by Bry Ann
I run down the halls in oversized socks, jeans shorts and a halter top that is nearly untied. I crash, quite literally, into Gioele.
“Bellemore,” these people and last names. His eyes roam over me, assessing. He’s the oldest and most settled of the men, “what’s wrong?”
He sounds genuinely concerned.
“I need to talk to the Boss,” I blurt out.
His eyebrows shoot up.
“Uh, okay. Anything I need to know about?”
“I need the Boss,” I say frantically. I'm buzzing. I have no clue what I'm feeling but my body is buzzing.
“Okay. I’ll text him.”
I bounce on my toes as he does. He gets the text out in .01 seconds and .02 seconds later the Boss has replied. These people don’t mess around when it comes to communication.
“He’s on his way.”
Now. Shit. Now I'm freaking out. I can’t stop the buzzing though. I really wish I hadn’t shattered my phone.
“Good,” I get out.
Gioele doesn’t leave me. Probably because I look like a psycho. The sound of clicking echoes across the hallway. The boss approaches in his expensive dress shoes, looking powerful. His hair is gelled to perfection. He’s wearing an immaculate suit, rings glistening, face impassive. He’s power incarnate. He looks me up and down.
“What’s going on?”
“Where’s Lacey?”
Like I’d called her Lacey comes running out from the kitchen. Sneaky little thing. She must have been listening to us. She slides up next to the Boss, covered in mustard and some sort of white powder that looks more like cocaine than flour. But hey, what do I know?
He looks flustered when she appears next to him. His powerful shell shatters when he looks at her because she’s the power between them. When he looks back at me, it’s back.
“You’re telling him. Aren’t you?” Lacey says quietly.
I feel my body shake.
“They have a friend of mine,” I blurt out.
The Boss doesn’t let any emotion show on his face, whereas I'm a frantic disaster. Lacey moves from beside the Boss to hold my arm. She looks at the Boss as if to say ‘if you make me pick a side, I will pick hers.’ I'm scared for her, but it warms my heart to know she cares about me so much.
“Where’s Sven?” I ask him in between breaths.
“Working,” Boss says absentmindedly, looking solely at Lacey.
She lifts her chin. I freaking love this girl. From the day I met her in that cell she’s never cowered to him.
“Show him the picture,” Lacey says.
I look down.
“What is it, Rose?”
“I shattered my phone.”
The Boss throws his head back. Lacey stays calm, thinking.
“Why?”
“They sent me another picture.”
I bite my lip.
“His arm is broken! There was a knife. They are going to do more. He’s innocent!”
Tears start to leak out as the buzzing fades.
“Who is he?” the Boss asks.
“He was my friend at the treatment center. We dated for a while, but not serious. He was nice to me. Really nice. He didn’t judge me.”
“No one put out a missing person on you when Sven took you,” Boss states bluntly, challenging my friendship.
“It’s complicated.”
He rolls his eyes. “We are trying to help you, you know?”
“They didn’t pick him for no reason,” Lacey states, staring at him.
He stares back. After a silent argument, he concedes.
“I do see the tie. Be honest with me Rose. Are you planning something stupid and/or did they threaten you?”
“No,” I squeak.
Both Lacey and Boss raise their eyebrows. The same way. It’s almost funny.
“Well, of course, it was a threat. They didn’t send me the pictures for fun!”
“Alright. You’re phones backed up. I’ll have my men hack it and we’ll check out the pictures and see what we can do. I’ll look into this. Okay?”
“And I'm just supposed to wait here?” I screech. “Are you kidding me? He’s my friend. They’ll kill him! He’s being tortured. I have to…”
“No!” Boss says, voice echoing off the walls. “You will have patience. I know what I'm doing.”
Lacey steps back a bit, hovering between us. Subtly sending the message she agrees with the Boss but has my back.
“Fine.” I purse my lips.
“Please Rose, trust him.”
“How can you of all people trust him?!” I blurt out without thinking. My eyes go wide immediately. “Oh my God! Lacey, I'm so sorry. I'm so, so sorry. I can’t believe I said that.”
