His face was wet from tears against my naked chest, and I couldn’t have cared less. All I wanted to do was take away his fear. I had no idea what he’d been through or seen as a younger kid, but from what Ari had told me about Marcel I could only imagine.
Ari passed me some tissues. I could see how inadequate and at sea she felt. She was his mum and had been doing a damned fine job of it by all accounts for well, all his life. It must feel like a knife to the guts when your kid screams at night for someone else.
“Here you go, mate. Wipe your eyes and blow your nose.” He did as I asked and sounded a little hiccupy still.
“Ari babe, can you get him a glass of water?”
“Sure.” She hopped up and went off to get him some water.
“It was really scary, Dane.” Isaac whispered. “He was going to kill my mum.” The anguish in his voice told me how much the dream had upset him. I didn’t miss either, that Isaac had waited until Ari was out of the room to give me that little bit of information.
“It was just a dream, Isaac. Just your imagination. I won’t let it happen. You and your mum are safe.”
“Promise!” He looked up at me with a face so much like Ari’s. His innocent eyes pleading up at me. There was no way I would do anything else.
I realised sitting there holding him, the feelings I had for Ari spilled over to Isaac, too. He was special to me. Not only because he was Ari’s, but because Isaac was special to me in his own right. The kid had so much potential in so many areas. He was so smart and funny. Isaac loved in his own special way.
If something happened to either of them, it would kill him.
I wrapped my hand around the back of his head and pulled him into my chest. “I promise, man.”
That seemed to calm him a little and I loosened my arms to allow him to sit up. Ari stepped forward and I knew she’d been watching us. Assessing. I wondered what the devil she was thinking.
She passed me the water.
“Here you go, man. Take a drink.” She seemed to sense this was a male moment and backed out the door, not before I saw her throat move in that tell-tale sign that she was fighting tears herself.
“Hop back into bed mate and see if you can go back to sleep.” I checked my watch. It was just before four.
Jesus. I’d only had a couple of hours sleep and I had to run with Xander at six.
Fuck! I was going to be even more wrecked than I already was. Although there was no way I’d regret spending that time deep inside Ari. Priorities were priorities, Ari and Isaac were right at the top of the list.
I’d make it through training somehow.
Isaac obliged and snuggled under the covers. “Will you stay with me for a bit?”
“Sure man.” I tucked the blanket around him. He scooted over and put his back against the wall. I moved up and leaned against the wall at the head of the bed.
He looked up at me with his big eyes and if there were any shards of my heart still on the fence, they fell. “Thanks, Dane.”
Right then, I knew I’d walk over hot coals for him.
“No biggy, mate.” My throat felt tight as I said it.
I watched his eyelids start to droop again and a few minutes later he was sound asleep. Sleep was something I doubted I’d catch any more of tonight. There were too many things running through my head.
Once I was sure Isaac was asleep I moved silently from his room and headed into the kitchen to get a glass of water. I poured a glass from the jug in the fridge for myself and one for Ari.
As I was moving back to Ari’s bedroom I glanced down at the paperwork on the table. It’s what she’d been working on when I got home.
There was an overdue account from Isaac’s school. Fuck! It was for over five grand. I carefully moved it aside. To go with the school fees, there was an electricity bill for eight hundred, and a few others. Then I noticed the bank statement.
Now I might not be a mathematician like Ari, but I can read a bank statement just fine. I saw the deductions for what must be mortgage, car payments, and health insurance. None of this was small change.
What she’d been doing by herself with a child with challenges floored me. Not only that, she’d been running and trying to make a go of it with no help from her ex. The exact opposite, in fact. Ari was a fighter, a survivor.
I wasn’t a rich man by any stretch of the imagination but I could certainly help her out. Sure I’d been buying groceries but she hadn’t accepted anything more from me.
That had to change.
I’d been raised by my father to be a man and provide for his family. That was exactly what I was going to do.
