“Okay, but if you can’t bring her home, call me.” I stared at Karen. “Call me if you need a ride. Okay?” I ensured she made eye contact with me. She nodded, but nothing was getting through to her. I reached into my pocket and pulled out a pen, wishing it were a permanent marker. Then I grabbed his hand and wrote down my number. I wrote it on Karen’s too. She kept giggling and said it tickled. It took a lot, but I managed not to throttle her right then and there for being a dumbass—a drunk dumbass.
They sauntered back into the drunken den. Minnie looked apprehensive. “How can we leave her?”
I didn’t have a good feeling about it, I had to admit, nor did I have the strength to drag her back to the dorm room.
“I know the guy. He’s decent.” My words sounded hollow and I could tell they didn’t convince either one of us.
Minnie stood and made her way to the fence. After two failed attempts, I managed to hoist her over with the help of some friendly strangers.
We drove home in silence. When we arrived at our room, Minnie grabbed the phone and headed into Karen’s room, to call her boyfriend, I assumed—the cause of her tears. I didn’t bother waiting up, as I had a feeling the phone call would not be quick nor pretty. It was a private matter, and I didn’t want to intrude. Besides, I had to get up early for my first shift at Julia’s. I was not looking forward to joining the rat race. I fell onto my bed.
* * *
The ringing phone interrupted my slumber. I reached for it groggily and toppled out of bed onto the beanbag. “Hello,” I slurred into the wrong end of the receiver. Realizing my mistake, I turned the phone around and heard: “Is this Audrey?”
“No, this is Paige. Audrey can’t come to the phone right now.” I was about to hang up, when a frantic voice shouted, “Wait!”
“Yeah.”
“Do you know Karen?” The voice was male. One I didn’t recognize.
“Yes. Why?” All of my sleepiness lifted.
“Um, she’s at my house, and she needs a ride home. She asked me to call.”
“Is she okay?”
“To be honest, she’s real fucked-up.”
“What do you mean?” I shouted.
Minnie popped her head over her bunk bed. “Is everything okay?”
I waved at her to be silent. “What’s wrong with Karen?” I said to the man on the phone.
“Oh, not what you think. She’s just really drunk.”
I rubbed my forehead, exasperated. “Where do you live?”
He gave me the details and I got up to get dressed.
“Is everything okay?” Minnie sat up in bed and leaned against the wall. I wondered if she felt the room spinning.
“Yeah. That guy didn’t drive Karen home. I’m going to get her.”
“Do you want me to go?”
I didn’t. I envisioned her puking all over my car. “That’s fine. Why don’t you get some rest?”
I bolted out of the room and ran smack into Tom.
“Hey, Paige!” He staggered back and propped himself up against the far wall.
I glanced at my watch. It was 3:30 a.m. “Hi, Tom. What brings you here?”
“Is Cheers on?” He looked hopeful
“Don’t think so, and I don’t mean to be rude, but I have to go pick up Karen.” I started to move.
“Wait, I’ll go with you.”
Seriously, I wanted to scream. When I turned to look at him, he looked so sweet, trying to act brave. Where did he think we were going? To rescue her from bandits? Maybe it would help to have a guy to lure Karen with.
The house wasn’t far away. As I pulled up to the curb, I saw a couple walking to a car across the street. Upon further inspection, I realized it was Karen. Darting out of the car, I yelled, “Karen, what in the hell is going on?”
She didn’t answer. Her eyes were so far gone I was surprised she was still on her feet. Then she ripped a fart. The guy with her and I studied each other, neither of us in the mood to laugh. I was seething. It was the guy who had promised to drive her home.
“Paige, let me explain. About an hour ago, I was ready to leave, but when I looked for Karen, I couldn’t find her. I assumed you’d come and got her.”
Karen let out another massive fart. Drunken farts—is that really a condition?
“I was in the bathroom,” Karen mumbled.
Drunk shits? Really? No wonder she couldn’t get a boyfriend.
“Then I heard she was still here, so I rushed back.”
