”
“Ok, well, I guess I’ll see you around.” I said, setting down the cloth I was using to wipe the tables.
“Erm, yeah...Look, Cee, can we please talk? I mean, not now, not tonight. But sometime...soon?” I could see the uncertainty and desperation in his eyes as he looked at me finally. He knew he’d broken everything good about us and I knew that it was hurting him as much as it was me.
“I honestly don’t know what you want me to say Jase.” I sighed.
“Just hear me out Cee. Please?” Jase ordinarily didn’t beg and plead so I knew he really needed this.
Educating Callie Page 11