I needed to win that damned fight. One hundred grand was a hell of a lot better than fifty. A hundred would go a long way to helping Ari get settled and out of that gambling bullshit.
My mind whizzed with possibilities as I headed back to Ari’s room. She looked so small and fragile curled up in the middle of the bed, hugging a pillow.
Her eyes drifted to me as I walked in. I knew immediately she’d shed some tears.
“Here baby, have a drink.” She sat up a little and took the glass I offered, sipped at it delicately then placed it back on the bedside table. I climbed in beside her and pulled her into my arms, but she stiffened.
“Isaac…”
“He’s asleep, sweetheart.” She was still a little uncomfortable with me being in her room.
She nodded and I didn’t need to ask to know how upset she was.
“Ari, I don’t know what to say. I’m sorry he called out for me if it hurt you. I’m not sorry I was there though.”
Ari let out a little sniffle. “It’s okay. I’m glad you were who he wanted. I guess it was just so unexpected. I’ve always been enough—what he needed.” Her voice trailed off and I could hear the pain. I could only imagine how much it had to hurt her.
“Don’t read too much into it. He wasn’t trying to hurt you and he was half asleep when he called out. I obviously starred in his dream and he went with that.”
She snuggled in to me, placing her head on my chest and moved her body tight up to mine. “I know, Dane. What are we doing here? I don’t want Isaac to get hurt. Maybe we should call it quits…before he gets too attached to you. It would kill him.”
Her words were like a knife to my heart. I wanted to roar and growl and argue, what I needed to do was keep a cool head.
She was panicking, she was hurting. She was being a mum protecting her child.
I wasn’t going to give her the opportunity to run.
“I’ll tell you what we’re doing Ari—we’re building something special. That’s what we’re doing. Did you not tell me you love me the other night for the first time, and again before we went to sleep tonight?”
Her head nodded a little against my chest. “You don’t run from that Ari, you stand and fight for it. Isaac had a bad dream. I’m surprised that’s all that’s happened given what he’s gone through the last couple of months. I get that you need to protect him—he also needs to grow as a person. Sometimes that means we’re going to hurt. Life throws curveballs from time to time. You can’t always play it safe. Mostly you just have to take a chance and go for it. I want you to take a chance on me.”
My mouth was running on—regardless, I meant every word of it.
Arianne needed to hear this and get it. She needed to understand it and hopefully never question what we were doing again.
“I love you, Dane. I’m just trying to make sure I don’t make any more mistakes. I’ve made so many in my life. I can’t afford any more.”
“I’m not a mistake Ari. The mistake would be not believing what we have is something real and solid. Something you fight for. So get the idea of backing out of this relationship out of your head right now. I’m going to fight for us and that us includes Isaac. If you love me like you say, then you need to fight as well, because I know now I’m not falling. I’ve fallen—hard. I love you and Isaac more and more each day.”
; My lungs drew in a deep cleansing breath. I felt surprisingly better for having said all of that.
A moment later, Ari pushed back a little. “I’ll fight, Dane. I can’t promise that I won’t get scared or screw up, but I’ll do my best to believe in us.”
“That’s all I can ask, Ari. And sweetheart if you get scared or worried, then you need to share that. I can’t stand the thought of you feeling like that. You’ve carried that for so long. More than anyone should. Let me help you with it. I need to help you. It’s who I want to be to you.”
“I want that man too, Dane.” I could hear the weariness in her voice. She’d had no more sleep than me and Isaac would be up and rearing to go in a couple of hours.
Gently, I stroked my hand through her hair. “Go back to sleep, baby. You need more rest.”
“Hold me close, Dane.”
“Always.” I kissed the top of her head.
Not more than a minute later her breathing evened out and she was sleeping again. I knew there was no hope for me. I was too keyed up.
