by P. Jameson
***
Lexar paced the length of Avan’s bedroom again. Hours had passed since he walked through that door and into a heap of shit. There were a million political reasons the female’s death would be tragic, but in the moment, he could only think of the reasons that had his emotions spinning into a frenzy.
He hardly knew her. Had only talked to her a handful of times. But it was enough. Enough to know there was something about her that his wolf couldn’t ignore anymore.
Shit. And maybe he was too late. He could’ve come on his own instead of waiting for Cael to tell him to. He’d considered it more than a few times. But Avan was an alpha female who wouldn’t be dominated. Was even willing to kill her intended to prevent it. And Lex was an alpha male who needed to dominate. Him showing up here could look like he meant to challenge.
He stared at Avan’s mother where she sat quietly in a chair in the corner. Apparently that’s exactly what they’d thought of his arrival.
The pack probably thought he was their new alpha. Damn it.
“We need to hold a meeting,” he murmured. “Who’s second in command?”
Avan’s mother shook her head. “Technically… Farrow. But he’s gone. He took Gabby away for a while.”
“And after Farrow? Who?”
She shrugged. “No one. The Elders could call a meeting but…”
But Avan didn’t trust them. The people she trusted were in this room.
“What’s your name?” he asked.
“Hellena. Seleka, the one who let you in, is my youngest daughter, our alpha’s sister. And you are?”
“Lexar, ma’am. I’m from Ravendale. Cael’s personal guard.”
Her eyebrows raised. “Ah, that explains so much.”
Lexar frowned. What did that mean?
“The alpha sent you then? To bring Avan back to him?”
Lexar’s frown deepened causing his forehead to crease. “No. Just to lend my support until the challenges subside.”
“Oh.”
Yeah. Oh. There would be no bringing Avan back to him. She wasn’t his. Not… exactly anyway.
Lexar cleared his throat. “It has to be you then. You need to call a pack meeting and reassure them that Avan is fine but resting. That she’s saving her strength for the next challenge. And that I am not a challenger. They need to know that their alpha is still alpha.”
Hellena shook her head. “I can’t—”
“You can. You have to. If they think she’s too far gone, other dominant wolves might rise up. And I’m not talking about outsiders.”
“I’m her mother. What I say will never convince them. They need to see her.”
“And they will. But I need time to get Cael down here. Or get her to him. Whichever. Until then, someone has to say something. If we’re quiet, they’ll assume the worst.”
Hellena pursed her lips. “I’ll see what I can do.”
She rose to stand, reaching over and brushing limp strands of Avan’s hair from her pale, pale cheeks. The touch was loving. Lexar wished it was healing instead. As much as he hated the idea of Cael being Avan’s intended, he wished his alpha was here. His touch would heal. And fast.
Hellena rounded on him. “I’m going, but if you hurt her, I’ll kill you. She might be Alpha, but she’s still my cub, hear?” Her voice went from stern to quiet in a heartbeat, and her gaze went back to her beaten daughter. “And she’s hurt. I shouldn’t leave her.”
Lexar grabbed the woman’s shoulders, gently turning her to face him. “She’s safe with me,” he insisted, looking her straight in the eyes. “I’ll guard her as I would my own alpha.”
Hellena nodded, her throat bobbing to swallow her emotions. She took one last look at Avan and rushed from the room.
When she was gone, Lexar took the time to stare at the female who’d stubbornly taken up most of his thoughts for the past two months. A mere shade of what she was at her most vital. If she survived this, it would crush her. Knowing she’d been this vulnerable. Knowing she’d lost control to such an extent that she’d needed saving. No, he had to be careful with her. Somehow he had to keep the control in her corner, while at the same time, helping her.
Tricky. Especially when she was practically comatose.
For starters, he had to lay low. The pack couldn’t get any inclination that he was calling the shots. They would start to look to him for leadership instead of her. That couldn’t happen. And on that note, maybe it was a good thing Farrow wasn’t around. With Hellena calling the meeting, her submissive wolf would never be misconstrued as an authority.
