When they were together, Gideon felt complete, as if Naomi filled the emptiness deep inside him. Perhaps that was the reason he thought of her so often and even dreamed of her. Perhaps that was the reason the time he’d spent on the range had seemed endless. Perhaps that was the reason he wanted to be with her, not just for the duration of his mother’s visit but forever.
He closed his eyes and bit back a groan. It didn’t matter how much he wanted Naomi as his wife. Gideon knew that would never happen, for there was an insurmountable obstacle between them: God.
An hour later, he tucked Naomi’s hand into the crook of his elbow and escorted her down the church steps. “Why do you think God loves you?” he asked as they headed north on Ferguson, trailing the two mothers on their way back to Gideon’s home. His question was more than an idle one. If he had any hope of breaking down the barrier to their life together, he needed to understand why Naomi was assured of God’s love. Though Gideon felt peace steal over him during the services, he still had no evidence that God loved him.
Naomi looked up at him, her eyes so filled with joy that envy speared him. What must it be like to have such comfort? “I don’t think God loves me,” she said. “I know it.”
“How? What happened to make you so sure?” This was a strange conversation to be having as they walked along one of Cheyenne’s most elegant streets, nodding at passersby as they traveled the two blocks to Gideon’s home, but an urgency he could not explain compelled him to keep probing.
Naomi paused and turned so she was facing him. This time her expression was solemn, as if she realized how important the discussion was. “I’ve seen the evidence. Whenever I most needed something, God provided.”
Did she know how fortunate she was? Gideon hoped so, because his experiences had been far different. “Can you give me an example?”
“I’ll give you two. You know my mother used to be a seamstress. Late last year her eyesight became so bad that she could no longer sew. At the same time, I lost my position as cook at the boardinghouse down the street. No matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t find other work. Sooner than I thought possible, our savings were depleted. I didn’t know what to do other than pray for help. That same day I saw a sign in the bakery window, saying that Esther was looking for an assistant. The money I made there kept Ma and me from being evicted.”
It was no wonder Naomi’s faith was so strong. Her prayers had been answered. Gideon’s had not. “You said you had two examples.”
She smiled, the sweetness of her smile setting his pulse to racing. “You were the second answer to prayer. I knew it would take a miracle to find the money to save Ma’s sight, so I prayed for a miracle. The next day you proposed our engagement. That wasn’t coincidence, Gideon. That was God’s hand. He brought you into that bakery at exactly the right time to hear about my problem and then solve it.”
Gideon had been told that God had a sense of humor. Perhaps this was an example of it, making a man like Gideon, a man who didn’t believe in God’s love, His instrument. “I can see why you believe that God was at work,” he told Naomi. “The problem is, He’s never once answered my prayers.”
“Are you certain of that?”
Remembering his father’s and brothers’ graves, Gideon nodded. “I am.”
“I can’t believe I’m here.” Though she’d admired the building that was one of Cheyenne’s landmarks from the exterior, this was Naomi’s first time inside the Opera House. The grand staircase, the chandelier with its fifty-two electric lights, and the skylights that loomed overhead were even more magnificent than she’d heard. “I feel like Cinderella again.”
Gideon laid his hand over hers and squeezed it as he smiled. “You’re more beautiful than Cinderella ever dreamed of being.”
Though her pulse raced as much from the touch of his hand as his effusive words, Naomi pretended to be unaffected. “I keep telling you it’s due to Madame Charlotte.” Tonight’s gown was a ruby-red creation with deceptively simple lines and intricate beading on the bodice. The combination was more than eye-catching. It was stunning.
Knowing this was probably the only chance she’d have to wear the gown and her sole opportunity to visit the Opera House, Naomi was determined to enjoy every minute of the evening. In little more than a month, Mrs. Carlisle would be on her way home, and the engagement would be over.
