by T. K. Chapin
**
In the church parking lot, Nathan grabbed my hand. I didn’t pull away. Instead, I just squeezed. We went inside and down the hallway where the associate pastor’s office was. As the open door made its way into our view, I could feel my heart begin to pound. He’s going to look at us with disappointment. I just know it. Before we made it all the way down the hall, I stopped and pulled on Nathan’s hand.
“Do we have to do this?” I asked, pleading with my eyes for this to be over.
Nathan turned his head and looked down the hallway and then back at me. Releasing my hand from his, he took a step closer and put his hands on my arms. Softly, he said, “Elizabeth. I love you, and I want to never hurt you the way I already have. God’s design for marriage was meant for something beautiful.” He shook his head as he continued, “I, in my sin, made it ugly. We need help getting back on track with God.” He glanced at the door down the hall. “Tom’s going to help direct us. I know you’re worried, but don’t be. I’ll be there with you. We’ll do it together.”
Nathan’s words helped ease the pounding in my chest. He was right. We needed the help, and Tom was kind enough to meet with us. He took my hand, and we continued to the door.
As Nathan raised a hand and pushed open the door, Pastor Tom took his glasses off and stood up from behind the desk. A tall, slender man in his early sixties, he carried the type of smile that made you comfortable. Coming around the corner of his desk, he greeted us with handshakes. “It’s good to see you two. Come in and have a seat,” he said, walking back around his desk.
As I sat down in a chair in front of his desk, my heart couldn’t help but race in anticipation of the conversation we were about to have. I knew his wife, Milly, well, and I was sure she would hear all about Nathan and me tonight. Pressing on my mind in that moment was the verse that Serenah had given me. Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you. Committing my anxiety over the situation at hand to the Lord, I let myself relax. This man across the desk wasn’t just any person in the world. He was a man of Christ, a fellow follower of His Word. If there was anyone Nathan and I should talk to, it was most likely Pastor Tom.
“Let’s pray,” Pastor Tom said, bowing his head. Nathan and I both bowed our heads. “Lord, we ask you to please bless our time together today. May Your wisdom and hand be over it. Help us all to see Your truth and open our hearts. In Your precious name, Amen.” As we lifted our heads, the pastor looked at me and then over at Nathan. “So how are you?” he asked.
“Good. Good,” Nathan replied.
Pastor Tom smiled warmly and looked at both of us. “Yeah?”
I reached over and touched Nathan’s arm, hoping to help him relax. Looking at him and then over at the Pastor, I said, “We need help. Our marriage is . . . in trouble.”
Nathan dipped his chin for a moment and then adjusted in his seat. “We aren’t sure what to do, Pastor. We’re focused on God now, and we’re trying to get right with Him.”
“Well, that’s a really good start,” Tom replied as he reached for his Bible on the desk. “What seems to be the problem then?”
“Things have happened . . .” I said, but he raised his hand.
“You don’t need to go into detail with me. That’s between you two and the Lord. I’ve never seen a case where I needed the gritty details of the issues.” He opened up his Bible to a specific part that appeared to be marked off with a paper. “Do you guys mind if I read you something?” he asked, looking up from the Scriptures.
“Please do,” Nathan said.
Placing his glasses on, he leaned in and pressed his finger against the page. “Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins. 1 Peter 4:8.” Peering up at Nathan and then over at me, he raised his eyebrows at us and then leaned back in his chair. “The way I like to look at the Bible is that God doesn’t put anything in there that’s not important. Loving deeply is the key here in this passage. What do you two think?”
I nodded as I felt my soul stir at the words. He was right. Love was the answer.
Nathan shook his head and said, “There’s respect that is needed also, though.” He leaned over the desk and looked at the Bible, “I know respect is mentioned in there too. Not just love.”
