by N'Tyse
“I see we’re all here like one big happy family,” Chyna grinned, hoping to prove to Sand that she wasn’t the least bit afraid of this little scare tactic she called herself pulling.
Sand never had so much hate for one person in her life. She gave Chyna a hard up, fuck-you stare.
“I think you have something of mines,” Chyna said, glancing down at the loaded pillowcase near Sand’s foot.
Sand was still stuck on the fact that Rene was standing only a few feet away with the bitch that she wanted to make a history lesson out of. “If you so much as breathed on her wrong—” Sand relayed strongly to Chyna.
“Sand, cut the bullshit. You’re wasting my time! If you want to keep this precious jewel of yours,” Chyna said as she slid the gun over Rene’s ass, then again to her back, “I suggest you make no mistakes here tonight.”
Sand pushed Fantasy’s head back farther. “I will shoot this bitch!”
Chyna let out a laugh. “You are so fucking predictable,” she smirked. “But I’ll tell you what. Untie my woman, give her the bag, and we’ll call all this even. I’ll even let you make it out of here walking.”
Sand’s mean mug was comfortable on her face. Chyna must have thought she was running this show. “Now, are you finished making demands that you aren’t going to see happen tonight?” Sand had everyone’s attention. She tried not to look at Rene because she no longer saw that innocent, angelic face she once fell in love with. All she saw now staring up at her was a stranger.
“I’ll give you half of your money now and the other half when I’ve reached my destination.” Sand lifted the bag in the air with one hand. It was a lot lighter than it had been. “Sand, why do you insist on making this harder than it has to be? I want my money. And I want all of it. Now!”
Sand smiled. She was playing the same manipulative game Chyna was known for playing. “You’re desperate right now. You need this money, and if you’re as smart as you look, I know you don’t take me for a fool or a coward!” Sand began untying Fantasy. Her wrists fell free.
Fantasy quickly snatched the tape off her mouth. She maintained her position, knowing what was at stake. She dared not make a false move. But she looked Sand dead in the eye. She could smell the fear all over her.
Sand read Fantasy’s thoughts and knew that Fantasy would have killed her if she had the chance. She turned her attention back to Chyna. “I’ll call you on where you can pick up the rest.”
Chyna bit down on her lip. This shit was not happening the way it was supposed to. Hesitantly, she nodded her head and swirled her tongue around her gritted teeth. “You’ll regret this,” she told Sand in all honesty.
Sand handed the bag to Fantasy, motioning with the gun for her to take that trip.
Chyna followed Sand’s lead. “Walk,” she whispered in Rene’s ear. “And I’m certain that you will keep our little business agreements private. Confidentiality is very important as far as my clients are concerned—all of them,” she added.
Rene nodded slowly. Chyna had definitely gotten her point across. As Rene placed one foot in front of the other, she could sense the gun being aimed directly at the back of her head. She was scared to death, and she could feel Chyna pulling the trigger with every step she made. She hurried past Fantasy, avoiding eye contact. When she finally made it to Sand, face-to-face, she inhaled deeply as tears came crashing down her face.
Sand looked at Rene, then rolled her eyes upward. She couldn’t do this right now, not in this frame of mind. Not with this gun in her hand portraying her to be somebody she wasn’t. She suppressed that confrontational chip on her shoulder and let her thoughts get back on track. She watched closely as Chyna opened the bag, eyeballed the money, and closed it back again.
“When will I get the rest of my money?” she asked angrily.
Sand saw the desperation that was still planted in Chyna’s face. “I’ll call you. You’ll get it.” She never took her eyes off the two women as they hurriedly disappeared down the ramp. Once they were out of sight, she put her gun away. “What the fuck was you doing with her tonight?” she lashed out at Rene. “You know what?” She looked Rene up and down, “I don’t even think I want the answer to that.”
Rene shook her head, realizing at that moment that Sand really didn’t know about all the things Chyna had her doing. She grew disgusted with herself. Chyna had been playing her all this time. Rene couldn’t stomach the thought of it. That would explain why Chyna felt the need to pay her. That was why she asked that she keep their business agreements between them. Rene felt herself getting dizzier by the minute. How would she explain herself? She couldn’t. She couldn’t let Sand know about all the horrible, degrading shit she had done. “It’s nothing,” she lied. “I just want to—” she reached for Sand’s hand, but Sand snatched it away from her.
