“Alex is my half-sister.”
“How come you never told me? Why the secret?”
“Why indeed?” I looked towards the horizon, watching a faint purple color make an appearance near the horizon. “I love it here at this time of day.”
“I always wondered where you went on your drives in the middle of the night.” She took my hand. “It’s beautiful.”
“Yes, it is.” I stood stock still, watching the mauve sky turn darker and then start to fade, giving way to a soft pink hue. “There’s a diner around the corner, if you would like to grab some breakfast. I’m sure you have tons of questions.”
Jess squeezed my hand. “Thank you, Paige.”
I glanced at her, puzzled. “What for?”
“For finally letting me in completely.” She rested her head on my chest and put her arm around my waist. “Give me a moment here before we go.”
“You’re the only person I trust completely.”
Her grip around my waist tightened. “I hope that never changes.”
“I don’t see how it could.”
She pulled away. “I could use a hot cup of coffee.”
“Sure. I think you’ll like this dive.”
* * *
Two hours later, I was polishing off a second round of pancakes and bacon.
“I can’t believe it.” Jess shook her head in shock.
“It shocked the hell out of me, too.”
“Poor Abbie,” said Jess.
I set my coffee cup down heavily. “How so?”
“She’s suffered a loss as well, Paige.” Jess stirred more sugar into her fourth cup of coffee. “And she’s all alone at school.”
“I doubt she even knows. Besides, she’s good at keeping her own secrets.”
“Paige, that was years ago. She was just a child—”
“It doesn’t change the fact that she’s never come forward.”
Jess put her palms up. “I understand, I do. It’s just a darn shame, all this stuff your father and mother have put everyone through.”
I laughed. “A darn shame? Careful, Jess, you came close to swearing.”
She playfully slapped my hand. “I think we should pick up more shifts at Julia’s. Knowing this,” she faltered, “we might have to make a quick getaway if something gets leaked. I’m amazed they kept it this quiet this long. It’s only a matter of time.”
I sighed deeply. “I’m not so sure. They seem like Teflon. All of the shit slides off them and the rest of us have to muck it up.”
Chapter Twenty-Four
We had the apartment to ourselves. As I lay on the couch with my head on Jess’s lap, I kept thinking, It’s so quiet. Tom was out with Jake. Karen wasn’t here. No Julia. No Mel. And thank God, no Weasel. It was just the two of us.
Jess ran her hand through my hair. “What are you thinking?”
“How wonderful it is to have some alone time.”
“It is nice, isn’t it?” Jess looked around, appreciating not seeing anyone. No one invading our time.
The quiet didn’t last long. Within minutes, someone knocked on the door.
I pressed against Jess in the hope that she wouldn’t get up to answer the door. She pushed me away, laughing. “Stop that. It might be important.”
“What you mean is, it might be a way for you to butt into someone’s life and fix everything.”
Jess whipped her head around and smiled when she saw that I was teasing. Then she opened the door, or tried to.
The person on the other side shoved the door right into her, crushing her against the wall. I jumped off the couch.
“Where is it?” Davie waved a knife in Jess’s face.
For a moment, I didn’t react.
Jess moved away from the door and positioned herself in front of me.
“Where is it? Answer me!” Davie brandished the knife, waving it in her face. I could see his hand shaking violently from fear. His eyes bulged. His breathing was erratic. He was barely in control.
“You know where it is, Davie,” Jess said calmly.
I tried to look around her, to search her face. How did she know what he was talking about? Why was he threatening her with a knife? What in the fuck was going on?
Perhaps Jess sensed my impulse to rush Davie, because she shoved me further behind her.
“How could you? I thought we were friends…How could you? My son. You stole from my son!” He tapped his chest with the knife. His words oscillated from barely audible to high pitched.
“Listen, Davie, this isn’t a good time. Why don’t we talk about it tomorrow? I’m sure Richard and I will be willing to sit down with you and work this out.”