Lexar sat on the edge of Avan’s bed. Someone had clearly tried to clean her up, but blood still caked her hair and nails. Her pale skin was pink-tinged in places. Angry red welts and deeper cuts ravaged her body.
Fuck. She must be in so much pain.
Avan let out a tiny whimper and Lexar’s wolf jumped to attention wanting to comfort her. He reached forward but there was nowhere for him to touch that wasn’t injured.
Lexar cleared his throat. He’d been told he had a decent voice. Whether it was true or not, he could rip a jam in a pinch. Maybe it would help.
Softly, he began to sing Earned It by The Weeknd.
The words seemed weightier singing them here, with her suffering like this. It made his chest tight. He let his voice flood the room, drenching the two of them with the soothing melody.
She settled, seeming to fall deeper asleep. He wasn’t sure if that was better or not. At least if she was making noise, she wasn’t slipping away.
Lexar pulled his cell phone from his pocket. This deep in the middle of nowhere, there wasn’t much for cell service. He had a bar or two, depending on which way he held the damn phone. Fucking big-ass cellular giants could afford to put a tower or two out here. It was 2015 after all. There were supposed to be hoverboards and self-tying sneakers by now.
Clicking through to Cael’s number, he tried to call out but it was no good. Instead, he tapped out a quick text message and hoped it would make it through. Cael could be here in a matter of hours and this could all be over.
Stuffing the phone back into his jeans, Lexar let his gaze roam over Avan cataloging every injury. He wished he could heal her. But it would mean they were mates, and that couldn’t happen because—
His wolf snarled. There would be no more dwelling on coulda, shoulda, woulda. Or wanna, gotta, hafta. It was pointless. Especially when there were more important things to worry about.
“Captain Funpants.” Avan’s soft voice rasped. That nickname. She came up with it when she’d called him to come get Cael and Besh from Magic’s freaky cabin-by-the-lake. Shit, she could call him that if it meant she was talking. He could deal.
Her eyes were barely slivers. He almost didn’t notice them open. As swollen as they were, it was a wonder she could open them at all.
Lexar sighed in relief. “Yep. That’s what they call me. And by ‘they’ I mean ‘you.’”
She grunted. “What are you… doing here?”
“I’m on vacation. Disneyland’s too crowded this time of year so I thought I’d check out your part of the forest.”
She made a sound that reminded him of snorting, but then ended in a wince. “You can’t be here.”
“But I am.”
Her crusted eyelids shifted and he realized she was trying to blink. “No. You can’t… need to go. I’m… vulnerable.” She said the word like it was a piece of gum stuck to the bottom of her shoe. “You need to leave.”
“No doubt, no doubt… but I’m a guard and it looks like you’re a little low on those right now.”
There was a minute shake of her head. “Ozarka has plenty of guards.”
“But not guards you trust. Am I right?”
She was quiet. And for so long, he wondered if she’d passed out again until her hand reached for the water at her bedside. Jittery and weak, there was no way she’d make it from the table to her mouth.
“Let me,” he offered.
&n
bsp; She hesitated, but her desire for water must have been greater than her pride.
Lexar brought the straw to her mouth, but she could barely muster the strength to pull the liquid up.
“Here.” He dipped his finger in water, holding it to her lips. “Open.”
She stared at him through slitted eyes. This was crossing the line she’d drawn between them, but he couldn’t give a fuck. She needed water.
“Open. Your. Mouth.” His command contained too much dominance. He’d pay for it later.
Avan obeyed, parting her lips just enough to take his finger inside. The tiny amount of water helped enough to make her want more. She sucked the drops off before twirling her tongue around the tip. Twice. As she might do to a… lollipop. Then she bit the tip lightly. A fair and careful warning.
Fucking Hell. He was already growing hard.
Shame was his best friend in that moment. Here she was, beat to all hell, yet the feel of her tongue left him shaking for more. The miracle of his arousal was definitely overshadowed by his moral compass. Damn thing was set to north at all the wrong times.