Somehow I needed to figure out how to get her out of gambling and into teaching. Financially, I was okay. The service station was starting to move from break even to a little profit. Although it was too soon to tell if that was going to continue to be the trend. The online business was ticking along, I could up it a bit if I put my head down and worked it harder.
Then there was the fighting. I was guaranteed fifty grand for stepping in the cage. One hundred for a win.
There was the simple answer—I needed to fucking win and I might just need to keep at it for a while to get us a decent start.
I must have fallen asleep, if only for a few minutes, because the next I knew my damned phone alarm was blaring. The temptation to blow off my morning run with Xander was high. Skipping training wasn’t going to get me the hundred grand. Reluctantly, I moved Ari gently from me. She hadn’t even stirred with the alarm.
Silently I slipped back into the spare room I’d been using and threw on some workout gear and my jogging shoes and headed out. I did a few stretches and jogged slowly to the corner, building my pace as I went. Right on time Xander jogged on past. I couldn’t count how many times we’d done this over the years.
“Hey, man,” he called as I moved up to his right shoulder.
“Hey,” I managed to respond. My eyes were gritty and I felt like shit. I was in that horrible body state when you first start running. My body hadn’t yet kicked over to its aerobic systems from anaerobic and it was protesting big time about the lack of solid sleep. I really had to fix that.
The thought of going to Vegas was the least appealing thing in my life right now. A solid night’s sleep was the only thing that seemed attractive about the trip though. I didn’t want to leave Arianne and Isaac. It was that simple.
“You okay? You look like shit.”
“Good, at least I feel like I look,” I grumbled.
“You sick?” Xander sounded worried. Getting sick during a prep was about as bad as it got.
“Na man. Just didn’t get much sleep.” I tried to brush off his questioning. He’d been at me for weeks and I’d said nothing about Ari and Isaac. Xan had too much going on in his life to worry about me.
“How much is not much?”
“Couple of hours,” I answered truthfully.
“Fuck, Dane, you can’t do that to yourself.” No shit Sherlock! I wanted to say but kept my mouth closed. I didn’t need to go picking fights with Xan right now. I settled for, “You think I don’t know that?” it still sounded prickly. Well I guess that was exactly how I was feeling today.
“What, you just can’t sleep or is it something else?” And he was going to keep going…Fuck!
I tried striding along with him for a bit, mulling my options over. Xan wasn’t going to let up. He could be like a dog with a bone. He’d keep coming at me until he got something. I was worrying that he was worrying.
What a fucking mess!
He’d just about given up on me answering him when I finally spoke. “I’ve met someone.”
“Oh?” Xan looked a little surprised but I could see he was trying to play it cool.
“She’s not in a good place. Life’s tough for her. I’ve been helping her out.” All true. I was also in love with her. That bit he didn’t need to know.
“I was coming from her place that night I found Eden.” That got Xan. He almost stumbled at that little bomb. “She’s got a kid and a dick of an ex-husband.”
His eyes had gone wide. At least as wide as they can go when you’re running “Okay.” He managed trying to be cool, but I knew him too well.
I’d given him something. Now it was time to shut it down. Fighting was a no distractions game.
I had more fucking distractions than I could ever remember and I wouldn’t change it for anything.
Somehow I just had to get through it.
“I’m not going to talk about it yet, man. So don’t even try, you don’t need the worry. Just wanted you to know what was going on. I’ve got it handled. I’m not doing anything stupid. I just needed you to know I’m more committed than ever, but my fight isn’t the only priority in my life. I sure as hell don’t want to do anything to fuck up your prep. I already screwed up once being late.”
Shit! I’d slipped with the fight bit. This is what a sleep deprived brain did. Hopefully he was too focused on my confession about a woman to be paying attention.
It didn’t matter that I felt like complete shit. When Xander wanted to up the pace I immediately responded. That succinctly shut down any further discussion which was welcome right about now.