Richard? Her boss. How was he involved?
Davie laughed manically. “Yeah, sure, Jess. I’m sure Richard would love to hear my side.”
“Davie, can you put the knife away? I can’t talk to you like this.” Jess motioned with both hands for him to set it down on the table.
“You can’t talk like this. Like I give a fuck.” Davie moved forward, as if about to strike.
Jess jumped back, and I closed my eyes. Nothing happened.
That’s when it hit me: I had to do something.
I sidestepped around Jess, straight for Davie.
“Paige, don’t.” Jess’s voice was calm but her eyes betrayed her panic.
I turned to Davie. “I’m sorry, I don’t know what’s going on, but I like you, Davie. How can I help?” I put my palms up, showing I wasn’t going to make a move for the knife.
“You can get my money back.”
“What money?” I nodded sympathetically, keeping my voice soothing.
“The money I raised for my son.” He darted towards Jess and then stopped abruptly. “The money she stole!”
I eyed him for a second and then slowly turned to look into Jess’s eyes. I couldn’t comprehend what I saw.
“I didn’t steal it, Davie. You owed it,” she stated bluntly. “What did you expect me to do? I didn’t take it all, just what you owed.” She planted her feet firmly, bracing for whatever might happen next.
“Wh—?” I couldn’t get the question out. Things were starting to crystallize in my head.
“That money was for my son.”
“You should have paid your debt, then.” Jess crossed her arms defiantly.
“I was working on that. If I don’t pay the hospital, they won’t continue treating my son.”
“Davie, that’s why I want you to sit down with Richard. Explain it to him.”
My gaze darted back and forth between the two, as if I were watching a demented game of ping pong.
“How would you feel, losing someone you love?” Davie stared at Jess, demanding an answer.
Jess didn’t respond, just took a deep breath. Maybe she knew what would happen next, but I didn’t.
In a fluid movement, Davie grabbed me and held the knife to my throat.
I was too shell-shocked to react.
“How does that make you feel, Jess?” He pressed the knife to my skin and I felt a twinge of pain.
“This isn’t helping your situation. You know what will happen.” Jess’s hard voice stunned me.
He backed away toward the door, dragging me with him.
“All right, stop!” Jess shouted. Finally, I saw her resolve cracking, but it didn’t make me feel any better.
He kept dragging me to the door, the knife still scraping my neck.
“I’ll give you the money!”
“Where is it?” he demanded.
“In the back room.”
All of my breath left my body. Part of me still believed that she had nothing to do with this.
“Go get it, or I swear I’ll—”
I felt the knife dig in, but didn’t feel any pain. How was Jess involved in this?
Jess dashed from the room and returned faster than I would have thought possible. She set down a wad that was wrapped in pink paper with a string tied around it. Very girly. It was not the first t
ime I had seen a package like that.
“Open it up!” he shouted.
Jess complied and I saw a flash of green.
I could feel my eyes bulging from my head and I realized at that moment that the pressure from the knife and his arm was cutting off my air. I pulled at his arms frantically.
“Let her go, Davie.” Each word was said with force.
He relaxed his grip and pushed me to the side, but as I started to move away, he said, “Just so you know who you’re dealing with.”
I saw him jump at me with the knife and I put my hands up to protect myself, feeling a stinging sensation on my right wrist. Jess rushed forward and landed a few punches, but so many arms and legs were flailing about, I couldn’t determine if it was Jess hitting me or Davie.
Davie grabbed the money from the table and bolted out the front door.
A warm sensation oozed down my arm, into my hand.
Jess didn’t move towards me. “Are you hurt?”
I continued to stare at the table, where the wad of cash used to be.
“Paige, are you hurt?” She inched closer. Was she afraid?
I slowly lifted my head. I felt as if everything was being played in slow motion.
I felt Jess reach for my arm and apply pressure.