She steps in front of me, gently placing her hands on my shoulders.
“It’s okay. You’re going through a lot.”
She pulls away. There’s conflict in her eyes now. Conflict I triggered. I feel awful. Lacey is the dead last person who deserves my anger. She turns directly to the Boss now.
“You’re lucky I trust you with myself. Trusting you with the people I love, that you’re going to have to earn.”
Then she walks off. She can deny it until the cows come home, but she’s really upset and it’s my fault. I feel the Boss glaring at me, but he can’t even say anything because I'm right.
“I’ll handle this. You have my word. Lay low.”
There’s a pause. He starts to walk off, but he glances over his shoulder one last time.
“And Sven should be back tomorrow.”
I don’t trust him. And the threat still stands. I'm out of time. Tomorrows Friday. They don’t know about the timeline of course, and I'm too scared to tell anyone. Too scared I’ll be the reason that beautiful boy dies. I’d call Sven, but I broke my phone. I don’t know what the hell to do.
Then suddenly I just do.
I just know.
I run down the hall.
“Cartelo!” I yell.
“Yes ma’am,” he says flatly.
Cartleto is responsible for taking me places, errands I need to run or whatever. I'm not trapped here. I made that clear to Sven. Sven made is just as clear he didn’t want me to be. Cartelo has no choice, being a new soldier, but for obvious reasons, he hates being my errand boy.
“I need to go to the store. The one-off Lafeet Lane.”
“Why the fuck that one?”
“They have a brand of tampons I like at that store,” I say, thinking quick. He throws his hands over his ears.
“God Bellemore. I got it. Jesus.”
He turns to grab the keys and prep the car. Men. Say one thing about a damn period and all rationality goes out the window. For instance, why the hell would I need to drive over an hour to go to a specific grocery store for a damn brand of tampons. Like no closer store would have it or something comparable. I'm not arguing. It works to my advantage.
I quickly go to my room. I change into jeans, fix my haunter top and throw on tennis shoes. I have no idea what I'm in for here. But it’s my dad’s men. This just needs to be worked out. If I handle this my dad will see reason. Prison has hardened him. He’s forgotten, but if he knows I did what he said when he talks to me, knows I came, he’ll do right by me. I'm sure of it.
I run back outside where the car is waiting. I climb in the backseat, wrapping the seatbelt around my body.
“You’re a pain in the ass. You know that, right?” Cartelo grumbles.
“Oh quit grumbling. You love me.”
Guilt drops like a weight in my stomach. They are going to hurt him when they find out I left. I know my dad won’t hurt me, but I also know I'm not going to just make an appearance at the address they sent me, the empty business rental spot by the grocery store, and they’ll be like ‘okay thanks for coming’ and let me go before Cartelo notices I’m missing. Nope. I'm gonna be there for a while, and that’s the best-case scenario. They may take me to a new location. Cartelo is going to have to call for backup,
and he’s gonna be in a shit ton of trouble. Sven’s gonna kill him. Oh God. Without realizing it I throw my face in my hands.
“What’s going on back there? You having a conversation with yourself?”
My head shoots up.
“Uh yeah, sorry.”
My cheeks burn red.
I hear him mumble ‘you’re crazy’ under his breath. I totally am. I have no idea why Sven puts up with me. Let alone wants me. After all this, after I deal with my dad, he’s going to help me go to college. College! I’ll pay him back. I’ve always dreamt of getting my degree, but have been too screwed up to figure out how to pursue it financially. Now Sven’s going to help me. My biggest dream is coming true.
For once I have a future waiting for me. Not just an existence. And Sven gave me that. And I’ve come to terms with who he is, for the most part. The thing that bothers me most, violence, Sven doesn’t really participate in. Only when he has to. Absolutely has to. He uses his intelligence to get what he wants. I respect that. Kidnapping me was a lapse. He even admitted that. Not that it was a small lapse or anything, but, I don’t know, maybe I'm falling for him and making excuses. Either way, I'm finding peace. I'm not ruining from it. I'm not willing to give up on how he makes me feel.
