He rested his chin on the top of my head and kind of hunkered his body over mine a little more. “What do you mean?”
“How do I put this?” How do you find the right words without it sounding as if you’re blowing sunshine, but meaning every single one of them from the bottom of your heart? I turned in his arms. For this, I needed to see his face, even if it was cast in shadows.
“Dane, ever since we met, you’ve been my rock—my anchor. Every single day you’re there for me and Isaac. You astound me with how clearly you see things and how, cool your head is. You just seem to tackle whatever life throws at you with a calm confidence that most people will never know. It’s second nature to you. Not only do you just always seem to know what to do, you’re so certain about it. You’ve got the family thing sorted, the business thing sorted and you’ve already been insanely successful with your sport. You never told me you’d had almost fifty fights. How have you not been busted up? You don’t even have a broken nose.”
He let out a low chuckle. “Once I broke it. Actually, Xan busted it for me in training. I was hung over to shit and didn’t get my guard up quick enough—walked straight into his fist. First and last time I ever drank before training. As for my fight record, I didn’t think it would help me much at the beginning.”
“Probably not,” I agreed with a little giggle. “Seriously though, I think you just instinctively, tend to do all those things that make you the person you are. Maybe because they are so natural to you, it doesn’t feel like you’re doing anything. Just because you see other people struggle, doesn’t mean you need to feel like you should, too. Do you get what I mean?”
There was a long pause and I began to wonder if he was even going to answer. “I think so, and now I feel so torn. Before I met you I was kind of drifting through life.”
“You have an interesting take on drifting.” If Dane was a drifter, I was the Queen of England.
He shrugged his shoulders up. “Well, that’s how it felt to me. I felt like everything had been handed to me and I’d never had to really work for any of it. I guess I felt guilty, as if I wasn’t deserving of it because I hadn’t had to work hard. I’d never really made a clear plan of what I wanted to do and do it. I’d just kind of done something because it seemed like the right thing to do at the time. Everyone talks about life plans and goals and all that stuff. I didn’t have one. I probably still don’t. I have no answer to that question of where do you want to be in five years. All I know is the things I want to do and those I don’t.”
It was so blatantly obvious to me. He just inherently had it happening effortlessly.
“Why wouldn’t that be the best place to start? You know what makes you happy and what doesn’t. Just because other people have some mapped out plan doesn’t mean you need one. You have so many areas of your life together and organised. It’s really a case of what you want to do above and beyond that. You shouldn’t ever feel guilty because you have your shit together.”
“What do you want to do, Arianne? What’s your life plan.”
What was my life plan? “For a long time, it was all about getting away from Marcel—finding a place that’s safe, secure and happy for myself and Isaac. Somewhere we could start over and enjoy life without living in fear.”
“And who should be back to spoil that for you.” There was a bitter edge in his voice.
“Yes, he’s back. I could look at it as a negative. I’m choosing to look at it as a positive. I’m looking at Marcel coming back into my life as the catalyst for us getting together. If he hadn’t approached us in the carpark that day, then I’d never have met you. I’d—no we’d never have all that we have now.”
Dane was silent. He needed to hear the words. He didn’t know how much he gave or the difference he made.
“You make me feel like I’m whole; you give me sunshine and hope. I know that if you’re beside me everything will be fine—you’ll make it that way. I was getting by and yes, I would have been fine. We would have survived. But you’ve taken the fine and turned it into alive. With you, I feel like I’m really living. My focus has moved from surviving and getting by to wanting to wring every last drop of goodness from every aspect of my life. You’ve given me something I’ve now realised I didn’t have—unconditional love. It’s the most precious gift of all. You love me when I’m grumpy, and when I screw up and when I’m not having such a great day. You also love me when I’m happy and everything is fine. It’s your love and having you in my life that makes that huge difference. With your love I feel like we can do anything.”
He sighed. “I guess that’s part of my problem with this fight. It was important to me when I took it, but since you and Isaac have become such a big part of my life, the restlessness and the uncertainty have passed. I thought I needed it to be complete. I thought that was what the restlessness was about. Now I know the answer to that restlessness will never come from a fight. You and Isaac fixed that restlessness. You were the piece that was missing. Now I have this fight I’m supposed to be all keyed up to win…I just don’t want to do it anymore. The fight—it just doesn’t seem to be that important anymore and I’m not sure I’m in the right head space to step into that cage. My mind needs to be on the job to get it done, at least, that’s what Reed keeps telling me. If I could, I’d pull out right now. Other than an injury I can’t. Can hardly say I sprained my wrist or something because I slipped in the bathroom. The problem I thought taking the fight was the answer to—it’s not. I found the answer and it’s in my arms. You and Isaac are the answer.”
The confusion and uncertainty he was feeling was killing me; I could only imagine how it was making him feel with a fight of this magnitude bearing down on him.
I needed to pull him out of these thoughts, but how? “First off, remember it’s always darkest before the dawn and I know just how true that is. So many times I had crazy thoughts in the middle of the night only to realise in the light of day, things that seemed impossible were not so scary in the morning. You’ll see.” I was buying time until I could put together something that would help.
