by Brandon Witt
After a moment, Dunkyn padded over to Caleb and joined in with Dolan, pushing his nose against Caleb’s palm.
Caleb looked down at the two dogs, a small smile breaking over his face. He began petting them. His left hand on Dolan’s bobbing head. His right hand ruffling Dunkyn’s long fur.
“Caleb.” Travis waited until his son looked back up at him. “I’m so sorry that I’m causing you trouble at school. I wasn’t thinking about this affecting you there, though I know I should have. I was just worried about you finding out in general, I guess. And I wasn’t planning on having to talk about it so soon.” Again the truth seemed best, as much as he wished he were lying. He really hadn’t thought about how this could affect his children outside of their own home. He’d been so caught up in his own fear about it all and his own budding feelings for Wesley.
What kind of father was he? He knew what high school was like, what it had been like for the effeminate kids when he’d been in school. It was one reason he’d never acknowledged the attractions he’d felt, not even to himself.
Caleb shrugged. “Whatever, Dad. I’m not worried about that.”
“You don’t have to be tough, bud. You don’t have to spare my feelings. I’m so sorry that this is affecting you. I will talk to Wesley, and we can—”
Luckily, he didn’t have to finish that sentence, as he wasn’t sure what he was about to say.
Caleb waved him off. “Seriously, Dad. Don’t worry about that.” He motioned toward his face. “Dustin’s an ass, and, if anything, he probably will quit picking on me now that he knows I’ll fight back if I have to.”
Will quit picking on him. The words cut at Travis. More confirmation that he had missed so much, was missing so much.
Caleb continued, his typical soft tone remaining, but sounding more assured than normal, more adult. “I’m sure I’ll get teased some, but nothing big. I’ve got good friends. And there’s a couple of gay kids at school. Maybe this will help them.”
There was Shannon, shining out of Caleb. In addition to seeing her slight frame, Travis could hear her sense of fight and compassion in their son.
“Things probably aren’t like when you were in school, Dad. Most kids don’t care much. That Darwin kid who graduated a couple of years ago….” Caleb’s brow rose in question. “Do you remember him?”
Travis nodded, though he had no clue.
“He was gay, and he was one of the popular kids. Kinda. He pops into youth group every once in a while.”
There was a gay kid in the Holy Church youth group? If Caleb had been the kind, Travis would have sworn he was making it up.
“Will you tell me if things get bad? If you’re getting threatened or teased because of me?”
Caleb hesitated before answering. “Dad, it’s nothing I can’t handle. I’ve been doing fine.”
His sweet son was beating his heart to a pulp. “I know you have. But, will you tell me anyway?”
After a second or two, Caleb nodded.
Again, silence fell. This time, though, it felt more familiar, akin to what had always existed between them. They were still tense, still wary, but Travis was pretty sure they were headed to a good place—maybe even a better place than they had been.
“Caleb?”
His son looked back up at him.
“I’m proud of how you stood up for yourself today.”
Caleb only nodded. When he did speak, his voice was barely more than a whisper. “I did it for you.”
And if that didn’t bring more tears to his eyes…. He wanted to rush to his boy and wrap him in his arms and sob.
He stayed where he was.
“I’ll make an appointment to get that tooth fixed. You got three days outta school. Might as well put them to use.”
“Am I getting in trouble for that, by the way?”
Travis couldn’t remember the last time Caleb had gotten in trouble. The boy was perfect, which, now that he thought about it, was probably not a good sign. Still, he laughed. “Are you kidding? Taking on an asshole like that? Boy, I’ll take you to the stock show and buy you a new cow.”
Caleb’s head jerked up once more, his eyes wide. “Are you serious?”
He hadn’t been. It had just been an expression, kinda. But if he’d ever heard of a kid who deserved something more, he couldn’t remember it. “Yeah, Caleb. I’m serious.”
His son beamed, as innocent and carefree-looking as his younger sister.
Silence fell once more, each man lost in his own thoughts. Travis was blown away by the change in things, marveling at how much of his son he’d been missing and vowing to remedy that. Caleb was probably dreaming of the perfect prizewinning steer.
