The Star Gazer was a particular hot spot, and with good reason. The three-story club boasted circular balconies on either side that were dedicated dance floors, allowing visitors to lose themselves in music under the stars or amid the clouds when rain was in the forecast. The skies were star-filled that night, however, and club patrons took total advantage of the perfect weather.
Paula broke from the group shortly after they arrived. Eager to escape Linus’s touch and her own lack of resistance to it, she headed off to shed her cares and concerns among the scores of bodies gyrating gleefully both in and outside the club’s stone and tinted glass frame. She didn’t remain unattached for long and found her escape in the arms of more than a few dance partners. She’d just taken the arm of one who offered to show her to the rooftop dance floor, when her arm was claimed by another.
“L—”
“Enough dancing.”
Linus whisked Paula away so smoothly, she barely felt her hand slip from the elbow of the man escorting her.
“Linus.” She was certain he couldn’t hear her over the stirring roar of the music.
The Star Gazer offered dance alcoves for patrons who required more privacy for their movements. The spaces were numerous across the sizable club. Linus found one within moments of them stepping onto the second level.
“I thought you said ‘enough dancing’?” she queried when her back bumped the alcove’s padded black upholstered wall. Her lashes stirred when his voice hummed against her cheek.
“I did.”
“Then why—?”
His tongue claimed her mouth for the second time that night. Unlike before, the claiming this time possessed a ruthless fervor. Paula didn’t try to resist its tug on her every hormone. She met his seeking thrusts with lazier, contented ones of her own. She murmured a complaint when he halted the kiss to slide his mouth down her neck. She felt her feet leaving the thick, deep red carpeting of the alcove floor. Instinctively, her legs encircled his waist as Linus cupped and fondled her bottom. She could feel his lips retracing their heated path along her neck.
“Where was he taking you?”
Paula, becoming increasingly lost in the kiss, didn’t answer. Linus ceased his nips along her neck and gave her bottom a decidedly firmer squeeze before he repeated himself.
“Wha-what?”
“Your partner?”
Awareness flooded Paula’s gaze, but she maintained her bewilderment. “Which one?” She delighted in the shimmer of anger that was unleashed in his rich chocolate eyes.
“You shouldn’t tease me.”
“I thought you had a handle over letting your emotions control you?”
Linus’s expression remained grim, though his voice harbored a noticeably lighter tone when he spoke. “My therapy didn’t cover this part,” he told her.
Paula rested back against the wall. “And exactly what is this?”
“I’ve never been jealous about you, Paula.”
“That’s commendable, considering there’ve been so many things to be jealous of over the years.”
Linus shrugged and allowed his gaze to shift momentarily. “It’s easier to deal with from a newspaper or through a TV screen. In person, though...” He shrugged again.
“I was just dancing with him—them,” she clarified and his striking features sharpened. Then she laughed. “Are you really going to stand there and tell me you’re jealous? From what I’ve heard, you could have your pick of over half the women in Philly to bring down here.”
“Nice to know I’ve got the DA keeping such a good eye on me.”
Paula rolled her eyes and tried to keep her mind off where his fingers were. “Doesn’t take keeping an eye on you to do that,” she said. “You know as many people as I do. Word travels...”
“None of them meant anything to me, Paula.”
“And I do?” Her eyes narrowed and she nudged his chest with hers. “Don’t worry about answering that. It’s normal to let sex with an old flame screw with your head.”
“She’s only screwing with my head because I love her.”
Paula bristled, knowing that an attempt to disentangle herself would be pointless. His hold accentuated a sensual delicateness, but Paula knew that was for form’s sake. One move from her that he didn’t care for, and that delicateness would easily flip to domination.
“Tell me you don’t feel the same,” he demanded before attempting to coax an answer out of her with a slow nibble of her earlobe.
When Paula refused to answer, Linus took his nibbling a step further. He supported her bottom fleetingly before his fingers grazed her middle.
“Tell me you don’t, Paula.”
“I’ll do better than tell you.” The longing coming from her eyes was replaced with accusation. “You don’t love me, L. Not really. Not like you once did.”
“How can you say that?” The sharp edge returned to his features.
“Seriously.” Quiet laughter held the word. “We’ve been back in each other’s lives all of a skinny minute. You can’t feel the same, because back then you trusted me a helluva lot more than you do now.” She gave the briefest of head shakes. “Of course, back then, you kept me in the dark too. Maybe if you hadn’t, I wouldn’t have been blindsided when I found you redecorating our room and accusing me of wanting to steal your piggy bank.”
“I told you what that was about, P.”
“But you haven’t told me all of it. You say you love me, but you won’t or can’t trust me with the full truth.”
“And do you really want that, Paula?” He allowed her to slide down him until her feet returned to the floor. “You really want to know my deepest and darkest parts? Really want to see what made me who I was then, and where it would take me to tell you about it now?”
Paula’s expression changed as a more curious element crept into her gaze. “That’s not who you are now.”