He hugged me to him. “Thanks, I’ll get through it, I always do. It’s not that I’m scared. I’ve stepped into the cage plenty of times with mean as hell guys. Cummins is no different and I know I’m the fittest and strongest I’ve ever been.”
Getting through it was one thing, doing it with complete confidence and certainty was another. He needed that going into the fight.
Then something dawned on me. “Maybe you should look at it differently. I don’t think you see the world like most people, so why would this be any different?”
He frowned a little, but there was interest, too. “What are you getting at?”
“From what you’ve told me…I think you took the fight out of fear.” He stiffened in my arms, no man liked to admit his fears. “Fear you wouldn’t be good enough, fear you’d miss the opportunity to achieve something, fear that others would think you were a slacker or whatever. What if you flipped it around and looked it in the positive rather than the negative?” I was on a roll now and I just knew this would work. “Remember when we first met at that café? You were talking about martial arts and how they weren’t about violence. At the time, I didn’t understand. Through all the noise of words and feelings based on experience, one thing sounded loud and clear while talking to you about it.”
“What?” His voice was a little choked with emotion.
“You were so passionate about it, because you love the sport and art. That’s what I knew categorically from talking to you. There was no doubt at all, in my mind, that you were one hundred percent committed to it. So I say…fight tomorrow because you love the art, the sport and the discipline it brings. Forget everything else. Remember why you’ve trained all these years…why you so patiently teach Isaac and others; it’s because you love it. I know what your love feels like Dane. Give it to the sport, the art and the fans. Let them feel it tomorrow night. If you do that, I already know what the out
come will be.”
“You really think all that?”
“I know all that…and you’ve shown me I can believe in you and trust you, despite my fears of violence, because you respect and love the art. You’d never disrespect its teachings and that same commitment transfers over to everything you do and in every aspect of your life. That’s why you fight, Dane. That’s why you train. It’s part of you. You love it. Fight for the love of it, not because you fear it, or wonder if you’re good enough or if you have to.”
He squeezed me tighter as he let my words soak in.
“All those things you said to me about why you love me—thank you. Sometimes I think too much and miss the obvious. Thank you for reminding me of that. I do love martial arts.”
Then he started to chuckle quietly.
“What?”
“It’s ironic really. You love teaching Maths and end up doing something you and I both hate—gambling. I love martial arts and teaching it and I end up doing a fight we both don’t want. The universe is laughing her arse off at us, I’m sure.”
I chuckled along with him for a few moments.
He dropped his lips down to mine in the most tender kiss I could ever remember him giving me. It was so full of love and reverence. My guy was so outwardly simple yet inwardly complex. I loved him more every moment of every day.
Would our love and his love for the art be enough to get him through…no question in my mind.
Dane
Arianne was right. Things did look different in the morning—vastly different. Maybe for the first time in the whole preparation I knew why I was fighting. Maybe deep down I’d known all along and just got distracted along the way with thinking I should be doing it because of the reasons other people did things—rather than my own.
I woke feeling refreshed and stronger than I could ever remember. My soul was light and my body felt warrior strong. On my morning trip to the bathroom, the scales told me I was just about back to normal. Hard to fathom I could be over ten kegs heavier in less than twenty-four hours.
As I walked back to the bed, Arianne watched my every step with hungry eyes. She was cuddling a pillow in her arms.
“See something you want, Miss?” I couldn’t help myself.
“Oh yeah…” She half rose and the short silky nightie she wore gapped at her chest and gave me a great view of her full breasts. My cock was instantly hard. I wanted her big time.
I stalked the last few feet to the bed then leant over and sucked the nipple that was teasing me, into my mouth. Just like I knew, she tasted amazing on my tongue. Ari was my own brand of sunshine.
A long low groan tore from her mouth and I couldn’t resist snaking a hand under that nightie she wore. My fingers meet bare flesh. And just like I knew she’d taste incredible on my tongue, I also knew she’d be slick with need for me. The temptation of all that glorious wetness at my fingertips was too much; I slid a couple of fingers deep and she thrust her hips into my hand.
“Oh Dane…we shouldn’t,” she managed.
“Shouldn’t do what?” I punctuated my words with a little bite to her nipple. “I’m not doing anything other than saying good morning to my girl. Good morning…by the way.” This time I brushed a kiss to her lips.
“You fibber,” she managed around my bottom lip which she’d now captured in her teeth. “We’re not supposed to be doing this, are we? Reed would have a conniption, if he knew you were going to have sex.”
“Good thing we’re not going to have sex then.” When I’d walked across the floor to the bed I had no intentions of letting this go any further than a few tweaks and maybe giving Ari a little more than a good morning kiss.
Now I knew what I wanted, no needed.
All that love and focus I was feeling inside—I needed to shore it up. Cement it in—in only a way Ari and I could do together.
“What…?” she managed between breaths as I nibbled down her neck, then back up to the place just behind her ear that she loved to have kissed and sucked.