Naomi tried not to frown. She wished—oh, how she wished—that the engagement didn’t have to end. Though she wasn’t certain how or when it had happened, Naomi could not deny that her feelings for Gideon were deeper than she’d thought possible. Everything she did, every thought she had centered on him. When she was spreading filling on the cinnamon buns this morning, she thought of how Gideon would make a show of sniffing the air when he smelled their distinctive aroma. When she was dressing her hair tonight, she remembered how a lock had come loose one day and he’d touched it, telling her it was softer than the finest silk.
She’d even begun to dream of Gideon. The dreams were always the same, with Naomi walking down the church aisle toward him, the smile on her face matching the joy she saw shining from his eyes. But the dreams invariably ended before she reached him.
Even though she woke with tears staining her cheeks, Naomi knew that was as it had to be. No matter how deeply she cared for him, she could not marry Gideon, just as she could not marry any man who dismissed God’s love. She’d hoped and prayed that the time they spent in church and their discussions of God’s grace would open Gideon’s heart and that he would recognize all the gifts he’d been given, but so far it hadn’t happened.
“Let’s agree to disagree.”
Naomi stared at Gideon in confusion. Had he read her thoughts? Of course he hadn’t, she realized a second later. He was talking about her gown, not God’s love.
“All right,” she said with a forced smile. “I hope we don’t disagree about the opera.”
They did not. When it ended, they admitted that while they’d enjoyed the music, they both wished they’d been able to understand the lyrics.
“It’s too nice a night to spend inside,” Gideon said as they moved slowly down the staircase toward the exit. “Would you like to walk in the park?”
Naomi nodded. “City Park is one of my favorite places.” Though it had been only four years since the city had planted trees, the cottonwoods had grown quickly. Combined with the curving paths and beds of flowers, they made it a lovely place to visit.
A few minutes later, Naomi and Gideon were strolling with her hand on his arm, admiring the flowers, talking about everything and nothing until they reached the center of the park. As if this was his destination, Gideon paused next to the fountain, then turned toward her. Though the night was moonless, the park’s lights illuminated his face, revealing the uncertainty in his eyes. Whatever he was about to say worried him. Naomi wanted to reassure him, but she could not, for she was unable to read his thoughts.
“I told myself I would wait, but I can’t wait another day.” Reaching forward, Gideon took both of her hands in his. With one finger, he touched the ring on her left hand. “I know this was supposed to be a business arrangement, but it’s become far more than that for me.”
For her, too. Naomi’s pulse began to leap at the thought that Gideon shared her feelings.
He took a shallow breath, exhaling as he said, “The way I feel about you has nothing to do with business. My heart races when I see you, and when we’re apart, I can’t think of anything but you. I love you, Naomi.”
She had told him she felt like Cinderella, and she did—now more than ever. Naomi stared at the man she loved so dearly. Gideon was her very own Prince Charming, and here he was in one of the most romantic spots in Cheyenne, declaring his love.
“I don’t want to live without you,” he said, raising her hand to his lips and pressing a kiss on her gloved fingertips. “Will you make this a real engagement? Will you marry me?”
The happiness that swept through her shocked Naomi with it
s intensity. She’d never felt like this, never even dreamed that such happiness was possible. But, like Cinderella’s night at the ball, it could not last. A second later, reality crashed through the fragile bubble of happiness.
“Oh, Gideon, I wish I could. I love you.” She tugged one hand free and cupped his cheek, wanting him to know how deep that love was. “I want nothing more than to be your wife, but I can’t.” What separated them was far more important than a fairytale carriage being turned back into a pumpkin. What separated them was the matter of life and death, eternal life or never-ending death.
Tears welled in her eyes as she gazed at Gideon. “You know how important my faith is to me. No matter how much I love you—and I do love you—I cannot marry someone who does not share that faith. I’m sorry, Gideon. So sorry.”