“Don’t put your hands on me.” Sand peered at Rene as though she was contagious. “And you just wanna what? Lie to me? Hide money from me? Have another motherfuckin’ baby on me?”
Sand’s voice echoed in the garage. She was inches away from knocking the shit out of Rene. She began counting backward before her temper got the best of her. She wasn’t going to give Rene the benefit of seeing her go off. That would be giving her too much. She couldn’t have Rene knowing that she hadn’t slept, eaten, or felt right since she’d been gone. Nah, she couldn’t do it. She had to hold her ground and take the shit like a man. Rene was safe right now, and that’s all that mattered. Now she could move on, knowing that Rene was out of harm’s way. They could go their separate ways and never see each other again for all she cared.
“I’m sorry,” Rene blurted. Her trembling lips bartered for forgiveness. “I didn’t mean to hurt you,” she said as the developing tears that rounded her cheeks played freely.
“Fuck you, Rene! I ain’t falling for that shit again.” Sand recalled the times before when she questioned whether Rene was cheating on her. Thinking back on it now, she should have followed her instincts and maybe this shit wouldn’t hurt like it was hurting now.
Rene stopped and wiped her face. “Now you wait a damn minute. I did my dirt, but I sure as hell wasn’t alone.” Sand looked at her dumbfounded. “You cheated on me too,” Rene cried. “The bitch had the nerve to come to our apartment with that shit! Were you fucking her in our house? In our bed, Sand?”
Sand’s brows folded. Rene didn’t need an explanation, and she sure as hell wasn’t offering one, even if it did mean telling her the truth and relieving her of those fucked-up accusations she had insulted her with. Rene should have known that she would have never brought another woman into their bed. She had that much respect for her. But as Sand stared down at Rene, the bitter expression matching her own, she didn’t give a damn how Rene felt about anything right about now.
Angered by Sand’s silence, Rene blurted, “I lost my baby because of your cheating ass!”
Her words were like spitballs of fire. “You know what, Rene? It’s over. That shit is done. We’re done. Now you can go on with your happy little life. Marry the man of your dreams and have all the babies you want,” she glared at Rene. “I’ll take you to Shun’s and y’all can sit around and talk about how I’m such a bad, heartless person.” Sand couldn’t contain her emotions any longer. The love, the hate, the pain she bottled inside came tumbling down her cheeks.
Rene stood in a state of shock. “How can you stand here and act like I never meant anything to you? I tried. I’m still trying,” she admitted.
Sand shook her head. She didn’t want to hear that. “Stop. Just quit already. It ain’t gon’ never be the same. You know that, and I know that.”
Rene reached for Sand’s hand. “It doesn’t need to be the same. That way didn’t work for us,” she said. “We can start over. From scratch. No more secrets and no more lies.”
Sand didn’t refuse her hand this time. She stared into Rene’s precious soul. She asked herself if things would be different the next time around, and if she loved this woman unc
onditionally. A lot had happened. More baggage and drama was brought to their union that was already challenged. But was their relationship salvageable and worth another try?
Rene interrupted her thoughts. “Please. I’m begging you,” she whispered through her soft lips. “Give us another chance, and I promise things will be better than before.”
Sand swallowed her stubborn guilt. She wanted to believe that she could offer Rene everything her heart desired. “I got one question.”
“Anything,” Rene said before Sand could get all the words out.
“Did you love him?”
Rene captured Sand’s hazel eyes within hers. She stepped closer and pressed her body into Sand’s. It was warm there. “I’ve never loved anyone but you.”
Sand leaned down, found Rene’s lips, and rested her own there. She inhaled every bit of Rene for as long as she could until a masculine scent swept over her. She smelled a man on Rene’s body, in Rene’s hair, on Rene’s lips. She pretended he wasn’t there and that she was only imagining it. She wanted to make Rene hers again. This time, she’d do it right.
“I love you so much,” Rene cried out.
