A smile erupted on her face, making her feel light, and dare she say it, happy. It was more than just a new dress. It represented a new beginning for Aggie.
“I ac-accept yer k-kind g-gift, Frederick,” she said warmly as she held out her hands.
How or why her smile had such a profound effect on his heart, he had no earthly idea. Frederick believed he was not so naive as to believe he loved his wee wife. Nay, love was as fleeting and attainable as holding fog in your hands. A great fondness? Mayhap, but nothing more than that. Still, the warmth he felt in his heart as he watched that sweet, bright smile of hers erupt like the sun coming up on the horizon was a feeling he did, in truth, enjoy. He doubted he would ever tire of seeing it.
“There be more, Aggie,” he said as he lifted a chemise and yellow slippers from the bed. He held them out for her review.
Aggie’s smile brightened. “Ye jest!” she exclaimed.
Frederick chuckled as he took great delight in watching her excitement. “Nay, I do no’ jest.” He handed her the garment and slippers.
Aggie carefully accepted the gifts that he laid across her arms. She nuzzled the soft fabric of the chemise against her cheek. She took in a deep breath of air as she closed her eyes and caressed the fabric. “’Tis as soft as yer tunic,” she proclaimed. Moments later, she opened her eyes and took a close look at the slippers. “The slippers, they m-match the g-gown. I’ve never had slippers! B-boots aplenty, b-but never slippers.” Her eyes grew damp as they filled with gratitude.
Though he never thought it possible, his heart felt as though it had grown twice its natural size.
“I do no’ k-ken where I’ll wear such fine things,” she said with shake of her head. “I dunna have a t-trunk t-to keep them s-safe. Can I use yers?”
Frederick chuckled. “Lass, these things are meant to be worn every day, no’ just fer special occasions. And there be more fine dresses comin’ yer way soon.”
“Och! Nay! Wh-what if I s-s-spill somethin’ on it?” she argued.
“Then I’ll have Rose make ye another.”
Aggie gave him a look that said she thought him quite insane. “The c-cows will g-go d-dry if I show up to milk them in s-such a f-fine dress!”
Frederick looked stunned for a moment. “Me wife will no’ be milkin’ cows anymore. Yer the chatelaine of the keep, Aggie and it’s high time ye were treated as such.”
Astonished, she shook her head. “Me? Ch-chatelaine? Ye have lost yer mind, Frederick. Me da will never allow that to happen.”
His smile was immediately replaced with a look of disgust. “Yer da has nothin’ to say in that matter. Ye be my wife now, ye ken? And I’ll no’ have me beautiful wife traipsing around milkin’ cows and workin’ her fingers to the bone.”
That was twice now that he’s referred to me as beautiful. Mayhap he is insane. She felt the heat rise from her neck to the top of her head and warned herself against putting much stock in his words. Believing her husband was nothing more than a flatterer who didn’t truly believe the words he spoke, she decided to ignore his sweet comment.
Sixteen
AS PROMISED, FREDERICK took Aggie for a walk later that afternoon. It took a bit of insisting to get her to wear the beautiful yellow gown, new chemise and slippers, but he prevailed in the end. With her hand safely ensconced in his elbow, Frederick proudly led her out of their room and down the staircase.
No one was about, save for three of Mermadak’s men, huddled together at a table near the fireplace. Their whispers came to an abrupt halt when Frederick and Aggie entered the room. Aggie drew her shoulders in and cast her eyes to the ground.
Anger grew in Frederick’s belly when he both felt and saw her automatic acquiescence toward the three men. If anyone were to acquiesce, Frederick vowed, it would be the clans people acquiescing to his wife.
He leaned in and whispered softly. “Do no’ hang yer head in shame, Aggie. Ye be me wife.”
Stunned at the way his breath felt on her skin as well as the tone of his voice—firm yet kind—Aggie’s eyes grew wide and her skin turned a brilliant red. She cast him a questioning, are ye certain, look. Patting her hand gently with his, he nodded reassuringly. He could not resist a smile of his own when Aggie lifted her head proudly as he led her out of the keep.