“That’s who I’ll always be at the heart of it. We never lose who we really are, Paula.”
“No, but we do learn how not to be defined by it.”
“And what happens when I—what, Paula? Confess all to you?”
She shook her head again. “No idea. I want the entire truth, because you owe me that.”
As though suddenly depleted, Linus braced his hands on the alcove wall and bowed his head. “The entire truth has nothing to do with you, Paula.”
“And until you see what a load of crap that is, there’s no hope for us.”
“You mean, no hope until I strip myself bare for you? Let you see what I was—” He stopped, shut his eyes then. What he believed he could too easily be again if he opened that door... Linus considered the possibility in silence.
He didn’t need to say more; she understood well enough. Whatever had happened between them—whatever hurts and guilt there were—it didn’t touch the hurt and fear that his past held over him like a storm cloud. How the hell was she supposed to compete with that? How the hell did she convince a man like Linus Brooks that looking weak in front of her was the last thing he ever had to worry about? At any rate, competing with it was exactly what she’d have to do if she expected to get back the man she had never stopped loving.
“So we’re done, is that what you’re saying?” He knocked his fist against the wall and turned. “I screwed up again, didn’t I?”
“No, L.” Paula gave a sad smile. “You just pissed me off. I hear it’s a pretty common thing when the folks involved are stubborn as mules.”
Nodding, Linus rested back on the wall. “So what do we do about it?”
“No idea.” Paula’s sad smile carried a hopeful edge then.
“Do you want us back?” Linus pushed off the wall and then waved off the question. “Don’t answer me. Just think about whether you do. Think about whether you can have us back only on your terms, because it may not be possible for m
e to meet them. I know what I want, Paula, and it’s you.”
He bristled then, as though he were bracing himself to move on to something he was reluctant to speak about. “I want you back, but not if it means you have to compromise yourself. If I’m not willing to do that, it’s wrong for me to expect you to.” Closing the small bit of space between them, he cupped her cheek. “I’m gonna get out of here. Let you enjoy yourself.”
“Line—”
“I need to go, Paula.” He fixed her with a crooked smile. “If I see you on the floor with some other fool, I’m sure to forget everything I’ve learned in my anger management classes.” With those words, he kissed her cheek and left her.
Chapter 10
The group returned to the villa exhausted and eager for sleep. No one turned over until well past noon.
Paula was among the first out of bed. She wanted to check in with her office, as she’d been unfairly relying on her assistants to help with the planning for her annual holiday party. The event had become a tradition during her time in office and was always well attended. With all the legal drama in her office as of late, she hadn’t had as much time to devote to the planning as she usually did. Paula was more determined to have the gathering that year, however. Given the decision she’d made to not seek reelection and to forgo public office for a more private one, her holiday gathering would be the perfect place to make that announcement.
After speaking with her office, she also took time to contact Miranda Bormann to let her know there had been no new developments. Bormann didn’t seem discouraged, and she told Paula she’d be sending a new file within a matter of hours. Following the call, Paula went to scrounge up a cup of coffee and was grateful to find several hot and cold beverage stations located throughout the immense villa.
The convenience saved her from running into Linus. Not that she’d have minded, only...she was still working to process all they’d discussed the night before. He still loved her, and she could admit how nice it was to know he’d never gotten over her just as she’d never gotten over him. He couldn’t tolerate seeing her with other men—such an unnecessary thing for him to worry over. Still, it was nice to hear him admit it just the same. What did surprise her though and had her up and out of bed earlier than she otherwise would’ve been was hearing him tell her he was prepared to walk away if remaining together meant compromising herself.
It was the very last thing she’d expected to hear him say. It also underscored what she’d said about them being two people who were stubborn as mules. Mule-stubborn people didn’t have the word compromise readily available in their vocabularies.
He’d acknowledged that, hadn’t he? He’d said he wouldn’t have her compromised if he wasn’t prepared to be. She’d stewed over those words for the rest of the night and considered her uncompromising nature. It had served her well, but to what end? Sure, she had a stellar career, many accomplishments to speak of, a glamorous social life, blah-blah, but what of the things that mattered? The things that lasted? Things she’d once told herself were the true marks of accomplishment—family, love, commitment. She’d wanted those things with Linus once. When it all fell apart between them, she’d forced herself to accept that they weren’t meant for her and most likely never had been.
Seeing Linus again now, being in such close quarters...she couldn’t deny that she was lying to herself. She still wanted to achieve those true marks of accomplishment, still wanted the security of home and family, and she wanted it with Linus Brooks.
Linus didn’t want her to compromise herself, but maybe that was exactly what she needed to do. Whatever it was that he wouldn’t or couldn’t tell her, it was a heavy weight. Clearly, it still had more of a hold on him than perhaps even he realized. He’d said it wasn’t her that he had been angry with—that she was just...there. Should she let it go? Was the explanation worth demanding if it tortured him so to remember?
There was no time to answer the question in her head. Sophia’s voice rang out.
