She stared at him. She wasn’t sure what she had expected, but acceptance and understanding hadn’t been it. A bit more of the pressure in her chest released.
“Brittany, a lawman who doesn’t know fear is a dangerous one, one who I would never want to work with. Fear is the way your body tells you that you’re in danger. And that moment when you wanted to take your own life and not let him take it, don’t fool yourself—if that’s what you’d really wanted, you would have found a way. You’re a survivor, Brittany, and instead of feeling guilty or ashamed about that time, you should celebrate the fact that you got through it.”
Brittany thought it was the longest speech she’d ever heard Jacob say and she knew deep in her heart that he was right. Had she had a moment of weakness? Of wishing she would die before Larry Norwood could torture her to death? Absolutely. But it had only lasted very briefly and then she’d gotten on with the act of survival.
Just then Bob Lockheart arrived to install the security system. Jacob hung around for another hour and then left after Brittany insisted she’d be okay by herself. By two that afternoon she was alone in a house that had the security of a castle.
Her talk with Jacob had given her a peace she hadn’t had since her rescue. She’d felt such shame about giving up all hope, such despair that she’d known such weakness. But she also knew the situation she’d found herself in had been one that few people would ever experience. And Jacob was right. She had survived. With the weight of self-loathing out of her heart, her thoughts turned to Alex.
She’d scarcely had time to talk to him last night before Tom had whisked her away. She eyed the phone. What she wanted more than anything was to hear the sound of his voice, to be in his arms, and that was exactly why she wasn’t going to call him.
There was somebody after her, a man who might be trying to copy the original crimes of The Professional. At the moment her world was an unsafe place and the last thing she wanted was to bring Alex or his daughter into that world.
She knew it all had to come to an end, that their relationship was going nowhere. As much as she adored Emily she wasn’t in a place to take on the role of motherhood.
Friends with benefits, that’s all it was supposed to be, and now it was time to end even that. He’d be over first thing in the morning to finish up the last of the details on her deck and ultimately that’s all she’d wanted from him, that’s all she could accept from him.
Chapter 10
Alex had thought about Brittany all night on Saturday and most of the day Sunday. He’d hoped to hear from her during that time but when he didn’t he figured she was probably busy with her brothers.
He hadn’t meant to fall in love with anyone. He especially hadn’t meant to fall in love with her, but Monday morning as he left his house it was love for her that accompanied him.
He’d fallen in love with her and he wanted to build a life with her. She’d said she wasn’t the motherly type, but every interaction she’d had with Emily had shown him otherwise.
She was not only beautiful and bright, she was also kind and loving, and that’s all she needed to be his wife and a stepmother for Emily.
It was crazy that he’d only known her a little over a week and yet knew so clearly what was in his heart for her. Besides, how long was love supposed to take? Was there a time requirement for the heart to become involved with somebody? No, love had nothing to do with time and everything to do with emotion. And his emotions screamed that he was in love with Brittany Grayson.
When he arrived at her house Gary and Buck were already there. As Alex finished up the last of the woodwork, they were going to do a general cleanup of the yard, picking up scraps of lumber and whatever needed to be done.
“Hey, boss,” Buck greeted him. Gary smiled and raised a hand. “We were just wondering if you planned on using us on your next job.”
Alex glanced toward the back window, hoping to get a glimpse of Brittany but the window was empty and there was no sign of her.
“Sure, I could use your help. It’s going to be a big remodel job that’s probably going to run us into the end of summer.”
“Cool,” Gary said. “My folks will be happy to still see me working.”
“You’ve both been good help,” Alex replied. “And now, let’s all get to work.” Once again he looked at the back window, but there continued to be no sign of Brittany.
Maybe she’d stayed on at her brother’s house, he thought as he got busy. It was about noon when he realized she was home. He spied her inside and waved.
What he wanted to do was ask her if she was okay, if any of her brothers had managed to figure out who had tried to break into her house. He wanted to hold her in his arms and assure himself that she was really all right.
The fact that she didn’t come outside to say hello concerned him a bit, but he stayed focused on finishing up the last of the work.
By two o’clock he’d sent Gary and Buck home. The work was done, the yard was clean and there was nothing left to do. He knocked on the back door and she appeared. It took her a minute before she got the door open.
He couldn’t help the smile that stretched his lips at the sight of her, the very scent of her that wafted in the air. She was dressed in a pair of jeans and a bright yellow T-shirt that enhanced the darkness of her hair, the beauty of her eyes.
When had she become his heart? When had she broken down every barrier he’d ever tried to erect against marrying again?
“We’re finished,” he said as she gestured him into the house. Once he was inside she keyed in several numbers on a pad next to the back door.
“New security,” she said. “Anyone tries to open a door or a window an alarm rings not only through the air, but also directly into the sheriff’s office.”
“Good idea. How are you doing?” He sensed a distance in her, a distance that created a hard knot of tension in the pit of his stomach. He noticed the gun sitting on the kitchen table. “Looks like you’re ready for anything that might come your way.”