“Shit!” she shouted, but the word was barely audible. She pulled her shirt off and wrapped it around my arm, told me to hold it in place, and then rushed into the kitchen. I heard her on the phone, but didn’t bother to listen. The words were so far away.
“Help is on the way,” she said, reappearing around the kitchen wall. “Why don’t you sit down?” She disappeared behind the wall again. I think she made another phone call. Slowly, I turned my wrist so I could see it. A brownish stain was seeping through the shirt.
Why was everything happening so slowly? Why couldn’t I hear anything?
I glimpsed Jess moving toward me, but she was moving so slowly I didn’t think she’d ever actually reach me. Maybe I was drifting away from her. Then I felt her arms on my shoulders guiding me to the couch. Her lips moved. I craned my neck to catch her words, as if they were falling out of the sky into my ears.
Then I heard a snap.
My cheek burned. Jess had slapped me.
“Jesus, I wish he would hurry up. You’re in shock.” She reached for the afghan on the back of the couch and wrapped me up in it.
I wondered who he was, but didn’t ask.
It seemed like hours later that a man carrying a black bag walked into the room. He unraveled the cloth around my wrist and I saw a gash where my monkey tattoo used to be. The blood smeared all over my arm reminded me of a painting Jess and I had recently seen at the art exhibition. What was the name of the artist?
Another man entered, and he and Jess stood in the corner, whispering to each other. Then that man left abruptly and Jess was at my side again, talking sweetly. I couldn’t hear her words.
When I saw the needle, I realized this was the same guy who had stitched me up once before. But this time, I hadn’t cut myself. Davie. Davie had cut me.
Why?
I couldn’t remember.
I stared into Jess’s eyes, which were filled with tears. One large tear plopped onto my jeans and I watched it spread and melt into the denim. What painting did that remind me of?
Jess said something, but not to me, and the man nodded. Then I saw him plunge the needle into a vial of clear liquid. Before I could react, the needle pricked my skin and entered my vein.
Almost immediately, I let out a long sigh and leaned back on the couch, letting them fiddle with my arm. Their fingers poked and prodded my arm and along my neck. I shut my eyes on the whole thing. I felt like I was drifting off. A smile crept onto my face and I thought, “It’s over. The pain, it’s over.”
I had always wondered how I would die. Now I knew. And I wasn’t scared. I was relieved.
Chapter Twenty-Five
What was that racket? Cautiously, I pried my eyes open and looked around the room. My head hurt. My neck itched and burned. There was pain. Where was the pain?
I heard a scuffle outside the window and ducked under the blanket, fearful. Then I heard a cry. Not human, I thought. I lifted the duvet off my head and peeked out the window. Two cats fought briefly and then the loser scurried away. The victor licked one of its front paws.
Why did I hurt?
I started to pat my body to localize the pain. Slowly, events started to flood my mind. Reaching for my wrist, I winced.
“The cut isn’t too bad.”
Jess leaned against the doorframe, her head resting on the wood. She looked beat. I couldn’t remember the last time I had seen her tired. A blanket wrapped her petite body and she looked tiny. Frail.
I wanted to rush to her, hold her, make it better, but something held me back.
Davie. Jess. The pink money package.
I rubbed my eyes, trying to banish the thoughts. “Why?” I croaked.
She didn’t bother pretending. “It’s a long story, Paige.” Her words sounded flat and lifeless.
“Why can’t I think straight?” I couldn’t move either, I noticed.
“Steve gave you something so you could sleep.”
“Can I have more?”
Jess straightened up. A pitcher of water stood on the nightstand along with a bottle of pills. Cracking the lid off the bottle, she dexterously separated one pill and handed it to me. I eyed it suspiciously, but I didn’t want to face anything at the moment. Jess handed me a glass of water. After I had swallowed the pill, she started to get up.
“Don’t go.”
She sat down hesitantly, not saying anything.
“I don’t want to be alone.”
She held my hand as I felt the medicine slowly kicking in. “What happened to Davie?”