“True, Nathan,” Tom replied. Leaning forward, he said, “Really, why can’t respect be part of loving deeply?” Tom flipped through his Bible to another area as he continued speaking. “My wife and I have been married for forty-three years, and we still need God in our marriage every day. Without being connected to the vine of Christ, we’re hopelessly destined for failure in this life. Marriage is extremely difficult with God. Without Him, it’s impossible.”
“Did you guys ever get close to divorce?” Nathan asked.
“Nathan!” I scolded him.
“It’s okay,” Tom replied gently. “Yes. We did. It was right after I retired. We weren’t used to being around each other that much . . .” Tom paused for a moment and looked over at a picture of Milly on his desk and then shook his head. “It was ridiculous there for a few months.”
“What did you do?” I asked.
Tom looked at Nathan and then at me and said, “We stopped trying to fix it and let God take the wheel.”
The words resonated, but still lacked the exact instruction I longed for. Leaning forward, I pressed my hand flat against the desk and asked, “But what does that mean? What did you do?”
“I prayed, read my Bible, and kept focusing on God and my spouse. Over time, it worked out. God did the heavy lifting once I let Him.” The pastor turned his eyes back to his Bible and flipped a few more pages until he stopped. Looking up at me and then over to Nathan, he said, “I’ve seen a lot of people come through that door over there. Often, it’s only one spouse, and that’s really hard. Sometimes, it’s two, but one is only there because they were dragged in . . . but you two.” He shook his head and smiled. “You’ll be fine. You are both here—that alone shows something. Let’s see here.” His eyes went down to the Scriptures.
I pulled my hand off the desk and let it fall to my side. Nathan’s hand found mine, and my heart warmed at his touch.
Tom read again. “Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken. Ecclesiastes 4:12.” He looked up at us and continued, “It’s not just Nathan and Elizabeth. It’s God, Nathan and Elizabeth. Your marriage relationship is with God also. It’s hard to remember that when we aren’t focused on Him and His truths found in the Bible. You said you started getting back on track with God just recently?”
Nathan nodded and brought his hands together in his lap. “I haven’t been leading my family in the Lord these last few years. I’ve failed.” He looked over at me with tears welling in his eyes, then looked over at the pastor. “I have failed them.”
“Nathan,” Tom said in a warm tone. “That’s why you need God in your marriage and in your life. It’s not supposed to be up to you alone to handle it all. Look at Adam and Eve in the garden. Before the fall, God walked with Adam and taught him in the garden. The design of God was for Him to have a relationship with us. It’s about Him being the object of our worship. When we fade away from God, the Bible and our prayer lives, we are feeding our sinful flesh side. The Bible says we reap whatever we sow.”
Nathan wiped his eyes and kept nodding. “I know. I’m going to be better.”
“And you will fail,” Tom replied. Looking over at me, he said, “Both of you will keep failing, but you will also succeed in some ways. You just have to keep pushing forward and serving God with your life. This life we have is a process of becoming holy. Though Christ is the redeemer, it’s up to us to have a relationship with God. Without a relationship, we’ll always be lacking and trying to find fulfillment in this world, and we know what the world offers can never satisfy our need.”
The pastor’s words cut through all the hurt and spoke directly to me. It wasn’t me who was going to fix this disaster o
f a marriage, and it wasn’t Nathan either. It was God. Through time and focusing our attention on the Lord, this could really work. After our meeting with the pastor that day, we decided to forego more counseling and instead joined a marriage class Tom recommended called Love and Respect. It was held Tuesday nights at the Fosters’ house—a couple from Pines Baptist.
Chapter 15
Days passed without an issue between Nathan and me after our meeting with Pastor Tom. We woke up in the mornings and spent our time together reading out of the Bible, starting in Galatians. Then Nathan spent the rest of his days out looking for a job. He turned in applications, went to hiring events, and even landed an interview at a company for the upcoming Friday. It had been three days since the counseling session at church, and I decided to take Jenny to the mall. We would shop and then grab a bite of food for our mother-daughter date of sorts. After shopping, as we went to sit down with our food, I saw Derek. My emotions inside went crazy. Turning quickly with my tray in hand and my daughter by my side, I did my best to avoid eye contact with him and went to sit down.