Chapter 8
Naomi’s rejection hurt more than anything he could remember, more even than the time a bully had punched him in the stomach, knocking the breath from him. Gideon tried not to wince, but the pain was so deep it was physical. He shouldn’t have asked her. Before tonight he’d had hope, but now that was gone, replaced by the bittersweet knowledge that she loved him as deeply as he did her but that they had no future.
That hurt. Oh, how it hurt! And yet Gideon was filled with admiration for her. Once again Naomi had proven to be a woman of unflinching integrity. No matter how it pained her, and he could see that it did, she would not compromise her principles.
“I’d give almost anything to change your mind,” he told her, “but I won’t lie to you.”
The light from the street lamp cast shadows over her face, yet he could see the anguish in her eyes. “I know.”
Gideon took Naomi’s arm, suddenly eager to leave what he had thought would be a romantic spot. “I’m not sure what to tell my mother,” he said as they walked toward the park’s entrance.
“There’s nothing to tell her. We’ll continue as before until she leaves.”
And they did. It must have been a convincing performance, because Mother had given no sign that she realized anything was different. It was only Gideon who knew that everything had changed. He’d had a glimpse of love and happily-ever-after, and it had been snatched from him. He wouldn’t dwell on that. Not today. Today he had a call to make.
“This is most irregular.” The white-haired doctor whom Doc Winston had introduced as Dr. Hibbard frowned. “I cannot discuss a patient’s condition with someone outside the family.”
Doc intervened, taking advantage of the fact that they were in his office and Naomi’s mother was his patient. “Mr. Carlisle is soon to wed Mrs. Towson’s daughter.”
Though that wasn’t true, Gideon had no intention of admitting that, especially not now. He needed to know what Naomi and her mother would be facing tomorrow. “Perhaps you could describe a hypothetical case, one with similar surgery, for a woman of Mrs. Towson’s age. How long would such an operation take?”
Dr. Hibbard relaxed. “That’s a perfectly valid question, and one I’m happy to answer. If all goes well, such an operation should require no more than an hour. If there are complications, which sometimes occur, it could be up to two hours. Anything longer than that and the prognosis is dubious. Surgery of that length would indicate serious problems.”
“And what might those problems be?” Gideon wanted to learn everything he could before he brought Naomi’s mother here.
The older doctor listed a mind-numbing number of possible complications, all of which made Gideon’s skin crawl. As if he’d seen Gideon’s reaction, Doc Winston spoke. “We’ve both examined Mrs. Towson and have no reason to believe there will be complications.”
“Have you explained everything to Naomi?”
Doc shook his head. “We don’t want to worry her unnecessarily. I would suggest you follow our example.”
Gideon did, even though it meant he’d passed a sleepless night. Today, despite Naomi’s protests, he’d brought his carriage to their house and had escorted both her and her mother to the doctor’s office. Now he was seated next to Naomi in the small waiting room while the two doctors attempted to save her mother’s vision.
“You don’t need to stay with me.” Though she was unable to hide the fear in her eyes, Naomi’s voice was calm. “I hate to think of your mother being alone.”
“She’s fine. As a matter of fact, she’s having a fitting at Madame Charlotte’s today. I couldn’t convince her that she has more than enough dresses at home, so she visited Élan yesterday and arranged an appointment.”
Gideon didn’t care how many gowns his mother bought, and he knew Naomi didn’t, either. He was simply talking to avoid looking at his watch. The first hour had passed, and though he didn’t want to know how long it had been since he’d last checked, he couldn’t stop himself. Reaching into his watch pocket, he pulled out the fancy gold timepiece that had once been his father’s and opened the case. As he had feared, it had been more than two hours since the surgery had begun. The doctors had found complications—serious complications.
Gideon looked at Naomi, his heart aching at the thought of what this could mean to her. Dr. Hibbard had been frank in saying that death was a very real possibility if the surgery extended too long. This had been much too long.