“Hey, hey, hey! What are you still doing loafing around when a night cruise awaits us?”
“You can’t be serious?” Paula gasped. “I figured this would be a night in after last night?”
Sophia flopped into a lounge chair and rolled her eyes as if to mourn her friend’s lack of imagination. “Plenty of time for nights in when we’re back in snowy Philly.”
Paula only shook her head and sipped more tea. “So what’s up today?”
“Oh, uh, it’s better if you see for yourself, so start getting ready. We need to be at the yacht before sunset.”
“Who’s going?”
“Do you want to know who’s going or who isn’t?”
Paula set aside her tea. “You do know we’re in or near international waters. I’m sure I could get away with any heinous acts I could come up with to take care of one of Philadelphia’s finest.”
“Oh, my friend!” Sophia’s laughter was robust, her gray eyes alight with playful devilry. “I’ve only got evening yachting on the brain. I thought you might like to enjoy it with me and the girls since Linus has been keeping you all to himself lately.”
“Mmm...and he’s been doing that with a lot of help from you.”
“I dare you to tell me you aren’t enjoying it,” Sophia all but purred.
“You remember we’re here for business, right, Soph?”
Sophia sobered a bit. “Has anything broken with Miranda Bormann’s case?”
“Not yet.”
Sophia hiked a brow. “Should I take your tone to mean you think it will?”
“Sophie, I just don’t want to get into something with Linus that I can’t get out of.”
“Ah, hon.” Sophia sent her friend a pitiful look, leaned over from the lounge and smoothed a hand down Paula’s cheek. “I’m afraid you’re too late for that.”
* * *
Linus hadn’t left his suite all day. He’d gotten little in the way of sleep, but he rarely needed more than a few hours to be functional. Besides, he’d already gotten more than his fair share since they’d arrived in Claudette’s Key. He’d devoted time to his portion of duties related to the proposed renovations. He’d also taken another look at the photo file Miranda Bormann had shared.
“There’s probably nothing to it, Este. I just need to ease my curiosity, you know?”
“I’ll get right on it Linus,” Estella Mays promised her boss. “I hope you’re at least spending as much time as you can having a little fun?”
Linus grinned. “Workin’ on it, Este. Thanks.” Ending the call, Linus thought over how he’d been spending his time. He hadn’t spent nearly as much of it with Paula as he’d planned. Of course, as much as he’d planned was pretty much the equivalent of “all the time” so...
Linus grinned in spite of himself and the situation. He left the bed then, preferring a closer view of the calm sea. Standing before the early afternoon skies was just what he needed to soothe his busy mind. All night, he’d replayed the conversation with Paula—particularly his part of the conversation. The part he’d played in ruining them had been a bigger hurdle to climb than the drama that had ignited his anger in the first place.
Last night, he’d told her he was willing to walk away, and what the hell was that about? He finally had her back—sort of—after all this time, and he was offering to walk away? He was willing not to press her to give them another go? How many times in the past had the rage come over him precisely because he had walked away and not fought harder to keep her?
He wouldn’t say he’d crossed any sort of bridge last night, but something had changed. Ironically, it reminded him of the lowest point in his life—one he’d give anything to forget. While he’d never put himself close to having the same level of tolerance to keep fighting as the woman who’d raised him, Linus believed he’d experienced a bit of that when he’d mentioned walking away.
Hard as it was, there was something soul-soothing about doing what needed to be done for the good of a loved one. Such was a core principle of what it meant to love unconditionally. Unconditional love was never a guarantee when it came to lovers, but was easily obtained between parents and children, or grandparents and grandchildren.
Linus squeezed his eyes shut to will away reminders of how that feeling had manifested in his grandmother’s love for him...and his brother. She would have done anything for them because, for her, what mattered was the feeling that surged from doing what needed to be done for a loved one.
He wanted to clench a fist, but resisted the urge. He didn’t want his brother’s treachery justified. After all that had happened, all he’d lost because of it, he wasn’t ready to be saddled with the chore of having to forgive the man.
But isn’t that what you want from Paula? Her forgiveness?
Despising his train of thought, Linus slammed palm to fist and launched a determined pace around his patio. The soothing beauty of the late-afternoon skies was lost on him then, as was the desire to have company who would only be joining in on his grief. Linus heard the quiet rumble of laughter and knew that at least one of his friends had witnessed his display of frustration.
“Not in the mood.” He barely glanced over his shoulder to speak to whomever it was.
“I disagree.” Barker’s voice resonated against the easy breeze. “Looks like you’re in a helluva mood.”
Linus gave in to the grin tugging at his mouth and turned to give Barker the full benefit of it.
In clear approval of the gesture, Barker took the rest of the steps up the side of the patio that led to the shore.
“So I’m in a bad mood.” Linus conceded by spreading his hands slightly. “Why the hell aren’t you in a worse one? All this beauty around us and there you stand—alone. Where’s Ray?”
Seductive Memory Page 12