Ian and Findal fell quietly in step behind Frederick and his wee wife. Aggie was oblivious to them. Her concentration was focused solely on the task of not getting her new gown or slippers dirty.
Frederick led his wife across the courtyard and toward the large main entry gate. The nearer they came to the gate, the more tense Aggie became. Her fingers dug into the crook of Frederick’s arm and her breath became ragged. He knew panic when he saw it.
Pausing before the gate, he shouted up his command for the gate to be lifted. He felt Aggie shudder. “Are ye well?”
She swallowed hard and gave a curt nod, but said nothing. Frederick gave her hand another reassuring pat as he watched the gate lift.
“’Tis a fine day fer a walk, aye?” he asked as he took a step forward. Aggie remained firmly planted.
Frederick stopped and studied her for a moment. “Be there a problem?”
Aggie looked up at him and whispered. “Where are ye t-takin’ m-me?”
“Fer a walk,” he answered.
“Outside th-the walls?”
“Aye,” he answered, growing more puzzled by her questions. “I did tell ye we’d be takin’ a walk, did I no’?”
She nodded and looked ahead. ’Tis just a walk. If he takes ye too far from the walls, ye can lie and say ye be tired. She tried to convince herself that all would be well.
Not since that ugly day ten years ago had she stepped outside the walls of the keep unless she was forced to, and never alone. Going beyond the walls of the keep was at best daunting, and at worst, terrifying.
Patiently, Frederick waited for Aggie to take a cautious step forward. Silently, he worried over why she seemed terrified to walk with him. Taking a chance at a guess, he spoke. “Aggie, do no’ worry it. I’ll no’ leave yer side.”
Lumps the size of walnuts lodged in her throat, her fingers trembled and her legs felt as strong as warm porridge. She longed for the carefree days of her childhood. The time before everything went so horribly wrong and her life was forever altered. The time before, when she had no scars and could speak plainly. The time before she was so utterly afraid to step outside the walls of the keep.
Frederick’s voice sounded muffled and far away as they walked down the path that led to the loch. Aggie couldn’t hear him, could barely feel his presence beside her. She’d withdrawn into that safe place she’d been taking herself for years. That place where she could go numb and block out the world around her.
Her place of refuge was as black as pitch and void of sound and images. Best of all, she couldn’t feel much of anything. Whether it be the lash of her father’s whips or the abject fear of something. No matter her reasons for needing to go there, taking herself away was the one thing that helped her survive all these years.
It seemed as though each time she was forced to go to that black place, it took longer and longer to return to the present. Aggie worried that one day she’d draw herself away from reality and never come back. Sometimes that didn’t seem like such a bad plan. If it weren’t for Ailrig and Rose needing her, Aggie would have remained away, for there would have been no reason to return.
Being outside the walls of the keep oft times brought back the memories of that horrible day. The fear of being alone and raped again often reared its ugly head, mocking, teasing, tormenting. Today was no different.
It mattered not that her husband was beside her. They were still strangers who were only just getting acquainted. Though he begged for her trust and was doing his best to make her feel safe in his presence, she was not yet to the point where she could trust him without question. It could be years before she was able to do that.
The logical part of her mind told her not to fre
t so, not to worry, that this kind giant of a man called Frederick, would not harm her. He’d not take her out to points unfamiliar and leave her. He’d not let any harm come to her.
But the terrified voice, sounding much like a frightened girl of ten and three, shouted the loudest. That voice warned that no man could be trusted. Not even those you’d known your whole life. Not even the man one called husband.
Drawn as she was, so far away from the present place and time, she did not hear Frederick. Not while he’d been talking about his childhood or asking about hers. She hadn’t heard him repeatedly calling her name. She didn’t feel the earth beneath her feet, the soft breeze as it caressed her skin. She hadn’t felt anything until long after Frederick had panicked and lifted her into his arms and carried her back to the keep.
TAKING A WALK with his wife seemed a good idea when Frederick had come up with it. Fresh air and sunshine often worked wonders on improving his mood and overall outlook on things.