Quickly, he dunked his finger into the glass for more water. This time, he didn’t give her a chance to play games. He repeated the process again and again until she’d gotten enough.
“Try the straw now?”
“No. I’m good.”
Lexar set the glass back on the table.
“What makes you think I trust you?” Her voice wasn’t as rough as when she’d first awakened.
He looked at her quizzically, not following the sudden change of subject.
“How are you different from any of my other guards?”
Oh. She was trying to lump him in with the rest of them. Understandable since she’d known him for less time. But it was also bullshit. She knew he was on the up.
“Well, first off, I’m here.” He stared into her pale eyes. “Where are they?”
“They—” she coughed, “weren’t allowed into my room.”
Lexar grinned. “And I was. What’s that tell you, princess?”
Her eyes drifted closed. “Call me that again,” her words slurred, “and I’ll make sure… it’s your jewels I wear as my crown.”
Lexar’s face spread in a grin. Trying to bite his head off while falling asleep. She was cute when she was multitasking. He wondered if she realized she’d just threatened to wear his balls on her head. He could think of worse punishments than having his balls near her face.
Chapter Three
The rhythmic bump of her heart was the only thing she could hear. Everything still hurt, but this time, she could feel her way out of the fog.
Damn, healing sucked.
For a split second, she mourned the fact that she’d never have a way around this pain. And the next time she was hurt, and every time after, it would be the same. There was no mated healing to be had. Not unless she wanted to give away her pride to achieve it.
No fucking thank you.
Avan peeled her eyelids open to find Lexar parked in the chair next to her bed. His arms were crossed over his chest, causing the muscles to expand more than his tight t-shirt wanted to allow. He’d stretched out with his legs crossed at the ankles, chin touching his chest. Asleep.
He was a beautiful man already, but resting, he looked like a god. His dark skin was flawless and perfectly rippled where his muscles bulged. His jaw was sharp and strong, leading to high cheek bones that she’d love to trace with her fingertips. Long, sweeping lashes rested there, shielding the dust brown of his eyes.
His eyes. They were the first thing she’d noticed when they met. They were a frozen tundra that she’d wanted to set fire to. Except they weren’t as chill as she’d assumed. No, Lexar was hot. Maybe even molten. He was hard, like her. They’d be like two rocks rubbing together to make sparks.
No good would come of a fire like that.
Avan tried to sit up, but that proved more difficult than she’d hoped. All she achieved was making the bed squeak.
Lexar’s eyes opened, looking alert.
“Some guard you are,” she muttered.
He didn’t seem fazed by her ribbing. “I know right. I’m so devoted I’ve slept in a chair for two days.”
She froze. “Two days?”
He nodded. “Your mama needed sleep, and your sister…” He frowned. “I don’t think she likes being cooped up for long.”
He was right about that.
“Damn.”
“Yeah. How do you feel?”
She measured him before answering. He seemed genuinely curious. “Fine.”
His brows fell across his eyes as he swept them over her body. “Fine as in ‘good’, or fine as in ‘I want to make you think I’m good?’”
Avan took a deep breath as she attempted to sit up again. “The second one.”
Lexar stood, reaching out to give her a hand. As she rose, the sheet slipped from her body revealing her breasts.
“Uh…” He ducked his gaze.
“What’s wrong? Never seen a tit before?”
His eyebrows shot upward. “Plenty. Just never seen your tits before.”
“There’s nothing special about mine. A tit is a tit is a tit.”
He muttered something under his breath.
“What’s that?”
“Shit, I was trying to protect your modesty.” He looked deeply disturbed.
“It’s okay,” she said, to let him off the hook. “I don’t really have any modesty.”
“I’ll just… do you have a robe or something?”
Avan snorted and it made her head feel like it would pop. “Of course not. What do I look like, Martha Stewart.”
“What does she have to do with bathrobes?”
“I dunno. She seems like the kind of person who’d wear one.”
