I shot him a look. More theories?
“You may not believe me, Valcas. And I suppose you don’t have to. My life’s work is to transport silhouettes, to seek the Lost and to heal the broken. I’ve seen many times and places. All of the people I’ve encountered were either alive, a silhouette or a still, lifeless body. And yet, no one has ever visited me from the After Life. But, then, what reason would they have to come to see me?”
Slowly, I released air through my teeth.
He sniffed and changed the subject. “How is Calla?”
“Better.” I pressed out my lower lip. “She gains strength every day.”
“Soon she’ll be ready to support me with the transports.”
“I don’t doubt it.” I met his eyes. The bags underneath them were dark and thick. “You look like you could use some rest yourself. Will you take a break from healing and visit us at the Clock Tower?”
He considered this. “Perhaps that would be a good place to talk to Calla—to make sure she’s ready and wants to help. But first, I must take the silhouettes to a place where they will fade in peace.”
“All together? Won’t they just wake up the next day and have no memory of why they’re there?”
“I have been assembling groups of silhouettes for each of the Lost, mainly individuals who know each other and are related. True, they may be from different stages in life, and it will be a bit confusing at first. But, they will be fascinated by each other.”
“But what about others they come in contact with?”
“No matter, Valcas. I know of places where I can take them, where the days are very long.”
“Very well,” I said, puzzled. “I’ll leave you to that, then.”
Plaka nodded, his big grin stretching across his face. “I will see you back at the Clock Tower.”
I slipped the travel glasses over my eyes and ran, with the Clock Tower in mind. Eager to share the additional details about how the Lost of Susana become Freed.
I RETURNED to the Clock Tower just in time for a fight.
Nick and Ivory stood at the base of the tower, facing each other. Their matching white hair reflected the amethyst sky.
I ripped the travel glasses from my face and gawked.
Ivory stood with her fists clenched, ready to pounce. “I can’t leave—you just don’t understand!”
Nick stood before her with his hands in his pockets, one leg bent and the other straight. His face was relaxed, maybe even amused. “The longer you stay, the deeper the TSTA will sink its claws to secure its grip on you. They’re already tearing us apart.”
With both hands, Ivory divided her ponytail in half, and pulled. “What is it with people like you and Plaka? I need that job, Trav! It’s not like I live in a magical Clock Tower with endless resources.”
“You could trust me to take care of you, love.”
I wanted to say, poorly played, friend, but thought better of it. This was one fight I needed to avoid if I could. But I was also intrigued.
“I don’t want to go into hiding like you. I’m a Chauffer, and I’m good at it. The TSTA respects me. I want to fly, to be useful.”
Nick smirked. “You don’t consider being a Time Keeper useful? I have the ability to port wherever and whenever I want without being watched by the TSTA.” I frowned in agreement as I attempted to tiptoe past the dueling pair. Nodding toward me, Nick added, “And I’ve been able to successfully avoid suffering the side effects of unofficial objects.”
So much for remaining a neutral party. “She does have a point, though, Nick,” I said, grinning. “Ivory wouldn’t want to be caged up, even if that were possible.”
“Go ahead and laugh it up, boys. I’m out of here. Key or no key, I’ll find a way. I need to go back to TSTA Headquarters to make sure I still have a job to return to.” She turned toward the Clock Tower and tugged at her ponytail. “Argh!”
Funny. She never seemed to have any problem cracking jokes when I was the subject of scrutiny. Nevertheless, I probably should have kept my mouth shut.
“Fine, love. I’ll port you through. But now that you know where I am, I hope you’ll at least consider my offer.”
Silence. The steam from Ivory’s eyes could have baked a cake.
“Well then, I’m sure you’ll have plenty of time to mull it over. Alone, while flying.” Nick darted up the Clock Tower to the dark blue portal to the TSTA.
Ivory followed. Her silence was almost worse than her verbal jabs.
From above I could hear Nick’s voice. “Foot, please.”