By the time we had finished with lunch and were dumping our trays, I had forgotten all about him.
“Elizabeth?” Derek asked from behind me.
I froze. My heart raced, and I could feel my face turn red as my daughter looked behind me at him. Turning around, I said, “Hi.”
“I thought that was you. We miss you back at the bookstore. How have you been?”
“Who’s this?” Jenny asked.
“I’m Derek,” he said, extending a hand. “Old co-worker of your mom’s.”
He said the name that had caused so much turmoil, so much pain in my life for three years of my marriage. She’s going to tell Nathan . . . Great, I thought. Everything was going to fall apart. My verse suddenly came to me. Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you. I had to trust God. Nodding, I said, “We’ve gotta get home. Nathan is waiting for us.” Placing my hand behind Jenny’s back, I led her away a bit forcefully, so on our way through the mall, she turned to me.
“What’s your deal, Mom? You were acting so strangely with that man.”
“Nothing, honey,” I replied as I hastened my steps toward the exit. In almost a continuous prayer, I asked for God’s hand to be over the situation.
**
Arriving home, Jenny darted up the stairs and into her room with her bags of clothing. She didn’t tell Nathan about Derek, which I was thankful for, but I had a decision to make. I could tell Nathan what happened and just lay it all out, or I could hide it and hope Jenny said nothing. Then I let out a sigh of relief.
I was done hiding.
If our relationship was going to be founded on God, I needed to trust in Him fully. Trust He is God and He decides on the outcome. “We need to talk,” I said, looking at Nathan on the couch.
“Okay,” he replied with wide eyes.
“Don’t worry. Let’s go out back.”
“All right,” he replied. Standing up, he handed me a letter. “The invite for Serenah and Charlie next month.”
“Awesome,” I replied, taking it from him and tossing it on the counter. We continued outside and into the grass of the backyard. Taking his hands in mine, I said, “First off—I saw Derek today at the mall. I kept the conversation short and ended it quickly.”
He furrowed his eyebrows.
Touching his arm, I said, “Don’t worry about it, Nathan. Anyway, I realized something about myself that I didn’t know before. When I kept the biopsy from you, I was essentially playing God. I made the decision not to tell you, like you didn’t need that in your life.” Stepping in closer, I framed his face with my hands. “I love you, Nathan. I’ve come to a decision.”
“What?” he asked, confused.
“I’ve made up my mind about us.” He dipped his chin, but I lifted it with my hands and smiled. “I can’t promise I won’t ever randomly break down crying or be irrational at times, but what I can promise you is that I will love you the rest of my life.”
Leaning in, he smoothed his hand over my hair and pushed a strand behind my ear, then kissed me. His lips pressed against mine, and I felt all my vulnerability rush through me, but with it came love. Though we had a long path ahead of us still, I knew I made the right decision.
Decisions. They shape us into who we are and impact our lives in ways we often never realize. When I married Nathan, I married my best friend—that was easy. When I made the decision to stay with him, I chose to stay with an imperfect person just like me. If it weren’t for God and His Spirit within me, I wouldn’t have had the strength to stay. I had every reason in the world to leave Nathan, but in the end, I made the decision to stay and trust God.
The End.
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Amongst the Flames (Click/Tap here to view on Amazon)
Prologue
Fire. Four letters, two vowels and one reaction. That reaction depends on who you are. For me and the fellas at Station 9 in downtown Spokane, our reaction is one of quickness, speed and precision. A few seconds delay could mean someone’s life. We don’t have time to think, only do. And we don’t do this for the recognition or because it’s just some job, we do it because this is what we were born to do.
My resume, if I had one, would only say one thing on it: Firefighter. I’m one of those guys that you don’t really think about unless something has gone terribly wrong. Usually it’s when your house is on fire.