Sand rubbed her back. “I love you too, baby. God knows I love you too.” She grabbed Rene by the hand. “Come on. I have somebody waiting out front.”
* * *
“Over there,” Ty said to the driver, tapping him on his shoulders. He had fallen asleep from waiting so long. She rolled down her back window. “Sand!” she yelled out.
Sand spotted the Yellow Cab right away. She held Rene tightly by the hand as they ran for the car. Cold air and rain splattered against their faces.
Ty held the back door open, trying to make out the other woman. She wondered who the pretty chick was and where she could have come from.
Rene’s wet mane began to curl tightly, all the way up to her roots, ruining hours of hot iron pressing. But at that moment she didn’t care half as much about her hair as she did about seeing Sand again.
“Here’s a paper towel,” Ty offered.
Rene reached for it. “Thank you.” She began blotting her face dry. She looked up at Sand, her hair, face, and arms all victims of the rain. She began wiping Sand’s face. “I don’t need you getting sick on me.”
Sand could watch this woman like this for all of eternity. “What if I like the idea of lying up in bed all day so you can wait on me hand and foot?” she asked slyly.
Rene leaned in as close as she could. “You don’t have to be sick for me to do that.” Rene glided her hands down the sides of Sand’s face.
Ty suddenly cleared her throat.
“Oh, my bad,” Sand said, catching the hint. “Rene, this is Ty. Ty, this is Rene, my girl.”
“Oh, the girlfriend,” Ty said, giving Sand an awkward look. But Sand pretended not to notice it. “You are so pretty,” Ty added. “Sand definitely knows how to pick ’em,” she said, successfully hiding the sarcasm in her comment.
“Thank you. You are too,” Rene complimented, impressed by Ty’s frankness.
Ty wanted to believe Rene, but she knew the woman was only being polite. She’d seen herself in the mirror, and she knew she was far from being anything close to the pretty she once was, unless being pretty damn scary counted for something.
“Where to, ladies, and, uh, sir?” The cabdriver asked with uncertainty.
Sand looked at the meter. It was pushing eighty dollars. “Ty, we’ll take you home first.”
“Okay.” Ty gave the driver her mother’s address.
Rene lay her head on Sand’s shoulder. She kept it there the entire ride.
So many things ran through Sand’s mind. Chief among them was Deja. She knew that Deja deserved some type of closure. And while Sand hated to have to face her, stripped from the old conditions that were no longer available to her, she knew she had to do it. Deja deserved the truth. Sand could never love her the way she loved Rene. And for that reason, she had to say good-bye.
* * *
Ty snuck through her old bedroom window, just like old times. She didn’t want her mother to see her like this, in this shape. As her feet touched the hardwood floor, she sighed in relief that she was back home safe. She slid the glass back down and locked it, then she turned around, searching for the lamp in the dark. Sliding a finger over the switch, she turned it on—but was more than surprised to find her mother sitting there, on her perfectly made bed, holding a Bible.
“I left it unlocked for you. I knew you’d come home,” her mother said faithfully. “God showed it to me, just as clear as I can see day,” she smiled.
“Mama!” Ty ran over to hug her mother. She released all the cries stored inside of her as her mother held and rocked her in her arms like a little girl.
“Thank you, Jesus, for bringing my baby back home to me,” her mother cried out to her Savior as she squeezed her daughter tighter. “You don’t have to worry about no one hurting you anymore, ever again,” Ty’s mother told her. “He’s gone,” she wept. “He’s gone, and he ain’t ever coming back.”
Ty raised her head. “Mama, I’m sorry,” she said. Her mother looked her over. Not once did she ask about the scars and bruises that covered Ty’s face and arms. And while they nestled in each other’s arms, Ty noticed the dark circles and bags underneath her mother’s eyes—testimonies to her restless nights. She couldn’t even put a meal down her stomach without worrying about if her child had eaten that day. “You don’t have to be sorry, Tylesha. It’s not your fault, baby. None of this is your fault. I should have listened to you when you came to me. I blame myself for this.” Ty’s face was drenched as she rocked with her mother, sharing her pain. She exhaled. It was all over, she told herself. Everything could go back to being normal again, back to when she had a life—a life that belonged to her.