“Good, but I’m here now and we live in the same place, so I’ll take her home.” Karen farted again. Jesus, I was tempted just to let the guy drive her home, but he handed her over quickly. The thought of being trapped in the car, even for a short ride, with the fartster made me want to vomit.
After loading her into the backseat, I asked Tom to roll down his window. He looked at me, confused, until another of Karen’s farts announced why. He waved a hand in front of his face and quickly rolled his window down with his free hand.
“Jesus!” Tom sputtered.
Karen passed out in the backseat. I groaned. Great. Now I would have to carry her upstairs.
“Apparently, Karen gets the farts and the shits when she’s really drunk.” I shrugged.
Tom peered over his headrest to get a good look at Karen. “That’s disgusting.” He wrinkled his nose.
I pulled my shirt up over my nose and drove home, fast. I parked in the loading zone so we could get her out of my car quickly and up to her own room. How did Jenna live with her?
Several minutes later, Tom and I stood in my room. He was still quite drunk and I felt bad sending him away after he had helped me carry Karen up three flights of stairs. I told him to stay put so I could park my car.
After twenty minutes, and a fucking cold walk from the other side of campus, I arrived back in my room to find Tom sound asleep in my bed. Too tired to argue, I crawled in next to him—not that he noticed. He snored away, and I shook my head. How had I ended up surrounded by a homophobe, a chronic farter, and now a boy? Not exactly how I imagined my life in college.
The next morning, I awoke early. Tom was still in bed with me and I was surprised to find that he was holding me. I wasn’t the cuddling type in bed. His wasn’t a “lover” type embrace; it felt friendly or maybe brotherly, not that I had a brother. It felt safe and comforting rather than exciting.
However, I didn’t have time to ponder what it meant. I hopped out of bed and went straight to the shower. An eight-hour shift awaited me and I would be on my feet the entire time. Why Jess and Julia thought this was a good idea bewildered me. Didn’t they know I had recently tried to slash my wrists? I was delicate. And I wasn’t the chitchat type. Waitressing? Really? Did they even know me?
I left the room, closing the door on Minnie’s and Tom’s sonorous snores. How in the world had I slept through that racket?
I didn’t drive straight to Jess’s. Instead, I made a quick detour to my spot to watch the sunrise. Living so far away limited my chances to go, so I seized the opportunity. Sitting on the cold, wet grass, I studied the changing colors of the sky as the sun peeked over the horizon. Here, I never felt alone.
When I walked into Jess’s apartment, she was busy making breakfast. She danced around the kitchen, flipping bacon, scrambling eggs, whisking pancake batter, and she didn’t look the least overwhelmed. It was like watching a ballet.
Dread overwhelmed me. Is this how everyone feels the first day on the job? I picked at my scrambled eggs and poured too much syrup on my pancakes, rendering them inedible.
“Boy, you are not looking forward to this at all, are you?” Jess smiled sheepishly.
“Not really.” I pouted.
“It will be good for you.”
Can I take a moment to say that I hate it when people say that. Good for me? How was feeling stressed out and nauseous good for me? And what was the big deal about getting a job? My parents would hardly be jumping up and down to discover I had a job as a wai
tress. A waitress! Being bossed around by strangers serving greasy food. I loved eating at Julia’s diner, but I was not loving the idea of working there. I fiddled with the car keys in my pocket. If I left now, I could still make breakfast in the dorms, see what the gang was up to for the day.
“Hey, Paige, it’ll be okay. I’ll be there the entire time. You need to break out of your bubble and join the real world. You can’t just read about it. You have to experience it.” She looked sincere. And stern.
I tugged on my keys again. Then I remembered that Karen would probably fart all day. Minnie, the homophobic religious nut, would probably drive home to be with her sex-crazed boyfriend. And Tom…well he was Tom. I’m not sure what he did besides watch football and Cheers.
Maybe being surrounded by strangers was better, and Julia said I could eat all I wanted. I planned on making good on that promise.