“Whoever this creep is, we think maybe he wants to re-create the original crime, and that means if he sticks to the script I’ll be the first one he attempts to kidnap.”
“That’s what you think the man was trying to do two nights ago?”
“I can’t imagine why else he would have been trying to get into the house.”
“Is this the way it happened last time? He took you from here?” The mere thought of what she’d already been through moved him forward a step toward her.
“No, he took me from my car. He was hiding on the floor in the backseat and before I knew he was there he’d slapped a hand across my mouth and stuck a needle in my arm that almost instantly made me unconscious. Whoever this new guy is, it’s obvious he’s trying to emulate The Professional, and that means I’m probably top on his hit list.”
He so wanted to pull her into his arms, to somehow make this right. He wished he had the capacity to find the bad man and put him behind bars where he could never hurt or frighten Brittany again.
But as he took yet another step toward her she stepped back and grabbed her purse. “I’ll just write you the check for the balance of what I owe you.” She fumbled in her purse and pulled out her checkbook.
She was definitely distant and he was surprised to realize that it scared him, that the hard knot in his chest had grown in size. “How about we have dinner together tonight to celebrate me finishing up the deck?” he suggested.
“I don’t think so.” She finished with the check and ripped it from the pad, then held it out to him, her dark eyes shuttered so that it was impossible for him to guess what she might be thinking.
He took the check, folded it and stuffed it in his pocket. “Then what about tomorrow night?” He was aware he was pushing it, but he needed to know where he stood, where they stood. “Or the night after that…or the night after that?”
She worked a hand through her hair, as if to unknot an invisible tangle. It was a gesture he�
��d come to recognize as nerves.
“Alex, my life is complicated right now. I think it’s best if we are just neighbors and nothing more.”
“But I’m falling in love with you.” He hadn’t meant to say the words. They’d just spilled from his lips as if unable to stay contained another moment.
For the first time since he’d walked into her kitchen her facade cracked and he saw genuine pain flash in her eyes. “That wasn’t part of our deal. I’m not in a place to love or be loved. I told you I certainly wasn’t ready to be a mother. We need to stop this, Alex, before either one of us gets in any deeper.”
“But I don’t want to stop and I’m already in deep. I want you in my life, Brittany. You’re everything I ever wanted in a woman.”
“I’m not right in your life right now,” she exclaimed, the pain still sharp in her gaze. “I’m not even right in my own life right now.”
She sat at the table, her gaze not meeting his. “I’m not so different from your wife, Alex. You see me as being strong and in control, but you don’t know that I wake up in the middle of the night afraid to draw a breath, afraid to get out of bed and see what might be hiding in the shadows.”
“When that happens I can wrap my arms around you and let you know you’re safe. You are strong, Brittany. You’re nothing like Linda was before her death. And what you and I were building together was something wonderful. Don’t throw it all away now.”
He could tell his words hadn’t broken through to her. Her eyes were once again dark and emotionless. “Does this have something to do with the man who’s after you? Are you trying to protect me and Emily?”
She sighed in obvious frustration. “I’m trying to protect you and Emily from me,” she exclaimed. “I’m not right for you or for her, and you and I pretending to do the friends-with-benefits thing while doing otherwise is foolish. You’re a nice man, Alex. Find a nice woman and build a life for yourself and your daughter.”
There was a finality in her words that brooked no further discussion, no reason for him to continue the conversation except for the aching numbness in his heart.
“You’ll let me know if there’s anything you find with the deck that needs further attention?” he asked stiffly.
“I will.”
“And you’ll let me know if there’s anything, anything on this earth that I can do for you?” His voice held the hollow ring of a man with a breaking heart.
“Goodbye, Alex. And thanks for everything.”
He stood for a long moment, memorizing every strand of her shining hair, every facial feature that had brought him such joy. She looked toward the back door, as if wishing him through it. And at that moment he made her wish come true and left.
Brittany buried her face in her hands, fighting against the tears that threatened to fall. It had been harder than she’d expected. She hadn’t realized just how deeply Alex and Emily had dug themselves into her heart until now, with the gaping wound of their absence burning in her chest.
She was in love with Alex, and she adored Emily. But she was selfish and flighty. She wasn’t the woman Alex believed her to be. She wasn’t cut out to be a mother to a needy little girl.
And if that weren’t enough, she was now a virtual prisoner in her home, waiting for a madman to make his next move, praying that a new “party” wasn’t in her future.
It was her love for Alex that had forced her to push him away, and even if Tom or one of her other brothers managed to get the man after her in jail tomorrow, nothing would change where things stood between them.
It was over. It was finished. She’d had hours of lovemaking with him, a week of the warmth of his arms and the beauty of his smiles. It had to be enough, because she’d never be enough for him and his daughter.
She pulled herself out of the kitchen chair, needing to do something, anything to take her mind off the ache of loss, the despair of what might have been that resonated through her.