“Dad?”
Travis looked up, pulled out of his reverie, concerned at the caution in his son’s voice. “Yeah, what’s wrong?”
Caleb hesitated. Nervous. “I’m not gay.”
Travis tried to refrain from cringing at the word, and at the implication that he was. He was fairly certain he succeeded. “I know that, Caleb.”
More hesitation. “I don’t think I’m ever gonna be.”
Thank God. “Caleb, that’s fine. I’m not expecting you to be.”
He could tell Caleb wanted to say something more. Like him, his son needed time to process certain things before he spoke. Travis waited.
After a minute or two filled with ponderous attention lavished on the dogs, Caleb addressed Travis again. “Once my tooth is fixed, I think I’m gonna ask Ashley to the Valentine’s dance.”
That name he remembered, thanks to Wendy’s meddling on Halloween, though he still hadn’t seen the girl. “Oh yeah? That’s the Mei-Lien girl, right?”
“Yeah.”
Travis leaned his back against the wall and crossed his arms in front of his chest, relaxing into this moment he hoped would go on forever. “What’s she like?”
As Caleb spoke, telling his father everything from how pretty the girl was, to the clubs she was in, to how good she was with the twins—even Avery—Travis was reminded of the talkative, animated little boy Caleb had been once.
No tears fell as Travis listened; he speckled Caleb’s descriptions with questions, just to keep hearing his son’s voice.
Though there were no whispers, he knew Shannon was beside him. Listening.
Chapter Twenty
SNIFFLES CHEWED on Wesley’s fingers, his baby teeth sharp and rather painful. Wesley managed to pull his fingers out of the puppy’s mouth without losing skin and distract the little guy by vigorously rubbing his sides. Little was a misnomer. The nine-week-old was massive. Making sure to keep his hands far from Sniffles’s gnawing mouth, Wesley looked at the pretty, fortysomething, WASPish woman on the other side of the examination table. “Ms. Michaels, you are going to have one massive dog, even for a Saint Bernard. Judging from his paws and how big he is already, I’m guessing he’ll be around one hundred and seventy pounds or so. Maybe more.”
The woman smiled adoringly at the dog. “That’s fine by me, more to love.”
Wesley eyed her petite frame. “I would suggest starting puppy training pretty soon, especially with how big he’s going to be. Walking him will be a nightmare if he’s not well behaved.”
She waved him off. “Oh, don’t you worry, we’ll teach him some manners. And my husband, Craig, is rather huge. Sniffles won’t be able to jerk him around. And he’s rather particular. Sniffles will be the most polite little, or not so little, guy you’ve ever seen.”
Wesley eyed the pup. If Mr. Michaels was all that particular, a Saint Bernard wasn’t the right choice, especially with how big Sniffles was going to be. Nothing under four feet was going to be safe from constant drool. Wesley gave Sniffles a final tousle, then lifted him off the metal table and placed him on the floor. He returned his attention to Sniffles’s adoring mother. “If you’ll just follow me up front, I can get you Sniffles’s papers to show he’s all caught up on his shots. And we can make an appointment for about three weeks, when he’ll
be due for his rabies shot. We can also do a Lyme vaccine, which I’d certainly recommend.”
“That sounds great.” Ms. Michaels hooked a jeweled leash onto the dog’s collar, then followed Wesley out of the room. “When did you say Sniffles needed to get neutered?”
“When he’s about six months old, give or take.” Wesley stepped behind the computer in the front office and began typing in Sniffles’s information.
After paying, setting up the next two appointments, and collecting all of Sniffles’s papers, Ms. Michaels headed for the door, then turned back to Wesley, hesitantly. “Dr. Ryan, may I ask you something?”
Something in her tone made Wesley pause. Up until this point, Ms. Michaels had been casual and bubbly. The sudden somber switch made him wary. “Certainly, Ms. Michaels.”
“You can call me Carrie, if you’d like.” She started to walk back toward him, but Sniffles had sat down and pulled on the leash with his teeth. She glanced at the dog, then back to Wesley. “Do you mind if I put Sniffles in his carrier in the car? I’m not sure of your schedule, but it would just be a minute or two of your time.”