“We’re not going to have sex, Miss; we’re going to make love, right now.” I took the hem of her nightdress and drew it up her body, exposing her beautiful pale flesh to me. “Lay back, Miss; you pointed out last night I don’t do things like others. I’m doing it my way. Others may choose to abstain from sex; they probably also have a very different reason to me for stepping into the cage. We decided last night I’m doing it for love. That’s exactly what I’m doing now—doing it for love.”
She snuggled back into the mattress and I moved to kneel on the bed at her feet. Her eyes met mine and I watched her slowly run them over my body.
“If this is what you want, Dane, then I’d never deny you.” Her eyes were heavy and her lips were full and enticing.
“It’s not what I want, Ari, it’s what I need. Eastern philosophy talks about chi or energy—I want to head into that cage with maximum chi. Making love to you always leaves me feeling refreshed and cleansed and full of fresh energy. You fill me up with love and light. That’s what I’m going to take to this fight.”
“How can I argue with that logic?”
“There’s no argument anymore, Ari. I’m doing it my way—my logic.”
She nodded in acceptance and what looked like pride and, regardless of what happened later, I knew I was making the right decision. This was the rationale that worked for both of us. I could fight with this thinking in my head.
I dropped lower between her legs and flexed my shoulders to open her to me more. This morning I needed her bare to me in every way. It wasn’t just her body though, I needed her soul bare to me as well.
Last night she’d given me that; I wanted her to know I was all in and prepared to give the same back to her.
Her hands in my hair focused my attention back on the bounty before me. I trailed the top of my tongue around her opening before plunging in a few times. The taste of her was intoxicating to my senses and I would have been content to lay here and lap at her for hours, drinking up one drop at a time.
“Dane…” she panted as my tongue slowly teased at her. My Ari wasn’t much for waiting and, at that moment, I felt exactly the same, as well.
“I know, Miss, I need to be inside you, too. I need you to feel me; I need you to own me, love me.” The words were sliding from my mouth as easily as I moved up her body and slid right into my own brand of heaven.
Her hands gripped into my shoulders and flanks before dropping lower to squeeze the cheeks of my butt hard. I didn’t care if she left marks. Whatever she needed from me, I’d willing give, and then some.
“Move, Dane.” And I did, with slow deep strokes, making sure she felt every millimetre of me on the way in and the way out. Almost to the end, but never breaking contact.
“I love you, Ari. With every bit of me…I need you to know that. I need you to know how much it means to me, to have you in my life. To have you in my corner.”
I bottomed out in her, bliss. Her arms wrapped around me tighter and her thighs clamped to the sides of my hips holding me there perfectly still—locked to her.
Slowly her heavy eyelids opened and her eyes focused on mine. “Dane, I never dreamed it could be this good. Having you, your family and everything that comes with you…no words seem enough to explain. I never expected to ever be this happy. Thank you for just being you and loving me like you do for who I am. I’ll love you forever.”
The moment seemed to go on and on. I could see her soul, stripped bare.
It was beautiful.
Ari meant every word, and I knew she’d stand by each and every one of them, from here to eternity with me.
I joined my lips to hers and caressed her mouth with my tongue. When she softened in my arms, I drew my hips back enough to stroke into her again and again. Each time felt better than the last, if that was even possible. We’d always been great in the bedroom. This was different. So much more…it was bonding, fusing on a different level. It felt bigger, more consuming, but more enriching and empowe
ring at the same time.
Together, we reached for the ultimate pleasure we could give each other. It was a slow, languishing build to the white hot fire of naked pleasure and love.
Her body gripped mine and in return I clung to her with everything I had in me. We rode the pleasure and the physical bond of love together.
It was perfect.
Later today, I’d give my all in the cage for the sport I loved.
I was at peace with this.
Finally, I understood why I needed to do it.
More than that, I understood what it would take to be the best at it and I had Ari to thank for that.
For a woman that hated violence, she sure knew how to motivate this fighter.
Chapter 32
Arianne
“Mum, can I have another milkshake, please?” Isaac asked me as he sucked up the last drops of his current one with a big slurp.
“Are you sure you can fit it in?” I asked him sceptically. “They’re very big.”
“Yes, I can.”
“Boy’s a growing lad. Course he can fit it in,” Gary said and signalled for the passing waitress. I couldn’t be upset. Cathy and Gary had slipped seamlessly into the role of Isaac’s grandparents and he was lapping up the attention. They were so good to him. “Anyone else want something else?”
“I’ll have another coffee; what about you, Ari?” Cathy nodded at me with encouragement.
“Oh, why not.” I was enjoying a few minutes away from fight central.
Dane, Xander, Seth and Reed were all busy doing whatever they did on fight day. They’d mentioned something about massages and stretching.
Cathy and Gary had said they were taking Isaac out for lunch and I decided to join them. I hadn’t had much of a chance to spend time with Isaac the last few days. My other male had been taking precedence
Gary placed our orders and sat back in his chair, looking very satisfied. “That burger sure hit the spot. It actually had some taste rather than those cardboard things they normally try to pass off. How was that hotdog with the lot, Isaac? Looked pretty good from here?”
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