“Yeah, so does everyone else on the planet.”
“Do you?”
He frowned. “No.”
“But your guy friends, they do?”
“Doubt it.”
“So… you mean, every other woman on the planet.”
His jaw fell open to speak but nothing came out.
“Because we have boobs and pussies and those things should never be seen unless we’re in bed. Right?”
His head canted to one side.
Avan pushed the heel of her hand into her forehead. Damn. She wasn’t well enough to have a feminist outburst right now.
“You’re right,” Lexar murmured. “Stay naked. I like you better like that anyway.”
Aw, now. He was good. Very good. Playing on her instinct to cover up just because a man liked her to be naked. Oh, hell. This was exhausting.
She tried to stand… and the room swayed.
“What are doing?” Lexar lurched forward to help her, his arm wrapping firmly around her waist, skin against skin.
She ignored how the softness of his flesh sent shivers all over her body.
“I need to pee. You going to help?”
“I… I can. Would you rather I call your mama?”
“Don’t care. I just want to see a toilet in the next thirty seconds or less.”
“Yeah, okay.”
Avan tried to support most of her own weight but about halfway there, she started flagging. Whatever. If Lexar was half a gentleman he wouldn’t mention it.
After she was seated on the toilet, he turned his back to her and switched on the faucet. Geez. So unnecessary. And so… human. Wolves didn’t usually bother so much with modesty.
When she’d finished, she stood on her own, gripping the wall for support.
“Shit,” she breathed.
“What is it?” He turned back to her, but she was distracted.
There was blood in the toilet. A lot of it.
“Fuck,” he murmured.
She glanced at him.
“Kidneys.”
She nodded.
“Let’s get you back to bed.”
She leaned on him more than she should as they slowly made
their way back. Easing down, she was shocked when his hands swept down her calves, lifting her legs into the bed. He pulled the sheet up to her chin.
She should say thanks.
“We need to call Cael,” he said carefully.
“No.”
“He can help you, Avan. He’d do it.”
“No.”
“Why not?”
She was exhausted. The trip to the bathroom was too much.
“You’re not healing fast enough. Your wounds are too bad.”
“My wolf just needs more time.”
He was silent. She wanted to find his eyes, gauge his thoughts. But instead, she ignored him.
“I would do it if I could,” he ground out.
Her gaze shot to him. The brutal set of his jaw told her he was angry.
“This is senseless. He could heal you in a matter of minutes. Instead, you’d rather deal with this pain. And no telling what will happen to your body in the meantime. Infection. Or worse. Your pride is that big, is it?”
Her throat clogged up at his disappointment. He thought she was being a spoiled brat. Well, he didn’t know shit. And the fact that his opinion bothered her so much was an epic warning sign.
“I don’t owe you any explanations.”
He laughed humorlessly. “Nah, princess. You don’t owe me nothing. It ain’t about that. It’s about making you well.”
“I don’t want him to touch me,” she said low. “I do the touching. I’m in control. No one else. Ever.”
Lexar slumped down on the edge of her bed. “You’re telling me you won’t let your mate—”
“He’s not my mate.” He was, but not in the ways that counted.
There was a long bit of silence, but Avan stared at the ceiling, avoiding Lexar’s gaze.
“Your intended, I mean. You won’t let your intended heal you because you don’t want him touching you?”
Avan pegged him with a glare. “You make it sound like I’m being absurd but how would you feel? If your intended mated another, would you want her hands on you?”
Some emotion flashed in his brown eyes and he looked away. Oh shit. Was he already mated? There was no mark. Maybe he’d been denied, like Trager. Or rather, like Trager should have been.
“Fuck,” Lexar muttered. “I don’t want him touching you either.”
A warm feeling pooled in her belly at his blunt words. Guess the feeling of attraction was mutual. And maybe that answered her question about a mate. Maybe. But she was living proof that intended matings didn’t always work out the way they were supposed to, so his interest wasn’t a sure yes or no.