I snorted as they disappeared.
From my perspective, Nick returned in a blink, which made sense, even though he had to leave Ray’s office to find the return portal. After their rough departure, there was no reason for a long good-bye, especially given that the TSTA was still after him for his contributory infraction.
“Ah,” Nick said as he descended the Clock Tower. “I’m sorry you had to see that, friend. Even the most beautiful people can be ugly sometimes. We’ll make up later, I’m sure…with glowers and chocolate.”
My brow furrowed. “Don’t you mean flowers and chocolate?”
Nick laughed. “Not at all. With Ivory, everything’s a glower of sorts.”
We moved inside the Clock Tower.
“It’s a pity, though, being a Time Keeper.” He closed the door behind us. “Especially when I can’t keep what I want the most. There’s no key for that.”
Sadly, I understood. I wasn’t sure I’d get to keep what I wanted either.
RAY AND Calla sat on the floor of Nick’s loft, facing each other, their heads bowed in conversation.
I envied his ease around her. He never tried too hard. She seemed comfortable around him too. But there was something missing. Chemistry, maybe? When she smiled at him, it was as if she were greeting a sibling. I wondered if he felt the same way. It was also possible that I misconstrued Calla’s feelings toward him.
I don’t want Ray, Valcas!
Her words rang in my head, the words she’d used the night she’d run from the Workshop in the Woods, after I’d turned her away. Words that I’d burned into the travel glasses, and played back repeatedly when I wanted them to be true. I was both angered and relieved to hear them then.
“Calla?”
She and Ray stopped talking and turned to me.
“Hey, Valcas,” he said, ruffling a hand through his hair. “Have you heard from Plaka?”
“Yes, he’s made significant progress freeing the Lost. He’ll be visiting us soon, after he transports a group of silhouettes out of Susana.” I briefly described what Plaka had shown me—the reunion of silhouettes, the fading of the man’s Uproar and his disappearance into thin air.
Ray stared, taking it all in. “That’s wonderful. Does he need help?”
I looked at Calla. “Yes.”
Her eyes widened. “My father wants me to help him free the Lost? Already?”
“Of course he does,” said Ray. He placed a hand on her upper arm and studied her face. “You’re not afraid of your talent, are you?”
She shook her head, once, quickly.
“Good.” Ray stretched his legs and sat up, then held out his hand to Calla.
Nick cleared his throat. “Ivory’s returned to the TSTA. Do you need me to port you back as well, Ray?”
I tensed. He’d walked inside with me, but I’d completely forgotten about him when I’d seen Ray and Calla together.
“I should go back soon,” said Ray, “but I was granted an extended leave, in case I could find something useful for the files. I’m still technically on the clock.”
Nick balked.
Ray raised his hands. “Don’t worry. I have no intention of turning you in, or revealing what I know about Susana.” He rubbed the area on his ribs where we all knew his tattoo was located.
“I certainly hope not, friend. How about you and I go find groceries for dinner so we’ll have something prepared for when Plaka arrives?”
<
br /> Ray glanced at Calla, as if asking permission. “Sure, no problem. Dinner would be good. See you later, guys.”
Nick and Ray’s footsteps echoed in the stairwell. Calla and I remained in the loft, avoiding each other’s eyes.
I exhaled a breath. “How are you feeling?”
“Not quite ready to battle an Uproar, but a lot better than when you found me.”
“Excellent.”
“And you?”
I started, surprised by the question.
“I’ve been better. I—”
She lunged. Her arms wrapped around me. I leaned my head down toward her and rested my cheek on the top of her head. I’d forgotten how tiny she was. Carefully, I returned the hug. We stayed like that for a few moments.
She sucked in a shaky breath. “Can I talk to you about something?”
“Dearest…of course. We have plenty to discuss.” I pulled her over to a pair of floor cushions. A couch, or a table with chairs, would have been nice, but that wasn’t Nick’s style.