She wandered through the house like a lost soul. She should be ecstatic that the deck she’d dreamed about was finished. But she couldn’t have a family barbecue anytime soon, not knowing who she might be placing in danger by inviting them to her home.
Pausing in the doorway to her bedroom, the ache in her heart intensified as she remembered that afternoon with Alex in her bed. He’d been a wonderful lover, on every physical and emotional level.
And she’d never know that wonder again. She’d never see him gaze deep into her eyes again with a look that made her feel as if she were the most important person on the face of the earth.
No man had ever made her feel the way Alex had. They’d both been fools, playing with emotions they couldn’t control. She moved away from the bedroom and decided to work on her laptop. She should work on Alex’s website, but she had no idea where they now stood on that particular project. Maybe a couple of hours of cybersurfing would make her forget that she’d just shoved the man she loved out of her life.
She spent most of the afternoon and early evening on the computer, lost in the minutia of other people’s lives. As she read posts her mind worked to try to come up with a suspect.
Larry Norwood, despite being the town vet and a married man with two children, had been a secretive man. He didn’t have friends, didn’t hang out with male buddies who might have made it onto a suspect list now. There was no indication whatsoever that he had worked with a partner.
She still wasn’t sure what to think about Luke. The few phone conversations she’d had with him immediately following her rescue had been awkward, but he hadn’t said anything that would make her believe he identified with Larry Norwood in any way.
So, who? Who would want to emulate a serial killer? Somebody powerless, somebody who felt disenfranchised by the town? Certainly Buck fit that description.
She eyed the gun on the table. She’d carried it from room to room with her throughout the afternoon, not letting it out of her sight. Security was all well and good, but there was nothing like a bullet to stop a bad man.
Her phone rang several times during the course of the evening. Each of her brothers called to check in on her. When she spoke to Tom, she told him that when this was all over she would be ready to return to her job as a deputy. He was pleased with her decision and when she hung up the phone after speaking with him she realized if nothing else good came out of this experience, at least she’d regained the dignity, the confidence that Larry Norwood had almost stolen from her.
She’d been a darned good deputy and she’d still be a good one. She’d almost allowed Larry to take that from her, but Jacob was right, she was only human and that didn’t make her less of a good deputy.
It was just after eight when the phone rang again. She steeled herself as she recognized Alex’s number on the caller ID. She thought about not answering, but avoidance really wasn’t her style.
“Brittany, I’m sorry to bother you but I have a huge favor to ask you.” His voice was filled with urgency. “I just got a call from Rose. She thinks she’s having a heart attack. I told her to call an ambulance, but I’d like to get to the hospital as quickly as possible and I’d rather Emily not be there with me.”
“Of course you can bring her here,” Brittany answered without hesitation. She knew Alex wasn’t the type to play games. This was real and it was life-and-death and she could definitely understand him not wanting his daughter there.
“I’ll be right there.” He hung up before she could reply. She hurried to the front door and quickly disarmed the security system, then, remembering the gun on her kitchen table, she ran back into the kitchen to put the weapon in a safer place.
As she picked up the gun, she glanced around the kitchen, trying to figure out where a curious six-year-old wouldn’t find it. She finally tucked it into the upper cabinet next to the sink.
“Emily?” she called as she thought she heard somebody at the door. She hurried back through the living room to see headlights in her driveway and Emily getting out of Alex’s passenge
r door.
She clutched Lady Bear in one arm as she raced toward the house. Alex leaned his head out the driver window. “I don’t know how long I’ll be,” he yelled.
“Whenever,” Brittany replied as Emily came through the door. They both waved to Alex as he tore out of the driveway, then Brittany reset the security and led the little girl into the living room.
“My grandma is sick,” Emily said as she sat on the sofa and hugged her bear close to her chest.
Brittany sat next to her. “I know, but hopefully the doctors can fix her right up and she’ll be back home before you know it.”
“I hope so.” Emily’s lower lip trembled.
Brittany pulled her close against her, knowing what Emily needed more than anything at the moment was a hug from a real person, not the hug from a stuffed bear.
For several long moments Emily clung to her as Brittany smoothed her silky blond hair and murmured meaningless nothings that oddly enough seemed to help ease some of Emily’s fears.
She finally sat up and swiped at her cheeks. “I hope you don’t think I need to go to bed or something like that.”
“Actually, what I was thinking was maybe I’d paint your fingernails and then you could paint mine.”
“Now, that sounds like a plan,” Emily said in obvious delight.
“You sit tight and I’ll go get the polish,” Brittany said. She got up from the sofa and went into the adjoining bathroom off her bedroom. Beneath the sink cabinet she had dozens of different colors of polish. The desire to polish her fingernails to match her outfits had fled at the same time her desire for high heels and purses had gone, resigned to a place of unimportance in the new life she was building.
Still, she was glad she had all the polish when she carried it into the living room and Emily squealed with excitement. Emily chose a pretty pink to be painted on her nails and while Brittany worked the little girl kept up a running chatter of everything in her world.
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