Hours later, I was finding my job to be pretty easy. The restaurant was slammed from the get-go. As soon as Julia flipped over the sign announcing that we were open, customers poured in like lava from a volcano. I ran around like mad, taking orders, bringing food and drinks, and collecting money. The beauty of it was that I didn’t have any time to think. Not once did a vision of my mother or Alex flash before my eyes. I worked, and that’s all.
Before I knew it, I was done. The new shift came in to relieve us, and Jess, Mel, and I sat down at a table for dinner. Not only was I satisfied with the day, I was seventy-five dollars richer.
“How much moolah did you get?” Jess whipped out her share as she asked.
“Seventy-five,” I said proudly.
“Ninety,” said Mel.
“That’s great, girls. We rocked today, didn’t we?” Jess beamed.
“Wait, how much did you make? Your wad looks bigger than mine and Mel’s put together.”
I reached over to snatch the bills, but Jess swatted my hand away. “Don’t be grabby.”
“How much, Jess?” whined Mel.
“Over a hundred.”
I eyed Mel, who nodded. Mel made a move for the money, and Jess tried to swat her away while I grabbed the pile.
“One hundred and twenty-five! How? We had the same amount of tables?” I was astonished.
“What can I say, people like me?” Jess blushed.
“Or they’re afraid of you.”
I looked up and saw Weasel.
“Of moi, who would be afraid of me?” Jess winked at him.
“People with secrets.” Weasel scowled down at her.
Mel gave him a swift kick to the shins under the table.
Jess just smiled sweetly at him as Mel pulled his arm to get him to sit. Weasel did so reluctantly.
“Hi Wesley, long time no see.” Julia strolled over with sandwiches and beers, and did her best to sound genuine.
“Hi, Julia. Business is booming.” Weasel waved his arms at all the customers.
“Yes, thanks to Jess.” Julia patted the top of Jess’s head.
Weasel didn’t say anything; instead, he grabbed one of the sandwiches and chomped half of it off. Bits of pulled pork dangled out of his mouth, painting his chin with sauce. He slurped up the meat with a sound that made my stomach turn. Then he wiped his mouth on his sweatshirt. Watching him eat was grotesque.
“Oh, finally, someone who eats just as bad as Paige.” Jess squeezed my leg under the table.
I wanted to shout, “I do not look like that!” Then I thought that maybe I did. I had never watched myself eat in front of a mirror. I picked up my sandwich and took a dainty bite, and then carefully dabbed my mouth with a napkin. I never wanted to be compared to Weasel again. Never!
“Oh my goodness, it knows how to use a napkin,” exclaimed Julia.
Seriously, did I eat like Weasel? The thought horrified me. I took another careful nibble and dabbed my mouth again.
“It’s a miracle!” shouted Jess. Then she whispered in my ear, “You aren’t as bad as him, but close. Darn close.”
Lesson learned. I would no longer inhale food and wipe my mouth on my sleeve. Yes, I loved pissing my parents off, but looking like the Weasel, well that was too much, even for me. Life was too short to be a Weasel.
Weasel raised his beer and tipped the bottle until half of it was gone in one gulp. I couldn’t help but stare. Before, whenever we ate together, I usually stared down at my plate and took little notice of him. Now, it was like watching an animal documentary. He ate like a wild beast that had traveled across a desert without food or water for days, maybe months. He was revolting.
Chapter Seventeen
My Monday morning didn’t start off well. Streetlights peeking through the blinds woke me to a strange weight on my bed. Karen was sitting next to me, intent on gaining my complete attention.
“Paige, are you awake?”
“I am now. What’s wrong?” I rubbed the sleep from my eyes and yawned.
“Nothing. I wanted to say sorry for keeping you up late the other night, and thank you for rescuing me.” She looked like a child who just been busted for breaking into the sweets jar.
I laughed bitterly. “You woke me up to apologize for keeping me up the other night.”
Her girlish giggle told me my bitterness had no effect. “I guess I did. Ironic, huh?”
Staring blankly at her, I didn’t respond.
“Well, thanks. You’re a good friend, Paige, even though you try hard not to show that you are.” She leaned down and gave me a hug.
“Next time, can you brush your teeth before you give me a hug?”