“Of course. I have a little bit before my next appointment.” He tried to not let his mind go crazy as he watched the woman through the window. He probably should have offered to help with the dog. It was snowing again, and Ms. Michaels was visibly struggling lifting the squirming dog.
There was really only one thing it could be about.
Since Travis had told him about what had happened to Caleb at school a couple of days ago, Wesley had been expecting villagers with pitchforks to show up at the clinic’s door.
Before he could slip into full panic mode, Ms. Michaels was back, dusting snow off her hair. She let out a small groan. “Goodness, it feels good in here. It is freezing outside.” She walked back toward Wesley, who remained behind the counter. “I just can’t seem to get used to these Ozark winters. They’re just bitter.”
“Oh, I didn’t realize you weren’t a native.” That made him feel a little more at ease, like he wasn’t starting off at such a disadvantage.
“Oh, no. We moved here—” She did some mental figuring. “—six or seven years ago. Craig is the supervisor at the shirt factory. I’m a city girl, and, honestly, I’m ready to get back.”
Wesley was feeling better already. Maybe this had nothing to do with him and Travis. “I’m from Kansas City. My family is still there. It’s actually been more of a challenge to get used to being here than I anticipated. Though we get the same kind of winters there. But they do a better job keeping the roads cleared.”
Ms. Michaels glanced out the window toward her SUV. “I should probably make it quick. I don’t want to leave Sniffles out there long, actually.”
That worked for him. “What can I do for you?”
Despite her press for time, she hesitated, glancing nervously around the main office, finally looking at him again. Her brown eyes were kind and full of concern. “This may sound strange, and if I’m overstepping my boundaries, just say so.” Another pregnant pause. “I just wanted to make sure you’re doing okay here?”
“That I’m doing okay?” It looked like it probably had something to do with him and Travis after all.
Ms. Michaels hurried on, her cheeks flushing. “Well, I’ve heard rumors about you. That you are, um, dating”—there was a question in her tone—“the gentleman who owns the feedstore.”
Though he wasn’t going to hide anything, neither was he going to confirm anything for her. She seemed kind enough, but the town had felt less friendly the past couple of days. Wesley wasn’t sure if that was the reality or just his perception.
When she realized he wasn’t going to respond, she continued. “I just wanted to offer a kind word I suppose.” She twisted her hands in front of her. “I guess that seems silly.”
Wesley relaxed somewhat. “Oh, well… thank you. That’s nice of you. I… ah….” This was beyond awkward.
Ms. Michaels placed both of her hands on the glass counter, leaning in toward him, her words coming quicker. “You see, my son, Darwin, is gay. He’s doing great now, but it was hard for a while.” Her eyes clouded over momentarily, lost in some memory. “It got bad enough that he attempted to take his life. I swore that I would never….” She seemed at a loss for words. “I’m not saying you’re feeling that way or anything. I just wanted… well, I just wanted you to know.”
All reservation melted away, and his heart broke for the woman and what she’d gone through. And he was touched at what she was attempting to do. Giving in to the impulse, Wesley walked around the counter and wrapped her in his arms.
She hugged him back instantly, her small frame trembling in his much larger arms.
After a few moments, Wesley pulled back, giving her a little space. “Thank you, Carrie. Thank you for trusting me with that. Your son—Darwin, I believe you said—your son is better now?”
She wiped at her eyes and smiled. “Oh, yes. He’s doing well. He’s a sophomore in college and is quite happy.” Her smile brightened, pride radiating through her emotions. “He’s at peace with who God made him to be.”
Wesley wasn’t sure what that meant. He’d heard of kids having gone to religious camps to make them straight or some such nonsense.
Carrie continued, answering his question before he could figure out how to ask. “There was a fellow in our church who was….” She fumbled for words again. “Well, I guess you could say he was a guest speaker at the youth group when Darwin was in high school. His name was Brooke, and he talked to the kids about his experience being gay.” Tears filled her eyes once more. “He saved my son’s life.”