When he had sensed her reluctance at the gate, he had believed, at the time, that he had said and done enough to quash whatever it was that made her fearful. Apparently, patting her hand and offering words of comfort were not enough.
He hadn’t realized that something was wrong until they were well away from the keep. Because Aggie was typically as quiet as a mouse, he had assumed nothing was out of the ordinary. He had also assumed that she would refuse to speak within earshot of his men. Under normal circumstances, Frederick’s assumptions would have been spot on. He rarely assumed incorrectly. However, as he was quickly beginning to learn, his wee wife was far from normal or ordinary.
They had just left the small clearing that separated the keep from a small woods. Frederick had asked her repeatedly if she preferred to walk through the woods or around them. It wasn’t until he came to a complete stop and looked her full on that he realized something was horribly wrong with this wife.
She trembled as though she’d just stepped from a frozen loch in midwinter. Her eyes were glassy and vacant, staring at him as though he weren’t there. He shook her slightly, hoping to bring her out of whatever trance she appeared to be in. He said her name, repeatedly, growing louder each time.
Panic immediately set in. Not knowing what was wrong with her, his mind raced with all manner of possibilities as he scooped her up in his arms and ran back to the keep. His men raced ahead and ordered the gate drawn up. Frederick did not wait for it to be raised completely before entering. He bent low and ran under it, all the while clinging tightly to his wife’s limp body.
Was she ill? Had she been poisoned? There was no way for him to tell until he got her to their room where he could examine her.
With a worried heart, he carried her up the stairs, shouting orders to anyone around for the healer to be summoned immediately. Within moments of reaching the second floor, Ian and Rose appeared beside him, asking questions he could not answer. Ian charged ahead and pushed open the door. Rose pulled back the furs and sheets as Frederick gently laid Aggie upon the bed.
“What happened?” Rose begged for further information as she began to undo the laces of Aggie’s dress.
“I dunnae!” Frederick barked. “We were walkin’ along and all seemed well until—” He paused and stepped to the foot of the bed to give Rose more room.
“Walkin’?” Rose asked over her shoulder as she pulled Aggie’s arms from the sleeves of her dress. “Walkin’ where?”
Frederick gave a wave of his hand. “Out of doors!” he answered. “Near the woods.”
Rose stopped abruptly and spun to look at him. “Ye took her beyond the walls?”
Frederick looked baffled by her question. “Aye, beyond the walls,” he mimicked.
Rose drew her lips into a fine line before turning her attention back to Aggie. As she tugged another arm out of a sleeve, Ailrig came rushing into the room, out of breath and with skin as pale as milk. “What happened?” he asked as he stopped by the bed and looked at Aggie.
Rose answered and sounded disgusted. “He,” she said as she motioned toward Frederick with a jerk of her head, “took her beyond the walls.”
Ailrig looked up at Frederick and stared at him as if he had sprouted another head. “Ye took her beyond the walls?” he asked, breathlessly as he continued to stare bewilderedly at Frederick. “Why?”
Confusion seemed to be the catch of the month. Everywhere he turned, with every person he spoke to, confusion abounded. Unlike fresh meat, confusion was never in short supply in the keep.
Frederick ran a hand through his hair, shook his head and went to stand at the foot of the bed between Ailrig and Rose. “’Tis a fine summer day and I wanted to enjoy a walk with me wife,” he explained. “Can someone please tell me why ye act as though I took her to a tavern in Edinburgh and got her drunk?”
“She canna go beyond the walls, ye ken,” Ailrig told him.
No, Frederick most certainly did not ken. “What do ye mean, she canna go beyond the walls?” Frederick wouldn’t have been surprised if they’d told him an evil faerie had cast a spell on Aggie, a spell that caused her to shake and fall into a daze if she stepped beyond the walls of the keep. At this point, nothing anyone here were to tell him would surprise him.
“I dunna ken why she can’t,” Ailrig said as he climbed onto the bed. “She just canna go. It makes her verra afraid.”
“Aye,” Rose offered. “We dunna ken the why of it, we only know that she willna go beyond the walls unless she’s forced to.”