Calla looked at me, expectantly, with wide eyes. Gray eyes. Now I had some idea of what it felt like when I’d looked that way to her, before the Fire Falls had restored my own eyes. Even with all of the traveling I’d been doing lately with the travel glasses, my irises still had some color left to them. I had no intention of dragging us through the Fire Falls again to restore our appearances. I had Calla back, and that was all that mattered. The question was whether I would get to keep her this time. Whether we could make it work. Or whether it was a fanciful dream.
“There’s something I need to tell you,” we both said at the same time.
“Ladies first.”
Her face hardened. “The Uproar didn’t chase me to Susana.”
My stomach dropped to the floor.
“What do you mean?” I’d hoped that was how she’d ended up there, without me being present for the Uproar to attack her. Responsibility plagued me all over again.
“I became Lost, by myself, without it.” She lowered her head. “I didn’t see the Uproar again until it found me, trapped in Susana near the dock and the silver copy of Lake Winston.”
“How did this happen?” I said, trying to keep the stress out of my voice. It couldn’t have been her fault. She was recovering, and I couldn’t let her think I was upset with her.
“I kept running. After you rejected me—I couldn’t stop. I feel foolish now, that I overreacted. But it just hit me so hard. I looked for comfort, in all the wrong places.”
My jaws nearly popped under pressure. “What kinds of places?”
“The White Tower.” She gulped as if trying to swallow peanut butter.
All right, I could accept that. Perhaps she’d returned to the past version of me that I’d seen recorded in her pair of travel glasses. “Where else?”
She breathed. “The White Tower.”
“Again?”
“Yes.”
“Anywhere else?”
Her cheeks bloomed red. “The—the White Tower.”
My breath quickened. What did she mean? I took her hand in mine. “I don’t understand. All that time you were looking for me? Wasn’t I, or rather, weren’t my silhouettes there?”
She dropped her head and studied a frayed edge of the floor cushion. I tilted her chin up back up, toward me. “You have nothing to be embarrassed or ashamed of. I can’t judge you, especially when I should be asking for your forgiveness. What happened, dearest?”
“You—you rejected me.”
I felt a twinge in my chest. “Again, I’m extremely sorry for what happened at the Workshop in the Woods—”
“No, not there,” she said. “At the White Tower. You—your past-self—rejected me. Over and over. You wanted nothing to do with me. All of you pushed me away.”
I held her close to me as I tried to process what she was saying.
“I kept going back, using the travel glasses. Trying to find a version of you that would remember me, that would accept me. I couldn’t bring myself to insert another Daily Reminder into your past. And I knew that your presently existing-self wanted nothing to do with me. All of you, every shade of you in every place and time was done with me. And there was nothing I could do to change that.”
“I TRANSPORTED to Susana just like everyone else there, only I hadn’t been chased by the Uproar or The Chars,” Calla continued. “Before I knew it, I felt half-alive and half-dead, in a world that was part real and part illusion. My space in Susana felt as real as it had at Lake Winston. I knew the water was silver, but I didn’t care. I felt the Uproar attacking me, but I couldn’t flinch. Each time it attacked, I felt weaker, more helpless, more scared. I couldn’t protect anyone around me from being attacked. And worst of all, I couldn’t find you.”
Her explanation tore at my heart. It bled, soaking the inside of my chest.
“I had no idea. I’m so sorry.”
“I don’t blame you,” she breathed. “I was stupid to think I’d be that important to you. I lost sight of everything else that mattered. So stupid.”
I traced the line along her cheekbone. “You’re not stupid. You’re brave, and talented. I can’t believe you were searching for me all that time, while I sat back and wasted it.”
Calla stared at me, her gray eyes misted with grief. Shame grasped me by the throat and refused to let go. I let myself choke a while longer before explaining. “At first, I didn’t try to search for you. I thought that my presence was what attracted the Uproar to you. I didn’t want you to die…because of me.”
“That’s why you rejected me?”
“Perhaps the feeling was so strong that every version of me followed suit, to protect you—having no idea that it didn’t help at all.”