Gideon clenched his fists. He couldn’t just sit here doing nothing. There had to be some way to help. But how? He knew nothing about medicine, and even if he did, Dr. Hibbard was the expert on this type of surgery. That was why Doc Winston had summoned him. If Dr. Hibbard couldn’t help Mrs. Towson, no one could.
As his gaze rested on Naomi, Gideon knew that wasn’t true. There was One with infinitely more power than Dr. Hibbard. According to Naomi, He answered her prayers. Though He’d ignored Gideon in the past, Gideon had to try. He had to do everything he could to help Naomi’s mother.
“Is something wrong?” For the first time since they’d entered the waiting room, Naomi’s voice registered concern.
“Why did you ask?” Gideon didn’t want to answer directly for fear of frightening her.
“You look so solemn.”
It was no wonder he looked solemn. He was more worried than he’d been in many years. “I want to pray,” he admitted, “but I’m not certain how to begin.”
Surprise flitted across Naomi’s face, followed by unmistakable happiness. “You don’t need fancy words. Just tell God what’s in your heart.”
Would He listen? Would He answer Gideon’s prayers today? There was only one way to know. Gideon slid to his knees and bowed his head.
“I’m not sure You’re listening,” he said softly. “I wouldn’t blame You if You weren’t. What kind of child am I if I only talk to You when I need help?” There was no answer, but Gideon hadn’t expected one. He continued. “I hope You’re listening today, because Naomi’s mother needs You. I ask that You guide the doctors. Show them what to do to restore her sight.” He paused for a moment, searching for the words to express all that he felt. Swallowing deeply, he said, “I know You have the power to do this.”
As he murmured an amen, Gideon felt peace settle over him like a warm blanket on a cold night. He didn’t know how long he knelt there, feeling lighter and freer than ever before, but gradually the feeling changed as images floated through his brain.
He remembered the morning he’d broken his arm and heard the doctor say it might not heal properly, but it had. Then there was the afternoon he’d found Mother weeping after Father and his brothers died. Gideon hadn’t known how to comfort her, but the next day a stray dog appeared on their doorstep. That dog became Mother’s companion and brought her the comfort her son hadn’t been able to express. And then there’d been the day Gideon had worried about how to satisfy Mother’s demand that he find a bride and how Naomi’s inability to pay for her mother’s surgery had occurred at exactly the same time.
A smile crossed Gideon’s face as he realized how wrong he’d been. God had answered his prayers all along. He simply hadn’t recognized it. Gideon might neve
r understand why God had let Father and his brothers die, but he knew as surely as the September sun was shining outside that there had been a reason. A good reason. And he knew that God had heard his prayer for Naomi’s mother and that He would answer it. . .in His way.
Though she didn’t want to intrude on what was obviously a private moment, Naomi couldn’t help watching Gideon. He knelt there, a broken and battered man, but when he raised his head, the tension that had marked his face was gone, replaced by what she could describe only as peace. Gideon’s prayers had been answered, and so had hers: the man she loved had opened his heart and let God in. Closing her eyes, Naomi uttered a silent prayer of thanksgiving.
It was perhaps five minutes later that Gideon rose and reached for Naomi’s hands, drawing her to her feet. “You were right,” he said, his voice so filled with joy that she wanted to weep from sheer relief and happiness. “God does answer prayer. Not only yours, but mine, too. I was just too blind to see that.”
Tears of joy welled in her eyes, and Naomi felt her throat thicken. Somehow she managed to speak. “Oh, Gideon. I’m so happy.”
“And you haven’t even heard my news.”
They both turned at the sound of Doc Winston’s voice. His smile and the relaxed lines of his face left no doubt of the outcome.
“The surgery was successful.” Naomi made it a statement rather than a question.
“Yes. I won’t deny that it was challenging. The disease had progressed further than either of us had realized, but Dr. Hibbard is confident that your mother will make a complete recovery. It will take several weeks before she can resume all her normal activities, but she should notice improvement every day.”
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