“He saved your son? He was there when Darwin tried to hurt himself?”
She shook her head. “Oh, no. Not like that. He simply let Darwin know that he was okay. That he was exactly how he should be. Brooke and his husband were the first people Darwin knew who were gay, and”—she shrugged again—“they took the time to love him. Craig and I owe them so much.”
Wesley had no idea what to say. If Carrie hadn’t been so emotional, he would have thought she was making the whole thing up. A church in El Dorado Springs had a gay guest speaker talk to their youth group? And his husband?
“I know you’re not a teenager, Dr. Ryan, but I’ve also learned how lonely it can seem. I’m not sure how you’ve gotten along since you’ve moved to town. I know what it’s like to be an outsider here and to have a gay son. I just wanted you to know, so that you…. Well, I just wanted you to know.”
Wesley hugged her again, immensely thankful for the tiny woman. “I’m so glad your son is okay. I hope I get to meet him one day.”
She smiled at him when they separated. “Oh, I’d love that! Maybe when he comes back during summer vacation, I could bring him by, or we could all go to dinner or something.”
Wesley grinned. “Absolutely. You can count on it.”
“Wonderful. And in the meantime, Sniffles and I will see you in a couple of weeks.” Carrie squeezed his arm and walked toward the door.
“Carrie?”
She looked back him. “Yes, Dr. Ryan?”
“The guest speaker, Brooke, are he and his husband still in town?” How would he not have heard of them? Surely Wendy would have mentioned it, or Travis, if he had known.
Her smile faltered. “No. Things were pretty hard for them here. They moved a couple of years ago. Right around the time Darwin graduated. They keep in contact with him, though.”
Of course they’d left. Things were pretty hard for them here. Wesley’s heart sank at the implication.
WESLEY WAS glad he had a little bit of time before his next appointment. He wasn’t sure how to process Ms. Michaels’s story. On one hand, it was nice to have a friendly face show up out of the blue, someone who wasn’t connected to Travis or Wendy. Though nothing had changed since Travis had told him about Caleb and that word was out that Travis and Wesley were connected, Wesley felt like every eye in town was on him. No one had said any
thing, but Wesley could feel it, though maybe it was his imagination. He’d begun to feel like the town leper. But if Ms. Michaels wasn’t closed-minded, maybe there were others. Maybe she and Darwin had sort of paved the way with the help of that Brooke guy and his husband—although they’d apparently hightailed it out of there. That didn’t bode so well.
Truth be told, he was exhausted. He was relieved he and Travis didn’t have to be as careful anymore, not that they’d been careful enough. They’d made it about two months before the shit hit the fan, but in a town as small as El Do, Wesley figured they couldn’t have expected much more.
He wasn’t worried about what the town would think or say. He really didn’t care about what anyone else thought. Until realizing that Caleb had gotten into a fight because of him, at least by default, he hadn’t really considered the implications outside of his own turmoil, selfish though that might be.
Everything with Travis had been a whirlwind, and that included sex. He was having some of the best sex of his life. Things with Todd had been good, though Todd had always been rather predictable when it came to sex, except for the whole leaving him for a twink factor. Sex with others had been fun, dirty, and frequent—well, maybe frequent was an understatement.
But sex with Travis? Holy hell. The man was an animal, just as much a bear when they were fucking as he looked like he’d be. Wesley hadn’t expected it. With the man’s trepidation about the whole gay thing, and his pain around his dead wife, Wesley had been prepared to have to be patient with the sex, taking things slow and staying about as vanilla as possible.
He needn’t have worried. Once Travis had given in to his attraction to Wesley, the floodgates had opened, and many times Wesley had to concentrate on walking normally the rest of the day.
He loved it!
And therein was the problem, wasn’t it? He was falling for the redheaded brute. Wesley truly had intended to spend the next year or so solely focused on regaining his equilibrium, figuring out his next steps, and using the time to get grounded before moving on.
Instead, he was having sex with a father of three. Travis had just brought up the possibility of Wesley spending time with the kids. That added a whole different level to their relationship.