“We’re here. Hurry your ass up in there. Just don’t tell Sven I said that. I’ve been driving for over an hour so you can get the most comfortable fucking tampon.”
“I’ll do my best,” I mumble, crawling out of the car.
“I'm sorry,” I whisper when I slam the car door shut.
I pretend to go in the side door of the grocery store, but I actually sneak into the door right next to it. The door leading to an empty office rental space. Call 1.800.359.6624 if you are interested. Okay, whatever. The door creaks as I slide it open. It’s dark and looks deserted.
“Hello?... Uh, hello? Is anyone here?”
This is the address. I'm sure of it. I double checked.
Mumbling comes from the back of the room. I sprint over as my eyes widen. My tennis shoes click as I spring across the floor.
“Kev!” I gasp.
I kick that same knife from the picture away. His arm is indeed definitely broken. He’s tied down to the chair like in the video and beaten violently. I throw the gag out of his mouth. He starts to shake his head rapidly, which clearly causes him pain.
“Go, Rose! Get out here! Fuck, I'm sorry!”
Kev sounds totally panicked.
“I'm not leaving you. You’re hurt.”
I reach to untie him.
“We’ll both go.”
“No Rose!” he basically screams. “Run. Rose…”
“Well hello there.”
I whirl around, heart slamming in my chest. I am met with the largest man I’ve ever seen. He looks cruel as shit. Horrid. He’s hideous. He works for my father? At this moment, far too late, I realize I put my heart in the hands of a man who has none. I don’t know what hurts worse, being in grave danger or losing my father all over again. Losing the man I thought he was.
“I just have a message from your father.”
The unmistakable barrel of a gun is aimed at my heart. There’s irony in that. I know Kev’s yelling, but the room is eerily silent.
BOOM!
“Your father says to tell you, even precious flowers wither and die. Even warrior princesses fall.”
Red. Black. Red. Black. Red.
As the world faded from blood red to black I couldn’t help but think the tragic part in all of this wasn’t my death, it was my life. That I died the same broken seventeen-year-old girl I’d always been.
Chapter 23:
Lacey:
Three Days Later:
“Come on Lacey. Hit the glove. Go on.”
Smack! Smack! Smack!
I punch the hand glove Cut is holding out with everything I have. My face is covered in sweat and my knuckles covered in blood. I don’t care. I can’t.
Rose. Rose. Rose.
Smack. Smack. Smack.
“Keep going!”
My punches become weaker as my body tires, but my heart rages on. I put every pathetic piece of energy I have left into my hits before my body gives out. I slip to the ground. Tears leak out. I can’t help it. Rose.
Cut crouches in front of me.
“I'm sorry about your friend,” he says warily.
I trace one of my scars. “She’s my sister.”
He nods.
“Get that. Finish up what you’re doing. Let it out here. I know what you’re thinking.”
“You don’t.”
“You wanna hurt yo’self.” He shakes his head. “That’s not gonna happen. Not on my watch. Now up.”
I don’t move.
“This ain’t your fault girl.”
“Yes, it is!” I scream, standing up. “I knew! She needed more answers and I told her to wait. I'm so fucking stupid!”
I turn to the wall and quickly cock my arm back, wanting to feel the cracking sensation in my knuckles. I don’t get very far before I'm pulled back.
“You fight here! On the mat. Not yourself. Now come on.”
“NO!” I scream. I go for the wall again.
“God damn it girl.”
Cut’s hands wrap around my waist and pull me back. I kick and scream and fight, but I'm too weak.
“Let me go! Let me go!”
“Can’t ‘til I know you’re safe. Let me set you down. Then you fight and let this shit out. I'm even letting you go glove free for a bit. Come on.”
“Let me go!”
Cut sighs heavily, as if to say this wasn’t in his job description. The door swings open as I kick and punch and scream against Cut.
“What the hell is going on here? Lacey? Cut, set her down.”