She drew in a quick breath. “I thought it was strange. Several times I noticed the Uproar was only present when you were there.”
I nodded. “And so I tried to end it, even though I fully knew that the Uproar had been after Plaka before he disappeared behind the Fire Falls.”
“Then why do you think it attacked when you were with me?”
I shrugged. “I don’t know. At first I thought it had to do with a bond between us, something I suppose I secretly hoped existed. And because—” Should I tell her?
“And?”
“And because I’d experienced something similar with someone else.”
“Someone else?” Blood drained from her cheeks. “You mean like a girlfriend?”
Why couldn’t I say anything the right way? “Not another woman, a family member. An Uproar killed my father. It happened after a series of attacks, all of which occurred while I was present. I’d assumed it was my fault. That I had something to do with it.” I lowered my head, feeling foolish on multiple levels. “I’d even turned myself in…to the TSTA.”
I pulled the declaration from my pocket, my admission to my part in my father’s death. Not that it mattered anymore. It may have never been true. Still, my breathing paused as she read it.
A light flickered inside the grays of her eyes, as if the last few pieces of a puzzle had dropped into place. “Your father, Jim Hall.”
“It was bound to happen, eventually, given the disparity in my parents’ timelines—Earth’s England versus Aboreal. But I’d always thought I’d sped up the process by being the cause of his Uproar attacks. I’d convinced myself that the time I spent alone was meant to protect them, that they’d left me for long periods of time, because the time I spent with him caused him pain.”
Through gritted teeth, I added, “Shortly afterward, I met Plaka, who became my Healer.”
She held my hand, making small circles along the top of it with her thumb. “So, the very little amount of time you spent with your father ended in Uproar attacks? That’s terrible. I’m so sorry.”
“Not as sorry as my mother was. She didn’t blame me, of course. She’d been prepared for him to die much earlier than she would. But it still came as a shock. I’m just happy that the Uproar—yours and Plaka�
��s—is gone now, that it disappeared when you were freed from Susana.”
Calla casually flipped the declaration to the other side. I cringed with her as she read the part I’d written about how I’d thought the same horrifying events had happened to her—that she’d been in danger all because I was near.
I pretended not to notice as Calla handed the declaration back to me with fresh tears in her eyes.
I folded the paper and shoved it back in my pocket.
Her lips bowed downward. “Does the same thing happen with The Chars? Do they also disappear when their Lost are set free?”
“I haven’t asked Plaka, but I expect so. I hadn’t known they were similar to Uproars in terms of feeding off the Lost.” My skin crawled. I had Chars of my own to worry about. Worse yet, I had three of them.
“Valcas?”
I tried to relax, figuring I’d tensed when I thought about The Chars that were still after me. Since I was being so open, I saw no point in avoiding her question. “At various times throughout my travels I’ve encountered The Chars. It’s always the same exact three.”
Calla groaned. “We have to figure out how to eliminate them, to get them away from you—from everyone.”
“Or we need to find a way to empty Susana, to free all of the Lost and the beings that drive them there. Now we know why you and Plaka are so important. It’s more than just being able to heal people who are Lost. We’ve learned there are varying degrees of lost. Those occupying Susana are deserving of a capital L. You and Plaka can free them, too.”
“And we will.”
Hearing her say so was wonderful; her strength and resolve warmed me. A great burden lifted from me. I’d been able to explain, and she didn’t hate me for it. Never in my wildest dreams could I have imagined Calla had been searching for me. More wondrous yet was that she didn’t blame me, she blamed herself. And somehow she had it in her to thank me for finding her, when really it was a team effort.
But that didn’t solve Us. She’d warmed toward me time and again. I’d pushed her away, as did past versions of me. How could I have done that? Unless, subconsciously, I knew that our relationship couldn’t be because of a deeper problem, one less solvable. That each of us was bound by the discrepancy of our timelines.
Time for the Lost Page 9