23
Sunday Morning
“We need to talk,” Sand whispered to Rene, waking her out of her sleep.
“Umm,” Rene moaned. She was exhausted, and she couldn’t see how Sand could even be awake so early, considering the long night they had. After they dropped Ty off at her mother’s house, they had the cabdriver swing by Shun’s so that Rene could grab some clothes. After that, he brought them to the hotel room.
Last night was about all the days they spent away from each other and all the nights they struggled to get through, alone. It was about two people expressing their love, compassion, and desire for one another, their feelings, and their deepest regrets. Last night was about a real commitment to true love.
“Babe, I need you to wake up. I really need to talk to you,” Sand said, a little louder this time.
Rene’s voice was groggy. “What time is it?”
“Probably around eight.”
Rene barely opened one eye. “Are you serious? Because it sure doesn’t feel like it’s eight anything.” She pulled herself up in the bed and quickly noted how Sand had already gotten fully dressed while she remained in her birthday suit. “So what is it that you want to talk about?” she asked with a smile.
Sand sat on the edge of the bed. Rene’s pink toenails peeked from underneath the covers.
Rene gauged the look in Sand’s eyes. She wasn’t getting a good vibe. She changed positions, crawled over the thick bedspread and made her way to the opposite end of the bed. “What’s wrong?”
“Rene, I think I’m wanted. But I swear to you, on my mama’s grave, that I ain’t kill nobody.”
Rene just listened, allowed Sand to talk without interruption.
Sand looked her woman straight in the eyes, her morning glow so inviting. “Baby, I cheated on you. More than once. More than twice,” she willingly admitted. “I fucked up. Big time. But I didn’t kill that damn girl. I didn’t,” she kept saying. Her pleading eyes wanted more from Rene than what Rene was offering. “Bae, you listening to me?” Sand asked, unsure. “I said I’m wanted for murder.”
Rene eased off the bed. She had heard from Sand’s mouth all she needed to hear. “Sand, I know all a
bout Jasmine.”
Sand was taken aback. “What?”
“I said,” Rene allowed that jealousy to hang off her lips, “I know all about her. Y’all’s relationship—”
“It wasn’t a relationship,” Sand corrected.
“The threesome. I know about it all.” Rene could barely look at Sand anymore as her attention found its way to the stained carpet. Now she remembered why she hated motels. They were nasty, unkempt, and smelled like cheap potpourri and stale sex. She finally looked up again. “How long, Sand? Were you even going to tell me, or were you going to wait until I had to hear it from somewhere else?”
As Sand sat on the edge of the bed, totally confused, she could only bring herself to ask Rene one question, a question that didn’t even matter. “Who told you?”
“Tsk.” Rene folded her arms. She wanted to tell Sand about the night Vincent had come over. About June Bug raping her. About the earring the detectives found in their apartment that belonged to the dead woman—but where would she begin? There was so much Sand didn’t know about. So much that Rene wished she could just leave it all in the past and never have to hear about it again. “It doesn’t matter who told me. Because I trusted you!” Rene pulled back the strands of hair that fell in her face.
“Like I trusted you! So don’t flip this around on me when you know damn well you were out there doing the same thing I was! At least I didn’t cross the damn line! A man, Rene? You know how that shit made me feel? Made me look? So what have I been all this time, huh?” Sand asked seriously, getting everything off her chest. “A lesbian experiment? Something to quench your curiosity until you figured out if you were straight, gay, or bisexual?”
Rene stood up in shock, not believing that Sand could even fix her mouth to say the things she was pushing down her throat. “You know none of that’s true. I love you! Yes, you know you were my first, but I’ve never looked at you as some . . . experiment. I fell hard for you. For you! I was only trying to make sense of this . . . I never liked being judged or criticized. And I didn’t know how to handle all of the pressure, the denial . . . that came with accepting that I was in love with another woman. And the truth is, when I needed you to help me sort through all of those emotions, you weren’t there. You were always running around with your friends, always drinking, smoking, partying, and coming in all times of night like you didn’t have a woman at home. How do you think I felt?” she fired back. “What was I supposed to do with people all in my ear about you cheating on me and making me look like a damn fool?”