Cut does. Immediately I spring for the wall. I’ve never tried to hurt myself in front of people so blatantly, but I need freedom from the pain.
“Fuck Lacey!”
Boss lunges forward, but Cut’s arms wrap around me again, in a repeat of events. I kick harder this time.
“I got her,” I hear Adam say.
Despite my kicking and screaming, Cut easily hands me off. He’s so big. So much bigger than Adam, but the second I'm in Adams' arms my walls crumble. I sob hard into his arms as my whole body goes limp. Adam goes to the ground with me.
“You can go. Thank you,” he mumbles to Cut.
All I hear after this is the door clicking shut. I cry so hard it feels like one of my lungs have collapsed. When the tears aren’t enough they morph into anger. This can’t be reality.
“Why? You said you’d help her! You said! You lied!”
He pulls me in tighter and squeezes me against his chest.
“I'm so sorry little dove. I'm so, so sorry.”
“I love her. I love her so much.”
“I know Lace. I know.”
His words come out choked. I don’t know what comes over me. It’s this icy peace. Determination. Cold stone in my aching heart.
“I'm gonna make him pay. He’s not going to hurt anyone else.”
That’s what Rose would want.
Suddenly I know what her ‘father’ meant when he said I was dangerous.
Because, right now, I feel about as dangerous as they come.
Chapter 24:
Sven:
“What the fuck do you want?” I shout through the door. Whiskey bottles lace the counter tops. Along with pills. And drugs. Anything I can get my hands on to drown this out. I cried. I cried for the first time since I was a boy. I didn’t fucking protect her. She didn’t even fucking tell me! I knew something was wrong. I Goddamn fucking knew it!
“I'm coming in,” Boss says firmly.
He pushes the door open. His eyes find their way around the room before shaking his head.
“If you’re gonna kill me, please, be my guest,” I slur.
“I'm not gonna kill you. I wouldn’t kill someone so pathetic.”
I attempt to glare at him, but i
t comes out pathetic in my wildly drunk state. Boss doesn’t say anything for a long time.
“I'm sorry about Rose.”
“Sorry. Sure.”
I hiccup.
“No, I am.”
“Okay. Can’t bring her back.”
Boss grabs a bottle with the tips of his fingers and drops it in the trash.
“You gotta pull it together. This isn’t what she’d want.”
“I don’t give a fuck what she wants! She had plans. A future. She should have told me, not you! I would have known the stupid shit she’d try and pull. I didn’t protect her.”
I hiccup again, but it comes out more of a sob.
“Fuck,” I choke.
Boss stares at me for a long time. When he realizes he has no clue what to say, he walks out. I never got to tell her. I never got to fucking tell her.
I pull out a pad of paper and a cheap pen. Just like I had when I was a boy and I’d write to the father I never met, begging him to save me. Begging Savannah, who I thought was my mom, to love me and take me away. Ramblings of a naive boy. Now I'm about to do that same stupid shit again.
For her.
Rose,
I never got to tell you this. Not in person. Bet I never would have either. Every day I regret taking you. More because I took the one thing you ever cared about from you. I'm a selfish fuck. What can I say?
I gave the treatment center back to Kristy and all them. No cost. It’s too late now, but… at least it’s running how you’d want it to be. That was your home after all.
You cared about me. Even when you didn’t want to admit it. I’ve never had that Rose. Not for real. When you gave yourself to me, that was the happiest I’ve ever been. You were just starting to plan your future, thinking that I already had one. I didn’t. This life. I love it. It gave me something when I had nothing, but I’d only ever started thinking about a future when I met you.
I suck at love. But fucking hell, I know I love you. I'm just a cocky son of a bitch.
Now you’re gone.
I hate you for that.
You left me alone.
… But I would go to the ends of the earth to find you again if it meant I could bring you back. If it meant finding a way to make up to you all the trouble I caused. If it meant seeing you in college, helping all your girls. Seeing those crystal blue eyes light up. Feeling your body under mine. Feeling you shake with need as I held you.