We both had women and fights on our mind. Xander was going to roast my arse when he knew the full extent of what I’d been keeping from him. I’d decided at the beginning to go with the “ask forgiveness approach” rather than seeking permission or support—now I just had to see it to the end. That might be easier said than done…
Chapter 19
Arianne
I was relieved when Dane headed out to train a few days later. He was focused on his trip to Vegas and I needed to focus on making some serious cash. Although my stomach felt sick with nerves, I had no choice. This was the only way I could make some quick money other than, well I wasn’t even going to think about it.
The auburn wig I was wearing itched and the large librarian type glasses annoyed me. I teamed both new accessories with a hipster type outfit of tight fitting, funky slacks and a little floaty chiffon blouse, that showcased my cleavage. My immediate thought when I put it on, was that Dane would love this top—probably not me going out in it, without him. The picture staring back at me from the mirror in my bedroom was one of eclectic hipster.
I just hoped it worked. I could not afford to get busted.
When I’d called Leo yesterday and said I was up for a trip to the Casino the approval in his tone was sickening.
“Oh my dear…I knew you couldn’t stay away for long,” he’d crooned.
Humph…as if.
That was so far from the truth. I’d given up years ago trying to explain that I hated gambling. First Pierre, then Marcel and now Leo, refused to believe that could be the case. They simply could not fathom how a person with my Math skills could not enjoy gambling.
Maybe it was different if you didn’t have to do it.
Right on time Arnie picked me up and discretely dropped me at the Treasury Casino in Brisbane City. Like always, I had ten thousand of Leo’s money in my purse. He’d loan me the money if I asked him. There was no way, just NO way, I’d go back to owing him anything.
It didn’t matter where you went around the world, casinos always had a smell about them and this one was no different.
Maybe it was the artificial light 24 x 7. I’d never figured it out. Maybe they sprayed something in the air. My brain always registered it as the smell of money and greed.
As always, I kept my head down as I walked through the entrance to the gaming floor. I pretended to be searching t
hrough my handbag for something as I walked.
“Excuse me, ma’am.” A hand on my arm pulled me up short and startled me. Damn! I hadn’t even made it onto the floor and I’d attracted the bouncer’s attention. Was I on a watch list? All the security guys wore earpieces and they were linked to the surveillance room. Had they picked me up on another camera in the building?
I quickly sized up the guy and tried to decide how to play it. Flighty, artistic type it was.
“Yes?” I said nervously with a giggle and a drop of my chin, a shy move.
“I need to see some identification please.” What the devil? There was no way while my butt pointed to the ground that I looked under eighteen years old.
“You’re kidding me, right?” Thinking quick. I purposely fumbled in my soft skinned handbag. Rather than show a false identification which I really wanted to avoid, I went with another tack. “Here, hold this while I look for my I.D. I keep it in a special holder.” I passed him a big ball of keys with a photocell ring of Isaac. “Oh, that little picture on my key ring is of my nine-year old son.” The security guard looked from me to the key ring. There was no mistaking the resemblance. Deciding to go for broke, I amped it up a little more.
“I’ve even got the stretch marks to prove it.” I made as if to lift my shirt. A few people were beginning to look.
The guard hastily thrust the key ring back at me. “It’s fine. I’m convinced. Enjoy your day.”
He turned away from me and I placed the strap of my handbag over my shoulder and headed in. Straight to the bar I went, and ordered a double vodka. I rarely drank when I was at the casino and doing what I considered work, however alcohol was a great prop.
God knew, I needed the hit.
My heart was racing at a million miles an hour.
I took the drink and wandered the floor checking out what was happening. The poker tables were quiet and would attract too much attention. It looked like the black jack tables were about to start picking up. I’d give it another half an hour before I headed there.
The chocolate wheel was frivolous and fun. I made a show of placing some silly bets on there and chatting to the other players. This was all about appearing clueless, flighty and plenty tipsy. It was actually surprisingly hard for me to do. All my life I’d been counselled to be moderated and always a lady.
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