“I don’t know.” She turned her face away from me. “It’s out of my hands.” Her voice seemed full of sadness. “This isn’t how I wanted it to end.”
I wanted to ask if she meant Davie, or us, but sleep overcame me.
* * *
The next time I awoke, it was dark out. The clock displayed 7:00, but I couldn’t make out if it was morning or night. Jess wasn’t in the room, and I smelled bacon cooking. My stomach rumbled. I tried to remember when I had last eaten.
When I walked into the kitchen, Jess had her back to me and was busily flipping pancakes, bacon, and hash browns. She looked so innocent in her violet robe and penguin slippers. How did all of this happen?
I cleared my throat and she turned abruptly, armed with her spatula. My palms darted into the air. “Jesus, it’s just me!”
She lowered her weapon. “Sorry. I haven’t slept much, and I’m a little jumpy.”
The black circles around her eyes made it hard to see her eyeballs. Lines creased her forehead, and I noticed she hadn’t showered lately. Then again, neither had I. All of a sudden, I had a fierce urge to be clean.
“Do you mind if I hop in the shower?”
She nodded that it was fine, but when I went to leave the room, she said, “Wait.”
I turned back to her.
“Don’t get your bandage wet.”
I nodded, disappointed. Things felt awkward, but how could they not? Jess usually set things right, but she was more out of sorts than me. I undressed carefully as I waited for the water to warm up. Once I had removed my shirt and bra, I looked in the mirror. My neck had dozens of microscopic scrape marks, which weren’t all that noticeable unless you really looked for them, more resembling pimples, or a rash. However, they itched like hell and burned when I scratched them. A bruise was forming on my neck as well.
Sighing, I removed my jeans and stepped into the shower. I couldn’t get my right arm wet, so I did the best I could shampooing my hair with one arm. I didn’t even bother with conditioner. Then I lathered soap all over and rinsed off. The shower took less than three minutes.
When I stepped out, Jess was waiting for me with a bathrobe and a towel.
/> “I thought you might need help.”
Neither of us spoke as she dried me off and wrapped the bathrobe around me.
“Why don’t you sit down so I can change your bandage?” She gestured to the toilet and I sat down heavily on the lid.
The sight of the gash made my stomach turn. If Davie had been around the day I’d tried to kill myself, I would have been successful. Not much time would have been needed.
“Do you think he can fix it?” I asked.
Jess looked up at me, tears brimming in her eyes. “What?”
“My tattoo. Why couldn’t Davie have sliced the saying you chose?”
She laughed half-heartedly. “I’m pretty sure Raul can fix it.”
“Good.” I thought for a moment. “Of course, this is more fitting.”
She cocked her head. “How so?”
“Well, another monkey fell out of a tree.”
She squeezed my hand. “You ready to eat?”
I thought for sure she would ask me what I meant, but maybe she was scared to.
“I’ll get the food ready,” I insisted. “Why don’t you shower?”
Silencing her protest, I shut the bathroom door and stayed there until I heard the shower stream. My mind was racing. I briefly considered walking out of the front door and never coming back. Before, only Jess would look for me if I disappeared, but now, even she might not. She might think I didn’t want to be found, especially by her. This was the perfect moment for me to do it. I would never see my parents, sister, or Jess again. A clean break.
Placing my ear to the door, I tried to tell whether she was still in the shower. Then I heard her singing, one of her sad Irish ballads. Her voice, full of melancholy and tenderness floated in the air. For a moment, I thought I had lost my mind, which seemed to search the air above me to find the right one of her words to take with me.
Then I heard Jess twist the shower nozzle off. I wasn’t sad to have missed my opportunity. Scurrying into the kitchen, I grabbed a couple of plates and cutlery to set the table.
Jess appeared within seconds, wearing her bathrobe and with a towel wrapped around her head. Somehow, she had been able to wash the black circles from her eyes. She looked much more refreshed than I felt after my shower.
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