She swatted my arm. “You don’t smell that great either.”
I sniffed my armpit. “Yuck!” I smelled like sweat, pulled pork sandwiches, and stale beer. After my shift last night at Julia’s, I’d hopped in the car and rushed back to my dorm. Jess had plans with friends and I was beat from my first working weekend.
“You want to grab some grub before class?”
I was surprised that Karen had asked. Usually, she and Jenna ate with their teammates in an effort to stay “as one” to improve their play; it wasn’t working. Their team had the worst record in the division, not that Karen cared. Jenna, though, was quite unhappy. I don’t think she’d lost a game before coming here. Her high school team won state and she was the star of her entire school. Losing was not the norm for Jenna, and it was completely unacceptable.
“Meet you down there in ten minutes. I want to shower and change my clothes first.”
Karen nodded and waddled off to her own room.
Minnie didn’t budge in her bed. I wondered whether she was purposely ignoring us or whether she was still dead to the world. She wasn’t a morning person and all of her classes started after 11 a.m.
When I reached the cafeteria, Karen already had a plate stacked with bacon, eggs, and toast.
“Do you always have three glasses of milk with your meals?” I gestured to her hoard.
“I love milk. Anything with milk. I could never live without milk.” To prove her point, she gulped the entire glass and then wiped her milk moustache on her shirtsleeve.
I had never been a fan of milk, maybe because I wasn’t breastfed. I don’t know. I found the stuff thick and revolting. I could handle cheese, but plain milk—no way.
“How was your weekend?” Karen stabbed some eggs with her fork.
“Not bad. Started a new job. Yours?”
“You got a job?” She looked baffled.
“Yeah, why?”
“I thought you were rich.”
Taken aback by her bluntness, I said, “Not really. What made you think that?”
“You’re an Alexander. My parents showed me one of your pictures in the paper.” She guzzled another glass of milk.
“Oh, that.” I sipped my orange juice. “So much for being incognito.” I shrugged.
“Don’t worry, I haven’t shared that with anyone. I didn’t think you’d appreciate it.” She winked at me.
I leaned back in my seat, studying her. This was a side
of Karen I had never seen.
“Thanks for that. It’s weird when people know.”
“I can imagine. Your dad has quite the reputation in this state.” She buttered her toast.
She had no idea.
“So, what did you do this weekend?” I changed the subject.
Karen’s frown told me she knew I was purposefully diverting her away. “Oh, not much. I felt like shit on Saturday and my coach chewed me out. Apparently it was my fault that we lost. Again.” She waved the idea away.
I loved that nothing bothered her. “How did Jenna take it?”
“She’s not talking to me.”
“Really? It bugs her that much to lose?”
“I’m learning that. Notice how she doesn’t hang out with us much. Most of the time, she doesn’t talk to anyone. She’s a sore loser.”
I finished my Cheerios and said goodbye. My first class started in five minutes. I was regretting taking French so early in the morning. The teacher had a way of saying bonjour in such a cheery way it made my bones rattle. Morning people sucked.
By 2 p.m., I was spent and sitting in the student center. When I spied Liddy, I waved to her nonchalantly, enough that I wouldn’t be considered rude, but not so much that people would think I had a connection with a headshrinker. Not that many people actually knew she was one, I guessed.
She took my wave as an invitation. I groaned as she approached, but I still cleared the seat next to me so she could sit down.
“Hi, Paige.”
“Hello, ma’am.”
The ma’am made her smile. “My, aren’t we formal today?”
I fidgeted with my pen. “How was your weekend?”
“Fine. Whatcha doing? Homework?” She motioned to my notebooks and papers.
“Yeah.” Carefully I slid my photocopies under my books. I wasn’t in the mood to deflect questions about them.
“I won’t keep you from it. You look good, Paige. See you Friday.”
Seconds later, Tom sidled up next to me and wrapped his arm over my shoulder. At first, I thought he was going to give me a kiss. Instead, he gave a friendly squeeze.
“How ’bout having lunch with me, Paige?” He slipped into the seat across from me.
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