I won’t bore you with the countless calls where we just show up with our lights on and we’re just there to support the police and ambulance. I’m sure you’ve seen us sitting across the street quietly once or twice while they wheel Mrs. Johnson out on a gurney to the ambulance at three o’clock in the morning. I also won’t explain to you the hundred calls a year we get on burning popcorn in a kitchen. No. This story I’m going to share with you is not only about the worst fire I had ever seen in my life, but it’ll also encompass how important God is, not only in marriage, but in life.
This is not a story you’ll find on the front page of your local newspaper while you’re sipping your morning cup of coffee. You also won’t catch it on the ten o’clock news. Nope. Instead, it’s a story that will inspire you to look at life differently and challenge you to believe that with God even the worst fire you face is nothing in comparison with His power, grace and mercy.
Belief in God is not really an option for me when I run into burning buildings to save lives. It’s a core fundamental building block of who I am. I won’t sit here and tell you that I’m a perfect Christian though; that would be a lie. Soon enough, you’ll read about my plethora of issues and flaws amongst the pages that follow. What I will do is stay true to the truth the best that I can. I’m not telling this story to make a record of my sins or those of others. I’m giving you this story to give you hope. Hope of a brighter tomorrow that you can look forward to, hope of a world where acceptance isn’t only preached, but it’s applied alongside the scriptures to our lives.
I am Cole Taylor and this is my story.
CHAPTER 1
Walking down an aisle in the grocery store with Kane, Micah and Greg one morning at about eight o’clock I couldn’t help but laugh a little. I caught Kane checking out a pretty brunette a few aisles over in the bakery.
“Always on the prowl, aren’t ya?” I asked, smiling over at him. Kane was the station’s notorious single twenty-three-year-old male with nothing but women on his mind. He once admitted to me that he bought a full set of turnouts online from an ex-fireman just so he could suit up in a full fireman outfit for a girl.
“She’s cute,” Kane replied with a half-grin on his face. He shot another look over at her and his smile grew.
“Maybe she can bake you a cake or something?” Greg said with a soft but sarcastic tone as he grabbed a box of pasta from the shelf. Greg was one of the quieter guys on the crew.
Micah and I erupted in laughter
. Kane smiled and said, “I’m sure there’s more to her than that.”
“How would you even know that?” I asked.
He shrugged. “It’s a hunch, I know about these things.”
“Well, at least you know she has a sweet side,” Micah added. Kane laughed a little as he pushed the cart down towards the end of the aisle.
On the way over to the meat section of the store, a man with furrowed eyebrows made a beeline for us. Leaning into Kane’s ear, I said, “Move the cart out of his way.” Kane did, but it didn’t help. The elderly gentleman shifted his footing to line up with our cart as he continued towards us.
Arriving at us, the man latched his worn hands to each side of our cart and demanded in a sharp tone, “What are you doing here?”
“Same as most people here, just grocery shopping… you?” Kane asked, crossing his arms as he released his grip from the cart.
“Are you on the clock right now?” the man asked. He shot a quick look at each of us individually as if we were caught in some kind of predicament.
“Yeah,” I replied, stepping in front of Kane and up to the gentleman. I knew I needed to get between them before Kane did something stupid. His fuse was short when it came to people who didn’t respect firefighters. For instance, there was a call one time that Kane and I were on where the man whose house was on fire started complaining to us about how long it took us to respond. Kane took his revenge inside the home when he used the butt of his axe to smash the guy’s big screen TV.
“Is there a problem going on in the store we should know about?” Micah asked, looking over my shoulder at the man. Micah was my best friend at the station and he was always looking for the best in people no matter what the situation appeared to be.
“Yeah, matter of fact there is a problem ya chump! And I’m looking right at it,” he shouted, raising his hands from the cart. I looked back at Kane as I knew the comment would set him off. Catching his gaze before he said anything, I could see Kane trying to keep his mouth shut. That little stunt he pulled at that fire by smashing the guy’s TV landed him with a suspension without pay.