It made no sense to Frederick. It hadn’t been that long ago that Aggie had appeared at the Graham keep, along with her father and his men. While she had appeared nervous and anxious at that time, ’twas nothing like what he saw now. She had rolled over onto her side, with her knees drawn up to her chest. Her eyes were now closed and she looked a pitiful sight with her dress half done and her body trembling.
“Ye see,” Ailrig said as he watched Aggie closely. “When Aggie gets too afraid, she goes away.”
It was Ian’s turn to ask questions. “Away? What do ye mean away?”
“I canna explain it, but she just goes away fer a time. She told me once, before she stopped talkin’ altogether, that ’tis the only way to get through a terrible fright, or one of her da’s beatin’s. She said she goes to a dark place. ’Tis just away.”
Clarity dawned in Frederick’s mind then. Away. It explained how she was able to take that awful beating days ago, without crying out, without screaming, without shedding a tear. ’Twas similar to when he went into battle. Frederick was able to focus so intently on the combat, that it could rain kittens and he’d not take notice until long after the battle was done.
That his tiny wife was able to do that, had been forced to learn how to remove herself from terrifying or painful situations, nearly took him to his knees. What have they done to ye?
“Leave us,” Frederick said quietly. “I’ll tend to her.”
Rose started to protest but the furious glare Frederick shot her way kept her from pushing the subject. Ian stepped toward the bed and offered his arm to Rose. “Come,” he said softly. “Aggie is in good hands, I promise. And ye too, ye wee beastie,” he said to Ailrig. “We’ll let Aggie rest. Ye can come see her later.”
Rose took Ian’s offered arm and Ailrig slumped and slid from the bed. Moments later, the trio left Frederick alone with his wife and his thoughts.
AGGIE HAD BEEN unaware of anything going on around her until long after she’d been placed in her bed. ‘Twasn’t until she felt wet, cold cloths being gently pressed against her forehead, cheeks and neck that she began to return to the here and now.
Frederick’s face, etched with concern and worry, was the first thing she saw. Blinking away the fog, Aggie tried to sit. “Wheest, wife,” Frederick said softly as he gently pressed her back into the pillows.
Aggie looked about the room. Either rain was coming in or it had grown quite late in the day. From Frederick’s worried face she assumed it was the latter.
&nb
sp; They remained quiet for a time, while Frederick dipped the cloth into the cool water, wrung it out and began pressing it against her forehead again. Aggie could take no more of the strained silence. “I be sorry, Frederick.”
He raised an eyebrow and asked, “Sorry fer what?”
Certain she’d not be able to explain it without sounding completely insane, she did not answer.
“Do ye remember what happened?” Frederick asked.
Though he sounded quite calm, he looked anything but. Convinced that he did in fact think her unstable, Aggie reckoned that by speaking, she’d only add more credibility to his notion. In truth, she didn’t remember much after stepping outside the walls.
“Aggie,” he paused for a brief moment, took a deep breath and let it out slowly. “Aggie, I canna help ye if ye are too afraid to speak to me. Do ye remember what happened?”
She managed a weak shake of her head.
“Ye scared ten years off me life, Aggie.”
Oh, God! What did I do?
“Rose and Ailrig tell me that ye do no’ like goin’ beyond the walls of the keep.”
Aggie quietly wondered what else they’d told him. She suddenly felt quite embarrassed. She’d gone away again and from the concern that burned in Frederick’s eyes, she’d been gone a very long time.
“Aggie, had I known ye were so afraid to go beyond the walls, I would have shown proper care with ye lass.”
Proper care? she mused. What did he mean by proper care? While part of her liked the thought that he was concerned and worried over her, proper care sounded remarkably similar to pity. She didn’t want to be treated like an addle-brained fool, or worse yet, a bairn. While she couldn’t quite put her finger on how exactly she wanted him to treat her, she could say she didn’t want his pity.
“I am n-no’ addle-brained,” she murmured defensively.
Frederick chuckled softly. “Nay, I do no’ think ye addle-brained.” He removed the cool cloths and placed them in the basin. “I do no’ think poorly of ye, wife.”
Frederick's Queen: The Clan Graham Series Page 17